Well this was meant to be a one shot, single chapter thing, but as people have asked I have continued it. Thanks for reviews and for wanting more, I really wasn't sure people would like this.

I think there might be a third chapter after this, but will see how things go as I have 2 much longer stories I should be finishing off and not getting distracted!

Enjoy the read, I hope you like what I did with it.


Emma put her key in the lock and pushed the door open. She took her time plodding up the stairs, her legs ached and she felt her muscles spasm uncomfortably, she knew she had overdone things today. She was tired, she struggled to find the strength to lift her feet as her body protested more with each step. She seemed to be tired all the time these days. She didn't understand why, she slept ok, she ate sensibly since she had moved in with Regina. She had even taken the drastic step and had stopped eating at least one meal a day at Granny's, and ingesting vegetables on a regular basis. She didn't drink anymore and she took regular exercise, walking with Regina to work in the mornings or by the dockside in the evening fresh air after a heavy meal. She was still running twice a week too, despite not enjoying the feeling, the warmth in her muscles or the feeling of being free didn't energise her like it once had.

She knew she should be looking forward to an evening with her brunette lover, to a nice meal and an evening of relaxing, but she felt so drained. She couldn't lift her mood and when Regina greeted her saying, "How was your day? I made us a light dinner, I hoped afterwards we could talk?" She couldn't even smile at the beautiful woman. And she was, she was still breathtakingly stunning and Emma knew how lucky she was to come home to her every night, but she didn't know how to improve her mood and get back to feeling like herself.

She guessed she was depressed, which was stupid. Yes she had suffered a bereavement, but so did hundreds of people every day and they managed, their lives went on. They didn't fall apart and let the loss overwhelm them. She didn't understand the way she had reacted to her Mother's death, it was tragic, it was a shock, but she had had two years to acclimatise and yet she still felt hollow and empty. She felt numb and couldn't see the joy or the good in life. She still laughed at times, she made time for Father and her son, especially as he grew up and started to question more about life and love. She still got on with laundry, mowing the lawn, cooking family breakfasts and carried on with the day to day, but her heart wasn't in any of it.

Her job kept her mind occupied, but she didn't take much enjoyment from that either. She should be proud to serve the community and she did a good job, but it all seemed meaningless. What she did understand was she needed to be sharp and focused as she protected the town, but throwing herself into that and concentrating so deeply always left her exhausted by the time she clocked off and went home.

Today was no different, and the fact that Regina wanted to talk made her shoulders sag even further. She didn't feel up to that, she never felt up to anything, but she was well aware that she had been pushing Regina away and making her share her suffering and bad feeling. She owed Regina some time, she couldn't keep her lover at arm's length forever, and it wasn't fair to the brunette who had done nothing wrong.

She felt Regina study her, she knew her eyes looked tired and in the past two years her hair had begun to fall out much more frequently and had lost some of its lustre. When she looked in the mirror she saw how pale her reflection looked and she had outbreaks of spots and dry skin that she had thought she had left behind at puberty but now were peppering her body in patches. They flared back up with regularity and she knew it must be stress related, not that she was stressed, she was just unbearably tired. And she ached, no amount of coffee in the morning seemed to pick her up anymore, even a bear claw and an injection of sugar didn't help and she wondered when she had become so old and broken.

As Emma stood quietly in the kitchen Regina crossed the room and raised her hand, placing it gently against her face and caressing her thumb over her cheek. Emma leaned into it and the brunette smiled genuinely at her. Her heart tried to expand with love and return the gesture, but she just couldn't. Instead she raised her own hand and intertwined their fingers and not being comfortable under the scrutinising stare asked, "So what did you make for dinner?"

"Grilled chicken and creamed potatoes, there is either a salad or I can steam vegetables, which would you rather have?"

Emma scrunched up her face, neither being what she would pick, but if she had to eat sensible and adult food then the steamed vegetables were more palatable. Regina smiled at her adorable expression of disgust and then shook her head and filled the steamer with water and a selection of freshly chopped vegetables.

Emma pulled out a stool and sat at the island, well she more collapsed into the padded seat and leaned on her folded arms as Regina came round and gently rubbed at her back. Regina helped ease her out of her jacket, leaving the room to hang the coat in the closet and then returned to rub over her shoulders. "You're really tense, do you want a bath before dinner? I can dish up a bit later if you want?"

She felt guilt gnaw at her, Regina was being so devoted and caring and she didn't even have the motivation to wash herself. She just wanted to eat and go to bed, like she did every day since her mother had died. Anything else was just another obstacle, something else to face that she didn't really want to. She was even beginning to resent Birthdays and Anniversaries, because she had to find energy to smile and be happy when she felt nothing of the sort.

She had faked her way through Henry's last Birthday, it being easier as it was a town party and there were lots of people to distract him so his blonde mother could hide in a corner and drink. And she had, she had got completely off her face.

So much so that Regina had had to take care of her, she had guided and supported her weight as she staggered round the dance floor to the latest pop tunes before taking her home as she had become too loud and verging on abusive. She remembered being bundled into the car and driven home, the cool night air hitting her and sobering her a little. She didn't remember much else about that night, but she was fairly certain she had tried to make love to the older woman. Probably not love, more like sloppy kisses and fumbled groping. She doubted it had been a good performance from the state she must have been in, but she just didn't remember properly.

What she did remember was the morning after, the hammering headache and the violence of the vomiting and that she had sworn off drink from that point on. And through it all Regina had soothingly rubbed her back while she hunched over the toilet and got her fresh water to drink, pills to settle her stomach and dull the pain in her head. Emma thought she had subconsciously forgotten on purpose, ashamed that their only sexual encounter had been a drink fuelled romp that had probably been a complete mess. The brunette deserved better than that and yet she had never mentioned it again for which Emma was immensely grateful.

She found the strength to lift her head and told her lover, "I'm hungry, can we eat soon?"

Regina nodded and carried on in the kitchen while Emma sat and thought about what she could want to talk about. Henry was growing up and maybe Regina was worried about his education choices or his interest in girls. Thanksgiving was also a few months away, but Regina was always planning to the last detail so maybe it was about who to invite and what extra foods to serve. Emma guessed she would have to wait as she saw the older woman start to drain the potatoes ready to mash and then cream them and she excused herself to wash her hands and face ready for dinner.

After they had eaten, talking about the town and making idle chit chat Regina poured herself a glass of scotch and motioned they should sit in the Den together.

Emma noticed the alcohol and the way Regina drained the glass swiftly before getting another from the bar and she became puzzled. The brunette didn't do nervous, but she clearly was and Emma felt a sinking feeling that this wasn't going to be a good conversation. Her fear was confirmed as the older woman started to speak.

"Emma I'm worried about you. I don't think you've properly come to terms with the loss of your Mother."

"How can you say that, she is gone, I get reminded every day! I have to see my Dad struggle on without her, have to watch a town full of people still look at me with sympathy and pity and I visit her grave once a week. I'm well aware she is gone."

"Knowing she is gone and dealing with it are two different things." Regina said quietly.

"You don't think I'm dealing with it?" She breathed out, angry at the unexpected attack she felt she was under.

"You've withdrawn, you are clearly depressed and I have realised I don't have the skills to help you anymore. I think you need proper help and support, qualified counselling to come to terms with the massive upheaval in your life."

"You hypocrite!" She found herself screaming, standing on legs that shook from adrenaline and emotion. All the feelings she had been pushing away and trying to bury were swirling inside of her and Emma felt herself lose the struggle to hold on to any self-control.

"You lost someone you loved and then proceeded to spend decades planning revenge, killing hundreds of people and then cursed us all here in your grief. You didn't deal with yours, so don't you dare accuse me of not coping with mine."

She watched Regina clench her jaw, watched her struggle to remain calm. Her grip on her glass became extreme, her knuckles turning white until she stood and put the tumbler to one side and meet Emma's fierce eyes with her own.

"Emma I did those things, there is no denying that. And I don't want you to be like me, letting the grief festering inside of you, destroying your goodness and sucking the life from you. Not when you have people here who want to help you and are prepared to give up time to listen to you talk through things."

"You want me to talk to a professional?" She felt the words leave her mouth, hating herself for the vile things she was saying but being unable to calm her temper. She had snapped and her blood was pumping and she finally felt something, she felt alive. "The woman who is so closed off from her feelings she needed my mother and true loves kiss to convince her she was in love!"

She watched the brunette take a step back, and clench her fists. Her usual calm demeanour was wavering, and Emma was able to watch her fight to keep the hurt from showing on her face. She was trying to disengage her emotions, because the brunette still had some semblance of self-control. It was evident in her deep breathing, an attempt to calm herself and the pursed lips that were pressed shut to keep a snark filled and sharp retort for being uttered.

Emma watched the chocolate orbs she loved blink as they shone with tears before she managed to find her equilibrium. Emma watched understanding dawn on her lover's face, that one of them angry and hurting was bad enough. If Regina lost her temper as well there would be sparks, possibly magic and definitely harsh words that possibly could never be taken back. Her features relaxed a little and she tried a different approach.

"I do love you Emma, it may have taken me a little while to realise it, but it doesn't diminish the strength of the feelings. And because I love you I want what is best for you. You're not happy, and I can't stand by any longer and watch you spiral into miserableness and melancholy."

Regina looked up at her, pinned her with a determined stare and the blonde watched the slight shake in her hands as she spoke the next words.

"If I am part of the problem, if you don't want this anymore, then I will walk away. I only ever wanted you to be happy Emma. I wanted a life together but if you don't want that anymore and you would be happier on your own then I can learn to respect that. You just need to tell me, because what we have isn't life anymore, it is routine and it is comfortable but it has lost something. And if that lost thing is our love then it only hurts us both to continue to try and pretend."

She saw the tears and the vulnerability in her lover then and it settled in her stomach, guilt heavy and sickening. She still wanted Regina so very much, she loved her, but the brunette was also right. Things were wrong between them, the spark was missing and Emma didn't know how to fix that or bring it back. But she didn't want to be on her own, and she knew Regina wasn't the problem, she was.

"Don't leave me." She managed to stutter the words and Regina immediately softened.

"Emma…." Regina went to close the distance between them but the younger woman shook her head and with tears in her eyes continued, "I do love you. I know things aren't right but I still want you. Without you, Henry, and my Dad there really would be no point. I'm so sorry my behaviour makes you feel like that." She mumbled quietly, "I didn't intend for this to end up this way."

Unshed tears at the unfairness of it all swam in her vision and she felt the anger and frustration boil over inside of her. This wasn't how life was meant to be, she had struggled for years on her own and when she had finally found a home and been happy it had become warped and twisted.

She felt like screaming, but part of her was afraid if she started she might not be able to stop. Instead she balled her fist and concentrated on the burning pain she had failed to extinguish since her mother had died. All she had been able to do was keep simmering for the last two years. She had tried to ignore it, to squash it but it now threatened to rise up. She had tried so hard to rise above the negativity, the blame and anger but now it all came pouring out of her as she lashed out and her fist made powerful with magic slammed into the wall and both women felt the house shake from the blow.

She watched the magic crackle round her hand and then disappear as she sank down onto the sofa and put her head in her hands. Threading her hands through her hair that she realised needed washing quite badly she took a few shaky breaths and shut her eyes against the tears. She felt fear coil inside her, fear that Regina might leave her, that her violent outburst would push the older woman further away or that she didn't have the words to explain to her lover what was wrong.

She was unstable and she felt emotions tearing away at her insides and she didn't know what to do with them. She didn't know if they were normal, but she realised repressing them had only lead them here, to a desperate conversation that could be a final goodbye balanced on a knife edge. And staring into that lonely abyss she knew she needed to fight for this. If she had no strength for anything else she needed to find some to make the brunette realise she wanted and needed her.

"I love you." She looked up and her eyes connected with Regina's. The brunette's eyes didn't hold any trace of fear, just concern. "I know I'm not the person you fell in love with, and I'm sorry for that. And I'm grateful that you have stayed with me anyway, I know how tough it has been for you."

"It hasn't…." Regina tried to speak but Emma held up her hand indicating she hadn't finished and the brunette's words were unnecessary.

"I know you want more Regina, I'm not blind." Emma smiled up at her and shrugged her shoulders to try and relieve some tension. Her anger was dissipating, her heart rate was calming and she was beginning to be able to think rationally. She was glad Regina loved her and had stood by her as she had vented some of the pent up emotions, things were bad between them but they weren't dead and destroyed. The older woman had been able to see something Emma couldn't, that they were in deep trouble and it needed to change. And they were the only people with the power to do that and it started with identifying there was a problem. And now she wasn't so shocked and angry about the conversation she could be honest with herself and admit this was long overdue.

"Emma that isn't what this conversation is about, yes I miss being close with you, intimate even, but I finally realised the absence of sex was a signal of something far deeper being wrong. And I don't believe it is broken beyond repair. If we both still want to try, we can fix this."

"I want that. I'm prepared to try things your way."

"Good." Regina reached for her drink and lifted it to her lips.

Emma watched her full lips as they sat round the glass and wished she could feel the arousal she used to. She knew Regina had needs and she had meant it, she wasn't blind.

"Will you do something for me?" The blonde spoke and Regina hummed into her drink and raised her eyebrow quizzically indicating she should continue.

She fought back a smirk as her next words caused the older woman to choke on her drink.

"Stop hiding in the guest room."

Emma couldn't remember a time when Regina had been speechless, but with a blush spreading up her neck and onto her cheeks and a guilty look in her eyes before she dropped her head into her hands Emma though this might be a first.

"I…..uh…." a strangled noise was all she could articulate and Emma decided to put her out of her misery.

"It's ok. I mean it, it is natural to have needs and I'm not satisfying them. I haven't been for a very long time and I can't be angry at you for finding another way. You just don't need to hide it or be ashamed that you get aroused and want me and need more than I am giving you. I wish I wanted you. If I'm honest I am just so tired. I remember how we used to spend hours making love and I know I don't have the energy for that. I don't want to have a quick fumble and it be disappointing for us both. You deserve to have someone love you thoroughly and I'm scared I can't do that anymore."

"How did you know?"

"I sometimes wake when you leave the bed of get back in it. One night I woke and you weren't there so I went looking. I stood at the door and listened, knowing immediately what the buzzing noise was and what you were doing from the pleasurable sounds you were trying to muffle but were making anyway. I wish I could say I was turned on, but I just felt guilty."

Regina quirked an eyebrow at that but recognised the honesty that had once been so prevalent in their relationship. She went with honesty too, saying, "I feel guilty too."

"Why would you feel guilty?" And she shook her head at the ridiculousness of the notion. Regina had nothing to feel guilty about, masturbation might not be a regular topic of conversation but everyone needed to let off steam and should enjoy sexual release.

"Because I feel unfaithful to you."

"Don't. It is natural to have urges, to want and need something physical."

"Do you?" Regina turned the tables on her and she swallowed.

"No. I just feel numb about everything." She studied her hands and picked at her fingers. "I know that isn't fair to you and every day I hoped I'd feel better but nothing seems to excite me or spark my interest."

She saw relief flood across the older woman's features and she had to wonder what had she been thinking. Did she think Emma had found someone else? Or did she think the sex had died because the love had? Whatever it was, Emma had given her hope and she was glad to see Regina's unburdened smile grace her lips and she was even more pleased when she felt the other woman sit down next to her.

"Emma that is a perfectly regular reaction to when a close family member dies. You have placed too much expectation on your own shoulders, you can't just bounce back from that kind of loss. My Love you are depressed and struggling, you can't expect life to continue like normal."

"But it does, life doesn't stop."

"Ok." Regina agreed, "Tell me are you living? Or is it just survival?"

Emma looked away, giving the older woman the answer she already knew. The brunette continued:

"And I think the way Snow died didn't help. It was a shock, if she had been older and suffered with illness then you might have prepared yourself, but this was a tragic accident that surprised everyone. We were expecting to welcome a life into the world and instead we ended up burying your mother."

"I've done this to us." She forced the words out, admitting it harder than she thought it would be.

"No Emma Sweetheart. I have to take some of the blame, you have been broken hearted and I should have said something sooner." She reached over and grasped their hands together and rubbed her thumb over the blonde's knuckles.

Emma was close to tears, and she hated being weak like that. She was meant to restore the happy endings and yet she had been helpless as her mother had taken her last breathes, destroying her Father and a big part of herself too. She had failed and she didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Can we please go to bed?" She looked up into Regina's kind eyes and she swallowed past the lump in her throat. Her words were hoarse and she couldn't help the waver in them.

"Promise me that you'll see Archie? Please Emma, you might not like talking about it, but you need to. You can't move on from it unless you accept it. You know I'm right and I'm also right here if you change your mind and want to open up to me."

She nodded mutely, feeling raw and exposed but grateful Regina hadn't continued to push. She was exhausted and knew she would be in tears before sleep finally took her tonight. But she would also have strong arms wrapped round her, someone holding her and doing their best to soothe her and she felt just the very briefest stirring of hope in her heart. A heart she had begun to wonder about, not sure whether it had died along with her mother.