Camilla leaned closer.

Corrin leaned away.

Camilla leaned even closer.

Corrin leaned even further away. "Look, Camilla, uhhh…" He brushed one of her arms off of his body. "Could you, I don't know, fucking stop."

Camilla didn't pause. Instead, she doubled her efforts, wrapping Corrin up in a tight hug and leaning her face even closer to him.

"Okay this is ridiculous," Corrin finally had enough. With a burst of strength, he exploded from Camilla's vice like grip and walked away. Of course, Camilla had to follow.

"Ah, but Corrin dear-"

"No, stop. Fucking stop. It's creepy."

"I just want to love -"

"No, you stupid slut. Jesus fuck. This is creepy."

"We're not related though, so it's okay."

Corrin could only blink a few times. "I'm sorry?"

Camilla smiled, a seductive smile that had probably made a million men pop at least a half chub. "We're not technically related, dear, so we can-"

Corrin lifted his hand, stopping her from saying anything else. "Excuse me, sister dearest, while I vomit in those bushes over there."

Said bushes were conveniently located, so when Corrin felt the bile rising in his throat, he just had to lean over slightly in order to begin projectile vomiting.

"BLLLEEEEGGGGHHHHHHHH. VELLLEREGGGHGHGGGHGGHHH. UOOHGGGAHHHAGGGGHGGAH."

Corrin wiped the remaining vomit from his lips before he faced his sister again.

"I'm sorry, I thought you said that it was okay because we weren't related."

"Which is exactly what I said."

Corrin vomited again.

"Why- BLAHHHHHH - oh god it's in my nose - BLAHHHHHHH - would you think that - BLAHHHHHHH - is a good idea?" Corrin managed, through yet more vomiting.

Camilla just looked confused. "Because… I love you?"

Corrin managed to stop vomiting. "That would have been totally okay if you added the caveat of "in a strictly nonsexual way, and only like a sister would love her brother" at the end."

"Really, I don't see a problem."

"Are you fucking serious? It's incestous. Incestous. It's at least frowned upon in every fucking country on this backwards ass planet."

"But don't you think love should transcend these silly social norms? Besides, technically you're adopted."

"Even if we totally disregard the fact that I think it's fucking incest, we're moving into rape territory, and I for one, would not liked to be raped, especially by my fucking sister. And that's strictly illegal."

"Please, men can't be raped."

Corrin just stopped thinking for a second. "Nope. Fuck it, I quit. I'm just going to walk away and wonder if I can at least get away with manslaughter. Maybe plead self defense."

It was at this point as Corrin started to walk away when he was suddenly stopped by Sakura, who had appeared from nowhere.

"Um… Big brother, I need to say this! I-I-I love you!"

Corrin paused. "No. No. No. This is even fucking worse. You're fucking worse than Camilla. You're both 2-D fucking weeaboo waifus who have less personality than my fucking vomit." Corrin pointed to the hideous pool of stomach acid and half digested breakfast by the bushes for emphasis. "But we're actually fucking related so this is actually incest. Do you want Down's Syndrome? Because this is how you get Down's Syndrome."

"What's Down's Syndrome?"

"It's when our child would have more fucking chromosomes than he would have fucking IQ points!"

Sakura didn't get the sentence (not like she would anyway, as she didn't know what a "chromosome" or an "IQ point" was) because she was still hung up on the "our child" bit. She put her hands to her face and blushed mightily.

"O-o-our child? I-I don't think I'm ready for that yet, Corrin!" She stared at the ground, and clasped both hands in front of her. With her foot, she slowly twirled it in the dirt. Corrin figured if she had a personality and wasn't a cardboard cutout of half a million other waifus he might have found it a bit cute. "But if you insist… I-I-I'll do it just for you, big brother!"

Corrin just groaned. "I fucking hate all of you. So much."

He supposed that he should have been flattered. After all, there were two attractive women throwing themselves at him. If only they weren't, y'know, related to him.

Of course, what happened next completely blew his mind.

Niles popped out of thin air.

"What the fuck is this shit? How the fuck are you motherfuckers all fucking ninjas? How the fuck do you keep appearing out of thin fucking air?!"

"Oh Corrin, is it because they're your sisters? Why not settle for me instead?" Niles purred.

Niles wrapped Corrin in a passionate bear hug. Niles licked his ear, and Corrin had to suppress the urge to shudder violently.

"Wait what? I'm not even gay. This isn't even a humorous misunderstanding. You fucking knew this." Corrin squirmed against the man's extremely powerful grip. For such a wiry guy, the man had the strength of a bear.

Niles made a moan of pleasure. "Your resistance only makes me harder."

"Why? What the fuck?"

Niles slithered an arm around Corrin's head and cooed softly into his ear. "This is the first time I've had an erection since I've stopped going to watch naked bum fights."

"Fuck! What? What?!"

"Something about dirty, elderly men with emaciated bodies just drives me wild with desire."

"What the fuck is happening?!"

Corrin needed to leave. So he just turned into a giant dragon and walked out. "Fuck y'all motherfuckers!" he dragon yelled as he spread his wings and took to the sky. "I'm out of here!"

Corrin eventually settled down on the other side of the camp, mainly because his fucking wings suck and could basically only carry him maybe like three feet off the ground if he beat his wings really really fucking hard because there's no way in hell there is enough surface area on those fucking wings to generate enough lift in order to somehow keep a fucking dragon afloat. But Corrin didn't think about that. He also didn't think about how he suddenly became swole as fuck when he turned into a dragon and he didn't think about how he suddenly gained a half ton when he turned into a dragon either. Mostly because he just decided 'fuck it, magic.'"

Honestly, it wasn't far enough from the three incredibly creepy assholes who he really wanted to get away from. So, being a logical human being, he ran. As he ran, he spied a head of short fuzzy blonde hair.

"Scarlet! Oh my god, thank Christ you're here!"

"Woah there, Corrin! Why're running around like a headless chicken? And what's a 'Christ?'"

"I'm running away from everyone because they're creepy as fuck and they want to rape me."

Scarlet laughed. Not like a "haha" laugh, but like a "what the fuck are you talking about I don't know how to respond make sense you asshole" laugh. "Uh, well, Corrin, I'd love to help. Just tell me what to do. I guess."

"Scarlet, you're the only normal one here. Because you're such an inconsequential character in the grand scheme of things whose only purpose is to die in order to make the real bad guy seem more comically evil, the fanfiction author decided that you would be the only one with a legitimate personality not completely dependent on a man's penis or stupid idyllic shit that would only exist in the imagination of some Japanese dude who can only get aroused by pictures of animated school children and who is trying to relive his glory days in high school because he's completely washed up and hasn't had the company of another human being for months!"

"Uh, hang on, what do some of those words mean?"

"Like Japanese?"

Scarlet shrugged. "Sure. Let's start with that one."

"It doesn't matter! What matters is that I need to escape from these would be rapists and you can help me!"

"Is this one of those 'I need to borrow your dragon' things?"

Corrin's face brightened up. "Yes, please!"

Scarlet's face brightened up too, but in a way that made Corrin fear for the purity of his anal virginity.

"I know you've always wanted to get a taste of Scarlet Jr.!" Scarlet said, dropping her trousers and unleashing a tunnel snake easily the size of Corrin's arm. "I'm ready for you boy!" she cried, gyrating her hips and turning her dick into a helicopter.

"I hate all of you."