Itachi and Kisame walked up an old dusty path toward the Akaktsuki hideout. Kisame was loudly humming show tunes. Itachi was rubbing his temples. "Kisame, please cut that out."
Kisame looked over at him. "Why is that, Itachi-san? I thought you liked the Lion King."
"Well sure, but you've been humming the same song for an hour straight. And you're completely tone deaf."
"That's not very nice, Itachi-san…"
They walked into the hideout to hear faint angry shouting. "What the hell is that?" Itachi wondered aloud.
Kisame shrugged. "You think Hidan is doing one of those…human sacrifice thingies…?" He asked. They looked at each other and shuttered. "Y-yeah, probably not…" Kisame mumbled uncomfortably.
The two of them strode inside. When they got inside, they saw Deidara sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the TV, which wasn't actually on. Itachi walked over. "What's all that shouting?" He asked.
Deidara glanced up. "Oh, that?" He asked as a long string of profanities echoed through to room. "So yesterday Konan came in, dragging some bloody unconscious broad. Locked her in a room over there and ordered us not to do anything or let her out or anything." He shrugged. "So I guess the broad woke up, yeah." He motioned to a nearby hallway.
Itachi glanced at the hallway. "Ok…" He looked over at the TV. "So what're you watching?"
"Does it look like I'm watching anything?"
Before Itachi could make a comment, Konan strode in. She looked at Itachi and Kisame. "Oh, so you're back." She said. She began walking down a hallway. "Good. Get everyone in here. I need to speak with them."
Soon the rest of the organization was all standing in the room. Deidara, who hadn't moved from his spot on the couch, asked, "So what do ya guys think this is about?"
"Maybe we're getting paid." Kakuzu said.
"Fuck yeah! Virgin sacrifices!" Hidan shouted.
"Varnish?" Sasori asked with a shrug.
"I hope we're getting a pool installed." Kisame mumbled to himself.
"Tobi becomes a member of The Akatsuki!" Tobi cheered.
"Tobi, this is a private meeting, yeah! Get the hell out!"
Konan walked in. Behind her walked a girl with long blond hair and bandages covering her arm. The others looked at them, curious. Then Hidan shouted, "FUCK YEAH! VIRGIN SACRIFICES! IN YOUR FACES!"
Konan glared at him. "No." She said. Hidan crossed his arms unhappily. She motioned to the girl. "Your orders are as follows: first, make sure nothing happens to this girl. No killing, no sacrificing, no anything." She looked intently at Hidan. He scowled. She continued. "Furthermore, do not let her leave this place. I want one of you watching her at all times."
"What, now we're fucking babysitters?" Hidan growled. "That wasn't in the job description." He sighed. "Well, whatever. You a virgin?" He asked the girl.
Konan looked at him. "What did I just—"
The girl grabbed Hidan's collar. "Do I look like a fucking virgin to you, bitch?" She hissed.
The room went silent. Hidan opened his mouth to reply, but couldn't think of anything to say. The girl scowled. "Let me answer that question. No, I'm not." She let go. "Next time you insult me, I'll kill you. Got it?"
They all stared at her. Even Konan looked stunned. After a moment, Hidan recomposed himself. "Ha! Too bad for you, I'm immortal!"
She looked at him. "Really?" She asked. Then she pulled a kunai out of her pocket and jammed it into Hidan's chest.
"WHAT THE FUCK?" Hidan screamed.
"Whoa!" She said. "Cool! He really is immortal!"
Hidan stared at the kunai protruding from his chest. "Are you fucking insane? What if I was lying?"
She thought for a second. "I guess you'd just be a dead liar then." She answered with a shrug.
They all stared at this insane girl. She glanced around. "So who the hell are you people anyway?" She asked Konan.
Konan blinked a few times. Then she quickly walked away. "You all have your orders." She said.
Itachi leaned over to Kisame. "So any idea why we're supposed to be watching this girl?" He whispered. "You think she's some sort of…political figure or something?"
Kisame shrugged. Then he walked over. "So we never caught your name." He said.
"Huh…?" She mumbled. "Oh, yeah… I, uh… I'm, uh… you're blue…" She reached out and poked him. Then she blinked. "Oh right, my name's Martel. Do you…use make up or something…?"
"…No…" Kisame mumbled, looking down self-consciously.
"Martel…" Itachi mumbled. "That's an interesting name."
She glared at him. "What, you don't like my name?" She yelled. "What's yours, asshole?"
"It's Itachi."
She stared at him for a second. Then she started laughing. "What the hell kinda name is that?" She laughed. "Doesn't that mean weasel? What, did your parents not love you as a child?"
Itachi glared at her. "My parents loved me as a child."
"Before you killed them." Kisame added. Itachi just scowled at him. "What? You did."
Martel sighed. "Man, I was hoping for someone here to be sane…" She looked around. "Listen, freaks, I don't take very kindly to being kidnapped." She thought for a second. "So how 'bout either I try to escape, or you all buy me shit. That seems fair."
"That's it. Let's get rid of her." Kakuzu said.
"Are you kidding me?" Deidara asked incredulously. "They gave us a hot girl! I mean, come on! What's not to like, yeah!" He walked over. "Hey babe, how 'bout I give you a tour of the place? My room can be first, yeah."
She looked at him for a moment. Then she said, "Oh, wait, you're a guy?"
Deidara stared at her. Kisame started giggling. Itachi smirked. Sasori mumbled, "I can understand how she made the mistake…"
Tobi walked over. "It's alright, Deidara Senpai," he said, patting his shoulder. "You do look kinda feminine."
Deidara just looked at him. After a few seconds, he muttered, "Oh, I'll kill you later…"
Tobi turned toward Martel and held out his hand. "My name is Tobi!"
She looked at him. Then she asked, "Do I…know you…?"
He looked at her, confused. After a second, he shook his head. "I don't think so why?"
She thought back to the man who'd captured her. Then she shook her head. "Never mind…it's nothing…" She walked over to the nearby hallway. "So I'm tired. Where do I sleep? 'Cause I'm not sleeping in that closet again." She stopped at a nearby room. Then she walked inside and slammed the door. "I call this room."
Itachi walked over. "But that's…my room…"
Deidara laughed. "Good luck with that, Itachi."
Itachi tried to open the door. "Excuse me, but that's my room." The door was locked. "Um, I'm sure there are plenty of extra rooms that you could use…"
"Who's this Sasuke person you have so many pictures of in your bag?"
Itachi stared at the door. Then he started banging. "DAMN IT, STOP GOING THROUGH MY STUFF!" He shouted. "I MEAN IT!"
Deidara laughed. Everyone else walked away.
