ESME'S POINT OF VIEW
I knew from the moment Alice had come to me while I was in the kitchen that something was far from normal. She was horrible at hiding things and the way that she had been out all day with Jasper only made me all the more suspicious. She was avoiding everybody like the plague. I was anxious to find out what was going on and I would be lying if I said I could block the thoughts of worry from my mind. I was a mother. I worried about my children. It was just instinct. As night neared I prepared myself to meet Alice in the meadow. I never wore anything nice when I went hunting. It got messy sometimes depending on how hungry I was and there was always the chance I could rip or stain my clothing. We may have accumulated a lot of money over time, but it was still no reason to be careless about our belongings. I was grateful for what I had.
I finally told Carlisle where exactly I was going. He gave me a look of disappointment. We normally went hunting on our own and very rarely went hunting with the children. This was mainly because of the feelings a vampire would get after an invigorating hunt. Hunting was an aphrodisiac. Bloodlust wasn't the only type of lust we acquired after the chase and it was extremely difficult to wait out the return home to attend to each other's needs. He walked up to me and cupped his hands around my cheeks with a frown etched upon his face. His hungry dark brown eyes went all puppy-like on me. Ugh, I swore could be worse than the children.
"Esme, must you go hunting without me?" He pouted, lower lip sticking out.
I leaned forward, giving him a sweet peck on the lips. My nostrils flared and I drew in a deep breath. I didn't need to breathe, but when you had to pretend you were a human all of the time it became habitual. Pulling away from him, I rolled my eyes, simply laughing in amusement. I didn't blame him. I couldn't remember the last time I went out on a hunt without him. It was years at this point. My hands moved up along his stomach to rest on his chest. I knew he was famished, but he would go hunting with the others the following night.
"Yes." My head shook. "Alice insists. She feels like I've been neglecting her as of.. recently." Another laugh escaped my lips. Alice never asked me to go hunting. So, this would be a treat.
My eyes rolled as Carlisle's lip poked out even further. Sometimes he still acted as if he were twenty three. That was fine by me, he made me feel young. He made me feel beautiful. I truly couldn't have asked for a more wonderful man. Eighty five years and counting. Our anniversary was coming up soon and I had already gotten him his present.
"Besides, it will give you some time to miss me." I already knew what his answer to that was going to be.
"But, I always miss you, love." His eyebrows narrowed at me and he leaned in to kiss me. He pulled away to speak again, "I suppose you're right, however. I have a few things I need to get done for work in the morning. I'll be in my study, awaiting your return." His right hand moved to my bottom's left cheek. He gave it a squeeze and grunted with a grin. "Go. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it." His other hand moved to run through my hair and he kissed me a third time. This time it was a little more passionate than the rest. His tongue slid into my mouth, circling around my own. He gave me just enough to leave me wanting more as he pulled away.
"I will have fun, and it will be without you." I stated, huffing. The tone of my voice was clearly playful.
He knew I would be upset that he had pulled away from the kiss. He could see it written all over my face. The hand on my bottom pulled me closer to him. Our lips connected, tongues immediately seeking out one another's. Our hips pressed together and he leaned forward. His chest pressed against mine. He leaned my body backwards, until I was bending over backwards. The hand on my bum moved to my lower back to support me. I dipped. One leg came out from underneath me, slipping straight in between both of his. He pulled away from the kiss and began to chuckle. My husband was always full of surprises. Even after a little more than eighty years of being together, he never seemed to get boring. He pulled me back up to stand me straight, his arms still around me. He made sure I had regained composure before he finally took a step away from me.
"I have to go, otherwise you're going to be late to meet Alice. I'm sure you're both hungry." He grinned sheepishly.
"Ugh, you dog." My lips curled to a wicked smile.
"Vampire, but close."
Carlisle left the room and I followed after him. We separated silently at the bottom of the stairs. He headed towards his study to work like he had said he was going to, and I immediately headed outside through the back door. Once outdoors, I used my vampire speeds to sprint through the path cut out behind our property. I was on my way to meet Alice. The path went on for acres and miles. This was the only piece of land that didn't belong to the Quileute tribe and the only place we were safe hunting from humans. It would have taken a human hours to get to the meadow from here by foot, but it didn't take me long. Maybe ten minutes total, if that.
It seemed I had reached the meadow before Alice did because there was no one in sight. I sniffed the air to be sure, but there was nothing other than the sweet scent of the plants whisking through the wind. I walked over to a nearby rock and took a seat. One leg moved over the other to cross comfortably and I began humming to myself. The tune was nothing in particular, I was just going with the sounds of the birds tweeting away in the nearby trees. Where was she? It was never like her to be late like this for hunting. I was growing worried, not that I wasn't already to begin with, but now it was worse.
Then, from behind I heard rustling in the bushes. Out popped the pixie from behind them. She slowed pace to a walk as she neared me. She had a look of being out of breath, only without the heavy breathing. My head tilted a little and I gave her a warm smile. As she neared, my hand moved up to her short trusses of hair and I ran my fingers through them. I treated all of my children like I had birthed them myself. Carlisle had gifted me with all of them and they were all precious. I was devastated every time I miscarried a child. So much so, that I tried to kill myself at one point. Now, I would never lose one. I'd have them forever. Thank you, husband.
"You're late, Alice?"
"Yes, mother, I apologize. I had a few things to take care of with Jasper! He insisted that he wanted to come."
"Oh, your father had given me quite a hard time himself. Men, I suppose." I let out a small laugh.
"I came here because I need to speak with you about something." She had a sudden look of worry to match my own. I wasn't wrong when I thought something was going on. I was very rarely wrong when it came to my children's moods. "I don't have much time, because Edward is going to be on his way soon, too."
Well, that was straight to the point. Was I no longer funny?
"Okay, Alice. What's going on?" I asked. I would have told her to breathe when she spoke, but vampires didn't breathe. She normally spoke in a bustle anyhow.
"I had this horrible vision, Esme."
Her eyes went soft and she moved to sit next to me. I looked over to her and placed a hand on hers, squeezing it lovingly. Her eyebrows would meet in the middle and her lower lip would quiver. I didn't want to hear it. I did not want to hear a single bellow of pain coming from my daughter. It would hurt my heart and I knew I would follow suit. I didn't like seeing my children in any kind of gripe. It was too much. Edward had just gotten over his big affliction with Bella. I don't know what I would do if something happened to Alice.
"Go on, love." I said. My other hand moved to her free hand, squeezing it as well.
"It was about Victoria and the new borns. It must be wrong. It has to be wrong. I saw everyone, everyone, but three of us!" She exclaimed. Had she gone completely mad? Alice hung her head low.
"Would it be too much if I were to ask for the details, my child?" I removed my hand from hers, letting fingers start to pet her short locks of hair.
"I had flashes of Edward at the mercy of Riley's hands and Bella cutting herself to catch his attention during the battle." She said with an exasperated sigh. "I had no flashes of you, exactly, but at the end of my vision we were all standing on the field. All of us were there minus you, Edward and Jacob. I can only assume the worst and the feelings of remorse I had after the vision were overpowering. I wanted to tell you and Edward first before I went off scaring everyone else."
"Oh, my dear Alice. I can see why you've come to me alone with such urgency." My hand continued to stroke her hair soothingly.
"I just had to tell you before I went and told the others. I wanted to know what you think. I've been evaluating my thoughts and have found myself in a tare. I just wanted to know what you had to say about it, first." She was repeating herself as if she were going delirious on me. I didn't like it.
I didn't know what to tell my daughter. I had always been on her side when it came to her visions. They were hardly ever wrong. Everything she had been envisioning since Bella had come into our lives had been true. Was I going to die within the next two days? Would I be leaving my family, my loving husband, behind? I hoped that she was wrong. Eighty years was such little time when you were a vampire.
"Did you see Edward, Jacob and I actually pass?"
I had to know, before I could figure out what to do.
"N-No, not exactly. At the beginning I saw all of us and at the end the three of you were missing. That's when the remorse fell over me. Jasper was with me when I had it and I had to tell him, he knew there was something wrong. He promised he would keep it a secret. I couldn't let him come because I was afraid he would use his power to calm us. I knew Edward would read our minds, which was why I called him out here. I want his opinion, too because he is one of the three."
"What about Jacob Black?" I asked, wondering if she was planning on warning him as well.
"I couldn't tell Jacob. I can't. If I do I'm afraid he would tell Bella, withdraw from the fight completely and hope for his own selfishness, that Edward would die so that he could have Bella for himself." She bit her lower lip and shook her head no numerous times.
Alice had a good point. Jacob was rather irrational when it came to making decisions that revolved around Bella. He would have withdrew himself from the fight and maybe pulled the others out with him. It was a risk we could not take if we wanted any chance of surviving this at all. Three dead were better than all of us dead. She must have really been thinking this entire situation out. This was the first time I had ever seen her hesitate to tell us what she had seen. I got an uneasy feeling, but I would set it aside right now. I didn't want to startle her.
"Well, if you didn't see us die, one can only assume we didn't and that you stopped yourself from viewing any further." I stated hopefully.
The look on Alice's face told me she didn't buy it. She stood to her feet and then turned around to look at me. I looked up at her silently as she sucked in a breath and bellowed just as I had feared she would. This was a vampire's version of crying.
"Darling, it's alright. No need to cry."
I continued to try assuring Alice, but she stood there. She looked like a human would when they cried, but there were no tears. She sucked in the air and exhaled sharply, sobbing out loud. I stood to my feet and walked over to her. My arms wrapped around her shoulders and I pressed a kiss to her forehead. Our bodies swayed left to right. I bemoaned silently with her as I held her in my loving embrace. I couldn't not do so. I could not hold back. I couldn't pretend things were going to be okay. Alice was sure of herself and there was no reason to doubt her visions and her feelings. Finally, she pulled from me and began to speak again.
"I know what I felt. It was remorse, sorrow, mourning!" Her voice was in panic. She head shook wildly again. Her eyes looked into mine and they pleaded. "Please, Esme, believe me."
I did and this was the problem. I believed I was going to die. That my son was going to die. I was suddenly feeling sick. I even partially felt horribly for the pack. Pains were writhing where my stomach had once worked as a human. She wanted my honest opinion, but I was afraid that that was going to make things worse. How was I to tell my daughter to burden baring the secrets of everything she knew? She probably wasn't going to take it well, but she knew to be mindful of my words. Although I was closest to Rosalie and not Alice, Alice still viewed me as her mother. She took everything I had to say into careful consideration.
"Alice, please, let us sit back down?" I asked as I guided her slowly by the hands back to the rock. I sat down facing her. My worried, hungry, dark eyes would search hers for urgent attention. I sucked in another sharp breath of air before letting my lips part to speak softly. "I know your visions tend to be correct. I know you always come to all of us at once with them to warn us. I know that you are here, because you want to know what I think and what your brother thinks. Promise me first, that you won't be angered by what I am about to say to you."
"I promise." Alice replied.
"I can only hope you will not think badly of me." I added. "I think it would be best we not tell the others about this. It could be false, since so much was left out in your visions. I am, however, going to treat these next few days assuming it will all be true."
I heard rustling in the brush behind us and as I breathed, I knew.
"Assuming, what will be true? If you don't mind me asking." It was Edward. His voice was low and coarse. I knew he hadn't heard our entire conversation, I would have smelled him sooner. He stepped out from behind a tree and walked over to stand in front of Alice and I as we sat on the rock.
"Oh dear, this has all gone terribly wrong." Alice shook her head and my arm moved to drape around her shoulders, pulling her close.
"No, my love. It hasn't. Keep your hope." I assured my daughter as I looked up to Edward. "Alice had a vision."
"Oh really, a vision? What kind?" His voice still held anger, I could almost hear him hiss.
"You tell him, Esme." Her tone told me she wasn't giving me much of a choice.
"Please do not overreact, Edward. I know the first thing you are going to want to do is run to Bella and tell her what I am about to tell you. I ask for your confidence and your word that you will not do anything so rash."
I was beginning to wish that Jasper was here. I knew that Alice wanted Edward to make his own decision. I had already made mine and would make the necessary preparations for the day to be spent entirely with Carlisle. I would give the house to Edward and Bella. Alice would take the others out for as long as possible.
"Esme.." He growled lowly. "What's going on?"
It seemed he was too angry to attempt reading our minds. He had heard what I said to Alice and I honestly could not blame him for his irascibility.
"Please, Edward, sit."
"Esme.." His voice suddenly became thunderous.
"Son! Do not speak to me in that tone of voice." I hissed, unintentionally.
"I apologize, mother. Honestly, what is going on? What is this I hear about keeping a vision from the others? What is so important?" He looked to Alice, giving her a glare. I could only guess it was because she fooled him to coming here for other reasons than just hunting.
"She had a vision of the two of us passing. There are parts of the vision that lead me to believe there is a slight chance it isn't true, but Alice said she had felt remorse shortly after having it." That was the simplest way possible and I wasn't about to go into detail in fear that if Edward knew too much he would try and fight fate. That was what all of this was about and Edward was constantly flirting with disaster. "I was simply saying it's best not to alarm the others because it may not be anything at all."
"Beg your pardon, mother?" His jaw slightly dropped and his hand moved to rub it. He squeezed as he did so. I could almost hear the stone crack beneath his skin. "There is a possibility that we might die and you two think it's best to keep it a secret? Are you out of your minds?" His arms waved in the air.
"Relax, Edward, think about this!" Alice finally spoke. I had almost forgotten she was there. I rubbed her arm lightly with my hand.
"The both of you need relax. I know it's difficult, but please for my sake." I beseeched with a soft voice.
Edward moved to sit beside me. My free hand moved to rest on his thigh. These were my children. They were my everything. I hated to see them like this. I heard Edward growling unpleasantly, he was trying to keep it quiet. I leaned my head his way, kissing the top of his head. I sighed, closed my eyes a moment and then pulled away.
"Edward, my son. I love you, unconditionally and will always. No matter what you decide to do with this information, just, please. Please think about this. Clear your mind. Find it in you to be perspicacious."
Edward let out another low growl. I would give him a few minutes to really think about the situation. In the meantime I would speak my thoughts with utter sincerity. I could only hope something in his mind would click as I did so. This wasn't going to be an easy task. Edward loved Isabella and so did I. She was like another one of my children, but sometimes the best thing you could do for a loved one was keep these kinds of things a secret. I was sure she would do the same for him if she had to. Isabella would give her life and soul for him. She had already planned on doing so by wishing to become one of us.
"I have hope, that this vision is entirely incorrect. As I was stating earlier, if it is, I am going to treat the next day like it is my last, because that is exactly what it is going to be. I have made my decision to keep this between you, your sister and myself." I hated that I was going to, but I knew it was all for the best. For the benefit of my family in the long run. "If we tell them, it could get everyone killed. They would be so worried about us, that their judgment in battle would be clouded. Rash decisions would be made. Three dead, is better than all of us dead. Our family, whether you two realize it or not, is important to our race. We have to carry on our teachings and show others that there is another way to exist other than feeding on innocent humans who are no different than ourselves." I hated that I was right.
It was then that Edward lifted his head to look sadly in my direction. I knew what he was feeling. He had been solitary for so long. Once he had finally found his mate he was going to be ripped away from her, forever. I bellowed loudly. This instantly reminded me of Carlisle. Before I had met him, Edward had been his companion for decades. My husband was so lonely before I had met him. I took my arm off from around Alice and leaned over my knees, hunching. My hands covered my face and I would sob deeply. My fingers grasped at clumps of my hair and I pulled, fists clenching. I could feel Edward's arms wrap around me and then Alice's join his shortly afterwards. My children held me as I sat there crying, rocking back and forth. I had found the man of my dreams and we had been together for over eighty years. I knew he loved me more than anything on this planet and I loved him the same. It was why I had to do this. My body shook in agony. He was my soul mate and I was only going to be leaving him widowed. At least I would die finding him. I could only hope that after I would cease to exist, that he would find his own soul mate and be content with them. I had found mine in this life and if I had to detach from the earth I would die happy. I knew Carlisle would have the family to support him, but I also knew him very well and I knew he hated to be without his own companion. He would possibly let it consume him until he would turn himself to ash. I hoped this wouldn't happen. I did not want that for him.
After a bit more squalling, I collected myself. I had to remind myself of where I was, who I was with, and the important matters we were discussing. It was for the best. It allowed Edward to connect with me and see exactly how I was effected by the news. He would know it was not an easy decision to make, but the right one for the sake of everyone else's well being. I took both of my children, one in each arm and pulled them into a hug.
"I love you both, so much." My voice was cracking. It was nothing I could help. "I hope you know how much you mean to me. My words cannot express. You have both made me very proud and you have grown into your own skin so well. Edward, I am so impressed with your tolerance and control over you temptations for human blood. Alice, I think of you the same. I hope you can continue being the beautiful people I know you are if I pass." I paused. "And Edward, if your fate is as weary as my own, I know hope to see you in heaven. Your soul is good and full of love."
I had to tell them these things; I feared I would not have the chance to before the battle. Edward leaned over to me and pressed a kiss to my cheek. I placed my arms around him and squeezed him close. I let go and turned to Alice, smiling the best I could. Alice turned to give me a hug. I hugged her in return and rubbed her back. I wasn't going to say goodbye because I believed in heaven and I believed I would see everyone in the afterlife at some point or another. In fact, I was sure of this. I had a gut feeling, as Alice would say.
"Esme," Edward addressed me. "My selfishness would lead me to telling the others, but you are right." He admitted without further altercation. "I do not want to put the others in harm, or risk getting everyone killed because of my feelings towards Bella. I have waited centuries for her to come, and I've finally found her. She loves me despite what I am or who I am. I found someone who would do anything humanly possible for me. She is my soul mate and I can die peacefully knowing all of this. She will find hers in time, like I have. If she were to die because I made an ill choice I would never be able to make peace with myself." His head shook. "This stays between the two of us and Jasper. I've made my decision."
The three of us sat there in complete silence.
"Who is the third?" Edward asked, breaking the quietude.
"Hm?" I asked. I was lost in thought.
"You said there were three dying, who is the third?" He repeated.
"Jacob Black." Alice and I answered in unison.
"Bella is not only going to lose her future mother and law, and husband, but her best friend as well?" His eyebrows narrowed and his eyes turned soft. Seeing emotion in Edward's eyes was a rarity.
I didn't think that he would feel for knowing Jacob was going to die too. However, the last time Edward had disappeared from Isabella's life he was there for her and kept her distracted. Although I could not see a better mate for Isabella than my son, if he could not have her, Jacob would be the one. She would get neither, which brought some things to my attention. I knew Isabella was always putting others before herself. At times, she even reminded me of myself when I was growing up in that way. I also knew she had a guilty conscience and that she was undoubtedly insecure like every adolescent female would be. I had to ask Alice a favor.
"Sweet Alice," I looked to her to make sure I had her attention, "I have an important job for you, a few actually, but I will discuss them with you later. First of which, has to do with Bella. If Edward and I are to die you have to support her, more than anything. She is probably going to feel like her deaths are our fault. I think Edward will agree." I looked over to him and he nodded. He was quiet, which was understandable. He was thinking about a lot right now more than likely.
"I will, Esme. You have my word. I'm not going to leave her side for a minute. I'm going to try and attack this like nothing had happened." She assured.
"Do not act like nothing happened." Edward stressed. "She is a delicate creature and she is sensitive to her feelings and the feelings of those around her. Try to talk to her about it before you try playing Bella Barbie. Make sure none of the others leave. Rosalie might try to, but Emmett's got a better head on his shoulders and favors Jasper's opinion over hers."
"I will do my best. I love you, brother." Alice said as she got up from the rock, standing to her feet.
I watched as she walked over to Edward and pulled him into an embrace. The two hugged and Alice sobbed. Like the good gentleman he was he continued to hold her, rubbing her back for comfort. I observed them with a smile. I had taught them well. I had creating a family that truly loved each other. I hoped that they would only continue doing so after I was gone.
"I love you too, sister." His head turned to look at me and he yanked me by the arm. I crashed into them both and the three of us topped over onto the ground. "I love you, Esme. You've taught me so much and I've become a better man being your son. You were truly my mother."
I began to sob again in my children's arms.
"Mom, please don't cry." Alice begged. "I want our last memory of the three of us to be all of us smiling. So, smile."
When she told me to smile, I did just that. I sat up between the two of them and Alice leaned into my ear. She whispered quietly. "I love you more than I love Edward." I laughed out loud. Edward shot us both a glare.
"Just kidding!" Alice snickered.
"We should hunt and get back to the others. Remember, not a word. No matter how much pain we are in or how badly we feel, we cannot let them know." I reminded them.
The three of us hunted and to our luck we found a herd of giant moose. We shared a large cow and a bull. It was plenty of blood to maintain our strength for the fight we had ahead of us. We needed all of the fortitude we could get, emotionally and physically. I wanted eagerly to get back to my husband and start on saying goodbye. I was never actually going to say the words, so instead I would show how much he's meant to me all these years. I was going to focus on the now. I had no time to waste. If I did waste it thinking about the unfortunate events coming our way, he would never know. I needed him to know I was fulfilled by his love and companionship. I needed him to know that he was perfect in every way. If he was going to move on in the future, these were the things I had to show him and tell him.
