Hey there, peeps! Sorry I didn't update earlier! There's STAR/SAT testing this week and last week, and my co-writer Jen forgot to send me her part of the chapter.

Anyways, the homunculi Envy is back! What will happen now?

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or anything related to it.


Chapter 2- Oh Great, More Craziness…

Ed and Al gapped at the person with the long, spiky dark hair speechlessly. Song still had a bored expression pasted on her face and Kou appeared emotionlessly bored.

"Oh, hi Envy. Here's a cookie." Kou handed a sweatdropping Envy a chocolate chip cookie.

Ed frowned. "Wha—?"

Song suddenly had a gigantic mood swing. She beamed and smiled as she jumped up and stuffed Envy with a pastry and a scone and chattering away to him.

"Hi Envy! Howya doing? Where's Gluttony? It's weird having no one to cook for and Kou here doesn't have a stomach! Well he does but he doesn't eat much. How's Lust doing? Is Pride still bossing people around and sending his weird little shadows around? Oh, and how is Greed? Does he still have little squinty eyes like Ling? What about Wrath? Did you ever bother fencing him? Hm, on second thought, don't try, he'll probably chop you up!"

The rest of the group sweatdropped continuously as a certain smiling Song is chattering away to a speechless Envy.

"At this rate, the world will be flooded with sweat drops..." Kou muttered under his breath. Ed silently agreed with him.

Song gave another gigantic mood swing and crossed her arm, frowning, her face suddenly bored and impassive.

"So, you came here for a reason. Ask away." Envy opened his mouth, but Ed stepped in.

"How did you know who he is? Why did you give him something to eat?" Ed asked, looking Song up and down suspiciously.

Kou cut in. "Oh, we know more than just what kind of chocolate is good on cookies. You'd be surprised at how much we've seen these guys."

Kou then allowed himself a satisfying punch at Envy, who was feeling quite… speechless…

Song waved Envy off. "See you. I have something to do."

She gave Envy a dismissive wave and walked off. Kou walked off the other way.

Al sweat-dropped. "Are they always like this?" He asked Envy.

Envy shook his head. "No, it's usually worse. Sometimes you ask them a question they just stare at you for a reeaaaaally long time then walk away."

Ed sighed. "How long do we have to show them around?"

Envy nibbled happily on the scone. "Not long. They went off on their own, which means you don't have to show them around anymore."

Envy quickly ducked as Ed threw up his hands and shouted. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Envy shrugged, winced, rubbed his ears, and left, still munching the scone while musing over the cookie.

Ed then frowned. "Wait a second…I forgot to kill him for killing Hughes! Dammit!"


Ed did not want to admit he was lost in the famous ruins of the diamond mine he and his brother were exploring. He tried to figure out the map as Al insisted that Ed hand him the map.

"It's here somewhere, Al! I know I've found it!"

"Not quite, brother, look here…"

"I'm trying to read! Don't disturb me!"

"But brother! It says here to turn right! You turned left!"

"... Um… It's because you're bothering me!"

"I'm not! This is the wrong way!"

"Better let Al see the map, Ed." Both brothers whipped their heads around at the voice. Kou was perched snugly on an old box behind them.

"Not cool, Kou. I thought you were lost for a moment." The two brother again whipped their heads towards the voice.

Song leaned against a pole. Her red cheeks signaled that she was running. Brushing her bangs aside, she huffed and walked over to Kou as if she didn't see the two brothers. "Kou, stop running around! It took me a full ten seconds to follow you here!"

"Honestly, that's not that bad."

"So? It's not FUN having to chase you around!"

"It's fun to run though." Kou insisted, frowning.

Song regained her breath and turned around. "Oh, hi." Ed and Al remained speechless.

Kou tried. "Hi Al, hi Shorty."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHORTY SO SMALL THAT SONG MISSED ME BECAUSE I WAS SO SMALL?"

Song clarified. "I didn't miss you, shorty. I ignored you."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHORTY YOU MIDGET!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MIDGET YOU TINY ALCHEMIST!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY ALCHEMIST YOU PINT-SIZED BEAN!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PINT-SIZED BEAN YOU TINY EXCUSE FOR A BEAN SPROUT!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BEAN SPROUT YOU MINATURE ANT-SIZED ALCHEMIST!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MINATURE ANT-SIZED ALCHEMIST YOU LITTLE DOT SO TINY WINRY CAN'T KILL YOU WITH HER WRENCH EVERYTIME YOU BREAK YOUR AUTOMAIL BECAUSE YOU ARE SERIOUSLY SO SMALL SHE MISSES YOUR HEAD EVERY 99 OUT OF 100 TIMES!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A…"

"SHUT UP IDIOT!"

Song clapped her hands together forcefully and suddenly Ed found he couldn't talk anymore. At the same time, Kou had grabbed the back of Ed's coat and was trying to strangle him while making sure Al didn't stop him (and all the while keeping his face relatively impassive, except for his obvious annoyance).

"ARGH! STOP FIGHTING YOU DAMN IDIOTS UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO SIC A MOB OF FANGIRLS/FANBOYS ON YOU!" A very pissed off Kou was glaring at both with his Ultimate Death Glare of Doom™.

They all blinked for a moment. It wasn't very often that Kou lost it. Song then studied the alchemy circle on the back of her hand for a minute and looked up. Ed was glaring at her at pointing at his mouth.

Song shrugged. "I took away your voice. I AM the Song Alchemist, you know."

Al sweat-dropped. "Not a good idea, brother, not a good idea." He murmured.

Song sighed and gave Ed his voice back.

Kou, who had now calmed down, was studying the map. "See, you have to turn here, at the red door and go down the aisle marked 'Mine 56' then…"

The rest stared in amazement as Kou described every turn needed to get out of the maze-like mining-town.

"But by then it would get dark." Kou finished casually. "So…"

He held up his hands, clad in black fingerless gloves. On the gloves were silver alchemy circles, stitched on in a way so t hat they would never get worn down. As he slammed them to the ground, shadows began to creep out of their places and surrounded them. Ed and Al half-panicked when Song reassured them with a pat on the shoulder. Suddenly a portal opened and the four were sucked inside.

After a bright flash and a temporary darkness the group was transported into Central. Al gasped.

"We just travelled 16 miles in less than a minute?"

Song shrugged. "I can do it too, though it's not my specialty."

Kou waved. "Someone's following us."

Song suddenly appeared indignant and muttered under her breath before calling out. "Greed, get your face out of that tree and GIVE ME THE COOKIES YOU STOLE THAT I WAS GOING TO GIVE TO GLUTTONY!"

Then an angry Song shot up the tree she was talking to and the rest of the group heard some yowls and ouches and a whole bunch of movements as the leaves on the trees rattled and shook. Then a frowning Greed (Greedling) jumped onto the ground. Song, now thoroughly calmed, walked almost horizontally off the tree. Ed's head whirled around to look at Song, then Greed, then Kou.

"Huh? Wha-? Why is Ling here?"

"It's Greed!" Song, Kou, and Greed said it at the same time. Al scratched his head. "Where's Ling then?"

"Out there." Kou said matter-of-factly.

Ed sweat-dropped. "I don't get what's going on here!" Song pulled out an official-looking paper.

"That's why we're here."


There, done! what do you think? If you want to know, the first chapter was almost completely written by me, while this chapter was almost completely written by Jen. Hopefully, the story will remain pretty good and you will like it.

Please review!

~Shadow