Spaghetti monsters, red sauce rivers, and a giant cook with greased back hair and a HP patch on his apron plague your dreams. The Cook chases you while occasionally eating one of the spaghetti monsters along the way while the crowd cheered. The tall skeleton you met before appears in front of you, wearing an excessively large red cape, and yelled at the cook. "Foolish opponent! You should have thought twice before challenging The Great and Mighty Papyrus!" He dramatically pushed you back and pulled his brother out of his hipbone pocket. Sans gave you a wink, and snapped his fingers as the world goes up in flames, the smell of burning pasta surrounding you.
A loud beeping wakes you up with a start, heart pounding from the incredibly strange dream you were having. It takes you a moment to realize that you aren't in your bed, and you are not home alone.
"SEIZE YOUR INFURIATING SOUNDS, SMALL DIVICE." A familiar voice shouts from your hallway. You stretch and rub your eyes, seeing your living room looking as usual, mess of dishes on the counter, TV still showing the cooking show, and a dark smoke filling the air. Scratch the last bit as being usual. You jump up and rush to the kitchen, seeing multiple pots fuming the black smoke on full flame. You turned the knobs to off and place lids onto the pots, coughing while trying to wave away the smoke. This wouldn't be the first time you had to deal with burning food, though this many pots being burnt at once is a home record.
You head into the hallway, seeing a tall skeleton struggling with the smoke detector in a panic. Giving him a quick pat to get his attention, you point to the red flashing light. He looks at it for a moment, presses the button, and sighs with relief when the noise quits. "THANK YOU, HUMAN."
"No problem… Papyrus." It took you a moment to remember his name. "I'm a bit surprised to see you still here." You say, looking back in the smoky living room to see if his brother was there. He wasn't.
"YOU FELL ASLEEP AND WE WERE CONCERNED. SANS HAS HEARD UNPLEASANT STORIES ABOUT BUMPS ON THE HEAD FOR HUMANS NOT ENDING WELL. I DECIDED TO COOK YOU A MEAL FOR BREAKFAST, BUT THE COOK ON TV LIED TO ME." Papyrus seemed pretty down about the burnt food.
"Hey, it's the thought that counts. We can just use up some of my leftovers." You pat his arm, almost thrown off due to only being bones. "Where's your brother?" You asked and headed back to the kitchen.
"OH. YOU KNOW. AROUND." He shrugged. The brothers seemed so close; it shocked you that Papyrus wouldn't know where Sans was.
A quick search in the fridge granted you a pizza box, still full other than a single missing piece. "Here we go." You hand it to Papyrus.
"IS THIS SPAGHETTI PIZZA?"
"Nah, just regular from down the block."
He seemed disappointed at that, but took a slice anyway. He flopped onto the couch and ate his slice, making you pause and watch for a moment. Bite, swallow, bite…. But you didn't see where the food went. There was plenty of neck room between his skull and his… armor? You should have been able to catch if the food went anywhere. You shrug to yourself and turn to your messy stove. The smell of burnt food is too much for you to eat right now, you might as well clean a bit.
You opened your dishwasher and started grabbing cooled dishes to put in. When you turned around, Sans was standing in the way. You scream and drop the plates.
Sans is quick to respond, stepping back just enough that the dishes don't land on his feet. "Whoa, uh, sorry for sneaking up on you." He held out a hand as if to help you calm down.
"Where did-? When-?" You put a hand up to your chest and leaned over the counter, it's been a long time since you had a scare like that. You focused on getting your breath back before trying to ask any more questions.
"I just stepped out to get replacement food for Papyrus's cooking. I didn't want him using up all of your goods while you slept." He gave a half smile and held out a plastic bag of groceries. You forcefully slowed your breathing, nodding.
"Well, thank you then…" You straightened up, patting your heart. "I swear you just about gave me a heart attack. How'd you get here so quietly? I didn't hear the door open."
"You didn't? Hehehe, you must have been pretty noisy." He laughed and turned around, putting the bag on the counter. You didn't think you were, but he had a point. No way anyone was that quiet. You watched Sans grab a slice of pizza from the box and start eating, the food seeming to vanish into nothingness soon as he 'swallowed' it. Left once more with a mystery, you turn back to start cleaning again. Luckily this time no one else appeared.
.
After cleaning and opening a few windows, the apartment was finally clear of the smoke and you were hungry enough to enjoy a slice of cold pizza yourself. You sat on the couch between the brothers, watching some passing show Sans clicked to. A flamboyant robot was the main focus of the show, though it was confusing to what this show was supposed to be about. You didn't really care, you just enjoyed having others as company. If they weren't around you would probably have just been wasting time on the computer, as usual. You don't even know what you do half the time. It actually was amazing that you were able to be so comfortable around these monsters after only meeting them yesterday, you didn't know much other than their names.
"So." You speak first after a few short episodes. "Thanks for sticking around last night. Papyrus said you were worried about the bump on my head." You look at Sans. He glanced at you but kept his attention casually to the TV.
"Yep. You are the first human to stand up for a monster we've seen in a while." You catch a blue light flare from his eye for a split second, Sans seeming to not notice or care. "What can I say? I tendon stick around good people."
You snort at his terrible pun. Your eyes widen and you quickly smack a hand over your mouth in embarrassment. Sans smiled bigger and turned his attention to you. You hear a quiet "Oh no," from behind you.
He raised an eyebrow, almost like he was intrigued. "What? That one wasn't even that humerus."
You stifle a laugh under your hand, and his smile grew. You could feel Papyrus shifting his weight on the other side of the couch, but you were too busy trying not to laugh at Sans's puns to care.
"Please, this is what I do, don't be so stern-um." You loose it. You laugh out loud before you can hold back, trying to keep other giggles from escaping your lips.
"THAT'S IT. IF YOU TWO ARE GOING TO DO THIS WHILE I AM IN THE ROOM, I AM LEAVING." Papyrus suddenly stood up and stomped towards the door.
"Aw come on bro! I personally thought I was being pretty hip." You can't help it, they are just so awful you can't help but laugh.
"I'M GOING ON A WALK, AND I'M NOT COMING BACK UNTIL YOU GET THIS OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM." Papyrus yelled and slammed the door behind him, and you felt concerned if bone puns actually upset him. You doubted Sans would say them if they did, but-
"Hope he doesn't get sick from out there, I don't want him to start coffin." And there goes the last of your worries.
.
You two go on for hours, back and forth puns mostly about bones, plants, animals, before branching out to just about everything. You both are brought to tears at some point, though you aren't sure if Sans was laughing at your jokes or at how hard you were laughing at your own, but you didn't mind. Your puns distract the both of you so much that you missed the darkening of outside, or even noticing the rain when it started. You two continued to miss the weather until the first strike of thunder cut off the end of one of Sans's puns.
You waited for him to continue, but his smile only dropped and eyes widened. "Sans?" You asked, concerned.
"Papyrus." He whispered, whipping his head around to look out the window and seeing the rain pouring down. You could have sworn his skull paled slightly. You barely blinked and Sans was up, grabbing his jacket and pulling out his phone.
"Sans, what's wrong?" You asked, but he didn't answer.
He flipped open his phone and pressed a button. You could hear it ring…. ring…. ring… No answer. He closed it and pressed another button. It rang once before getting picked up.
"Talk shit get hit, its Undyne on the line." You heard the blue monster with red hair from before answer the phone.
"Undyne, is Papyrus with you?" Sans asked quickly, loosing his usual tone of voice.
"Nah, Alphys and I haven't seen him since yest-" He smacked his phone shut, opening it again and pressing the original button. No answer.
He flipped it open again, pressing the same button. Ring… ring… ring… Sans was shaking. He threw open the door and ran out into the rain. You quickly grabbed a jacket and followed, being sure to shut the door tightly. The wind was picking up, and you were glad you forgot about an umbrella.
"PAPYRUS!" Sans shouted, looking down the roads and alleyways. He kept trying the number frantically, only just letting the third ring finish before shutting the phone and trying again. You knew something must seriously be wrong.
You joined in calling Papyrus's name, and started running down alleyways you could picture him wandering down. During the day you have no problem walking down these, but in the dark, you could see why people stayed out of them. You ended up turned around, not recognizing this area of alley. You didn't care, right now, Papyrus was the only thing you needed to find.
Someone stepped in a puddle behind you, and you turned to face a human man. You didn't recognize him, but the way he was smiling at you was unnerving. "Hey there, you look lost-"
Before he could get any more words out, a blue light appeared around him, and he was slammed into the wall beside you. "Where is he?" You heard Sans next to you, causing you to jump. You could have sworn he was nowhere near you moments ago. His face seemed dark, a single blue eye shining in his left socket.
"I don't know what'chu mean-!" Sans swung his arm and sent the man flying, slamming him into another wall. The man gasped, loosing his breath.
"I SAID," Sans threw his arm down, the man moving just as fast and destroying a puddle, probably loosing a tooth or two as well. "WHERE." Slammed into a wall. "IS." Other wall. "MY BROTHER." Thrown up into the air before being slammed down into the ground. You were terrified. You were afraid the man was going to die, afraid of Sans's powers, but you were mostly afraid of Sans.
"I.. I d-don't…" The man struggled for breath under the pressure of the blue aura, trying to bring himself to his elbows. A flip phone fell out of his pocket.
Sans's eyes flared bright, the blue aura getting thicker around the man. "WAIT!" You finally shouted, grabbing Sans's arm. His lone blue eye darted to you, and you felt a shiver through your soul. Sans blinked, and the blue eye vanished, his regular pins of light appearing, but dim. The man coughed, finally able to breathe again.
You let go of Sans's arm and run to kneel by the man. You flip open the phone and see a picture of Papyrus in a "COOL DUDE" t-shirt. You felt your stomach drop. "Please, where is he?" You ask the man. You didn't expect a response, but he turned his head towards some dumpsters. You blinked and Sans was there, lifting the lid off of one side. You ran over there to help, and saw a tall, unconscious skeleton in the bin.
.
After an hour or so of struggling to carry Papyrus back to your place, you managed to get him in the spare bed. He didn't look well, to say the least. He was banged up pretty badly, mostly on his arms. Sans kept muttering something about him not defending himself, or not seeing a single bone in the alleys. You stayed mostly quiet, grabbing your first aid kit and dressing him the best you could. You couldn't just smack a Band-Aid on a bone and expect it to work, but other than wrapping the rather fragile looking parts and placing a towel on Papyrus's head, you didn't know what else to do. You heard plenty of bad stories coming from the local hospital about Monster patents, and you didn't want to risk bringing Papyrus there.
You did what you could, but you still had no idea what would happen. You tried to say something comforting to Sans, but it was like he didn't hear you. You placed a couple large glasses of water and a few towels on the nightstand, and said you would be back in a bit, closing the door for them. You stood outside the door for a while, not sure really what to do… You just… didn't know. That kind of thinking always scared you. A sound from behind the door broke you out of your self-doubt, a sob. You swallowed hard, and went to your living room to sit. Your pocket felt too tight, and you pulled Papyrus's phone out.
"I should probably her know…" You said to yourself, looking at the contacts and picking UNDYNE.
The first ring didn't even finish before it was picked up. "Papyrus! Your bro called-"
"No, sorry, its me." You coughed. "Uh, the human from yesterday." There was silence on the other side of the line. "We found Papyrus, he's… pretty banged up. He's okay though! Well, just not great. We wrapped him up the best we could, but I think he just needs some rest." Silence. "I just thought you should know, you guys seemed pretty close, and I didn't want you more worried than you needed to be."
You waited for a moment, you couldn't tell if she was still listening or… "Okay. I'll check up on him tomorrow."
You let go of a breath you didn't know you were holding. "Alright. I'll let Sans know-"
"Human?"
"Yeah?"
"You take care of them when I'm not around. If one of them turns to dust…" She sounded too quiet to be making a threat, but you swallowed and answered.
"Yeah, I'll do better to watch out for them." She hung up.
You sat on the couch for a bit, looking at the spot Sans was sitting just a few hours ago, cracking jokes, having the time of your life. You sneezed. You were still in wet clothes you realized, but you couldn't bring yourself to get off of the couch. You curled up against the arm, pulling out your phone and looking up recent monster news. Nearly every report ended with the monster being turned into dust, and you felt relieved that you and Sans didn't just discover some bones surrounded by a pile of dust. Something still felt off, but you were just too tired to keep thinking about it. Holding Papyrus's phone close to your chest, you fell asleep on the couch.
