My weird self was listening to Lana Del Ray's "Young and Beautiful" while writing this. The orchestral version from The Great Gatsby. Sooooo, if you end up listening to it while reading, I'm sorry in advance!
"Waaaaaaaaait a minute. You mean to tell me Rukia and Renji—the redhead Ichigo always had a shouting match with—have a little girl about Kazui's age?" Minako asked, digging her spoon into her bowl of ice cream.
"The very one!" laughed Orihime before spooning some ice cream into her mouth.
Dinner was an amicable affair and dessert was just as much. Minako was stunned at how much she had missed the last time she was in Karakura that she almost wished that she hadn't left to start with.
"Still can't believe they have a kid myself, to be honest," Ichigo said, his arm resting on the back of the chair. "She's a cocky little thing, thanks to her parents."
"Oh, she can't be that bad," Minako chided, an amused smile gracing her lips.
"You haven't met her yet."
"Maybe we will."
"Assuming we're staying for a while." Shiro shared a look with Minako, watching as she bit her lip. Even when she thought about returning to Karakura, she decided to jet elsewhere in order to avoid it. It was something she always did and Shiro knew it. He was her reminder of their hometown, but she never begrudged him for it.
"Are you staying?" Kazui asked, his eyes wide as he looked at Minako and Shiro.
"I don't know yet, Kazui-kun," whispered Minako and Orihime and Ichigo could see the flicker of sadness dimming her eyes. Orihime's instinct was to comfort her friend, evident in the way she bit her lip; Ichigo could see what his brother was going through, having to see someone he cared about with a wounded expression like that.
"You guys can't go yet!" Orihime exclaimed, planting her hands on the table as she stood up. "You can even stay with us for a while. It's been so long since we were all together like this and you two just met Kazui! Please, don't go!"
Minako looked taken aback at Orihime's outburst, her words stuck in her throat. She felt Shiro's hand closed over hers, squeezing it tightly. "Look Orihime, you've got some pretty good intentions. Still up to my girl and I, regardless," he said.
Ichigo glared slightly at his twin and Shiro could read him like a book. The look clearly screamed, You brought her here to feel better.
Shiro knew he was bringing Minako home too soon. He knew it as soon as Minako locked herself in the bathroom. He knew it as soon as he answered Minako's cell when Ichigo called. He knew it when he said he was taking Minako back to Karakura, prepared to drag her if needed.
Minako looked down, her dark blue eyes clouded by sadness, and Shiro felt his protective instinct surge from his core before he stood up. "We're heading back to the inn," he said, pulling Minako up with him.
"Shiro." Her name escaped her in a whisper as those blue eyes flickered up to him before she turned to look at Ichigo and Orihime before her gaze rested on Kazui. The child looked so worried about the sudden change in atmosphere, his grey eyes shining with a sadness that tore at Minako's heart; that nearly caused press her hand against her stomach before she stopped herself. "We'll visit again tomorrow. We'll stay for a while," she murmured instead. "As generous as your offer is, Orihime, we'll stay at the inn."
Orihime's eyes softened. It was something that appeased her at least, but as much as Minako loved her friend, she only said it for the sake of Kazui; she couldn't bear to see the sadness in his eyes. "I have an idea. How about tomorrow Kazui spends time with Shiro and I. We'll make an entire day of it!" she suggested, forcing a smile.
Ichigo could easily see the pain in Minako's eyes, even though she was smiling now. He looked to Orihime, who met his eyes, before they both turned to Kazui. Their son was looking at them. "Mama, Papa, can I spend tomorrow with uncle Shiro and aunt Minako?" he asked. His expression was so hopeful that Orihime knew she couldn't deny her son anything.
"Of course you can," she smiled before looking toward Shiro and Minako. "It's fine with us. It's a date for all three of you."
"We'll swing by to get you, then, kid," Shiro told Kazui, barely missing the beat of the conversation before he tugged Minako after him to the front door. Minako looked over her shoulder and waved to Ichigo and Orihime, directing her smile to Kazui, who waved enthusiastically, with an excited, "See you tomorrow!"
When Shiro and Minako left the clinic, Ichigo looked to his wife. "Do you think this is a good idea?" he asked softly.
Orihime sighed heavily. "It may be good for them."
They had reached the inn in silence and Shiro only relinquished his hold on Minako's hand once they crossed the threshold to their room. She had avoided his gaze as she had gone to bathe and hadn't spoken since then. She just lay in bed, silent, her back facing him. Shiro was only aware of her breathing, knowing that her even breathing were a sign that she hasn't fallen asleep yet.
His limbs buzzed, unused to not having them around her as she talked about things that would bring such happiness in her eyes. Minako had been quiet in school, that much he remembered; but she was never this quiet, not since…
"Are we ever going to bring up what happened?" Her voice barely broke the silence, a whisper that reached his ears and Shiro looked over to her.
"Why do you want to talk about it now? The first time, you couldn't stop crying. The second time, you locked yourself in the bathroom and wouldn't talk to me." He couldn't help the bitterness that laced his voice before he paused. He loved Minako and while this was a loss for him as well, he was only there the second time it happened. It was a sharp pain that he almost wished he could forget, but knew he wouldn't. He would never forget the way Minako gasped like she was losing air, would never forget the red that stained the sheets, painting her inner thighs, the way she screamed and tears racing down her cheeks. He shook his head before he spoke again. "Is this a good idea? Having this bonding time with Kazui?" he asked.
"Why not?" Minako asked, not moving. "We've been out of his life for years, Shiro. I'm to blame for this."
"What are you talking about?"
"If I hadn't decided to leave, then…"
"That isn't your fault."
There was a silence for a moment before Minako spoke again. "Shiro, why are you still with me?"
He narrowed his eyes. "What the fuck kind of question is that?"
She turned to look at him then, her eyes glistening with unshed tears as she sat up. "Why are you still with me?" she repeated, her voice shaking with emotion. "The first time it happened, you could have walked away. You could have left me then. After graduation, you came with me, not once thinking of looking back to Karakura. The second time it happened and I shut the door on you and you still stayed by my side! Why, Shiro?"Her voice had risen then, the closest to a hysterical, emotional scream than he's ever heard it. "I've taken life from us both! Two miscarriages! I've lost any possible child we could have had! Why the fuck are you still with me?!"
Shiro seized Minako by her arms, his fingers digging into the skin as his eyes narrowed. "Why am I still with you? After all this time, you're asking me such a stupid fucking question? The first time you got pregnant, I'd said I'd be there for you. I wasn't even fucking there when you lost it and you're right, I could have left you; I didn't. I stayed with you, all the way to graduation. When you said you wanted to see the world, I didn't ask any questions or give any fucking complaints. When you got pregnant a second time, I told myself that it would be okay this time; that I was here for you now. Even when you lost it, even when you shut me out, I still stayed. Do you know why? Because I love you and you're sometimes so damn stupid to get that."
His breathing was heavy after saying what he kept inside, his golden eyes fixed on her blue irises. Minako's tears fell, her cheeks flushed a deep red, as she gazed back. Her chest heaved with her sobs before she completely collapsed before his eyes, unleashing years' worth of grief and loss.
"We tried this time…we really did try," she whispered, her bangs covering her eyes. "W-We…we did everything…everything right…and still…it's all my fault!" She brought her hands to her face, her sobs wracking her fragile body enough that Shiro was afraid she'd break into billions of jagged pieces in his hands. Growling, he hauled her against him, one arm winding tightly around her as his free hand pressed against the back of her head, his fingers tangling into the dark strands of her hair. "Stupid. You're not by yourself in this. I'm here and you know that. You fucking know that I'm not going anywhere," he said harshly. "This isn't your fault. Not the first time and not this time."
"Then why?" sobbed Minako, her hands gripping the front of Shiro's shirt now. There was desperation in her bones now, her body trembling violently. He was sure by now that he was holding her together before she was consumed by her grief. "All I ask is t-that I have a child…that w-we have a child…a-and…"
"Shut up." Shiro's tone was harsh, his grip tightening on her. "Don't go talking like that, all right? Shit happens, but we're going to get through this and then we'll try again. We'll try as many times as it fucking takes and try every goddamn thing we can."
"You can't make impossible promises, Shiro," Minako mumbled between her sobs, the intensity of them dying down just a bit.
"Then you don't know me very well," Shiro muttered before he moved to lie down, keeping his arms around Minako so that her body yielded to his. "If I promise you the world and then some, I'm fucking getting you the world and then some."
A short, brittle laugh escaped her, her breath warm against his skin. "You're insane."
"Ain't that why you're with me?"
"That and then some."
Shiro threaded his fingers through Minako's hair, silence hanging between them. His other hand moved against her back, upward then down, in his attempt to be soothing. He knew he was rough around the edges, but there was nothing he'd try to do to make sure Minako was smiling. It was partly why he brought her back to the place they left behind. Seeing his brother and Orihime with a kid must have triggered the sadness in her fully, but at seeing how bright and happy Kazui was; that was the reason why Minako never showed her pain.
When her breathing slowed, Shiro knew Minako fell asleep. Having that loss of emotional control had to have exhausted her to the extent that she may as well be in a comatose sleep. For the best. For now, anyway…
When the sun rose, the morning routines were a blur. Those moments hardly mattered until they reached Ichigo and Orihime's, until Kazui ran out to them with such enthusiasm, wearing a blue hoodie, jeans, and sneakers.
"Aunt Minako! Uncle Shiro!" Kazui threw his arms around Minako's waist, hugging her as tight as he possibly could. Minako smiled, her hand going to pat the boy's head, fingers running through the orange locks. "Hi, Kazui-kun. Are you ready?" she asked softly.
"Mhm!" Kazui nodded as his parents came to the door to see him off.
"You three have fun today," Orihime said with a smile.
"Don't be out too late," warned Ichigo.
Shiro rolled his eyes. "I've never understood what Minako meant when she called you a mother hen. Now I know."
Ichigo glared at his brother. "Shut up."
"If this friendly banter is all, we have a fun day to attend to." Minako laughed before she grabbed Kazui's small hand in hers. "We'll bring him back at an acceptable time, don't you worry."
"Let's go, let's go!" Kazui began to pull Minako after him gently and the raven-haired woman looked back.
"Come on, Shiro, or we'll leave without you!" she called.
"Hold your horses, woman, I'm coming." Shiro shook his head before looking to his brother and sister-in-law. "See you later."
"Shiro-kun, did something happen? Minako-chan doesn't look haunted today," said Orihime, looking after the woman and child.
Shiro shrugged. "Just had a little heart-to-heart. That's all."
"Shiro, come on!" Minako called back to him. She and Kazui had stopped, looking back at him and Shiro couldn't help the chuckle escaping him. "That's my cue," he said, raising a hand in farewell to the couple and walking after his woman and his nephew.
"Auntie Minako, did you and uncle Shiro really travel everywhere?"
The three decided to take a bit of a walk in the park, Kazui sitting on top of Shiro's shoulders and looking down at his aunt. Minako smiled at his question, pleased at how curious he was. "Almost everywhere. There are places we haven't gone to yet."
"Like where?" asked Kazui.
"Your aunt here wanted to go to Rome," Shiro answered. "We didn't get a chance to go yet and I'm pretty damn sure that coliseum still has lions."
"Language, Shiro. We don't want Ichigo wondering where his son got a foul mouth from." Minako looked up to Kazui. "But he is right, I do want to go to Rome. I think he's wrong about the lions, though."
"You don't know that."
"Neither do you."
Kazui laughed at the exchange. "You two are funny."
"Aiming to please, kid," was Shiro's response, who then lifted Kazui from his shoulders and set the laughing child on his feet. Kazui's grey eyes brightened at the sight of a playground nearby and he grabbed Minako's hand. "Auntie, come and play with me!" he cooed. Minako smiled and nodded, allowing Kazui to pull her to the playground.
Shiro crossed his arms, watching as Minako and Kazui playing. Minako carried Kazui across monkey bars, played hide-and-seek with him among the play places, pushed him the swing. With a sharp lance through his heart, Shiro's mind knew that this should be something that they should have had. If the miscarriages never happened to cause them both so much pain, they would've stayed in Karakura with a child of their own; Kazui would have had an older (or younger) cousin to play with during family gatherings; Minako would be the mother Shiro knew she already was, just by watching how she was with Kazui. The boy was her nephew and yet his woman treated him like one of her own. If she could love nieces or nephews like this, Shiro could sense how attentive and loving she would be to their own child.
"Uncle Shiro!" The call of his name and tugging on his shirt caused the white-haired male to look down, golden eyes meeting grey as Kazui beamed at him with a large smile. "Come and play with us, uncle Shiro!"
Minako's hand twined with his free one and Shiro looked at her. She was smiling and he could see that the pain that haunted them as they wandered the world beginning to ebb away just a little bit. "Tag is not as fun with just two people," she said.
He raised an eyebrow. "Tag? Seriously?" he sighed. "Fine."
"Not it!" Kazui shouted, taking off in a run.
"Not it!" Minako's hand was gone from his and she took off just as quick. Shiro blinked, caught off guard for just a second, before a grin curled his lips.
"You two are gonna get it now."
