"I don't get it," Keely said as she investigated her shoelaces. "I nailed the audition..."

Tia sighed and patted Keely on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, hon... I know how much this play meant to you..."

Keely sighed. She had just discovered that she had failed to get the part of Sandy in the Pickford Player's Club performance of Much Ado About Nothing.

"It wouldn't bother me so much if that... that floozy hadn't gotten the part instead of me..." Keely sneered as she pictured Liz onstage, smiling her phony smile.

"Well..." Tia sighed. "I mean... most girls like her are good at acting.. She's probably had a lot more practice than you!" Tia's attempts to cheer up Keely fell painfully flat, as Keely just sighed and kicked at a rock that a small column of ants was working its way around. She smiled softly, despite how minimal her contribution to the progress of the ants may have been. Tia's voice brought her attention back to the matter at hand. "Hello? Paging Dr. Teslow!"

"Oh," Keely said, looking at her hands interestedly, "I... I just really wanted that part... I don't know. Guess I should've figured she would steal that from me too."

"Keely, there's no way you could have known that. But, I mean..." Tia sighed, wondering how to phrase this so she wouldn't hurt Keely's fragile feelings. "Maybe you should.... put acting on the backburner for now and try something else?"

Keely wasn't sure how to react to this. Was Tia trying to gently tell her she was bad at acting? It would explain why she didn't get the part. "But why? I mean I really love..." Keely trailed off, trying to reassess her feelings.

"Why is that?" Tia asked, hoping to be able to find something else Keely might enjoy based on what she had to say.

"I don't know," Keely sighed. "Something about being able to step up in front of all those people and read those lines... how I can have such an impact on them emotionally, you know? But at the same time... I don't have to be myself... I get to hide behind this character that's been invented... so I don't feel quite as exposed up there, you know?"

Tia nodded slowly. "Gotcha..."

"At the same time, it's kind of frustrating, though... knowing that it's not really me that's touching all these people, just my character... the character I didn't write, even. It's just... I don't know. It's too hard for me to describe, I guess. It's an amazing feeling, but at the same time, it's kind of... invalid, I guess."

"Is it invalid just because it's not a real story? Some books and stuff have really relevant stories to them, even if they didn't happen. Like, I'm sure Frankenstein made a lot of people think twice about trying to create zombies."

Keely shook her head. Good point, bad example, she noted. "You should've stopped while you were ahead..."

Tia opened her mouth, but couldn't think of a comeback, and slowly shut it. After a few seconds, she muttered under her breath, "Well it scared me anyway..."

"I don't know... I'd like to be able to have an impact on people... but I don't know if I would want to just bare my soul in front of a bunch of strangers, you know?"

Tia looked up. "You know, there are other ways of expressing yourself. I mean, why not try and take up art or something? Or maybe songwriting? Ooh, or singing! You'd be really amazed at what you can do if you just sit down and try it!"

Keely sighed as she swept her auburn hair out of her face. "I would, but... I don't know, I guess I haven't gotten around to trying anything new. And I think you know my stance about singing in public."

"Oh, right... but, what do you mean, you haven't gotten around to trying new things?"

"I mean, I'd like to try writing a song, and I've even got a few ideas for some, but..."

"You don't want to run out of ideas."

Keely slowly looked over at Tia, who was looking back at her intently. "What do you mean?"

"Well," Tia said, rubbing her hands together, "if you don't want to run out of ideas, the best thing you can do is not try them out. You'll convince yourself that you don't have the time or resources to do it right, so then the ideas stay in your mind. 'Cause then, no matter how bad it gets, you'll still have those ideas you can get to later, and that makes you feel better."

"I'm not sure where you're going with this," Keely said.

"It's basically something that tricks your brain into making you feel good about what's going on in your mind. You'll keep waiting, keep putting off these ideas you have, and keep convincing yourself how perfect it'll be when you finally write that song, or paint that painting, or whatever. You'll imagine it's so perfect, and exactly how you wanted it to be. The problem is that most ideas kind of... well, they suck when you first try them out."

Keely looked back down at the ground. Tia was striking a chord she wasn't sure she wanted to be played.

"I mean, no matter how much you plan something out, there's still gonna be a time where you have to try it out for the first time," she continued. "And it's probably gonna be pretty bad the first time you do it. But even if you fail at something five times, you'll have that much more experience than the person who's just letting it sit in their brain..."

Keely bit her lip, thinking of what to say. "But... I don't know if it's that, I mean... don't get me wrong, I'd love to try it out, it's just that I don't... I don't feel motivated enough to do it, you know?"

Tia sighed slowly. "I think you're fixated on acting. Once you get over this, you'll be fine. You'll never know what you can do if you don't try it out! You might be a really talented songwriter! I mean, I've heard you sing and play the piano... you're really good! But you'll never know what you can do if you don't try it out!"

Keely stared vacantly at the ground. She realized Tia was right; she really was fixated on her acting. Was it really so bad to follow a dream of hers, though? Should she really give up on it just because she didn't get one part in one play? As wrong as it may have been to get so hung up about what had just happened, wouldn't it be just as wrong to give up on her dream to pursue something she might not even be good at? Something that she might not find as fulfilling?

Tia opened her mouth again, seemingly hearing Keely's thoughts. "And it's not like you have to stop acting altogether... Sometimes it's better to take a break from stuff like that every now and then... maybe you'll look back and find that your feelings about it changed after taking a break for a while..."

Keely was beginning to become a little unsettled at how close to home Tia's words were hitting.

"I'm just saying," she went on, "that you don't know what you're capable of until you try it... you know? And one other thing... don't let her get into your head like that. She's not worth the wasted brainpower."

"I guess," Keely sighed.

The only problem she saw with that logic was that her brain didn't seem to take much effort to focus her thoughts on how Liz was steadily stealing her life. It seemed like more of an effort to try and cheer herself up than let her negative thoughts fester.

"Well, Keely, I'd better go," Tia said, patting Keely on the shoulder. "Mom will kill me if I don't get back and clean up my room. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Hmm? Oh, sure, tomorrow. See ya..." Keely let out a small sigh as her friend left. "Just can't let her get into my head like that," she repeated to herself, solidifying what she considered to be the best advice Tia had given her all day.

Well, Keely old girl, looks like it's just you and me...

"Great, an evening alone with my brain. Just what I wanted."

I wonder what she did better than I did to get the part though, she mused as she stood up from the bench in her backyard and headed back inside.

"Hey, Sweet Potato, did Tia head home?" her mother asked, looking up from a binder she was preparing for work.

"Mmhmm," Keely replied as she started upstairs.

"Now Keely..." She paused at the foot of the stairs. "... Tomorrow I'm going to get home late. I'm closing a deal up in Del Boca Vista."

"Oh, okay... what time will you get back?"

"Well I was going to stop by the store on the way back, so probably around six. I was wondering if you could fix dinner tomorrow."

"Oh, sure thing," Keely obliged, and started up the stairs.

"Oh, and how was your day today, Marshmallow?"

Keely paused again, her foot on the second stair. "Oh, you know. Same old, same old. Boring old school, you know?"

"No trouble?"

She looked over at her mother, trying not to appear too suspicious. "What kind of trouble?"

"Any kind," Mandy said. "Anything that's bothering you?"

"Oh. Uh, no, not really..." Keely looked up in an attempt to appear to be deep in thought. "Mm, nope. Nothing. Thanks though!"

"Okay then, if you're sure, Buttercup."

"Mmhmm." Keely waited another second before finally heading up the stairs.

'No trouble?'? That's kind of a weird question to ask, isn't it? You usually only ask if there's trouble if you know there is trouble, not if you want to find out if there's trouble.

If you want to find out if there's trouble, you ask... you ask how things are going, maybe. Or maybe "What's on your mind?" That sometimes works. You don't ask if there's trouble cause you'll never get a straight answer that way.

So does she think there's trouble? Or – does she know there's trouble?

I don't know if that's it... Mom doesn't just let stuff go if she knows something's bothering me. She will keep me talking until she gets it out. But she didn't. So she must not think there's anything wrong.

Right? Right.

Keely smiled to herself as she laid back on her bed and looked up at the ceiling, folding her hands underneath her head. Problem resolved.

...

But then why would she ask if there was trouble!? She already asked how school was, so there was no need to ask the second question unless she thought something might be wrong!

So why didn't I tell her there was trouble? Why didn't I talk about Liz and Dan? Or Liz and the play? Why would I keep my mouth shut if she knew there was something bothering me?

But why would she let me go if she knew there was something bothering me?...

This is getting ridiculous.

Keely sat up and looked blankly at the light switch, trying to clear her mind. "She's not bothering me," she said aloud, trying to convince herself. Bonnie, who was walking by Keely's open door, paused and looked over at Keely with a mixture of suspicion and curiosity.

"Er, you tell her, sis," she said before walking off to her own room.

Why do I leave the door open when I talk to myself? Keely wondered. Oh, hey, I'm not thinking about Liz anym— oh, wait.

"Stupid brain. Great. Just great."

What makes her so much better than me? How did I end up on the short end of the stick all of a sudden? Ugh, people are so rotten. I wish I could live a million miles away from everyone.

Well, maybe not everyone. Just people like Liz.

She sighed and slipped her shoes off. Her anatomy book sat on her desk, open and ready to be read. She walked over and took a seat in her chair. She let her hands fall into her lap as she stared dully at the text.

When am I ever going to need to tell the difference between epithelial and squamous cells? How is this useful information for an actress?

"Ugh, shut up, brain. Tia said that acting wasn't good for me."

Well, whatever I'm going to be, I don't need to know that epithelial cells line surfaces of body structures and cavities. When am I – hey, did you just trick us into learning something?

Why are you even studying anyway? I'm way too tired for this. A nap would be nice. How about that?

Keely sighed and leaned her head back. Her eyes fell on a program for a performance of Candida she had starred in a year earlier. She pursed her lips and laid her head down on her open book. The only thing that eventually silenced her thoughts of Liz being unquestioningly given the lead part over her was the fact that she fell asleep after just a few minutes.


FUN FACT: You talk to yourself more than you talk to other people.

...

If you just said, "That can't be true" under your breath, then you have really just proved my point further. If you say it in a review, I guess you got me.