Chapter Two: Definition of a Sunrise

Rinoa closed her eyes the minute someone knocked on the door. Something inside was telling her it wasn't him; he didn't knock like that. Only one person she knew would knock in such a rhythmic pattern – and so many times. The door opened slightly after Selphie yelled to come on in.

"Everyone decent in here? Because if they are, I'll come back in a few minutes."

Quistis rolled her eyes. Now that Irvine was getting married, she guessed it was up to one of the other two guys to come up with the one-liners – and it certainly wasn't going to be Squall.

"Get in here!" Selphie demanded as she hurried toward the martial artist.

"Wow…" He was almost speechless seeing her dressed up so elegantly for the first time. "Selphie is that you? I can barely recognize you."

He extended his arms forward, with the intention of giving the bride a hug. As he did, she grabbed his wrist and twisted it quickly. Wincing in pain momentarily, he swiftly admitted defeat as she still had his arm pinned securely behind his back.

"Ouch! Okay, mercy, mercy it is you!"

"Darn right, who else could kick your butt like that?" She let go, giving him an actual hug.

"Nobody," he replied sheepishly. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks. Oh, wait… come over here! Look who is back!" Selphie dragged him by his hand into the back of the room where Rinoa was seated on a small settee.

Standing up, the sorceress walked slowly over to him. "Hey you, still being good?"

"Don't you know it Rin. When haven't I been good?"

"You really want me to answer that?" He met her halfway, giving her a giant bear hug. Two – that made two ribs today that she thought had to be broken, at the very least fractured. Were her friends always this strong? "Hyne, I've missed you Zell." She wiped her eyes as he moved away. This was going to be a very, very long day.

"We need to go on out now. I ran into Elle on the way here, she said everyone's been seated. They're just awaiting the stars of the show."

"Can I get an understudy?" Selphie nervously joked.

"Come on, we'll be with you all the way." Quistis offered her friend. She took the last few moments to tuck a few stray hairs under Selphie's veil.

Rinoa handed the bride a large bouquet of crimson roses, before grabbing the two smaller sprays for her and Quistis. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"I could trip, I could pass out, I could get sick, I could say the wrong name-"

"What!?" The three members of the wedding party interrupted in unison.

"Kidding, kidding. I'm as ready as I'm going to get." Selphie finally assured the trio, as the two bridesmaids walked out first, signaling the all clear.

Rinoa grasped the green-taped handle of the bouquet as if it were her last foothold on reality. Everyone there knew she was as nervous, if not more, than the bride was. And one thing was for sure… Rinoa would never be ready for this day.

The commander uneasily paced back and forth, finally settling on a spot against a wall. From here, he could look into the main sanctuary, seeing Irvine patiently standing over to the right hand side of the aisle. The man looked so calm, nothing seemed to intimidate him, at least where love was concerned. God how he envied him. Irvine had been a different person before he'd met Selphie, but somehow she brought the best out in him… and that was all it took.

It wasn't like Squall had spent the last two years thinking about her every minute…just maybe once an hour. He had gone on, because there was no other choice. What else could he do? Become that person he was before he met her? That wasn't even an option, because three years with someone he deeply cared about had changed him too… just not like Irvine.

He could hear the rustle of the net and fabric as the group came around the corner. Part of him didn't want to look. Yet part of him couldn't wait to look at her up close, to see the light reflect in her eyes, and the way her cheeks blushed when she smiled. He didn't turn around until he heard them nearing, and figured if he waited any longer he would just look like he was avoiding them… and he didn't want that either.

The young man wasn't sure when he had started holding his breath. Somewhere between hearing their anxious laughter, and finding the nerve to turn, he had inadvertently stopped breathing. He turned to see the group of four standing under the archway that lead into the greeting area. Selphie looked beautiful in her dress, but he really didn't notice. All he could see was Zell standing with his arm securely around Rinoa, and his friends laughing at something someone had just said.

She was smiling.

Of all the things he could have ever imagined at this reunion, it wouldn't have been her smiling. He wasn't sure what he had expected, maybe some kind of silent regret. He thought that maybe some part of her had missed him… at least he hoped. But there she stood looking more angelic than he remembered, with the smile that he once had managed to take away.

He never thought he would see her smile again. Now he was feeling like some kind of fool to be holding onto any hope of the past, when it was so obvious that she had moved on. It was then that he let his breath out, as he finally realized that the lack of oxygen was slowly starting to make his mind go numb. Or was it her?

She turned when she heard him, and smiled as she nodded her head in his direction. She wondered if he could tell her smile was forced, but he never was good at reading the meaning of some of her expressions. She knew because, if he had, they still might be standing together today.

Two years seemed to have been kind to him, and she silently hoped that her departure had changed him, but it was clear by his posture and composure that he hadn't. She wondered if he even thought about her anymore.

"Squall."

Rinoa addressed him first, wanting to avoid him seeing that she still hurt. She wondered if Zell could feel her arms tighten around his as she spoke. It hadn't been an intentional action, but more like a delayed nervous reflex.

The commander nodded, mirroring her gesture and acknowledging her presence. "Rinoa."

The martial artist turned to Quistis, completely aware of how much force was now surrounding his bicep. The blonde looked back at him with the same awareness, although she had to admit it was going better than she had hoped. She just wished that both of them had had the courage to show up last night, in order to avoid the awkwardness of their reunion on this day, right now. But they were both stubborn, and that was part of their charm, both individually and as a couple.

Squall knew this was Selphie's day, and he needed to get the attention off them. "You look absolutely beautiful-"

"Thanks." Rinoa answered, interrupting him and honestly surprised at the compliment, momentarily unaware that the young man hadn't finished his sentence.

"…Selphie."

The words 'thanks' and 'Selphie' were said in unison.

Rinoa thought in that moment that she could die. They already were at 'awkward moment number two' and had been back together less than fifteen seconds. All she could do was smile, hoping that nobody had heard her. Why in the hell did she assume he was talking to her!? It was Selphie's wedding and here she was already causing problems. Part of her wanted to run away, but she had already made a promise to herself she would see this through…for her friends.

"You look nice too, Rinoa." The commander answered after a few more seconds of silence. "Hell, you look more than nice…beautiful, amazing, the most gorgeous person to grace this planet." His mind was reeling, but instead he'd settled on the adjective 'nice,' could he go home now?

This time she didn't answer, she had already learned that lesson well. It was better just to get through this day with some dignity intact. Releasing her hold on Zell's arm, she moved in front of her escort, pretending that the last few minutes had never transpired.

"Let's say you and I go tear up that aisle." She said as she led him towards the main set of double doors.

The commander watched silently as Rinoa and Zell disappeared into the chapel, acting as if he were any other stranger. Although she had walked away almost three years ago, it felt like she was walking away all over again. And again, all he could do was stand against a wall and helplessly watch...

Somehow, as much as Squall tried to be pleased for his friends outwardly, he couldn't get pass the overflow of emotions caused by seeing her again. So close, within arm's reach... If he could just extend one arm, he could feel the texture of her soft skin. Of course, his sleeve would be right in front of the minister's face, and it may look a little bit obvious, but it didn't stop the daydream from entering his mind.

He wondered how the delicate satin of her dress would feel like under his fingertips, or her alabaster skin wrapped tightly in his arms. Again, it might look a little awkward having the best man sweeping a bridesmaid off of her feet during the ceremony... but he really didn't think his friends would mind the sudden intrusion. Right?

The commander couldn't hear the silence over the rapid pounding of his heart, and the deep, even breaths he was taking into his lungs. Wait, silence? It was just enough to snap him back into reality for yet another time today, as Irvine stood grinning slyly toward him.

"The rings, man. You've got them right?"

He reached into his pocket, trying not to notice the hundred sets of eyes upon him. So much for remaining the stable pillar of Balamb Garden, he was crumbling as hopelessly as the dust among the Centra Ruins.

Opening his mouth to utter an apology, it quickly came to pass that silence was golden at this particular moment. The sides of his mouth curled up into the traces of a smile, as he placed the dual bands in his best friend's palm. Extending his arm forward, the commander lightly patted the groom on the back offering support. He wondered why he'd forgone junctioning a Guardian Force today. If ever there were a time for casting a 'Stop' spell for a quick getaway, this would be a textbook case.

As the ceremony continued, he felt a small wave of relief for the interest returned toward the bride and groom. Although, he wasn't positive if the attention had ever completely been placed solely upon him. It felt as if Rinoa, and the greater population of Balamb, could see through his moronic absentmindedness.

Squall rubbed his temples as his thoughts drowned out the pastor's voice. He wished he could concentrate more on the service, but his heart was seemingly lost within his endless memories. That is all he had left, the memories of the life he could have had, should have had…


It was late, and very few students were up at Garden. It was a sizzling August evening, almost a week after his twenty-first birthday. He had made sure his timing was perfect; she wouldn't be expecting this now... it was past midnight and they had not planned to go out until the following evening. Although, even back then, she was clueless about his underlying motivations.

He made her swear to keep her eyes shut, threatening to tickle her in an act of retaliation if she broke the sacred promise and peeked. And Hyne, did she hate being tickled with an unmatched passion. So she dutifully followed, being led by her knight, her fingers forever intertwined with his.

"Keep your eyes closed, Rin. I'm watching you."

"How can you watch me, and watch where you're going at the same time?"

"Because I'm just that damn good, and don't you ever forget it."

"Like you'd ever let me." She teased in reply. "Squall, seriously, where are you taking me? You know how much I hate surprises."

"No, you love them…you just hate the waiting."

"Fine, then don't make me wait."

"But what's the fun in that for me?"

"You are a meanie, aren't you Leonhart?"

"You bet." He playfully answered, opening a set of double glass doors.

The warm evening breeze danced on her face, sending an exhilarating shiver throughout her entire body. He carefully led her out onto the veranda as their footsteps softly echoed on the marble floor.

She knew exactly where they were now, but was taken aback as the rich aroma of flowers filled her senses. He made the symbolic, rather than practical, gesture of moving behind her and resting the tips of his fingers over her eyes.

"Okay." He announced softly, removing his hands.

The balcony was a sea of crimson roses. Soft hurricane lamps flickered like brilliant fireflies, their glass domes protecting the small fires from the elements.

She couldn't speak, couldn't even breathe, and if she had articulated anything, it surely wouldn't have been anything more than an inaudible syllable. His arms draped around her waist, pulling her back to his chest, as he nuzzled his face into the curve of her neck.

"Happy Anniversary Rinoa, three years ago tonight, I fell in love."

"I take back the meanie comment," she whispered as the breeze caressed her face, and his warm breath caressed her neck. "Wait a second. I've known you longer than three years." She laughed at the realization.

"Uh…yeah," he admitted bashfully. "Well, it is me you're dealing with…it took me a little longer to realize what exactly I was feeling."

"But you did realize, that's all that matters." She smiled, tilting her head back toward him.

He moved up slightly, placing his lips gently on hers. He could taste her, taste the flowers in the air, and the humidity within the air itself. She was the one to break the contact, letting her eyes focus on the ocean of beauty placed before her.

"So what day is it exactly the anniversary of?"

"The day we freed you from Esthar… the day we looked out into a flower field and I could see forever…with you."

She would have laughed at the corniness if it hadn't been the most romantic words she'd ever heard. And those times with him were a rarity onto themselves. "You know if you had warned me, I would have worn something more appropriate than a t-shirt and jeans."

"Don't worry," he seductively whispered in her ear. "You won't be wearing them for too long."

He had the ring in his pocket that evening, but somehow those words escaped him. It was fear that kept his true emotions at bay, and that would eventually be the catalyst to his downfall.


So he stood now, watching as two friends vowed their undying love to one another. He looked over to Rinoa, although his mind was screaming against the gesture of weakness. Her dark curls gently falling over her shoulders, baby roses, and thin silk ribbons highlighting her hair.

She wasn't one to conceal emotions, and he noticed the silvery trails of liquid tracing paths down her cheeks. Luckily, she was too intently gazing at the scene unfolding before her to notice his despondency.

The bride moved toward the altar, bringing the former knight's focus back to the ceremony. He watched silently as Selphie and Irvine reached for two thin tapered candles, before bringing the individual flames to a larger center candle. Together, they moved in unison imitating a graceful dance, igniting a solitary wick.

It was so beautiful in its simplicity, such a symbolic gesture without words or fanfare. Two hearts, two souls being bound together, forever as one.

And this is what he was scared of? Of sharing something so personal, admitting his feelings, his fears, to more than just himself? Looking back, he realized he had been pushing her away from the moment she had gotten close enough to touch his bare skin.

It wasn't obvious. In fact, it was masked with stealth preciseness, blending into the formula of their everyday existence. Hidden within the sweet words and nights their bodies were entwined under the sheets. It was slow, almost methodical, but nonetheless always there like a panther stalking in the grass-covered plains.

Rinoa smiled lightly, failing miserably to hide the tears staining her cheeks. It was bittersweet being back here, back among the life she so desperately coveted years ago. Admitting only to her deepest heart, it was still the life she dreamed in her nightly illusions. Her knight seemed so foreign, yet with an unmatched familiarity. Squall still looked as she remembered, a slight bit older, but the maturity suited him well.

From the old photographs she had seen of Raine, she'd noticed Squall more closely resembled his mother, which was surprising to her. She'd have expected him to bear more of a resemblance to Laguna. She thought he might find some morose comfort in this observation, but dropped the idea of broaching that subject...or any subject for that matter. She just had to get away from him, without feeling like that scared little child who always needed to be rescued.

The formal lines of the tuxedo only laid emphasis on his maturity, defining his jaw and chiseled features. God, she had to stop thinking like this, it wasn't the time or place, nor what was in her best interest. She had gone down that road before, and she was still sorting out the carnage in its wake.

Averting her eyes, she watched the bride and groom engaging in their first kiss as man and wife. Rinoa clapped as the chapel ruptured in spontaneous applause and a few 'hoots' from some of Irvine's past acquaintances.

It was completely inadvertent, but somehow Rinoa's attention settled back on the commander. Caught in the act of her weakness, their eyes locked, making the laws of time come to a standstill. It was deep, penetrating, and a numbness devoured every nerve ending in her body. Two sets of eyes, neither refusing to break the façade they'd tried badly to depict.

She smiled, hiding the discomfort swelling inside, and nodded consciously in his direction. A slim hand moved around her shoulder, ending the unspoken reunion between the two.

"I can't believe it," Quistis spoke while hugging her friend closer. "It's just so surreal... I just expect to wake up and have Selphie come bounding in my room with more Irvine issues."

"Don't worry," Rinoa answered, remembering the feeling all too well, "Ten Gil says she'll be in your dorm by month's end."

"I'll see that bet and raise you twenty," Zell shot from behind the two bridesmaids. "Plus, I'll toss in an exciting night on the town with me as your personal escort."

"Hold me back," Quistis replied sarcastically. "A night of cheap beer and dinner at the Bowl-A-Ramma."

"Oh, I'm sure Alexandra would be thrilled to hear this." Rinoa gestured toward the congregation, figuring that his girlfriend was somewhere in attendance.

"Well, she won't go with me bowling anymore...after the last time. I don't think she'd honestly care..." He winked, placing his arms around both women. "Still doesn't agree that bowling should be classified as a 'contact sport.' It was only a few bruised ribs and a minor fracture of the wrist."

"I...don't...think...I want...to...know." Rinoa articulated slowly, trying to keep the images from plaguing her mind.

The instructor looked at the sorceress stating firmly, "No, you really don't."

"So you two going to save a dance for me at the reception? First one goes to Alex, but the next goes to the entire female portion of the bridal party. Well...and Matron...and Ellone...and..."

"Sure Zell," Rinoa interrupted his list, not positive how long it could go on. She turned to the fighter playfully, "But only with the understanding that there is only 'minimal' physical contact involved. I don't want to have to sign a medical waver before we hit the floor... For your reference, 'hitting the floor'...not to be taken literally. I need all my bones intact and in useable condition for work, okay?"

"Man, Rin, when did you become such a stick in the mud? I'm pretty sure that dancing, if done right, can be just as lethal as any of the martial arts. Didn't you twist your ankle or something dancing in heels? See, again a very dangerous sport."

"Yes," she defended without thinking, "but that really doesn't count as it was only because Squall turned when he was supposed to-"

The memory seemed scorched in her mind; it was the first graduation dance they had attended as a couple. After Ultimecia, after the notoriety died down, after they were allowed to get on with the semblance of a normal existence.

She had tried in vain to teach Squall some more elaborate dance steps. He was a very attentive student for the first part of the choreography. It was just... well, by the time they got to the second part they had usually surrendered to more primitive desires. It was the carefree feeling of youth, the exuberance of innocence being lost willingly to one another. A feeling that she yearned for again. When life itself seemed less tainted, even through the fighting and bloodshed.

"I tripped... You're right, I should have never worn heels. It was my own fault. Those things should come with a warning label printed clearly on the outside of the box." She tried to joke, not wanting to harbor on the memory any longer.

"I'm sure you'll be fine tonight, Rinoa." Quistis tried to keep the conversation light. "Just make sure to remove your shoes."

The instructor then looked out, as the newlywed couple finished greeting the first pews of guests. "Think that's our cue to make a run for freedom. I think if we make a quick getaway, most of Irvine's friends will make it back to Deling with all their bones intact and in working order."

"What?" Rinoa questioned, trying to contain her laughter.

"Long story... rehearsal dinner last night."

"Again, I am thinking it is better that I don't know." Rinoa giggled at more of the possibilities. She hadn't remembered feeling this comfortable around friends in a long time, yet equally as unnerved.

"Come on beautiful," Zell reached for Rinoa's arm, starting to lead her down the aisle.

The young sorceress looked to the floor, stepping onto the linen fabric that led to the foyer. Hundreds of rose petals lay eloquently scattered on the ashen material. It looked as if a flurry of scarlet tears rained from the heavens above. She caught the aroma of her freshly cut bouquet lingering in the air.

"Three years ago tonight, I fell in love..."

"The day we looked out into a flower field and I could see forever…with you."

For a moment, she thought she was going to choke on the vile odor. The fragrance taking her back to the most romantic thing he had ever done, the last romantic thing he would ever do.

Two months later, she would again smell fresh cut roses, but that time it would be radiating off the cart of a nearby street vendor. One that she would pass as raindrops pelted her body like a thousand shards of glass, as the fragrance of the merchants wares mixed with the diesel of the train engine. The train that would take her away from him, leaving behind everything she ever wanted, while hoping, praying, that he would find the courage that he lacked...but that moment never came.

And she realized a long time ago, it never would.