I never really expected anything to change. I was the happiest girl on earth really. Sure, I was shy but I had plenty of friends and a great social life until that one-day changed things forever.

5 months ago

Russell, my 24 year old brother, was headed out the door at about four o'clock, he was headed to work. He loved his job at the local drive in movie. He got to take orders on roller skates and that excited him so much. The girls were always after him and I am so not going to lie, we are one good-looking family! Russ always had this spiked looked to his dirty blond hair and these big puppy dog brown eyes that his girlfriends always tell me are to die for. Beats me?

It was on his way to work when our lives began to change forever. He was one stop light away from the drive in when someone ran a red light, hitting his silver ford focus at about 60 mph. Obviously I had no idea right when it happened but a pang of fear hit me. I didn't understand why I had felt like that until my mother called me about a half hour after the accident. I immediately hopped in my black Saab and rushed over to Bay Ridge hospital. I knew there was no hope after my mother explained what had happened and I was right. Russ passed away on impact.

The night of his accident I had dreams of him calling to me, begging me to tell him that he is ok and not alone. I passed them off as night terrors and my dad said I was just in shock. I went to doctors and was prescribed depression medications, which did not help what so ever. The night terrors were still there a few weeks later and now while I was awake, I convinced myself that I would see Russ sometimes when I played a favorite song of ours or made his favorite dessert. My parents once again sent me to the doctor for more medication but I got out of it. I knew this was something else, something real and not just my imagination or a bout of depression.

A month later and I realized that I could in fact speak to Russ when I calmed down and meditated. I don't have any idea how it happened but he is always there now and I speak to him all the time. Of course, I keep it from my parents as, they would think I am nuts.

Today

So here I am on a Friday afternoon, sitting in my bedroom working on homework. I am enrolled at local Bay community college. Yes, I could have gone to a really nice school on scholarships but with everything that has happened to me, I can't imagine it. My grades have plummeted and my social life slowly disappeared.

Soul: Russ, seriously, I don't get this math problem, please help me?

Russ: Soul, it's not hard! Just move the variables to one side of the problem and make the fractions in to constants!

Ok yeah, he was a spirit walking around my room and we were having a conversation like we would any other day if he was alive. I actually kind of enjoyed this, although, I did some internet research on spirits being here and apparently its not good for them to stay here. My conscience is telling me to tell Russ, ugh. I closed my books and began to spill.

Soul: Russ, I really don't want to tell you this because I can't imagine ever living without my big brother.

Russ: Just like I can't imagine living without my little sister? Don't worry, I won't leave you!

Soul: But, I think you have to. Listen, I did some research on like, people who talk to spirits and stuff... I think they were called mediums?

Russ: Mediums? I thought you were an Extra Small!

Soul: Hilarious Russ, always the jokester. Seriously though, it's apparently not good for a spirit to stay here, ya know, in what was once your world, too. I think spirits like, move on to somewhere or something. I don't know, maybe another life? Beats me.

Russ had a blank look on his face. I think he was upset that I had searched into this. I was really only doing what's best for him and now he is making it seem like I want him to leave, when in reality, that's the last thing I want.

Russ: So you just want me to go and leave you? Whatever. (And with that, he was gone)

Soul: No! I… RUSS! Come BACK! Come on!

knock knock

Mom: Honey, you alright? Were you calling for Russell?

Soul: Uh, no?

Mom: Baby, he's gone and I know it's hard to accept but—

Soul: Mom, no I wasn't calling for him. I'm fine, just go please and leave me to my homework?

With that, she left. Thank goodness. I tried to tell her and Dad once about this and they looked at me like I had five heads so now I am done. This is officially a secret that I have to keep. I don't want to be that popular girl gone Lindsanity, I really, really didn't. Trust me, I knew some of those girls. I picked up my math books and began my homework again. Before I knew it though, I was out like a light, asleep on my bed, math book lying across my stomach and slowly falling into a dangerous dream.

Where am I? I feel like I am trapped in a really big closet but its pitch black so I have no idea. I pushed myself to my feet and felt something glide across the top of my head. I reached up to feel what it was and it was only a string. I pulled on it and a dim light bulb lit up the closet space. Yep, it's a closet! This is one hell of a dream. I began to survey how to get out when I saw a small brass doorknob. Wonder where it leads to! I took a step toward the knob, hand reached out, but the knob began to get further and further away with each step.

I began sweating a lot and getting very nervous. I pushed my hair out of my face and broke into a run towards the knob. The next thing I knew I was rolling over myself until I landed on my stomach. When I looked up I was staring straight into the eyes of a bloody face. I screamed and shook my head until the dream was over. Go away, go away, go away.

I shot up in my bed, sweat beads rolling down my face and dripping to my bared shoulders. I wanted to cry but who cries because of a dream? And that's all it was, a dream, which I reminded myself over and over as I rubbed my eyes. I checked the clock and it said five. Crap, I fell asleep while doing my homework.

A distant voice: Help me. Save me. I'm stuck.

Soul: Real funny Russ! Listen, I'm sorry about before. I was just thinking about what is best for you. Russ? Where are you? Games over!

The distant voice repeated itself. It seemed to be coming from my walk in closet. I flipped my legs over to one side of my bed and slid out from under my covers. If my brother feels like playing games, then fine, bring it on. I opened the closet door slowly and stepped in all while giggling and saying "Russ, oh Russ, where could you be?" so sarcastically. I took another step in my closet and switched on the light above me when I heard my door slam behind me. I jumped and all the little hairs on my body stood straight up. My eyes rolled as my body began to turn in the direction of the door and Russ but something didn't feel right. Once completely turned, a bloody face and body appeared in front of me. It was a girl about my brothers age with a deep bloodied gash in her head and she was wearing only an extra large t-shirt and boy shorts.

Girl: IM LOST.

Soul: What? Who are you and why are you in my house?

Girl: I think I was killed. I saw my parents at what I believe was my funeral and they were crying. I tried to talk to them but they wouldn't listen.

Soul: Wait, you're a spirit?

Girl: I guess.

Soul: I've never seen other spirits before, only my brothers.

Girl: Please, just help me. My parents are upset and getting a divorce because of me.

Soul: I don't think it's because of you. What's your name?

Girl: Holly. Holly Parker. I have to go.

Soul: Wait!

My hand instantly went to my doorknob but the door wouldn't budge. Claustrophobia began to kick in and the screaming was about to start. I put my hand to my head to think and calm myself down but I noticed it felt wet. Not a sweaty type of wet but a bloody type. I screamed and fell to the floor. The screaming continued until the door flew open allowing me to see my parents standing there with scared and confused looks on their faces.