It takes a long time before I am able to forgive my mother for making me go back to school. She and my father had given me "long enough" and decided it was time.

Earth and sky have thawed but I have not. I am sleepwalking during waking hours as my nightmares of Edward's funeral hinder any rest.

When I notice others, classmates, teachers, I am met with pity and sometimes anger and for this I am even more upset with my mother.

I had never been a girl, in the simplest sense of the word. I had never fallen victim to silliness and affairs of the heart, and I believe this to be true, it does not matter what age the girl. Love is love is love. But for a moment I had become swept away and if I had not Edward would not have drowned.

I understand the anger radiating from his friends. His aunt and uncle, too, trying to hide it.

It was there. Cool voices and hollow touches are the only way they can express the blame that I deserve. I should have kept my wits about me and demanded he not step on that ice. I am angry with myself and I don't think that will ever change.

I loved Edward.

Love Edward.