Chapter 2
Peter's Perspective
Voldemort walked swiftly and held out his hand. "We will be apparating away to somewhere . . . remote . . . "
In the rat part of my mind, the animalistic, self-preserving side, I quietly thought 'remote as in no one will find my body'.
I felt the tug of apparating in my gut, and I struggled to keep my breakfast in my stomach. Apparating always did that with me, which resulted in Sirius and James often making fun of my nauseous face. My fists clenched, Sirius . . . James . . . did they really deserve my sympathies?
Sharp pain on my cheek brought me out of my thoughts. "I said, your arm, Peter?" Voldemort said, almost looking disgusted at the thought of me touching him. His pale hand was stretched out, and a silver knife was in his other hand. A crowd of Death Eaters surrounded me and there was no way out.
I hesitantly placed my arm in his hand. I tried to still my goosebumps, but no avail. I hoped he would not notice my uncertainty. He raised the blade, and began to carve a light pattern on my upper forearm. The pain was mild, but I couldn't distinguish the shape that the Dark Lord was carving, for warm blood was covering it. I'd have to clean that later.
Finally, the Dark Lord finished and tossed the blade aside. He hissed something in parseltongue and his pet snake came forward. "You know what to do Nagini." The large green-brown molted snake slithered towards me, her dark blue eyes sparkled with an unnatural intelligence that gave me a feeling rival to her master.
She reared up and bared her fangs. With a graceful dip, she hovered over the cut and dripped some venom in. Excruciating pain raced up from my arm and I screamed. A scaly, yet soft rope was wrapped around my arm and one of the Death Eaters in the circle stepped forward and picked me up. Face covered by a silver skull mask, I couldn't tell who it is. But I heard the man behind it laugh a hollow, cold laugh. "Peter Pettigrew, you of all people I did not expect to see here. Clutching to your friends so much . . . when did you find the urge to crawl to power?" his tone showed he wasn't asking a question.
"Severus?" I whispered in shock.
With a flurry of black robes, we apparated once more, my words and any reply from the Death Eater were swept away in the wind and we arrived at a large ominous-looking manor. Malfoy Manor.
The Dark Lord looked back at me. "That is your calling card. It will bind you to me." He nodded at the place where he had cut a shape into my arm. It had healed up quickly and I realized his snake must've been on my arm, speeding up the healing process. The blood was wiped away, and in its place was a black symbol that resembled a tattoo almost.
It was a skull with a snake coming out of the mouth and around. My breakfast nearly was lost when I saw the snake's body shake, seeming almost alive.
"That is the dark mark Peter Pettigrew. Welcome to the dark side," Voldemort sneered, no sign of his earlier 'kindness' showed.
Any of my misconceptions were ripped apart with that. Voldemort had lied to me and now, with me bound to him psychically, there was no need for him to keep it up. I felt a wail bubbling in my throat. I was no hero. There had never been a chance of me protecting my friends. And now I would be used to help kill them.
I had betrayed my friends. There were no more lies to shelter me from the truth.
But I was okay with the truth, the way it hurt.
Because I deserved it.
Later that night, I was lying in bed.
I shoved up my sleeve and gritted my teeth. How could have I been so stupid to fall for his tricks? I had actually been convinced I hated James, Sirius, and Remus, no—not just that I hated them, but that I, in my foolish joining of the Death Eaters, would be protecting them. My friends. My fellow marauders—my brothers! I had also put little Harry in danger. James could handle himself, but the thought of harming his innocent child—my hatred flared, but this time at myself.
The fidileus charm worked excellently and the Potter's home was safe. A small loophole had been created by Lily so Remus and I could apparate in, but we didn't know where the house was, or any information that could be fatal for them in case if the Dark Lord caught us. Perfect.
Looking back, his understanding facade seemed fake, but I had fallen for it and now I was stuck in this huge mess. The dark mark was irremovable, and it even stayed on your skin after death. I considered telling Dumbledore and asking if I could spy for the Order, but I realized telling him the recent events of my life would be hard. Almost impossible.
Scratch that. It was impossible.
"I can't. I can't tell them. They'll hate me," I muttered, blinking away angry tears. I had to be strong. I may have gotten into this mess, but I had to stand up and do some work myself. I had to, that at least I could do for my friends.
"Peter? Dinner's ready!" Lily called through the door.
"I'll be down soon!" I yelled back, shoving down my sleeve.
It was going to be a quiet dinner.
Two months later . . . .
It was late September and autumn was rolling in.
It was morning and I was eating breakfast when searing pain came from my arm. I rushed to finish breakfast and resisted the urge to run upstairs. When I got upstairs I sighed with relief. Lily was a skilled witch who's observations could show if someone was injured. Luckily she hadn't noticed anything. If she had, I would've just had to lie more. And frankly, I didn't know if I could at this point.
I dressed in a jacket and I let myself enter the pain of the dark mark. A place flickered in my mind and I knew where it was. It was a graveyard nearby Hogwarts in the hills (they had always contemplated going there in one of their monthly escapees but had never planned enough to actually do so). I walked outside the house and apparated.
I landed in the grass, which was damp from morning dew. The Dark Lord walked up to me and peered into my blue eyes. "They've been careful to make sure you don't know their location," he hissed softly, tone giving nothing away. He was always carefully controlled, albeit some spurts of rage. For all I knew, he wasn't frustrated at all and was instead wondering when the next episode of the drama he was watching came out (hey planning to take over the world couldn't take up all your time—what's a man gonna do when he's on break?).
"Sorry?" I asked. "What?"
"The Potters." The Dark Lord said. "Their son must die." His voice was surprisingly neutral for a man (could he even be considered a human anymore?) who had just issued a death threat on a one-year old baby.
My eyes widened, "Why!?" The question escaped my mouth before I could stop it.
"Neither can live while the other survives," He said as if that explained everything.
"I won't do it!" I snarled. I had to be strong for James and Sirius! For Remus, Lily, and also Harry. They didn't know it, but they were depending on me to be strong and protect them for once. And this time it wouldn't be some messed up fantasy induced by Voldemort—I'd do it with my own strength—
"Little insolent child! Crucio!"
Pain filled my mind again. My mind blanked and suddenly it was just now. And now hurt a lot. Pain was everything. It was horrible. I heard a scream and I was fairly sure it was my own.
Baring his teeth in what could be called a smile if you were blind, the Dark Lord strolled up to me, "Now. Listen carefully Peter."
"You will become their secret keeper. Tell me where they live, and then, later, they will die." The Dark Lord's eyes glowed with blood lust. "I will be the survivor! Only I can live forever!"
I was fairly positive the bloke was insane.
"Peter, can we speak to you about something?" James asked, hand entwined with Lily's.
"Sure," I said, walking with them. It was actually nice. I hadn't remembered ever being this relaxing with them since Voldemort had cornered me into their ranks. We were in the park, red, yellow, and orange leaves falling around us. The autumn air smelled like pumpkin and spices—Halloween just around the corner.
"Peter," Lily smiled sweetly.
"Ye—" I froze as her voice cut through my voice.
"You killed us!" She screeched.
"I trusted you! You betrayed us Peter!" James snarled, looking ready to punch me.
"You killed my husband, my son, and me! You unforgivable"—
"Stop!" I cried, pleading with their faces as they blurred away. "No—I didn't mean for any of this to happen!"
The scene changed and this time I was walking in the Potter's home, down the hallway. At the end of the hall, there was an open door. My heart beat faster, and I ran forward, worry propelling me. I ran and entered James and Lily's bedroom and called their names.
"James? Lily?!" I called. I turned around and horror crept up upon me.
The said couple was on the ground, together, forever in a hug. They were dead. And it was my fault. Their faces imprinted in my head. Their faces of betrayal and disappointment . . . .
I snapped up in bed, breathing ragged. It was a dream. It was only a dream. Sticky sweat suffocated me and I rushed to the window. I sighed with relief as the cold air hit me, and laid back down in bed, the soft blankets comforting me. But the guilt . . . it was killing me. I knew that eventually that scene would become a reality. They would die. And it would be my fault. No one else's.
I don't think I'd ever be okay with that.
I walked downstairs in a gloom, and James was laughing and attempting to feed Harry. There were already multi-colored stains on his shirt (which was ironically white) showing his failed attempts. The stubborn look in Harry's green eyes reminded me of Lily, refusing James's numerous date requests.
"Here comes the broom-stick!" James said cheerfully.
Harry firmly closed his mouth and stared at his dad with his vivid green eyes. Even though he was only one, I swore he was thinking 'don't you dare'.
"Blimey, I feel like your glaring at me Lily whenever he does that. His eyes are yours," James laughed, and threw his arm around her.
Noticing me, Lily smiled, "Hello Peter. Eggs and bacon are for breakfast, feel free to serve yourself some. They're on the counter." I nodded, hoping they didn't notice my depression. It hurt so much to think this home of happiness and joy would soon be a gray pile rubble, just like other homes that had seen the effects of war.
They were treating me so nice . . . they didn't realize I was the reason they'd be dead.
"Something wrong Pete?" James asked as I sat down quietly with my food. I had always been shy, possibly more than Remus, but never just plain silent.
This was my chance to do the Dark Lord's bidding. I bit my lip nervously, James . . . Lily . . . Harry . . . please forgive me. "I-I just feel that you trust Sirius m-more than me or R-Remus," I stuttered.
James's eyes widened, understanding my words. My lies. Perhaps that was how I felt before, but now I just wanted to shake him and yell 'the Dark Lord wants to murder you run!'. But the man would know it was me. And to my disgust, I still couldn't sell myself out.
James sighed, "I'm sorry Pete . . . . I've never meant to—it's just kind of happened y'know? Here's what—how can I make it up to you?"
Victory. He was in my trap. But, I felt no pleasure in manipulating someone whom I considered my brother. I paused to make it seem like I was in deep thought, "How about, could you make me secret keeper."
There. I said it. Now I waited patiently for his reply. I wondered if he'd accept. I quietly hoped he'd say no, but the Dark Lord didn't just take no's.
James looked pleasantly surprised, "Didn't know you were into that kinda thing! Sure Peter, you're up for the challenge?" James grinned.
"Y-yeah," I spit out the words, the guilt in me infesting.
"Mmh, okay. How to do this . . . " James tapped his chin. "Oi, my Lily-flower!"
Lily rolled her eyes, "Oh, yes my dearest husband?" she grinned.
"How do we change secret keeper? Pete wants to give it a go," James said, gesturing to my trembling form.
I cursed silently in my head. I wanted to scream.
"Sure, come into the study boys," Lily said, picking up Harry and leading the way.
"We have a study?" James joked. "How can I live here?" Harry stuck out his tongue at his father and Lily laughed. "Okay, of course you'll be an amazing student like your mom, right Harry?" James smiled at his son.
"In here, children," Lily said, sitting Harry down on the couch.
"We've been downgraded from 'boys' to 'children'?" James frowned childishly.
"Since you have an attitude like that, yes," Lily nodded. She glanced at me with concern, "Peter are you okay? You've been . . . quiet."
"I'm fine . . . just apprehensive about what it'll be like," I tried pulling off an uncaring shrug.
James nodded sympathetically, "It's alright, I felt that way when I was made Head Boy—I still don't know how I got that. Dumbledore sure is crazy."
"Children shush," Lily slapped James playfully. "Alright, all I have to do is alter the Fidelius charm . . . . James, get Sirius to floo over here, he needs to be present as the current secret keeper."
"Rodger!" James fake-saluted, and jogged out of the study.
When he was gone, Lily turned to me, smiling mischievously. "I didn't realize you were into tattoos Peter," she nodded to the bump in my shirt on my arm where the dark mark was. It had become more raised up lately, almost mimicking the Dark Lord's anxiousness to kill his 'destined enemy' (who happened to be my best friend's child, and also only one year old).
"O-oh," I struggled to come up with an excuse. "Life's all about the experience, right?" Like killing your best friends.
"Suppose so. I won't tell James, I'm not letting him get one, and if he finds out about that he'll go all crazy on me," Lily winked. Well, at least that was taken care of.
A crackling whoosh came from the living room in the fire place, and Sirius walked into the study, clad in his black leather jacket and motorcycle goggles on his forehead. "Hullo! The great Sirius Orion Black is here!" He threw his arms up as if awaiting applause.
"Nice to see you too, Sirius," Lily groaned.
"Ok, so you wanna be the secret keeper?" Sirius asked me.
"Y-Yeah."
"Okay, it's really easy, all you got to remember is tell no one about their location. That's your only rule—tell no one," Sirius grinned. "That'll be easy right Pete?"
I nodded and the guilt in me doubled. Why were these people so dang trusting? The one rule of a secret keeper, I had broken already, and the transfer hadn't even happened yet.
Lily opened her mouth and she casted the transfer spell. Her wand danced and green sparks danced from the tip gently. They settled on Sirius and seemed to float onto me, seemingly seeping into my skin.
Once it was finished, knowledge flowed into my head, and I knew exactly where the Potters were living. Their location, previously fogged up by magic, was clear to me: Godric's Hollow. A sinking feeling entered my gut as I thought about the Dark Lord. The Potters trusted me to be their secret keeper, and the next moment, I'd turned around and told Voldemort. Some friend I was. I didn't deserve to be friends with them.
The dark mark on my arm tingled maliciously, and it almost felt as if Nagini was still there, thick muscular coils wrapped around my arm with enough strength to snap it if she pleased (or if her master ordered it so). The Dark Lord beckoned.
"I-I gotta go," I muttered guiltily. Before they could ask questions I ran outside and apparated. It would all be over soon.
My feet slammed into the ground and I was surrounded by darkness. I whipped around, seeing nobody. Even the rat in me couldn't sense anyone.
But then, suddenly the veil was lifted and I could feel him. I felt a foreign mind tearing through mine to find the information. Icy claws grasped the safe the charm had placed around the location and ripped it to shreds like paper. No! I yelled inside, but he pushed me aside like a fence gate: I was born to be pushed aside because I wasn't strong enough. I never would be. I felt the Dark Lord's pleasure in my mind. He stopped the legilimency and exited my mind.
"Soon Peter. Soon I will kill."
And then I was alone.
Rewrite Done 8/2/2015
