The Super-Ultra-Mega Ranma 1/2 Crossover
Director's Cut

By: Jay Howington, Michael Brew, and Houston Fryer

Disclaimer: All characters, ideas, and storylines are property of their respective owners. We assume ownership of only this fanfiction in itself, and not any of the included characters, as these characters are not created by us, but rather by the creators of each character. They created the characters in this crossover, not us. And the ideas. They created a lot of the ideas in this fanfiction. Well, maybe not all of them. We created some of them, perhaps a few of the romance match-ups, but nothing else. We are not responsible for the character or ideas contained within the fanfiction that we wrote and that you are reading right now. Nor are we responsible for any of the characters in any other fanfiction, if you think we implied otherwise by that last sentence. So says MO---JO-Jojo!

For information on any Japanese words or phrases, checkout .

Chapter 1:

The Tendos and the Saotomes were thronged around Akane, Soun doing a great job of watering the plants in the room, but this time Washu and Katsuhito, as the old man introduced himself earlier, looked on. Washu walked to her bedside, pushing the crowd aside.

"Hmm, how very odd. So, this is the fiancée you were talking about?" Washu asked. "She's not all that cute. How about marrying me?" She squealed, making a face at Ranma.

"Now isn't the time! Please, just help her!" said Ranma, restraining the urge to cringe.

"Only if you call me Washu-chan!" she teased. Ranma, despite the fact that his code of honor includes not hitting girls, was being very tempted. However, he capitulated.

"Fine! Washu-chan, Washu-kun, Washu-sama, I don't care! Please!"

"Calm down. I wouldn't tease you if her condition was serious. She just needs a transfusion of ki." She typed a paragraph on the air separating Ranma and her, and a wristband-like object appeared, floating beside her. She took it and attached it to Akane's arm, and in seconds, the color in her face returned.

"There. Good as new. Aren't I grea-ACK!" She started, but was shoved aside by Soun as he rushed over to Akane and pulled her into his arms.

"Akane! My dear little Akane! I'm so happy!" Soun cried, and cry he did, drenching everyone in the room, but no one seemed to notice.

"Thank you! Thank you, ...er, Washu-chan was it?" Ranma's face brightened as he praised Washu.

"Oh, how wonderful!" Kasumi exclaimed. Nabiki was silent, but the smile spread across her face showed that she was definitely glad.

"Well, Ranma, it looks like you won't have to marry Nabiki after all!" Genma said, slapping Ranma on the back, who then knocked him into the wall across from Akane's room. Everyone, including the now awake Akane, stared nails at him, except for Washu and Katsuhito, who just rolled their eyes.

- - -

Having recovered from the moment (except for Soun, who was crying, for some reason), everyone sat around the living room, Kasumi serving tea.

"So, what was wrong with me?" Akane asked.

"You, somehow, exhausted all of the available energy in your body some time ago."

"Yeah, with Saffron! The doll's eyes closed!" Ranma said, causing Soun to break into tears at the memory.

"Sure, OK, anyway, she was subconsciously forced to use an abeyant ability to sustain your normal lifestyle. A certain kind of ability, in fact. Got something you want to share, Yoho?" She added, glancing over at Katsuhito. He looked at her, sighed, and stood up. Walking across the room, he grabbed the still crying Soun by the shoulders, looked into his eyes, and began:

"It's good to see that you've grown into a strong, handsome, and MATURE man, son."

"NANI?!?!" The whole room shouted in unison. Katsuhito turned and spoke to the room.

"Yes, this is Kimono's younger brother. When he was just a baby, Kiyone grew jealous of the attention we gave him. She took him to an adoption agency, which was able to find a family for him the next day. She confessed to it the next day, but we couldn't get in contact with the family, because they had gone to China for some kind of 'training' excursion. So Soun here grew up with, the Tendos, was it?"

"You mean that I... And my family... but then that... father?" Soun sputtered, tears streaming down his cheek.

"That's right, son."

"I'm so happy! FATHER!" Hugging his new-found dad, Soun then proceeded to create what would later be pronounced by the Mayor of Tokyo the Tendo River.

"Well, that's all fine and dandy, but what about Akane? That doesn't explain why she was sick." Ranma stood up and exclaimed.

"I was getting to that. Katsuhito here is an alien, a Juraijin to be exact. That makes Soun and you three girls," she said, motioning to Akane, Nabiki, and Kasumi, "all members of the Juraijin race."

"What?" Everyone in the room fell over, save Washu and Katsuhito.

"You mean, I'm an alien?!?" Akane screamed.

"I know it's hard to accept, but at least you didn't just find out that your mother was crazy and your sister who was identical to your mother is actually the one who took care of you and is not dead but simply left because she didn't age in eighty years and that would have seemed weird," Katsuhito said.

"What?" Tenchi asked, cluelessly.

"Nothing!" Katsuhito said, smacking Tenchi with a stick until he forgot any and all spoilers.

"This might make some very profitable bets possible." Nabiki said, plotting of who to scam.

"Oh my. There's only one thing to do." Kasumi said as she got up to make some more tea.

"You think you're worse off, I gotta marry an alien! Not to mention a kawaikunee otenba alien!" Ranma yelled, only to get hit in the face by a flying kotatsu. Behold my use of Japanese in English sentences and tremble!

"It's better than getting married to a transsexual freak!" Akane proceeded to kick Ranma's prone form.

"Now, now, don't fight," Soun said, running to them as the room dodged his salty water assault. "This is a happy occasion! Akane, you have a new grandfather!"

Suddenly, a small blur sped through the room. Only Ranma, and surprisingly, Ranma thought, Katsuhito and Washu could see the speedy assailant. It hastened over to behind Washu, and with lightning fast speed, undid her blouse, only to be met by a barrage of lasers.

"I anticipated this would happen, having done a background check on all the residents, including one VERY notable police report, and prepared for it." Washu said, gesturing over to the motionless Happosai. However, he quickly jumped up and brushed off his tiny gi.

"How's everybody doing? Those girls had mighty fine busts, 'specially that Miaka!" He said, holding out a new bag of female undergarments. Ranma then put his foot down... on Happosai.

"You little hentai dwarf! I don't care about Miaka or whoever has become your latest victim, but these are houseguests! They're off limits!" He shouted, grinding his foot into the aforementioned hentai dwarf.

"Ohh, Ranma, you're so mean! All I wanted to do is greet our guest here! You're such a party-pooper!" Happosai flipped his assailant off of him, and bounced over to Akane's bed. "Akane chan! You won't disappoint me!"

"Gramps!" Ranma growled threateningly.

Akane screamed and held up her hands; they glowed with an ethereal light. "No, go AWAY!" With those words, the diffuse glow became a solid bubble of power which stopped the decrepit pervert in his dust-trail, delegating a hearty number of volts, around the area of a few thousand, through his body.

"Um." Ranma commented as he stared incredulously at the Happosai-shaped hole in the ceiling. "Th-that's not shaped like me..."

"Yes." Washu continued. "Like I was saying, Akane chan here has been running on the power she inherited from Jurai for weeks, so now that she's got her true life force back to keep her vital functions going, she should have a tangible amount of new power to tap." She chuckled good-humoredly. "Of course, that's just the tip of the asteroid! She ran her powers ragged by using it to keep her body going, so, after that has a chance to recover, she should be even stronger."

"Ma-masaka!" Ranma whispered to himself. "But she was able to ward off Happosai with a gesture. At full power, she might even be stronger than..." he gasped at the horrible thought. A manly man like himself couldn't have a fiancée who was stronger than he! Who would he protect?

"Perhaps." Katsuhito interrupted. "It would be wise to have Akane come to my shrine. There, she could learn to control her powers much like her cousin has."

"That sounds like a good idea. I might just go." She said, her lips curling into a smile at the same realization Ranma had.

"N-No! You can't go!" Ranma blurted.

"And why not? We're out of school, even though that baka Principal Kuno is still trying to give you and the other guys a skinhead look."

"Because... I want to marry you! Right now!" Ranma shouted, rushing into a precarious and half-hearted embrace with her. Soun flashed over to them, dampening the floor in the process.

"Do you mean it, my son-in-law?" He bellowed, causing the walls to shake.

"Um, I mean, that is to say..." Ranma stammered.

"Browr, browr!" Exclaimed Genma as he held up a sign that read, "Finally, the schools will be united!" Everyone stared at the very-much-human Genma. "Huh, oh, even I get confused sometimes..."

"Airen!" A high-pitched voice shouted as a bicycle implanted itself on Ranma's head. "For you to do this after Shampoo work so hard to make wedding blow sky-high... Shampoo mad-mad!"

"Sha-Shampoo?" Ranma choked. "Why are you talking like a toddler?"

"Is silly! We is dubbing it!" Shampoo said matter-of-factly. "Everyone knows English cannot comprehend Chinese womens who speak good language! It blow their mind."

"Oh."

"But this fanfiction, so Shampoo can speak normal-like." The Joketsuzoku reasoned. She spit out the ramen that she had had stuffed in her mouth the whole time and began to speak. "Is this better, my airen? Surely now that I am no longer forced to speak like a woman with noodles stuffed in her mouth, you will fall at my feet in worship!"

Ranma gulped. The fact that the noodles had been in the Joketsuzoku woman's mouth not a minute before was lost on the dumbfounded martial artist. "Uh... no."

"Ranchan!" Ranma looked up to find an okonomiyaki-bearing Ukyo running through the open door. "Now I know you didn't just say what I thought you did!" Ukyo said angrily as Ranma noticed the lit fuse poking out of the okonomiyaki. "Hungry?"

"Uh! No! Not at all!" At Ranma's refusal, Genma hurried over to take the free foodstuffs for himself.

"Ooohohohohohohohoooo!" Everyone dived at the sound of this, Kasumi getting the assorted array of antidotes for Kodachi's various poisons, and Soun started bawling for no apparent reason. However, nothing happened. After about a minute, Ukyo finally got up and looked outside, to see, up in a tree, an owl with several empty beer cans on the branch beside.

"False alarm!" She called out. Everyone got up and brushed off their clothes, Ranma wiping a bead of sweat from his head.

"So, as I was about to ask, how do you guys always know when I'm in a situation like this?" Ranma asked. In response, Ukyo pulled up the hair on the side of her face and pointed to a stitch in the side of her head. "You got a lobotomy?"

"No, silly. We all have gotten radars installed that tell us whenever you are in a possibly romantic situation, and where you are at the time." She stated.

"You know, I remember selling something like that on E-bay... no, couldn't be." Washu said thoughtfully.

Suddenly, Tatewaki Kuno poked his head in. "Hey Ukyo, didst thy radar goeth off as well?"

"Yep, come on in. By the way, where's your sister?"

"She is at the asylum."

"I always thought she should be locked up." Ranma muttered.

"Oh, no! She didst getteth herself a part-time job there... er... eth."

"And for what reason are you talking like that, Kuno?" Akane butted in.

"Ah, my dear, sweet Akane, as I was growingeth up, I didst not have any schools that could suit my intellectual needs. So, I was forced to relyeth on the vast collection of Shakespeare that my father had to learneth any sort of language skills."

"Do things like this happen a lot here?" Washu asked, all of a sudden.

"Oh yeah, all the time. You're lucky the Principal isn't here, he'd have a field day with you."

"Deed someone call me name?" Principal Kuno strutted in, shears in hand.

"Well, it looks like the only ones missing are Ryouga and Mousse." Akane said, rubbing her temples.

"RANMA! Take your hands off Shampoo!" Mousse flew in through the roof and landed near Washu. As she looked at him with a puzzled expression, he pointed at Washu's long, pink hair. "Stop hiding, Ranma! You won't escape me!" He then proceeded to run circles around Washu.

"Chikusho! How did you get so fast?"

Ranma sighed angrily. "Dammit... THAT'S ENOUGH!" He shouted, causing everyone to stop in their tracks. "Never mind about that whole marriage thing. In fact, I'm gonna give up my last name for some reason and go on a training journey." He turned to leave. "Bye!"

"Wait, Saotome!" Mousse pleaded as he grabbed Washu's hair. "If you leave, I won't have anyone to displace my feelings of inadequacy onto!"

"Hey!" Principal Kuno shouted as he joined the Joketsuzoku boy. "Me be likin' yo' style keiki!"

"Airen, no!"

"Ranchan, no!"

"Osage no onna, no!" Kuno paused. "Um, I mean, 'foul sorcerer!' Yes, I need to free my 'osage no onna' from the 'foul sorcerer.'" He quickly regained his composure and quietly slipped away.

Akane sighed as she watched Ranma tear from the Tendo home as fast as he could. "Ranma... why couldn't you just..." she wiped the moisture from her eyes. "Just... ADMIT THAT I'M MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU!"

Katsuhito, once the house had emptied of all guests beside himself and Washu, put his hand on Akane's shoulder. "Do not worry, my granddaughter. He will see in time."

- - -

"Damn!" Ranma complained as he took a seat in a ramen shop several districts over from Nerima. He had been running since early that afternoon, and it was now evening; he was up for a bite to eat.

"So what'll it be, kid?" The person behind the counter, a man of about eighteen with slicked back hair, asked coarsely.

"Um... I guess you could gimme some ramen." Ranma replied just as coarsely.

The other man scowled, "Yo, don't get smart with me."

"A'right, a'right. I had a bad day, okay?" Ranma shot back. "Just gimme the biggest order ya got."

The order was fulfilled several minutes later, and in about the same amount of seconds, it was gone. "Whoo!" Ranma commented. "That was good."

"Okay, kid." The man said. "That'll be 3,753 yen."

Ranma gulped. "Oh... that's funny, it seems I left my money in my other pants." He crept slowly toward the door.

"Oh?" The other asked, a tight grin appearing on his face. "Well, I guess you'll just have to work it off, ne?"

The pigtailed martial artist laughed nervously. "Oh, yeah. Um, I don't really have time right now, so if you could tell me when you'd want me to..."

The man's expression settled into a definite frown. "No, I don't think so. No one gets a free meal offa Urameshi Yusuke!" He began to lower himself into a fighting stance. "If you don't wanna pay, and you don't wanna work, then you gotta get your ass beat."

Ranma gulped as he felt a powerful aura begin to emanate from Yusuke. Shaking his head slightly, he reconfigured his face into a smirk. "Heh. Alright. That I can live with." He crouched into an aggressive stance. "Saotome Ranma, heir of the Musabetsu Kakutou Ryuu, accepts your challenge!"

to be continued...

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Weee! Idn't this fun?! Heh, just so you know (if you hadn't figured this out yet... baka), this fanfic will be unbelievable insane; crossing just about every anime you'd care to in a mindless cliché-fest o' fun! Seeing as this fic is the result of a three-way collaboration, please excuse any minor inconsistencies in writing style; we try to compromise, but we are individuals, after all. Ja ne!