Take Me To Church
Lily/Narcissa
[Random Quotes Challenge: "Lower your voice and strengthen your argument." - Lebanese proverb]
[Legendary Gods and Goddesses Competition: Dionysus - Write about a party. Alternatively, write about someone who experienced ecstasy.]
*Please take a moment to find the song Take Me To Church by Hoizer (or an instrumental version of it) and play it in the background when you read this piece. It really adds something that the words alone cannot.
My lover's got humour
She's the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval
I should've worshipped her sooner
They've told you a thousand times: Blacks are noble. Blacks are refined. Blacks are better than everyone else. You've heard it every day of your entire life. That's how you know it's true.
And that's also how you know Lily Evans is worth nothing compared to you.
Mudbloods are just that, after all: muddy. And Blacks do not allow themselves to be anything but pure.
(But how can something muddy have such clear eyes?)
Every Sunday's getting more bleak
A fresh poison each week
You're sixteen before you realize it: you need her.
How can you not, when she's walking perfection? The sway of her hips, the curve of her waist, the long mane of strawberry-blonde hair, the green eyes that make you think of emeralds and danger -
( - the way you feel as if you've swallowed poison when you see her walking with Potter.)
You don't want to be a Black anymore, haven't wanted to be one since Andromeda left. You hate them all for that, but your mother especially. Your mother, who is not even a Black by birth. Your mother, who acts as if her second-oldest daughter never existed. What right do they have to condemn someone for falling in love?
No masters or kings when the ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin
They've already told you you're marrying Lucius Malfoy. You don't know him. You've heard of him, but you've never met him, never watched him walk through the Great Hall with his nose in a book, never recognized his laugh from all the way down the corridor, never felt your veins ignite when he made eye contact with you.
(He's noble, sure. But he's no Lily.)
They've told you to marry him, though, and you know why it's a match they want. Malfoys are pure. So are Blacks. And years ago, that would have been enough a a reason. But they've taken away the sister you loved more than anything, and you don't want to be their pawn anymore, you want out of this chess game, and you want to punish them.
Because you are not a pawn. You are a fair-haired queen with a stony heart and a hard face.
(And eyes that can't help following the most un-Black person in the world.)
Take me to church
I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
It's seventh year before you get up the nerve to talk to Lily Evans. It's Christmas the first time you let her into your Common Room. It's New Years Eve when you kiss her (and it's partly to punish your family, yes, but it's also because you want to).
"Cissy," Lily giggles, taking another swig of firewhiskey. "I've got to go back to James. He'll be wondering where I am."
"No." You haven't had anything to drink, but you still feel hazy and sweet and comfortably numb. "Stay here."
"He'll want his midnight kiss."
"You've already given away your midnight kiss." You say it in a low voice, and Lily has no choice but to lean in.
"Yes," she says, and her hair is falling over her face, so you gently tuck it behind her ear for her. "But I can give another one."
And you know she isn't talking about you, but you lean in and kiss her again anyway.
"James can wait," you say in an even lower voice, and you're thrilled to see Lily shudder. "Stay."
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
You wake up with Lily tangled in your sheets, and somehow you know there is nothing left. The cries of ecstasy have ceased to echo, and whatever it was that kept you wanting more - and more, and more, and more - is gone. Now that it's no longer forbidden, no longer impossible, it isn't something you're interested in keeping. For the first time, you think Lucius Malfoy might not be so bad.
Lily stirs. "Morning," she says, opening her bright green eyes, and you still feel nothing.
"Get out."
Lily squints. "Cissy?"
"Out."
"What's - "
"Nothing happened here last night," you say. "Nothing. You and I are nothing. And we felt nothing. A Black would never sleep with a mudblood."
Understanding crawls over Lily's face. Her jaw tightens. "Whatever you want," she says finally, sliding off the bed and gathering her robes from their heap on the floor. "Just - just remember, Narcissa: you're the one who asked me to stay."
"You begged for it," you remind her.
Her emerald eyes grow hard. "I'm going to find James."
"You begged for it," you repeat.
(You wonder what would happen if your mother found out, and the thought of it sends a little spark through you, but it dies when you hear Lily slam the door.)
I was born sick, but I love it
Command me to be well
Amen. Amen. Amen.
And you refuse to wear the color green for the rest of your life.
