**Disclaimer** I don't own the characters from Rizzoli & Isles or any rights to them. I just borrow them from time to time to play with.
A/N: Thought I give it another go, see what you think. Thanks ItsMeCharlee for the encouragement.
Two months had passed and all active homicide cases had now been solved giving Jane a little breathing space and time to reflect, even though she had a mounted of paperwork to complete, she could relax a little to try and sort herself out. It was late August and Jane knew that in a few months it would be the silly season and with that time of year the murder rate would increase dramatically – all hands-on-deck in the police department and no holiday leave granted during that period.
Pity, Jane thought as she stared at her computer, a little timeout somewhere warm, maybe tropical, even overseas with a beautiful blonde by my side…. God those thoughts are back again, she smirked, Maura on my mind again….. face facts Rizzoli, Maura is never off my mind.
With a heavy heart, Jane realizes that nothing good will come out of being so close to Maura and that she really does need to take some leave. With that thought, Jane pushed her chair back from her desk and headed to Cavanaugh's office. "Sir, can I have a moment please."
"What is it Rizzoli?"
Jane's stance told it all. She was tired and emotionally drained. Her eyes were lifeless and blank as they seemed to stare into space, her mind elsewhere….. her hair was lacking it's usual sheen and luster and was an unruly mess. She hadn't been taking care of herself as she knew she should – she didn't have time and didn't care.
"Sir, I was wondering, I have plenty of annual leave saved and just thought if it would be alright if I could take some time off before the crazy season hits, just a week would be good. I really need a break."
Cavanaugh looked her up and down and sighed heavily. He had a suspicion that Jane had a problem, what that problem was he didn't know. He hadn't approached Angela about it either, maybe he should have, then again was it really any of his business? He decided yes it was. Sean was hoping Jane would open up to him however that never eventuated. He had no choice, even though they were busy he knew he would have to give her some time off. Jane was his best detective and lately she'd been acting like a rookie cop. Her mind wasn't focused on the job and with going into dangerous situations she could end up getting killed. No he thought, she needs a break.
"By the look of you Rizzoli, you need more than a week. Honestly is one week long enough cause you look like shit!"
Jane lowered her head, she knew she looked like crap but couldn't help it. Looking back at Cavanaugh with a forced smile "Yeah, yeah a week is fine that's all I want."
"Okay, tomorrow's Friday, you can finish up then on one condition, you complete all outstanding paperwork on closed cases before you go, and I mean all paperwork!" Their eyes lock for a brief moment, Jane a little stunned because she knew the amount of work she still had would take at least three days to complete.
"But Sir"
"No buts Rizzoli, you finish it, or you don't go on leave." Hands on the desk he pushed himself out of his chair and moved closer to Jane. "What do you expect?, you come in here wanting time off with no advance warning. You won't even discuss with me what your problem is! Maybe if you told me I could help." The lieutenant was angry and a little disappointed that Jane wouldn't confide in him and it showed in his tone.
Jane just glared at him and in a calm voice she tried to put Cavanaugh in his place. "Sir, what problems I have are my problems. I just need a little time to sort myself out that's all."
Shit! Cavanaugh thought, she's stubborn. "Bullshit Rizzoli, if you have a God dam problem, then it's my problem too! Don't you dare say that it's not. I need to ensure the safety of all my detectives and at the moment, your head is so far up your ass you can't see what's happening around you. Now I will give you time off when and only when you finish your paperwork or you don't go… oh and when you do manage to go, tell Frost your plans, okay, where you'll be and contact phone numbers in case we need you."
"Sir, No!, it's none of Frost's business where I'll be and no, I don't want to be disturbed during that week by phone calls!" Jane was almost pleading with Cavanaugh, she was right, it's her time off and the Department really has no right to interfere with that.
"When you get back, if I don't notice an improvement in your work, believe me you will be telling me your problem or else I'll place you on stress leave, got me Rizzoli?" Dam you Jane, my best detective and you're falling apart, shit!.
"Get out of here Rizzoli, time's ticking, go finish your work" he said as he resumed his seat "and alright, if you manage to go, we'll leave you in peace." With that said Jane turned around relief showing on her face and made her way back to her computer terminal.
"Hey Frost" Jane now looking a little confused, was staring at Frost and the pile of files he had in front of him. "What are you doing, those are mine" she said indicating to the files in front of him. "I know" Barry, not taking his eyes from the screen, continued to enter the data. "You need help" is all he said.
Well he's not wrong there, I need lots of help in more ways than one. God her head was now starting to pound with one of her famous headaches. Just what she needed, to be snowed under with paperwork and her head starts to throb. "Frost, again what are you doing."
He stops typing and turns to face Jane. "Look, you need help, with me helping we'll knock this over by tomorrow night." He goes back to typing trying not to look a little guilty because he overheard the conversation with Cavanaugh. "When was the last time you ate anyway, could be the reason for the headache, and yes Jane I know you have a headache, because you scrunch your face up when you have one."
"Frost, come on, don't' change the subject. Why are you helping."
"I overheard you and Cavanaugh, okay….. Jane you do look terrible and yes you need a break." Frost goes over to Jane and perches himself on the corner of her desk and just looks down at the brunette. "For you to request leave on the spare of the moment, I know something is wrong, you never take holidays."
Yeah, and I'm not taking one now" Jane growls. "Enough Frost, please just leave me alone…. please."
"No" Barry continues, "you're not sleeping, not eating properly, Jane you're appearance, well you look…. like awful Jane…. sorry but you do." Barry just looks at her trying to figure her out while he continues his verbal assault. "You don't seem to be able to concentrate properly. If I didn't know any better I'd say you were a love sick kid."
Jane at this point looses it, her eyes brimming with tears, threatening to overflow. Panic hits her, she needs to get out, get away. "I'll be back, if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the Ladies." With that said she moves as fast as possible (without running) towards the door and walks straight into Maura.
Frost with his voice still raised continues as it finally dawns on the detective that his last comment was the trigger. Jane has a problem with Casey, it's obvious, she loves him and he doesn't want her. "It's Casey isn't it Jane?", he calls out to her, "Jane, hey Jane wait." Too late she was gone.
Maura was still standing there looking like a stunned mullet. "What just happened Barry, what was that all about." Frost went back to his desk, "haven't you noticed, she's a mess, all because of Casey."
"What, no that is not true Barry. Jane said she wasn't interested in him and that he was not her type. So you see he can not be the cause." Maura was so sure of herself that Frost was wrong, however he being the detective maybe he could be right she thought.
"I'm telling you Maura it's Casey, I can tell, trust me, I know Jane she's my partner." Frost had a look of great concern on his face as he continued. "She was almost crying when I mentioned she looked like a love sick kid…. well let's just say, that's when she ran out".
Maura's mind calculated this new information. No, Jane wouldn't lie to me, she has never lied to me, that I am certain, unless….. she looked at Barry, reading his face and seeing sadness reflected back, maybe Jane did lie because she was hurting and being the stubborn person she is, just would not confide in me as she knew I would worry.
"I'm her best friend" Maura whispered, her throat now a little constricted with tears also threatening to fall. "I need to see her." Rising to her feet Barry quickly grabbed her arm. "No let her go" Barry said as he sat her down again. "Look, she has a hell of a lot of work to get through and I'll give her a hand with it, see Maura, she's requested time off next week to sort things out. Just let her be for the moment."
Maura was only half listening. "I did not see this coming. I believed her when she told me it was over with Casey."
Jane managed to finish her work (with a lot of help from Frost) and was now on a week's leave.
It was 5pm on Friday afternoon and Jane had finished for the day and was ready to leave the Precinct, however before she did, she knew she had two phone calls she had to make. Jane reluctantly picked up her mobile and called her mother. "Ma, it's me, just a quick call to say I'll see you next Saturday. Yeah, yeah, okay, sure. No Ma everything will be okay, yes I know Maura's upset, I promise, okay yeah I'll see her before I go. Right bye" with that Jane hung-up and stared at her phone, she was going to call Maura, however decided against it. She turned her phone off and placed it back on her belt and headed for the elevator to go down to the morgue.
Jane just stood at the doorway to Maura's office just staring at the beautiful woman seated at her desk, not game to step inside. Maura hadn't seen her yet, however she sensed she was there. The doctor looked up, her eyes were a little puffy Jane noticed, something was wrong and that 'something' was her, she had no doubt of that. Maura's eyes were full of hurt and Jane knew she was the cause it. How many more times am I going to hurt her. I can't do this to her, I love her so much….. God where did that come from. I have to get out of here! The brunette had to get away, had to say goodbye quickly and leave, otherwise she was going to completely fall apart.
"Hey" is all Jane could manage to say at this point, her eyes never leaving Maura's. That's all it took, the honey blonde was out of her chair like a shot and in the arms of the detective. Maura buried her face in the side of Jane's neck and quietly sobbed, while trying to apologize over and over again.
"Hey, hey Maur, it's alright" Jane was cooing to her while rubbing her back lightly. "Please don't cry" and with that the tears started to cascade down Jane's cheeks. "Oh God Maura, sweetie please stop. It's okay". The words were being choked out from Jane. She couldn't take it anymore, her heart was breaking seeing Maura so upset. Finally it became apparent, Jane couldn't deny it anymore, that no matter how much time she had off or how far she travelled to be separated from Maura, she was in love with her and nothing whatsoever was going to change that fact.
Maura broke the embrace wiping the tears from her eyes and walking away from the detective. She spun around and continued "Jane, I know it's not Casey, please tell me it's not, you said he wasn't for you, that you don't love him. I know for a fact you don't love him….. in all the time I've known you", she said with utter determination in her voice "You have never lied to me. Barry is convinced it's Casey, he said you're in love with him but he doesn't love you."
"Maura, I didn't lie to you, it's not Casey."
"Then it is me, isn't it, I'm sorry for whatever I may have done. Lately you have been avoiding me and I do not know why. Please Jane tell me."
Jane went straight to the doctor and put her hand on Maura's shoulder while raising her chin with the other and looking her in the eye. This is so hard I'm so sorry…"Maura you have done nothing wrong, it's me, I just need some time to myself, I'm so tired and emotionally drained. Please believe me, you have done nothing wrong." With that Jane kissed her gently on the forehead and whispered "I have to go, see you in a week" and she left.
The week had passed all too quickly, with little relief for Jane emotionally, however she did catch up on some much needed sleep. She had spent her time up north at Sandy Point State Reservation in a cabin and kept to herself. During the day a lot of soul searching was done while spending her time walking for hours or just sitting on the beach in total isolation wrapped in blanket, for it was freezing at that time of year. At night she would sit in her cabin in the dark and cry until there were no more tears left to be shed then drift off to sleep only to dream of the woman she loved so much. God, how she wished Maura was there, she missed her terribly.
The final conclusion she had to face was the fact that she was indeed head-over-heels in love with Maura Isles and there was nothing she could do about it. Should she tell her, maybe, then again Jane was worried about their friendship. Confronting Maura could potentially ruin what they had and may drive Maura away.
Jane was sure the doctor had no interest in her, yes she loved Jane but as a friend only. The only advantage to telling Maura was a selfish one on Jane's part, it could give her the emotional relief she sought. The detective had decided after careful consideration, their friendship was too important to risk, therefore she would never confess her true feelings to Maura.
It was mid afternoon on Saturday when Jane arrived home. Walking through her apartment she dropped her duffle bag and pulled off her boots. She made her way to the fridge to grab a beer before heading to the couch and reaching for her phone to call her mother. Jane took a long swig of beer just as Angela pickup the call.
"Hi Ma, yeah I'm home, just walked in the door. Had a nice relaxing time and I feel great." The brunette tried to sound as cheery as possible, the deception had started, no more moping around, she needed to convince everybody (especially Maura) that she was okay.
She spoke to her mother for only a few more minutes telling her that she'll be there for their family Sunday lunch, when Angela informs Jane lunch will be in the guest house and not the main house, Maura has gone away.
A/N Well that's it again. Hope it's ok. Please do a review, would love to know. Ta
