My Paper Heart
By : princesscolourful
Disclaimer: But the story… and this laptop!
A/N: Hi. One-shot. Cause I feel like it. Bella's Point of view. Careful this one-shot is long.
Warning: Will cause your heart to break. And tears to flow.
Summary: The heart, can be strong, can be weak, either way it's gonna break. My heart is just like paper… and it keeps on breaking...
Here I am waiting in the park. Waiting. Waiting. But he's not gonna show up, is he?
It's a lovely and sunny day. I wonder what's taking him so long. It's been hours after hours but he's still not showing up. I hope nothing's wrong.
My heart feels like it's being ripped. I can't control it. It's just…hurting…so…much…too…much. Only he can make it better.
My eyes keep searching for him. But he's nowhere to be seen.
"Bella," he said while panting like he's been running too much.
"Edward," I breathed and hugged him. He hugged me back.
"Sorry, I'm late. Mum was keeping me busy," he explained.
He's my best friend. But I've had a massive crush on him ever since the seventh grade. But whenever someone asks me if I loved him, I'd lie. Like absolutely deny it.
"What did she want you to do?" I asked.
"Clean my room," he replied like he was annoyed.
"Is that it?" I smiled.
"Then she had me run all the way to the store and back home." He coughed.
"And then came here?"
He nodded. "Now, what were we planning to do?"
I glanced at my watch that Edward gave me. "Well, it's late and I have to go home soon for dinner…"
I looked at him and he plopped to the ground. "Great," he muttered.
I sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulder. "It's OK, we could hang out tomorrow."
"Seriously, Bella, I promised to hang out with you today and I don't just break promises."
He's right. He doesn't break promises. Not one. Only if he could promise to be mine forever. But it will only happen in my dreams.
He looked around the park. "Let's hang out here, play in the kiddies area."
I looked at the little kid's area. Good times, good times.
I ran unexpectedly to the kiddie's area, hoping Edward will get the picture. Apparently he did. He ran past me and got on the roundabout . I ran faster and jumped onto the roundabout as well. He spun us around and all I did was laugh my head off. When I had enough of getting dizzy, I jumped onto the swings and stood up on them. Edward got on the other swing and went as high as he could go while standing up. He jumped off them and he fell face first. I laughed and know he was laughing, too. He turned onto his back and he was red like a tomato. It was hilarious. I couldn't stop cracking up. When I eventually got off the swing, it was dark so I went to the roundabout to calm down.
"Bella?" Edward whispered. "Are you OK?"
"Yes," I whispered back.
I looked up and his face was a few centimetres from mine. I froze, not knowing what to do. How to re-act when he's this close to me.
After a long minute, I found him leaning into me, getting closer, very slowly. I noticed I was too. Before I knew it, our lips were magically together. My mouth moved with his in perfect timing. I put my arms around his neck pulling him closer, he put his arms on my waist also pulling me closer. The kiss was so passionate, my fingers were suddenly running through his hair and clinging onto it at the end. He made the kiss deeper by gently squeezing me closer so that my body was squeezed into his. My heart was pounding against my chest. I know he can feel it.
The world felt like heaven. He kissed me even more passionately now. Rough but gentle at the same time. I never wanted this to end.
He parted our lips away and suddenly, heaven left immediately. My heart fell and died.
He sat up straight. "Sorry," he breathed.
"It's OK," I whispered, breathless.
I wanted to so badly tell him that I love him so much right now, but kept it back. He probably doesn't feel the same.
"It's time to take you back home now." He smiled at me. "Come on." He held out a hand.
I took it and stood up. "Thanks."
"No worries." He kept his hand in mine. And it felt warm.
***************
A week has gone by and neither me or Edward bought up the kiss, though we kissed whenever no-one was looking. We weren't in a relationship, yet but we soon will be. Friends with benefits, he'd called it. I don't care as long as we keep this up, I'll breathe. Every time, we finished kissing-which are breathless- I would debate to myself whether I should tell him or not. But then another part of me thought that he will never love me the way I loved him. I was in love with him, is more like.
We got into lunch and he put his arm around me, I have no idea what this meant but I liked it.
"Oh My Gosh," a girl whispered. "Are Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, like, together?"
I smiled to myself. These people looked surprised.
W got to our table now and everyone's jaw dropped.
"Are you two finally together?" Alice, my best friend asked. Alice Cullen is my best friend and my 'best friend with benefits' sister. She awesome like hell.
"Well, not really," Edward answered. "We're actually just doing this cause we felt like it."
I giggled to myself. Edward heard it. And he smiled his breath-taking smile.
"Well done, bro," Emmett exclaimed. "You finally got a reasonable girlfriend!"
I felt offended and privileged at the same time. He's had girlfriends in his life but never told me?
All of lunch all I could think of was whether I should tell Edward or not. Rosalie, my favourite cousin noticed this. But she never asked me what's wrong. Edward did though. And my reply was normally around 'Nothing' or 'Don't worry.' I just cant tell him yet.
When lunch was finished, I secretly snuck into the library to be with myself for sometime to clear out my head. I pulled out my iPod and put on a random song. To find the song was Down by Jay Sean. Baby, are you down down down down down? Yes, thank you for your concern.
I stood up and walked to my next class, Mathematic. With Edward, of course.
***************
Maths droned on and on. It felt like forever when it was going to end. I went to stare out the window, to go to my universe, only to find a pair of sparkling emerald eyes looking at me.
"Are you alright?" he mouthed.
I simply nodded.
He looked at me with the 'are-you-bored?' expression.
Again, I nodded then sighed.
"Miss Swan?" Mr. Parkinson asked.
I instantly came from my universe back to Maths class. "Uh…yes, Mr. Parkinson?"
"Can you please tell me the answer to the question I asked?"
You didn't say anything, Mr. Parkinson. You're so boring watching candle melt will be much more preferable. "Can you please repeat the question? I was taking notes." Best excuse I could come up with. It was good enough.
"Fine, Miss Swan, what is…" he droned on.
I sighed with relief and when he finished his question, I answered it without hesitation. Edward passed me a note with the answer written on it.
I looked at him and gave him a 'thanks-for-everything' look.
"Your welcome," he mouthed and grinned. I grinned back.
Then I turned my attention to the front of the classroom.
Finally, Maths was finished and my plan was to go straight for the door. Normally, I would be one of the first ones out the door, but this time, I was one of the last ones. I looked around for Edward but I couldn't see him. I gave up eventually and headed for the next lesson with Alice. Then suddenly…I saw two people making out. A bronzed- haired boy and a strawberry blond girl. Edward and Tanya. Edward looked more into the kiss than our first one. I stared at them and when they pulled apart, Edward looked content.
My heart shattered, broke, ripped to pieces, drowned. It felt like paper. Easy to tear, soaks up and drowns, ripped, cut and broken to pieces. I never felt like this before. Of course I loved Edward with all my heart, but I never knew love could be this painful. No, not painful. Close to death. I felt like someone just shot me for no purpose. I ran past the crowd, pass the school until I was at a very familiar place. The bridge. I come here whenever I felt sad or upset. I leaned on the bridge and punched the ground. I started to cry like I have never cried before. I saved up all those tears for him and what does he do? Kiss another girl. How could I ever forget that? The look on his face when he pulled away, the happiness in his eyes, was I not good enough for him? The way he looked at her, the way his eyes twinkled when he smiled. I couldn't take it. Right now, my sobbing can be heard from Mars. I couldn't stop; I would never stop.
I felt like committing suicide. So I tried. But failed. No-one would run me over, no-one would let me drown. So I did what I could. I tried to cut myself but Charlie hid all the knifes from me. I abused myself but Charlie wouldn't let me. Suddenly he asked me why I was doing this.
"My heart is like paper!" I shouted through my tears. "It's just been ripped!"
He cuddled me to calm me down, probably cause he has no idea what I just said, and I did calm down. Only a fraction. I was still heart-broken. I thought of new ways to kill myself. But all were too original.
When I went up to my room after my hard work of trying to kill myself, to have a rest for my brain so it can up with new ideas.
There was a knock on my door.
"Go away," I mumbled into my pillow.
"Bella, it's me, Edward," a velvet voice said calmly.
"Go away," I mumbled once more.
The door creaked open and I knew he came in. "Bella, honey-"
"I said go!" I shouted. "You're the reason why I'm like this! So just go before you do it again!"
"Bella." He sighed. "I'm sorry for whatever I have done. I didn't mean it, it was stupid. Now what's the matter?"
I sniffed into my pillow. "You…" I wouldn't allow myself to think it. "Were…kiss…ing…Tan…ya." I said through sobs. It was painful to just think one bit of it.
"Is that why you're trying to kill yourself? Because you saw me kiss Tanya once?" He sounded appalled. "Bella, honey, one kiss and suddenly you turn suicidal? You're incredible." He shook his head.
I sat up slowly. "But you looked so happy," I whispered.
"Yes, for a second. She kissed me! I just pretended to like it."
Oh. Well, that makes more sense. "Are you sure?"
He answered by kissing me.
"I'll take that as a yes, then."
"I promise you, I will never do that to you again." I know this for certain. He doesn't break promises.
I kissed him this time with a lot of passion. There was too much passion. His tongue was eager to get into my mouth. And suddenly he was slowly making his way onto my bed, on top of me. I didn't stop him. My hand was yet again running through his hair. And he kissed me with more intensity now. I couldn't help but let a little quiet moan out, so only he could hear. He kissed me harder now his mouth exploring mine.
"Are you ready to go, Edward?" Charlie shouted from downstairs.
Edward pulled away and got off on top of me, so he was standing up now and I was sitting up. He kissed me lightly.
"See you," he breathed. His breath so sweet.
I kissed him once more and he was out the room. I threw away suicidal Bella and put on happy Bella.
All I could dream of that night was Edward.
***************
The next morning, I felt happy. And the weather matched my mood. It was bright and sunny-ish. But it was good enough.
"You look happy," Charlie noticed.
I inhaled and exhaled. "Do I?" I joked.
Charlie chuckled. I chuckled as well.
"So what are you doing tonight?" he asked trying to small talk.
"Uh…helping Alice with the prom arrangements." It's amazing how someone sma -cuddle sized could be so annoying.
"Good, good." He took a spoon of his cereal. "I didn't wanna leave you here, Bells."
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"Fishing with Billy."
"Ah, OK." He really loved fishing.
I waited for Edward to pick me up. And as usual, he was on time. When I got closer to him, his face was filled with rage.
"What's wrong?" I asked concerned.
"Alice is so annoying."
"What did she do?"
Same old Alice, always annoying her family for no reason at all. I wonder what she did this time.
"Nothing." He shook it off. His expression changed to happy. "How are you?"
"Good," I answered. "How was your night?"
"Enjoyable." He smiled, probably remembering what his family did last night.
I sighed and got rid of my innocent tone. "What did Emmett do?"
He started laughing and I was afraid we were gonna crash. "Emmett? He didn't do anything. It was Jasper!"
Jasper? Why would he do anything? And what did he do? At least it wasn't Emmett.
He told me what happened last night. Apparently, the big game was on last night that the 'boys' were watching. During half-time, Jasper went to get some drinks and he gave them the drink. And when they all opened their cans, the soda started squirting everywhere. I didn't see how that was actually funny, Edward was a victim. Then when break came, Emmett was planning his revenge on Jasper by putting hot chilli sauce in the salsa. But Jasper didn't want any, so he offered Emmett some ketchup for his fries. But it was actually hot chilli sauce with a bit of ketchup. And Emmett took some and the he needed another drink and coke squirted everywhere again.
Hmm, Jasper is pretty good with pranks. I need to be careful around him as well now. We got to school now and guess who came to Edward when he got out of the car? Yep, Tanya.
I was really furious and wanted to slap her so badly. I tried not to.
"So, Edward," she said seductively.
"Tanya, I have to go."
"Why?"
I was still leaning against the car, my back to the bitch and my 'best friend with benefits.' Suddenly, something spun me around and my lips met theirs. Their lips were urgent and warm on mine. Edward. So I kissed him like I always did. My fingers running through his hair, puling him closer to me. My mouth moving in perfect rhythm with his. It was heaven, I zoned out everybody that was watching and focused on only Edward's lips.
Then he broke free from my lips. I know he wanted more.
"I have a girlfriend!" he announced.
What? Is my hearing wrong? Did he just say I was his girlfriend? Yes, Bella, he did. And I was proud of it.
"Her name is Bella Swan and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me." He looked deeply into my eyes. His lips were in my ear, "Yes, I loved you too."
"How?" How did he know?
"I just made myself believe it. And it was true."
I smiled in awe and blushed like crazy.
"I love how you blush."
Of course, this made me blush even more. I couldn't help it.
He kissed my cheek. And he left a lovely stinging sensation there. Then we walked into the school, hand in hand. Like every relationship should do.
***************
"Alice! Come on, we have to get going for this event!" I said.
She couldn't decide whether the theme name should be 'A Night Under The Stars' or 'Last Dance.'
"How 'bout 'A Night In My Dreams'?" I suggested.
"Too original," she said with no life.
We thought even more on a name. We came up with 'One Night, One Dance', 'Flying To The Stars', 'Soaring To The Clouds', 'Go With The Wind' and 'One Rose In The Sky.' Still, we couldn't come up with anything.
"What about 'Sweet Dreams'?" I squealed.
Alice rose up in her chair. "That could work."
Finally, it was done.
The door rang.
"I'll get it," I said.
I opened the door. To see an officer there.
"Miss Swan?" the man in blue uniform asked.
"Y-yes?" I stuttered.
"Your, boyfriend, Edward, was in a car accident." He bowed his head.
"How did you find me?"
"Your name, photo and address were some what in his wallet along with all his stuff. So we figured you were in a relationship with him." These police people are smart.
I broke down to tears. "How?"
"Drunk-driver smashed into him."
I started sobbing.
"He's in hospital now, but I'm afraid you might have to see him in the morning."
He headed for the door. "Say are you Chief Swan's daughter?"
I couldn't say anything, so I nodded.
"OK, see you Miss Swan."
I closed the door behind me. I leaned against it and slowly slid down with water in my eyes.
"Bella, what's wrong?" Alice put one arm around me and sat down next to me.
"Edward's in hospital!" I cried and shouted at the same time.
"I heard. Emmett just called me," she said trying to calm me. "Edward was on his way here to help us then…a…" She closed her eyes. I know she can't finish her sentence.
"What are we doing here?" I jumped to my feet. "Let's go see Edward!"
"Bella," she breathed. "He's in operation, we might not see him till the morning, if we're lucky."
"But I can't live a nano-second without him," I whispered.
Alice looked at me. She understood what I was saying through my face, I needed to go see Edward.
"Fine, come on," she quietly gave in. She dragged me to her car.
We got to the hospital in one minute.
"Edward Cullen please?" I asked the receptionist.
She looked through the papers in front of her. "I'm sorry, he's in operation. You have to come back in the morning."
"What room is he in?" I said a bit angry with her.
"Operating room," she answered. "Third floor."
"Thank you."
Alice followed me to the elevator. We got to the third floor in one second and waited in the chairs.
"Bella, are you gonna stay here all night?" Alice whispered.
"I want to be the first to see him," I whispered back.
"Well, I guess you're not the only one." She looked over my shoulder.
Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Esme were walking, fast, to us.
"We got here as fast as we could," Emmett said, puffed. Reminded me of the time in the park. It hurt so much just to think of that time. It cut my hurt to pieces. Suddenly, I started to cry.
"Bella, it's gonna be OK. He's gonna be alright," Rose, my cousin, chanted over and over again while hugging me closely.
Esme was stroking my hair. Alice was joining in with the hug. Emmett and Jasper were rubbing my shoulders lightly.
"I brought blankets, so we can stay here for the night," Esme announced.
"Thank you, Esme," we all said at once.
I was still crying. I couldn't wait till the morning. It was taking too long. What happens if he isn't OK? What happens if…I can't even think about that now. My heart was drowning in my tears, it soaked up to much water and it just tore apart every time the waves were moving.
We all stayed the night. I couldn't be more thankful to them than I am now. They cared so much about me and I needed to pay them back, even if they it was nothing. But somehow, I couldn't bring myself to an idea. All I could think of was Edward. My head swirled with worry and lifeless. My own life meant so little right now, if Edward…died…(the pain) I would die, too. No-one can stop me. Oh, Edward, please, please live. I need you in my life.
"God, please let him live. I really need him. I'll be good, I wont steal. I'll follow the ten commandments. Just let him live. Please," I prayed.
Then I cried myself to sleep.
***************
I woke up in the morning, feeling excited. And sad. Cause one: I was gonna see Edward. Two: He might not live. It killed me to think of the second one. If he dies, I will die too. Even though my family and friends will cry their eyes out…that also killed me to imagine that…I just wanna be happy. Like Romeo and Juliet but no fake deaths or anything.
"Edward Cullen's family?" the doctor asked.
We all rose.
"Come with me," he instructed.
He lead us to a room were Edward and…Carlisle? Carlisle practically lived in the hospital, but seeing him here with his son? I thought he would be saving other people's lives. But if he didn't save Edward, I don't know what will happen to me. To Carlisle. To Esme. To Alice. To Emmett. To Rosalie. To Jasper. We all know we can't live without him. They all know I can't live without him.
My heart started to be cut with scissors. Like paper being cut with scissors. Then it got into my tears and the little waves tore it apart. My heart just hurts so badly now.
I saw Carlisle next to Edward, crying.
"Carlisle," Esme comforted him with tears also in her eyes. "What happened?"
"Edward, he's just sedated," Carlisle said while sobbing.
"Are you sure?" Esme asked.
He just nodded. "He's my son!"
We all broke into tears, even Emmett, the toughest of the tough.
Me, I was crying hysterically. I was suddenly on the floor, punching and cursing it. So quietly, only a mouse can hear.
"Bella, honey, it's gonna be fine," Rosalie soothed me while stroked my hair.
"When's…he gonna…wake…up?" I said through sobs.
"We don't know about that just yet," Carlisle assured us. "Maybe, he'll wake up in a few hours?"
"I thought he was sedated?" Alice asked confused.
"Yes, but he's heavily sedated, we have no idea when he'll come back." Carlisle looked at his son.
Everyone decided to have last moments with Edward, just in case. First Alice, then Rose, Jazz after, Emmett next, Esme after Emmett, then Carlisle and lastly, me. I figured I would take forever just to say goodbye to him, so I let the others go first. When Carlisle was done, I shot into Edward's room.
"Edward," I begged. "Please wake up. It's me, Bella. I love you. Please just wake up."
I cried and cried. God, let him live please, everyone needs him in their life, please.
"OK, Edward," I relaxed. "If you don't make it, I'll just find a way to kill myself. So please, wake up. For me. For everyone."
I stayed with him even more, memorizing his face into my memories. And waiting. Waiting for him to wake up from his dreams. I looked at the monitor screen. His heart was beating faintfully.
"Bella?" a weak voice whispered.
"Edward," I rejoiced and hugged him. He smiled in return.
"I know I wont make it, so I want to give you this." He handed me a silver necklace. "Remember me. Love me."
"Yes. I will love you forever. Every second of forever. You will make it, Edward, I know you will."
He smiled. "I love you, Bella."
"I love you, too, Edward."
"Goodbye."
"No! No! Edward! Please!" I sobbed.
The monitor stopped beeping. I cried a river. My heart ripping to bits. I died with the love of my life in my arms. He died, I would die. A smile was plastered to his face and it looked so beautiful even if he…
Just then Carlisle came in. "No!" He punched the wall so hard he was gonna break it.
The others came in and started crying a sea. Emmett and Jasper kicked and beat up the wall.
Everyone cried in grief, with Edward's soul watching over us.
2 days later…
Girl dies by drunk driving accident. Name: Bella Swan.
"Hello, Edward."
"Bella!"
So sorry for the dying parts. But life isn't a happy ending right? Romeo and Juliet story-like!!!
Sorry for the random quotings, it's 2am in the morning and I can't sleep and I'm also bored.
Sorry for breaking your hearts…I didn't mean to. So sorry.
Review on how awful this one-shot is please!
I know not my best work. Cause it just feels like it's missing something. Can you guys figure it out for me please? Cause I have no idea how this story is. Is it good or bad? Now, review and you can tell me if you want. You don't have to. I'm just saying. So then my stories will be better.
Wow, I'm dizzy... :)
C
x
P.S: I love you if you read then review. Let the tears flow uncontrollably....
