NightOwl1515: I'm afraid Crona doesn't quite know how a diary works. Zie is trying, though!

A/N: I am going to keep Crona genderless.


I asked Maka how often I should write things down. She said I could do it as much as I needed to. I think she could tell I wasn't sure what I should do, because she said she writes things down every day. I asked Soul too, but he said he didn't have a journal because it was uncool. So I guess it's okay to be somewhere in between, right? I guess I should put the date down somewhere, right? I don't know how to do a journal. Today is the 8th of June. It's a Monday. I still go to classes at the DWMA. Maka said I didn't have to but I like being at school. Things are easy there, and there's still a lot I don't know. It sounds odd, but I can deal with being in a classroom even if I can't deal with going shopping with the sisters. Kid keeps them in check most of the time. I think he understands, some. I don't know how he feels about me being here. Sometimes I think he hates me, but sometimes he acts so nice. I don't like it when people are mad at me.

I guess I wrote a lot there. It doesn't feel right to put so much without a space, but I guess I just got carried away. I've been cooking for Soul, Maka, and Blair. They don't seem to mind. They say it's good, but I don't always know if they actually like it or if they're just saying that. I have to have someone else, though. Usually Maka helps me, but sometimes Soul does. Blair only wants to eat. I could probably do it on my own, but I'm afraid I'll mess it up if I do. And having another set of hands to help me makes things run smoother. Maka says it's good for me. I think she's right. I can actually tell people what to do when I'm cooking. I can't, normally, but both of them listen to me and they said it was okay that I do. I feel like I'm being mean when I do, but I guess if both of them said it's okay I should try not to worry about it.

I don't know how to describe it, but I'll try. Every once in a while I go... blank. I'm moving around, and I'm doing things, but I'm not really doing it on purpose. Soul found me staring at a box of cereal and asked if I was okay. I don't know why I stopped, and I think he could tell I was confused because he said I'd been staring at it for a few minutes and he wanted to make sure I was okay. I don't even remember getting out a cereal box. It happens a lot, though. I think it's because I'm tired. I don't sleep very well. I can't stay asleep for long. Maka said I could get help for it, but Ragnarok and I don't want to take medication to sleep. I think we both know that it's not a good idea.

I don't really ever talk about it to anyone, not even Ragnarok, but I'm glad Ragnarok can harden my blood. I'm glad he's ignoring me or sleeping right now, because he'd hit me for being such a sap. I think he understands why I do this, and leaves me be when I do.

I don't know what it means to help process things, but I'm guessing it means that it helps me make sense of what I'm feeling and what I've felt before. I wouldn't ever talk to anyone about this, but since you're just paper, Mr. Journal, I guess it's okay to talk to you about it. Back when we were kids, Lady Medusa told Ragnarok that if I died he'd die. And that if he wanted to live, he had to make sure I did too. The trouble was that I didn't want to. I know that sounds really horrible. I think it is really horrible. I'm not sure. But it was just what happened. I had a knife, and I was in that room alone with Ragnarok for so long all the time. It just didn't seem like it would matter if I just disappeared. So I tried to. A lot of times. But Ragnarok hardened my blood so I couldn't.

I don't think I should ever tell Maka that. Soul might understand. It hurt so much. I was in pain almost all of the time. I still am, I think, but I can deal with it now. I tried a lot, but Ragnarok was always there to stop me. I'm glad he did. Even if it kept me in that hell for so many years. Because if he hadn't, I never would have met Maka. That sounds really silly, doesn't it. I don't think I care if it's silly or not. We learned a lot, though. He can keep me alive through almost everything. And even though he can harden my blood, I can still scar. I think it's because there's space between the skin and the blood. I have lots of needle marks in my arms that I don't think will ever go away. I don't mind, though. I feel better now, Mr. Journal. It's probably been the 9th for a while now, but I just had to get some of that out. I'm not going to apologize, though. Because I know this is what it's for.