Rey would never have thought that her own ship, the ship of a man as energetic and bright as Han Solo, could become so gloomy. As she entered the small cabin, bumping into Ben as they got seated side by side, it was the only word that came to her mind. All the principal lights were disconnected from their sockets, hanging at the very end of their wires. Only the flickering lights of the equipment's diodes kept the room from the absolute dark. Too many shadows were dancing all around; brushed with alternating colors, the faces of their interlocutors were grave.
Facing them was Leia. Wrapped up in a shimmery grey gown from head to toe, her hands were locked in her back, waiting for the guards to finish their task. In the farthest corner of the room, Chewie was leaning against the wall, eyes fixed on Kylo. He was clearly conflicted, seeing at the same time his beloved nephew and the murderer of his very best friend in the whole explored world. The rest of the room emptied from the guards and other superfluous staff. The room was cold, adding to the arctic climate created by the tensions amongst the occupants.
"Why are you here?" General Organa's lips stayed almost immobile. Her eyes were clearly anchored on Ben, letting everyone know that it was him she was addressing.
"Because I have nowhere else to be, really." He began to feel annoyed. The procedures were wearing out his limited patience. It's something that can happen when you passed from controlling a virtually endless fleet with humongous resources to being cornered by your own mother and a crossbow waving teddy bear. He felt humiliated but repressed his reaction – just as he has learned to do to survive.
"You know way too well this answer is not what I am looking for."
Ben's head tilted with an ironic smirk. Rey felt her stomach wheel around. "What you are looking for, you can easily find. But I will spell it out for you. I killed Snoke, then tried to recruit Rey into the first order. She fought like I knew she would. She had interesting arguments. Nothing was keeping me in the First Order now that the supreme leader was deceased. I am now exploring a new path." It was clear to everyone in this room that he would not elaborate. Ben thought to himself that even if he wanted to, he couldn't. The reasoning behind his defection was not all that clear. There was nothing else for him to do on this ship. Hux was a real pain in the ass and would continue to be for as long as he was breathing. The girl was, to say the least, interesting. He wanted all this mess to end. He wanted to be on the winning side. And high in the hierarchy. That was the only thing he knew.
Rey felt his momentum of grandeur. A chill ran down her spine. She stayed silent as this was not the time to question him. It was Organa's job for now. Ben had a side look for her. She could see crusted blood all over his mouth and chin. His nose wasn't damaged, but she must have done some havoc to let that much blood.
All this time, Leia's glare was still nailed to her target of the moment. "Do you know what your being here means? What you are embarking on? I am not teaching you anything when I say we are only a handful now. We have to replenish. Why am I supposed to accept that you would leave a prosperous enterprise to join the thing you hate the most. You've done so much for them, more than I ever thought you would." She was walking slowly toward her son. The next sentences were barked in a hateful manner: "After you've killed the love of my life. Damn, for all I care, you've killed my own son! You are nothing but a puerile assassin that wanted to be the chief of something. You won't be that here, you can be sure of that." She backed off, her hands flattening her dress.
Still silently looking at the scene unfold under her eyes, Rey was seeing another facet of her leader's personality. The word around was that Leia was once known to be hot-blooded and tempestuous. She made her mark, fended for herself in a man's world. Only an undiluted strength of character could have led her through the trials of a lifelong fighting the greater evil. That was what she was seeing. And knowing the fearlessness and bold essence of her companion, it was easy to explain the always shifting, ever scorching psyche of their offspring.
"I understand your reservations. I would not trust myself in this. If you want the truth, I have very little hope for your cause. If a better opportunity shows up, I will probably take her and disappear." Rey was getting bothered by her mention as if she was an accessory to the plot, a tool to him. "But if it is my return to the first Order you fear, I can assure you that I won't go back. There is nothing for me there anymore."
He thought to himself: "I can't grow anymore there. I can't become more than what I am now. My evolution lies next to her. And she chose this tin can as her flagship…"
A screech with deep undertone resonated in the room. Chewbacca took a step forward.
"You are right." Ben nodded "And as true as it is that I can't be of any use to them if I am neutralized, I can't help YOU either. Your game, not mine." He paused and flicked his shoulder, getting behind Rey's and projecting her on the floor, at the feet of the Wookie. "And she has nothing to do with what you decide to do with me. You trust her."
From under her bent arm, Rey's eyes passed over Ben's stare. He was cold and she could feel in the Force that he was dimming their spiritual relationship. Still, she could feel a filet of connection still throbbing, but the boundless exchange between their very soul was muted. As for now. She could feel the strain it took on him to sever their association and was fairly certain that it would come back gallop back as soon as he would let down his guard. A big furry hand took her by her shoulder and put her on her feet, escorting her out of the room.
"Wait." Leia pivoted in her direction: "What do you think of his discourse, Rey?"
"When I touched him, I saw a light. It's all I can say for sure. He isn't lying, too."
Leia shook her head in approbation. "Let me deal with him from now on."
Rey was escorted out of the room.
As she was relieved of her shackles, familiar faces kept arriving to salute her back on what had begun to be considered as her vessel. As she was progressing through the reunion, a memory kept coming back. Kylo, back in Snoke's quarters, had clearly mentioned his wish to see the past extinguished. What did he mean by "the past". This massive concept that encompassed everything we really know.
Was he referring to the century-old concept of good and bad? Or as Luke has said to her on Anhch-To, the Jedi way. A pinch to her heart. Luke. He was clearly gone. She couldn't find him anywhere, as when he had refused himself to the force. But before, it was a resonant absence, a stinging sensation that something was missing from the balance of things. Now, the Force was calm, still, whole. He was truly gone.
She found herself in a remote engine room, a tear rolling down her cheek. She just got to know him. She didn't know why he was gone or how he could have been defeated. Maybe, someday, somebody would have the answers. But today was not that day. It was the day of too many things already.
The ship was almost silent for an hour. She was sitting in meditation, humming soft melodies to herself and trying to calm down her cogitations when the exchange of words grew louder in the commandment room. She slipped from her perch in a swift manner and silently sauntered to the source of the noise. The crew was clustered around an old mapping system, far away from the technology they were used to. Some people were trying to determine what the pictograms used meant and others were already talking of a way to go from now on. Organa was at the center of the melee, pitching planets as if they were a grocery list. Each one was too close to a base, too far from potential allies, too hot, too cold… Rey searched in her limited inventory of known planets. Maz's was too political. And nobody would want to go on Jakku, not even herself.
"Babali." Said a slender man in the corner, his hands rapidly fidgeting with the tools on his belt "My father was a researcher for the Obroan Institute. Everything is deserted now because Stopa is dead… but it could work. I remember that the quarters were decently armor-clad because of the beasts migrating once a year in the area." He advanced to the table, hustling every soul in his way. He began to type the coordinates. A jungle planet in the Outer Rim territory. Their allies were just close enough. The center of the galaxy was as far as it could possibly be. "It's clearly not much. Barely any armament. But enough food, clean water and pieces to repair anything. And if I recall, still one or two exploration vessels. Industrial grade, nothing to go fast, but everything to go steadily." He was a fast talker, the kind that does not know when to stop; "Being an archeological institute and all, it will have clear mapping of the habitable planets in the surrounding, archives of nations living there as well as their technological capacities"
Organa put a hand on his arm "Yes, Daris… it's something." She volte-face to the cockpit and hailed Chewie the new coordinates. Rey got to her "May I?" a faint smile painted over the young girl's face. She was tired, she had lived enough for today and needed the familiar feeling of the commands in her hands with the Wookie by her side. Leia acquiesced and stretched her hand in the direction of her usual seat. A tan man was pressing on Chewbacca's bench, pointing in the distance and trying to learn about this ship. As she was minding her own business and going to her place, he intercepted her: "Poe Dameron." He said, a large hand hovering her way and broad smile encouraging reciprocity. "I am proud to finally meet you, Rey."
She shook his hand and smiled back, just to access her bench and begin to do what she was good at. Whilst she was working, she felt the channel between her and the prisoner come back. Loneliness. Anger. Humiliation. Sadness. Darkness. Fatigue. All but the sensations he should have felt from being at his right place.
Rey shook her head. It was not her problem anymore. It was Organa's.
But she couldn't help sending calm and compassion from every pore of her being his way.
[As we don't really know how Kylo/Ben would act on a « normal basis » I am forging him a personnality. His intense and unrestrained side will come back to haunt him, don't be afraid, but I wanted to add a little depth to the character. Tell me what you think! Give me review, it will drive me to continue writing!]
