Well, I'm glad to see this has taken off so well. My thanks to both of the Guest reviewers (and Beecroft, of course). Proofreading by JrRangerScout.
"This is it. No turning back. Another Christmas in the trenches."
Kevin McAllister, Home Alone 2
"Is it just me," asked Nick, "or is having me stare at your phone the whole way to Bunnyburrow turning into a travel tradition?"
At the present moment, they were driving a borrowed car through Bunnyburrow's streets. Or, rather, Judy was driving. Nick, as indicated by his mild complaint, was staring at Judy's phone; one which, this time, had been turned into a library of information Alex had sent about Do's and Don'ts of being a Santa. Apparently there were actual classes on the stuff. Taelia, meanwhile, was admiring the scenery of the farming suburb's elaborate and diverse decorations, not only for Christmas but also here and there for Chanukkah.
"I never took you for the tourist type," Judy playfully remarked as Taelia snapped a photo for the umpteenth time.
"I'm not," countered the vixen. "But Ellen is, and I know if she finds out I saw this and didn't send her some shots she'll never let it go. Besides, we've been meaning to do a song about the sights of Christmas. This is good material." Her defense concluded, she paused thoughtfully. "Although I do have to admit, I've never seen decorating like this before."
"Don't they decorate in Pine Forest?" asked Nick distractedly.
"Well, they decorate the trees and the walkways," Taelia admitted, "but they don't have such big yards to work with there. It's like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on." Looking at a particularly elaborate yard, she said softly, "There's magic everywhere."
Nick would have liked to admire the view, but he had seen it before and he had homework to do. "Do not eat onions before going on," he muttered. "Well, finally an easy one." He was allergic to onions.
"Oh my goodness," Taelia gaped as they passed the sign for Judy's parents' farm. Where a massive snow castle had stood the year before, now they could see a tall mound of snow with sledding hills down the sides. Here and there were tunnels going into the hill, each shielded by an entrance something like that of an igloo and shaped to steer any descending sled off to one side or the other. The result of this was sled after sled of bunnies going down in thoroughly unpredictable courses. It was like one of those carnival games where a dropped tennis ball bounces off a grid-work of pegs to an assortment of boxes at the bottom. If there had not been an elder sibling at the top enforcing a 'one-at-a-time' rule, there was no telling how many wrecks would ensue from collisions.
Taelia's wonder only grew when they came alongside the very center of the mound, and a wide passage clear through at the bottom showed that the whole mound was not, as she had first thought, a natural hill, but was constructed entirely on purpose and entirely out of snow straight through!
"How on earth did they make that?" she asked.
"It helps to have over two hundred bunnies helping out," Judy replied cheerfully, "especially when one of them's a whiz at architecture."
"You should have been here the year they did the Great Pawramid," added Nick, recalling the previous such trip when Alex had boasted of such a feat.
Taelia was duly impressed. "I'm surprised your parents can get them all to cooperate," she said. "I need to pick their brains if I ever have kids."
Judy considered a teasing question about whether the vixen had been making plans; a sure way to bring out the 'red' in both foxes. She stifled the jibe, however. She'd gotten to know Taelia pretty well, and there were some things one just didn't joke about when she was involved. So she simply took the comment face-on instead.
"Well, they manage to get work done well enough," she allowed, "and once in a while with recreation. But if you think my family's orderly, you have no idea."
Inside the Hopps house, things were considerably different than they had been the last time Nick passed through that door for Christmas festivities. Bunnies were running to and fro to beat the band, but all partying was still in the prep stage. Some carried fire wood while others carried packages (wrapped and unwrapped), rolls of gift wrap, stockings, and so on. In the living room, several boxes were being sorted by groups in what – if the visitors had had time to take note – was the Hopps family's system for making sure nobody ended up knowingly wrapping or even seeing their own gifts.
"This way," said Judy, catching Nick by the paw and wading through the crowd. "Sick rooms are this way."
"What should I do?" called Taelia as the crowd soon divided them.
Judy only paused a moment. "Uh, see if you can find my mom!" she called. "She gets distracted this time of year, so remind her I sent you. She'll find you somewhere comfortable to wait out the chaos."
Taelia looked around a little helplessly at the sea of moving rabbits, trying to remember the times when she had happened to be present during Judy's video chats. Usually she let Judy alone for family talks – a brief 'Hi' and a wave was generally about it, and only when Judy turned the phone her way for that purpose – but she thought she would recognize Mrs. Hopps.
She'd forgotten that most of the rabbits there had a fifty percent overlap with Bonnie's DNA.
Maybe she'll be bigger than the others, she thought with the same kind of bleak hope a sailor wrecked at sea might think, 'Maybe someone will come by.'
Unfortunately, a good many of Judy's siblings were fully grown by then, and a lot of the does looked a lot like their mother.
"Excuse me," she said, tapping a passing doe on the shoulder. In passing the doe looked a lot like Mrs. Hopps, but as soon as that face turned toward her Taelia saw her mistake. This doe was about the same height, but thinner; somewhere between Judy's build and that of her mother.
The vixen managed to recover her fumble. "Can you tell me where to find Bonn... uh, Mrs. Hopps?"
The rabbit looked up at her for a moment. "Uh, who wants to know?" she asked.
Taelia briefly explained her connection to Judy and what she was doing there at the moment. "I'd be glad to help if I can," she offered, looking around. "I mean, since everything is so busy around here..."
"Oh, no problem," the doe assured her. "You wait here. I'll go get Mom."
It was Taelia's great misfortune, out of all the rabbits in that household, to have picked Marcie.
The same Marcie who had five nearly identical-looking sisters.
The same sisters who had gone through growth spurts that past year... and were now quite nearly adult-sized.
Marcie knew she really shouldn't text her sisters about this unwary new victim, and that they really, really shouldn't throw on some makeup and borrow their mom's clothes.
Then again, who said all six of them had to be in on it?
Nick's face and stature drew the recognition of all in sight, and several greeted him in memory of his visit the year before. He could have easily gotten lost in answering all the 'hi's and 'how-are-you's if Judy hadn't kept a steady course towards the part of the house which acted as a kind of infirmary for those who didn't need to go to the doctor's.
Then again, Judy had to contend with her share of hellos too.
"Judy!" cried a brown doe, latching onto her forearm.
"Donna!" Judy exclaimed, though it was lost in Donna's exuberance.
"Judy, perfect timing. Can you get a shot of me and Justin?" Justin was Judy's brother. "We have to get this. Look!" She held up her paw, on which one of the digits sported what could only be an engagement ring.
"Oh." Judy was, admittedly, impatient to get on with hererrand, but engagements were never to be shrugged off in the Hopps family. So, with only a little reluctance, she let her future sister-in-law convince her to take a picture of her and her brother – under some mistletoe, naturally.
Nick shook his head in amusement as, that errand attended and the couple duly congratulated, they continued on their way. "The Kiss Cam that Killed Christmas," he teased. "Are all rabbits hopeless romantics, or is it just your fam-"
Judy stopped him with a punch to the elbow. "Shush," she scolded playfully, rounding a corner. "Being asked to take the engagement photo in this family is like being asked to be Maid of Honor." Then, deciding to turn the banter around, she added, "Speaking of Kiss Cams, how's it going with Taelia?"
A pink flush crept up the fox's neck and face, only partially hidden by his fur. "Nothing for the camera so far," he answered dodgily.
The brief pause which started with pondering her next move turned into a meditative consideration on Judy's part. She knew the trends and guidelines which governed relationships tended to vary from species to species. Even within species they varied; her parents, for example, were on the restrictive side as rabbits went, especially when it came to their daughters dating. Yet she had met some mammals who would have considered her parents much too lenient.
"Did her dad threaten you?" she asked, half-teasing.
"'Did her dad threaten me?'" he rejoined sarcastically. "Did you get that off a T-shirt? And no, he didn't."
As a matter of fact, Judy had gotten the idea from a T-shirt, but that wasn't the point. "Oh, then is 'The Foxy with the Moxy' getting cold feet?"
A sigh, precipitated by a tongue click, escaped Nick's mouth. "Tuh. I knew I'd be sorry letting you see my username. My feet are just fine, but since the gloves are off, when's the last time you had a date?"
"High school, I think," said a voice very unlike Judy's.
Nick jumped a little. He'd been so preoccupied dodging Judy's pestering questions about his love life that he hadn't really noticed their whereabouts or what Judy was doing between verbal pokes. In their conversation, she had led him to the infirmary and into the room where her brother was lying in bed.
Having seen much worse sights than a rabbit with the flu, Nick took Alex's state in stride. The buck looked anemic and glassy-eyed, and his build was a bit bulkier and more Santa-like than when the fox had seen him last, but other than that he looked much the same as the year before.
"C'mon in," Alex invited, waving to a couple of chairs a distance from his bed. "Wouldn't get to close if I wu... gah, hang on," he said, his speech suddenly becoming labored. He picked up a pawkerchief, coughed into it, and then spat into a nearby waste basket. "'Scuse my manners," he offered weakly, his voice not quite masking a groan. "It's this mucus."
"'Salright," Nick replied. "I'd do the same thing, I guess. Never actually had the flu, though," he finished more quietly. Fortunately, both he and Judy had been vaccinated courtesy of the department.
"Count your blessings. Alright, Judy, you stand in for a kid. Nick, pick her up and put her on your knee."
Nick looked at Judy. She looked at him. Neither of them had been exactly prepared for this turn of events.
"You're kidding me, right?" asked Nick.
Alex groaned, not sure if his burgeoning headache was sinuses or his impromptu student. "We only have a couple of hours to get you ready, alright? Now pick her up. Put your paws – yeah, good. Keep them where I can see them."
"Is this part of the training, or are you talking as my brother?" asked Judy.
"I'm playing a Santa's worst nightmare: an overprotective parent with a camera."
Somehow, that really didn't do much for Nick's confidence. However, very gingerly, he placed Judy on one of his thighs with her body at an angle.
"Alright, try to have her a little further back," Alex advised. "No, don't help him, sis. He's got to get ready for uncooperative kids. Okay, good enough. Now have one paw up to support her back – no, where I can see it."
Nick tried not to groan. "My paw's on her back. How can you see it if it's on her back?"
While Alex continued to harangue Nick and Judy, Marcie had managed to rope Taelia into wrapping gifts. Taelia had hoped that her quick-swipe technique for cutting paper would win her some points, but it seemed those home-honed claws unsettled 'Bonnie.'
"Do you, um, always keep your claws so sharp?" asked Marcie in her disguise.
"Well, they're not that sharp," Taelia admitted, though she did make it a rule to keep them in good condition and had manicured them just before leaving the city. "I just know how to use them."
"Oh." Marcie made a show of digesting this information – or, perhaps, in-digesting. "You have a lot of experience using your claws?"
Taelia was beginning to sense that this was not going as she'd hoped. I thought Judy said her parents were fine with foxes, she thought, more confused than offended. She was also aware of odd glances from the other rabbits in the room when they thought she wasn't looking. She never guessed that they were viewing her not as a hazard, but as another victim of their sister's notorious pranks. "Well, on paper. I usually cut leftover sheets up and use them as scrap paper; that's all."
Marcie acted as if she wasn't quite buying it, but decided to move on to other subjects. "So your Judy's roommate now?"
"Yeah. She didn't like where she was living, and I had room, so we're splitting rent."
"Fifty-fifty, I assume. You know, smaller mammals pay more in taxes."
She doesn't think I'd rip Judy off, does she? thought the vixen. "I did know that, actually. I offered to cover fifty-five percent, but she insisted on paying an even half. Apparently that was still less than what she was paying for her old room." As an afterthought, she added, "We each buy our own groceries for the most part too, although I budget more for food."
"Well, if she insisted," said Marcie with a shrug, pondering her next move. Seeing that financial equity was a strong point with Taelia, she decided to go for a more direct weak spot. "I was wondering because there was this one fox who used to be so much trouble with her in school. Took her lunch money, clawed and bit.. you know. Not that we have anything against foxes, mind you," she added quickly, putting up her paws. "It's just that I told Judy to stay away from him, but she kept trying to set him straight and most every time he sent her sprawling."
Since the matter of Gideon Grey had never come up in her conversations with Judy, Taelia just accepted this news with nary a question, but with unease to spare.
"Well, she gets along well enough with me, and vice-versa," she insisted. "And Nick. I know he was here last Christmas, and-"
At that moment, a large buck of rather round build came into the room. "Have any of you kids seen your mother?"
Taelia was a bit relieved to recognize Stu from Judy's photos. "Bonnie's over here," she called, pointing down at her interrogator with an upraised paw.
Stu turned toward her. "Oh, you must be Taeli- wait, where's Bonnie?"
Looking down, Taelia was surprised to find the doe suddenly gone. "Huh? She was just-"
At that instant, there was a yell from another doorway as the object of their search tripped and fell over someone's conveniently extended foot.
"Marcie!" cried Stu when he got a clear look. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be helping with the Christmas trees."
Taelia stared at Stu like he had grown a third ear. "Marcie?" she echoed. "I could have sworn that was-"
"Marcie was pretending to be Mom!" someone called, disguising their voice to avoid becoming her next victim.
"What?" asked Taelia and Stu at the same instant.
It took a minute or two – mostly delayed by people talking over each other – for the matter to be sorted out. Once it was, Stu was not a happy camper.
"Marcie Allison Hopps, you get right to the kitchen."
Marcie sagged. "Yes, Dad. Three hours?"
"Four," he corrected. "This is your sixth stunt this month, and you know better than to make a visitor work. One more time and you'll me grounded until Three Minks' Day."
"What?" she cried in protest. "Dad, I have a date for New Years' Eve!"
He folded his arms. "Well then I'm sure you'll be on your best behavior in the kitchen."
Marcie sullenly set off in a stiff-legged walk.
"Extra half-hour for goose-stepping!" someone called after her.
Stu pointed at the offender. "You're right, but that's my job." Then he turned to Taelia, offering a helpless shrug by way of an apology. "Sorry. It's a total madhouse here the whole week before Christmas, and Marcie is the worst of the bunch."
Taelia smiled sympathetically. She and her brother had generally behaved themselves well growing up, but her niece, Rose, could be a handful at times. "I think you've made it farther than I could. Um..." she paused, realizing that she still had the present to deal with. "Where do I put this?"
Stu took the package and hustled over to a table. "Right here – and you can stop now. We don't make guests work here this time of year; not when they're just here for a couple of hours."
"Um, actually the plan was that Nick and I would be here tonight and catch the morning train." Judy had mentioned that her dad forgot details like that sometimes. "And really, I don't mind. I'd rather make myself useful than just stand around."
Stu brightened at that. "Well in that case, the more the merrier. Come on; as soon as I find Bonnie maybe you can help out in the repair shop.
"Did you try the PA system?" asked someone. "I fixed it this morning."
The patriarch's patience promptly poofed. "Well, that would have been nice to know before I spent half an hour looking," he complained.
"I announced it to the whole house," said the same. "When I tested to see if it worked, remember?"
Stu sighed. "I'm getting too old for this," he uttered, strolling over to a large microphone mounted on the wall. Pushing a button beside it, he announced, "Bonnie, this is Stu. Can you meet me in the workshop? Oh, and.. never mind. I'll tell you in the shop."
As Taelia followed Stu out of the room, she asked about the sudden hesitation at the end.
"Oh, I was going to tell her that you were here with Judy and Nick, but then I thought of the rest of the Sisters Six."
Taelia blinked in confusion. "Sisters Six?" she echoed.
"No, no," groaned Alex. "Deep laugh. Deep laugh. From down in your diaphragm." He gestured to the place on his belly with his own paws. "Like thi- oh, right. Judy, could you?"
Judy took a deep breath and let off a "Ho ho ho" like she was doing an impression of Raymond – and, to Nick's surprise, not such a bad one either.
"Where'd you learn to do that?" he asked in wonder.
She shrugged. "Call it a family trait. At mealtimes in this house, you have to know how to project."
After a few more repetitions, Nick started to get a handle on putting the 'belly' in 'belly laugh.'
"Well, you don't sound like my current laughs," Alex allowed at length. "Okay, let's go over some of the Q&A."
Nick was familiar with some of that. One thing he had picked up from the notes on the way over was that a good Santa needed to have ready answers to the various questions kids would ask – and they had to be consistent with those of other Santas. It would be a bad idea for the kids to hear from him that his favorite food was macaroni and cheese if the Santa at the mall had previously said tuna casserole.
"Judy, could you do the questions?" asked Alex weakly. "My throat's getting tired."
Judy looked up at Nick, pondering which question to pose him. "Okay Santa, favorite cookie?"
"Gingerbread."
"Favorite drink?"
"Root beer."
"How do you get into houses without chimneys?"
Nick leaned over and shielded the side of his muzzle with an out-turned paw. "Can you keep a secret?" he whispered.
Judy nodded.
He lowered his voice to a level barely audible even to rabbit ears. "I have a magic key that lets me in anywhere."
"Nice acting," put in Alex.
At that moment, however, Alex's watch beeped. He looked at it and groaned. "Oh, shoot. Not now."
Nick frowned quizzically. "Not now what?" he asked.
"It's almost party time," said Judy, checking her own time piece. "But I think we'll be alright."
There was a loud smack as Alex's paw met his forehead. "Never say that," he objected, his words straining his swollen throat. "You did alright on a few questions, but there's dozens you need to know."
Nick frowned anxiously. "Got a list?" he asked. "I can go over them in the car, and-"
"The ride's too short," said Alex. Then with a shrug and a sigh, he added, "But I guess it'll have to work. Judy, my class notes are in my room on the dresser."
"Got it," said Judy, pulling out her phone. "Nick, you find Taelia. I'll make sure Violet and Jordy know to meet us." Then she blanched. "Wait, Violet's going to be in the car and see you going over the notes!"
"Improvise," rasped Alex. "Let's go. Let's go. We're on the clock."
The two dashed out with an overwhelming sense of anxiety, and Alex sank back in his pillows.
"Heaven help them both," he groaned. Then his conscience prodded him. "Hm. Maybe I should have told them... ah, nothing to do about it now."
"So," Bonnie finished, adjusting a few faults on a small ornament, "that's how we manage to keep things running smoothly."
"Hm," Taelia murmured approvingly. "I'll definitely have to remember that."
At the present moment, they were in the shop of which Stu had spoken, surrounded by older members of the family busily fixing odds and ends and occasionally making new ones from scratch amid the banging and whirring of tools and machines. Taelia had been amazed at just how many different things they worked on, and at the obvious experience of many of them, but Stu had explained that if they bought something new every time something old broke, they'd be bankrupt. 'Pinch those pennies till they scream,' he had said.
Taelia drew her paws away, making sure the tower was duly attached before she handed it off to a young doe who began to artfully smear spackle into the remaining cracks. "So how do you break the news to them that Santa's not real?" she inqured. Her own parents had always been open about her and her brother about where their gifts really came from, where the Santa legends came from, and so on. It had, perhaps, been a less magical childhood, but realistic enough for a family not so well-to-do as the Hopps warren.
"Well, it's funny you put it that way," Bonnie explained. "You see, once the kids get to be about ten, we-"
At that moment, the purse parked beside the vixen's seat began to pour out lyrics about wandering aimlessly down a path.
"Oh, that's Judy," she said, snatching up the bag. She began to dig through it, pulling items out and putting them on the table. "Where did I put that- oh, there it is." Triumphantly, her paw emerged grasping her phone and hit the 'Accept' button. "Hello?"
"Party time," chimed Judy's voice. "You ready?"
"Just a minute," Taelia replied. She hastily bustled to throw everything back into her purse. "Front door? Okay, see you there. Let's see, where were those things I had for Nick's... ah, there we go." She grabbed the desired items off the table, tossed them in, and waved to the rabbits. "Sorry, Bonnie!" she called. "Maybe you can tell me tonight. Gotta go. Bye, Stu!"
"Bye!" called Stu, waving along with his wife.
"Taelia!" Bonnie added hastily, waving one paw and pointing with another. "The front door is-!"
"I'll get it," volunteered a doe.
"No, not you, Justine," scolded Bonnie, detaining another member of the Sisters Six. "Alexa, show Taelia the way, please."
A different doe hopped up. "Got it."
"Darn it," muttered Justine, folding her arms.
I read a while back about some of the difficulties people portraying Santa face – all the way from misconduct accusations to kids throwing up on them (yeah, it happens) – so I wanted to catch some of that in this chapter. Classes like the one Jordy took do apparently exist, and while stores have their own individual rules, there are also some fairly standard guidelines which carry across the board, such as not eating smelly foods like garlic before going 'on stage' and wording things to be sensitive to kids in tough situations ("How are your parents doing" is a really bad question to ask if, say, the parents recently died and the kid is being raised by an uncle or aunt). And of course there are the inevitable beard-pullers. Let's face it; being a Santa isn't all milk and cookies.
You might also have noticed some mention of Chanukkah (also called "Hanukkah"; the Hebrew 'H' is pronounced more like an English 'Ch'). The story will still be a Christmas story, since the only religious demographics hinted at in Zootopia were in that direction. However, since Ginnifer Goodwyn - voice actress for Judy - is Jewish, I thought it was the least I could do. I'd really like to see a good Zootopia Chanukkah fic, but am not in a position to write one.
Also, the detail about onions is a slight reach. I do not know if it holds true for foxes, but I have been told that onions can be harmful to dogs, so I added them as an allergy of Nick's. Granted I hint at him eating chocolate elsewhere, but I dare say they'd have some way around that in Zootopia – and if not, I'll make an exception for chocolate.
Easter Eggs:
Calvin and Hobbes
Sword Art Online
