Title: Remus Lupin and the Possibility of Snow White's Face Being Marred Beyond All Reason.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: R overall
Word Count: 1752/??
Genre: Humor/Romance
Chapter: 2/??
Summary: Or, why Remus Lupin punched Sirius Black in the face.
Warnings: LOTS of swearing, Quills being harmed, more angst, Sirius being a tease.
Notes:I'm having so much fun with this. So. Much. Fun. I have a LOT planned. Thanks so much for the reviews and alerts and favs! They mean a lot :D Enjoy this next bit!
Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter Two: In Which Remus Lupin Breaks His Quill and Sirius Black Is Steve Irwin.

Remus smiled to himself and put a date at the top of the paper. November 14th, 1976. He put down the quill and stretched out his hand, sighing. He leaned back for a moment before leaning forward to read what he'd written. He then frowned as he looked over the messy page of the muggle journal he wrote in. The journal was empty before he'd written this entry. He'd meant to simply introduce himself, but he felt the urge to just come out and say it.

He was fucking angry.

He was fucking sexually frustrated.

He was fucking keeping this inside so he could at least try to live his life.

He was also very fucking prone to referring to himself in the third person, which he found kind of strange.

His mother had sent him a journal when Remus sent her a letter that read

Dear Mum and Da,

School's fine. I'm well. Yes, mum, I've been eating. The moon came and went. Write later.

-Remus

See, to Jeanette Lupin, that was Remus-Talk for "Mum, I'm considering committing suicide. Send help now."

What it actually meant was "Mum, I'd love to write more and tell you all about how I am, but James and Sirius are trying to physically drag me out of the dorm into some wacky, mischievous and possibly illegal plot they conspired but moments ago! Love, Remus—AGH! GERROFF!"

Remus had gotten the journal the morning of Halloween. The package nearly fell into his breakfast, but he managed to grab it before his toast was squished. Attached to the brown package was a letter. Remus, having been brought up properly, read the letter before opening the package. The letter read:

"My Little Pup"

Remus went red and coughed before continuing to read. He loved his mother, but he wasn't a child anymore.

"I figured you might be at an age where you want to write your thoughts down. Or at least find some way of getting them out. Don't let your emotions build up, Remus! It's not good for you! I'm glad that the moon passed well, and please…PLEASE, don't do anything drastic or reckless that might result in you getting hurt! We love you, Remus!"

Remus looked at the letter, shook his head, and then continued.

"Anyway, write down your thoughts. Speak to someone if you have to. Phone..erm...Floo...erm...Owl us if you need to."

Remus smiled. Even being married to Da for nearly two decades hadn't gotten her used to Wizarding methods of communication. Probably because her side of the family was still in Manchester while the Lupin trio was in Edinburgh and telephones were the only way to contact them quickly. And Mum still thought the Floo was fascinating, so she wanted Remus or his father to use it whenever they could. Da loved it when they flooed because Jeanette would get all excited and start giggling and hopping up and down.

"Write me back, though!

Love, love, love!

Mum and Da
XOXO"

And so Remus opened the package to find a leather journal. Raising an eyebrow, Remus had opened the small buckle-like clasp holding the journal shut and looked through the pages of white. "Whatchu you got there, Moony?" Sirius had asked his mouth full of bacon. This inquiry had caught the attention of James, who was busy trying to sneak Peter's toast, and Peter, who caught James and yelped out a, "OI! MY TOAST! HANDS OFF!"

"Oooh, Moony got a present?" James asked, leaning over the table to see what Remus had gotten. "It's nothing much," Remus had said, shrugging and putting the journal in his bag. "Looked like a book of some kind," Peter said.

"No, really? Moony getting a book, of all things?" Sirius laughed, choking on his bacon. Remus rolled his eyes as James performed the Heimlich maneuver on Sirius.

"Right, well, I'm off to class. Meet me there once you stop dying, yeah?" He said, standing and adjusting his bag on his shoulder.

He'd forgotten all about the journal until November 14th when he was walking in the hallway and suddenly tripped over something. He'd let out a huge yelp and fell on his hands and knees. He looked around to see if someone had tripped him, but he was the only one in the hallway. Sighing, he'd looked at his ripped trousers, muttered a swear then proceeded to clean up the contents spilled from his bag. His ink bottle was broken—"Oh, that's just lovely…"—and his favorite quill's feathers were all ruffled. He'd just finished putting his extra parchment into his bag when he saw the journal.

He'd picked it up and looked at it for a moment.

Then decided to write in it.

When Remus was sitting in the corner of the library, surrounded by his textbooks, journal in front of him, he'd had no idea what to write. And then Sirius came along and caused a ruckus.
"Lo! I see a swot in his natural habitat! Watch as he holds the quill in a refined and adult manner and how he glances frequently at his textbook." He'd stage-whispered to no one, holding his hands up to one eye as if looking through a telescope.

"Yes, hilarious, Padfoot. However, I am not a swot. I am an average student who has to study to pass tests, unlike you," Remus had replied, leaning back in his chair. Sirius tsk'd at him.

"Remus, Remus, Remus…You most certainly are a swot. Even those who study take some time off. And sorry, I can't help it if I'm brilliant," he grinned, taking the seat opposite Remus and leaning forward, batting his eyes.

Remus blinked at him for a moment then looked down at the journal, still contemplating.

Sirius made a sucking noise through his teeth, then tapped the table with his fingers, then started to make a headache inducing tune out of both elements. Remus sighed through his nose and looked up. "What, Padfoot?"

"Hrm? Oh, nothing! Just thinking up another verse for 'Wizards Do It With Their Wands'!" Sirius tipped back in his chair.

"…Really?"

"No, actually." Sirius had leaned forward again, the front legs of the chair making an echoing "KTCHH, SCHREEECH!" sound when he did. Madam Pince looked up and glared at him. Sirius waved back at her over his shoulder and gave her a grin. She shh'd him. Sirius nodded, a serious face masking his amusement as he lifted a finger to his lips. Madam Pince glared at Remus as well, and Remus smiled apologetically at her before she turned back to her card catalogue organizing and, when she had turned, frowned at Sirius. "Then what is it?" He'd whispered.

Sirius let out a strangely feminine giggle. Remus gave him a slightly disturbed look.

"We-ell, Loony, Moony, Moonshine—"

"Get on with it, Padfoot," Remus chuckled, tapping the sharp edge of the quill on the table lightly. Nervous habits were hard to break.

"You see…" Sirius pouted out his lower lip slightly.

"I was wondering…" he leaned forward a bit more.

Remus gulped, the quill tapping faster, in time with his heartbeat. 'Ohhh, dear God,' he thought.

"If--…." Sirius broke off when his face got halfway across the table then stopped due to the table being between them. Sirius glared at the irritating slab of wood. "Just a mo," he muttered.

He scooted his chair over, making the horrible sound as he did—Pince looked up again and gave him a glare that could kill someone that was already dead-- and ended up at the end of the table, almost next to Remus. "If maybe…You would…" he was now able to lean forward, close to Remus.

Remus gulped again. "Yes?" he asked, mentally wincing at how hoarse his voice sounded.

Sirius suddenly pulled away and took a piece of parchment from his pocket, putting it in front of Remus. "Research this plant for Jamie and me? We want to make this wicked potion…but, y'know, we're far too busy with planning to look up the silly little stuff," Sirius said.

Remus blinked, heart—and other significant parts of his body—deflating.

"Plus, we need a swot—"

"I'm not a swot," Remus growled.

Sirius ignored him. "--To look it up. And since we don't know any Ravenclaws well enough, you're perfect for the job!"

Remus blinked down at the parchment, then at Sirius' grinning face. Sirius stood up.

"You get it, yeah? Thank you, Moonshine," he sang, blowing him a kiss and walking off.

Remus was slack-jawed. He was humiliated. He was angry. He was…strangely aroused by the way Sirius' arse looked in his robes.

"Madeline!" Sirius crowed at a redheaded Hufflepuff walking in. She squeaked and blushed. Remus recognized her as a fifth year Prefect that blushed and giggled a lot in meetings while shooting coy glances at the seventh year boys.

Sirius put an arm over her shoulders and let his award winning smile show. "So, Madeline, you know the password to the Prefect's bath, right?"

Remus loved that he could hear well, since Sirius whispering to her just to the side of the entrance.

Madeline nodded and giggled. Remus twitched, clutching the quill tightly.

Sirius giggled in turn. "Good girl! Now, meet me when the clock strikes 8, and not a minute later, all right, my little Maddy-Waddy-Boo?"

Remus scrunched up his nose and clutched his quill tighter.

Madeline sighed. "Of, course, Sirius…"

"Good!" Sirius crowed, giving her a firm kiss on the lips and then pulling away. A bawling Ravenclaw girl ran out at that point, followed by about three other girls who were trying to console her.

He patted Madeline's backside before winking and walking off.

Remus broke his quill.

Looking down at his broken quill, Remus knew exactly what to write about. Now he just needed to find another quill.

When Remus, who had found another quill in his bag, looked over his journal entry, he admitted to himself that maybe his mum had been right. Maybe he did need an outlet. He was certainly shocked by the amount of anger he possessed. He looked at the journal once more before closing it and putting it in his bag. He looked at the bit of parchment Sirius had left and rolled his eyes, grabbing that and stuffing it in his pocket. He'd look it up later. Right now, he needed to think a bit more. He grabbed his bag and then headed for the exit of the library.