Amy went up to her room she tired to do her homework but she couldn't Ricky's story was racing through her mind. She couldn't even wrap her head around it. She had to start thinking what was right for the baby and not just her. She felt so sorry for Ricky she wished she could do something say something to prove to him that she was sorry for his past. She was trying to think about it what would be the smallest thing for her to do but would mean the world to him and show him that she really wanted him to try to be there. As she was thinking her phone rang it was Ben calling seeing how things were going.
"Hi Amy how are you?"
"Fine Ben, still doing HW I am having trouble concentrating."
"How come?"
Not wanting to tell him yet but didn't know what else to say she told him the truth. "O Ricky was here earlier we were talking and I have that on my mind right now."
"Did he upset? Are you ok? Do you want me to come over? I'll have my dad bring me."
"No it's alright I'm fine. I just have a lot of things to think about ALONE, she tried emphasize being alone as best she could with out sounding rude. He told me the whole story about his past and why he really wants to be there so I am trying to find a small way of letting him know that I don't want him there but I don't want him not to be there."
"Hmm I don't think he should be there I will be the babies father."
Getting angry, "BEN YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER! Stop saying it he has a right to be there, and it is up to me whether or not I even want him to be there. He has 5 months to prove himself before the baby is born and then he has to keep proving himself after the baby is born." Taking a deep breath, "I'm sorry I snapped at you I am just tired of people telling me what I should do I need to think for myself for once."
Ben not knowing what to say just says its ok but he was really hurt he wants Ricky out of the picture and him to be the father, because in some ways he is jealous of Ricky he got to have sex with the women that he was in love with and he doesn't really know how she feels she says she hates him but how could he really be sure of that. He really wants her to marry him. "Well I'll let you finishing what ever it was you were doing I love you Amy Jerguens."
"Me too" hanging up the phone. She loved Ben right he was always there for her, he even got beaten up defending her, and then why was it so hard to say I love you back to him. What was holding her back from saying it? Then an awful thought came into her mind: is it because you sort of like Ricky and want it to work with him. "Ahhhh! That's impossible I don't have feelings for Ricky I despise him he ruined my life all my dreams are gone, well I" and she stopped in the middle of the sentence did he really ruin my life it is to early to tell but I am starting to feel love for the baby, it makes me happy when I think about it now before I used to cringe when I thought I about it, and my dreams don't really seem that important right now and they aren't really crushed just put off to a later date.
So I guess I do sort of like Ricky I am more thankful for him to have giving me this gift, well I think I'm not sure yet but I think so. But I sure as heck don't love Ricky I don't want a relationship with him and he doesn't want one with me. Well I don't think so since he is going after Grace. What am I going to do because I know it is important for a child to have their father be involved with their lives I just wish it wasn't Ricky, I believe. But do I really want Ben to be the father of my child I don't know any more.
At least I know that it will be very attractive I guess that would be the bonus in this situation. So what could I do to make a small gesture of some kind of I don't know, I have a doctor appointment coming up I could ask him to take me or go with me and my mom I think he would like that. I'll tell him tomorrow.
I am going to bed I am so tired I haven't finished any of my homework yet. Eh o well missing one assignment won't kill me I'll finish it in study tomorrow. Amy texted Ben good night and fell asleep she was having a hard time sleeping because she was having dreams about RICKY!
