Chpt 2: Puppies and Paycheck
"Nice bandage you've got there, Rein. Never knew white compliments your skin colour." Snickers could be heard from the assholes he call comrades; soon-to-be dead comrades if they don't shut their trap.
"Fuck off, before I fucking punch your balls out." He flipped the finger with his only working arm. Walking around to the back of the room to join Bert and Connie, he sank into the couch with the grace of a duckling, all the while grumbling underneath his breath. If you paid close attention, you could pick up curses like "Bitch ass", "Fucking puny cunt", "Stupid Blondie."
Bertolt overheard the "blondie" comment and kindly reminded Reiner that he is a blond too while flipping through the latest porn magazine the guys pilfered from the store. "Shit, why the fuck must you remind me?" Reiner laid his heavy head onto coffee table and groaned his poignant agony into the cherrywood top.
"Good thing I shaved my head. No more hair jokes to deal with." Connie laughed while rubbing his monk head.
"Yeah. No more girls to deal with either. Even the blind will not be attracted to you with that disgusting hairstyle of yours." A second of silence later, Eren continued, "Wait. Can that even be considered as a hairstyle? … Since, you know, there is no hair left." The group burst out laughing at Eren's jab while Connie could only pout; his luck with girls is even worse than before he shaved his head, no thanks to their vile prank. These guys have zero empathy for their victim; they only laughed at him when he was running around finding the nearest source of water after they fucking set his hair on fire when he was asleep!
"Laugh. Laugh all you want. Don't cry when you find a bullet in your ass while you're jerking off in your sleep, Jaeger."
"Just pray I don't fart before you pull the trigger." Another round of laughter could be heard all the way from outside their base.
The door slammed open, revealing an enraged shorty – who resembles a steaming kettle – and an unperturbed giant. Mike took a deep breath – and promptly choked. "It stinks in here."
"You faggots heard him. I expect this place to be free of dust, dirt, stain, grime of any type when I get back. Otherwise, prepare to meet your pitiful maker." Levi stormed in and stopped in front his office door. Turning his head, he shouted, "Gin, Schulz, Bossard, Jaeger! Get your incompetent asses into my office in ten minutes!" Levi slammed his door shut; hard enough for the wall to shake and the rookies to pee in their pants.
Erd, the oldest among the summoned, approached Mike and asked, "What happened?"
The only response he got – a meaningful smirk.
"Fuck my life." The four muttered. None of them have settled their will; not that they will be leaving anything of value behind.
Their time was approaching and poor Eren was coerced into being the one to knock on the devil's door. Fuck you, Auruo.
"Enter before I drag your sorry ass in!"
The 'Fearful Four' scurried in like the rats they aren't – depending on whose point of view you are looking from. To be honest, they'd rather face Death than Levi, because he is the father of all death. His bark is worse than his bite, and they have seen – even been – the subject of his punches. Everyone came to an unanimous conclusion; it's a punishment worse than having your mum throw out all your porn magazines and burning them in front of your teary doe-eyes, begging her to stop while kneeling on the gravel.
"Anything you fools ought to report before I sentence you to death?" Levi was scribbling furiously, probably some report of his own to the shit heads above; some stuff just cannot be relayed through technology, lest they got tracked.
Glancing at one another as though they have absolutely no clue, they all shook their heads.
"I can hear the air currents colliding in the empty space in your head. If nobody wants to use their mouth, I'll gladly slice it off with the bluntest knife I can find and feed it to the dogs."
"There is nothing to report, sir! All operations and missions were fulfiled without any mistake." Auruo spoke up.
Levi set down his pen and leaned back in his leather chair. "I heard 'without any mistake'. Define 'without any mistake'. You have five seconds to explain and it started two seconds ago."
"Everything went smoothly and there wasn't a single hitch, sir!" Auruo blabbered a little too quickly for his tongue to catch up and ended up biting it. Ouch.
"So…" He leaned forward and stared right into their eyes. "As long as the operation gets through it means everything went right, is that what you mean?"
Auruo was still nursing his self-inflicted injury, hands covering his mouth so his leader would not see the blood trickling out; all he could do is to nod. Nobody saw it coming; all they heard was a woosh and a crashing sound behind them. The other three turned slowly and saw Levi's weapon had smashed the hideous china.
"Was that why the account transactions got all mixed up?! Because you brainless shits are too dumb to read between the lines?! Many thanks to your superfluous incompetence, the cops almost busted us this afternoon!" Levi hurled his other brass knuckle towards Jaeger, almost hitting his precious puppies.
"Sor –"
"If you are gonna say sorry, save it for your fiancée when you kiss her behind jail bars." Levi cut Erd off. He was sick and tired of listening to their sorry excuses. If Levi had not produced their pseudo files in time, everyone in Void would be having free accommodation for the rest of their life.
"Get out of here and join the other pigs in cleaning up the base."
His four subordinates rushed out; Eren hurrying to the toilet to check if his balls are still intact. You can't blame the guy for worrying about his sperm factory; he doesn't want his family line to die with him. He strongly believes his children will inherit his captivating emeralds; maybe even his shaggy hairdo and woah la! A Mini-Me is born.
"What the fuck is wrong with Eren?" Jean noticed him shoving his way to the loo.
"He almost became a eunuch against his will." Gunther said. All of them were exhausted after the short meeting with Satan; mentally and physically. Even their most intense street fights with Vogel were less draining than this torture. They vividly remember the terrifying image of Levi smashing a recruit's head against the wall after he overheard him mentioning his lack of height and handed the guy's ass on a silver platter to the police. Of course, no evidence was left behind for the blue shits to trace.
"MY UNBORN SPAWN! THEY LIVE!" They could hear Eren's shout of happiness.
While the gang was busy trying to get their shit together because the devil is in the house, SFMS' girls were going through their usual day, although you could hear a few congratulations going around. Every Vogel had heard what happened the night before; do not underestimate the time taken for news to spread around in a female-dominated place. Krista was in an extremely good mood because that asshole got what he deserves – though not as much as she wished. Ymir was the first to give her a bear-hug because you go girl!
"Awww, too bad I was hibernating yesterday. Otherwise I could have joined in the fun." She sulked.
Krista tip-toed and patted Ymir's brown locks. "Don't be so sad. There's always another time." Ymir opened her eyes and saw Krista giving off bright sparkles; a goddess.
"KRISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Ymir picked up her in a bone-crushing hug. "YOU ARE THE BEST! MARRY ME NOW!"
Petra walked in on the romantic proposal and raised a perfectly trimmed brow. Walking past them to retrieve some coffee beans, she said, "Wait until the shop closes before you elope, girls. It's lunch time soon and you know how busy we get during afternoons." Petra tried to reach for the beans placed on the shelf and is getting pissed because "WHO THE FUCK PLACED THOSE ON TOP?! DON'T THEY REALISE HOW SHORT I AM?! WAIT TILL I GET MY MANICURED HANDS ON THEM!"
"Guess I better warn Hanji to take cover then." Ymir snickered and retrieved the much-needed beans for the short honey-haired woman.
"I'm gonna strangle her the next time I see that maniac. She still owes me a hundred bucks from that last bet."
"Oooooh, you mean the one where she bet she could drink the blondie under the table at the club?"
Petra snorted as lady-like as possible but it was a lost cause. "Yeah, that one. Nanaba and I had to drag her pretty, drunken ass back home." She recalled the shock she got when she saw Hanji making out with a Void member; good thing Petra saved her otherwise Hanji's corpse would be found at dawn, floating down the filthy river face-down.
"Oh well, time to get back to work. The food aren't gonna get served by themselves." Petra opened the door but stopped and turned. Smiling at Krista, she congratulated her, "Good job last night, Kris. But next time, shatter his shoulder bone; it will take him out for at least two months." Petra winked and went down to work.
The lovely barista was about done with the long order when Rico knocked on the counter, "Good afternoon, Pet. Busy as usual, I see."
"I'd rather be busy because money doesn't fall from the sky. Only bullets." She said while straining the grounds out.
"Unfortunately." Reaching in to grab a cup, Petra scowled at her because she just made that. "Oh well, I'll see you in your office. I've got news on them."
Petra got back to work and finished up her order; eager to hear whatever news the goddess-with-a-thousand-ears-and-eyes had brought with her. Once the crowd had settled and things slowed down, Petra had Annie take over. She found Rico typing away on her laptop when she entered her office. Ejecting her thumbdrive out, Rico said, "I've transferred the files over. Use the fourth-fifth-tenth password for this."
"Got it." Reclaiming her seat, she grimaced because Rico's hot ass warmed it too much for her liking. Typing away to unlock the data, she scanned quickly, filtering out worthless comments and speculations made by Rico's colleagues. "This is interesting. Have you scooped out the details?"
"No. It's not every day Void fucks up their deals in broad daylight but the police is keeping a tight seal on this. I mean, who would have imagined seeing the books of the mayor." Rico rolled her eyes; she had seen the unsightly pictures of the whores the mayor slept with and the amount they're paid. Zackly would rise from the dead if he sees his successor's deeds.
Hanji burst through her door and slammed it closed, like a kid who heard the ice cream truck ringing outside her house with a big, fat grin on her face. "Not only that. That fat ass actually commissioned me for a ring!"
"MY HUNDRED BUCKS!"
"Forget about that!" Hanji pointedly ignores Petra's pout because she does not have enough cash in her Prada wallet right now. "I've seen the design and requirements and let. me. tell. you. It has a whooping six-digit price tag hanging on it."
Petra and Rico whistled and grumbled variations of why has no one ever bought that kind of stuff for us. Hanji snort-laughed like the maniac everyone knows her. It's a miracle that she hasn't choked on her saliva before. "Because they are all wimps. Nobody will dare to approach us, especially when they are in our territory." She smirked, her specs reflecting the sunlight and obscuring her chocolate orbs.
The next second, all three ladies were groaning.
"Soon, the only time we will get laid is when we blindfold them."
"Or if we drug them."
"Or if we undergo plastic surgery."
Petra and Rico shot their head up and glared at Hanji. "Shut the fuck up, rich bitch. Not everyone earns as much moolah as you do."
Hanji laughed the endearing insult off, knowing her Petra baby's words has no heat in it. "Cheer up! I've got a pay raise anyway so let's hit the club! My treat!"
"I'm gonna take a chunk out of your bank account this time. I swear on my tattoos."
"And mine."
"And probably the rest of the girls too." Petra added.
"Meanies! All of you!"
A/N 1: Some Rivetra-ish scenes next chapter, anyone?
