A/N: Well here's the next chapter big thank you to narutolover15 for giving me my first and only review! Oh and if anyone wants to be my beta i know i need one! My fingers have a way of justflying on the keyboard and sometimes i don't catch my mistakes! ty! Once again it's really angsty so be prepared!

"thoughts"

"Kyuubi speaking to Naruto"

Rated M: There will be yaoi which means boyXboy... last warning until the actual lemon chapters... so if you don't get it yet sorry... *shrugs*

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto... but I do own a naruto plusie!


During the weeks that passed his birthday Naruto continued his daily routine as if Sasuke had not seen him in such a degraded state. He trained alone and continued to spend time at Ichiraku Ramen. Not once in public did he allow the smile he constantly wore to fall from his face. After all he had practice with keeping on the mask of the smiling idiot. That was until he was summoned by Tsunade to receive his first mission in a week.

The Gondaime Hokage was putting the finishing touches on a stack of forms when her doors were suddenly hurled open.

"BAA-CHAN!" Tsunade furrowed her brow at the noise.

"Gaki I swear if you don't quiet down…"

"Gomen Gondaime-sama." Naruto spoke as soon as the doors closed.

Tsunade stared at Naruto in disbelief. "Gaki, you can't still be upset at me?"

"I told you that I was not going to forget it. But you know how everyone would feel if I didn't pretend to be the village idiot." Naruto's voice seemed devoid of emotion. "I had to burst in here so everyone still believes that we're getting along. Don't want the Hokage and resident jinchuuriki fighting right?" "Naruto…"

"Save it." Naruto flopped down into the chair in front of Tsunade's desk. "So give me my mission so that I can finish it and get back to what I was doing."

"What where you doing Naruto?" Tsunade's voice was calm though you could tell she was exceptionally concerned.

"Oh the usual. Did you know that it only takes Kyu fifteen minutes to heal a stab wound to the stomach from the standard shinobi issued kunai?" Naruto smiled deviously knowing Tsunade hated to know he enjoyed testing Kyuubi's healing abilities.

"Naruto you shouldn't…"

"Save the speech and stop prolonging this meeting!" Naruto stood and slammed his fist onto Tsunade's desk, his eyes turning an angry red in the process.

"Naruto that's no way to speak to your hokage."

Naruto spun around prepared to hurt whoever dared to lecture him, but he immediately stopped in shock. Team 7 stood in the doorway to the Hokage's office. (a/n since Sasuke returned he works on team seven again so Sai is no longer his replacement.) Kakashi had been the one to speak.

"I refuse." Naruto's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Naruto listen, this mission requires…" Tsunade began.

"I will not accept any mission with this team!" Naruto spun around leaning with both hands on Tsunade's desk. "I've told you before only sole!"

"Now listen here gaki, until you sit on this side of the desk I'll be the one issuing orders." Tsunade had enough.

"Are you sure? From what I remember it's the council who issues orders. And cut the shit Gondaime-sama we both know I will never see that side of this desk." Naruto chuckled sarcastically at his joke.

"Your father would be ashamed of your behavior lately, and your mother must be turning over in her grave." Tsunade immediately regretted her choice of words.

"Well I'm glad you know what they would think, because I sure the hell don't. Though, as far as I'm concerned my father would understand since he is the one who made me into what I am!" Naruto's hands clenched onto the edge of Tsunade's desk.

"Naruto you will follow my orders." Tsunade glared at Naruto challengingly. "Or what Gondaime-sama? Are you going to throw me into my cage?" Tsunade flinched at Naruto's words. "Yeah we would like to see you try. Kyu finds it amusing that the place still exists and as far as I'm concerned you'll never get me within a yard of it without knocking me unconscious." Naruto threw Tsunade's desk aside with a powerful blast of chakra, causing the paper work stacked upon it to fly through the room.

"Naruto!"

"Shut the hell up Sakura!" Naruto began to walk towards Tsunade. "Stop trying to fix me! I don't need your interference!"

At that moment the ANBU guard on duty flew into the room ready to attack at a moments notice.

"STAND DOWN!" Tsunade shouted.

"Gondaime-sama." One of the guard stepped forward.

"I'm fine. Naruto…"

"No Tsunade! I trusted you and you gave up the right to my trust when you betrayed me! I've taken care of myself for eighteen fucking years, I don't need help now that I'm finally an adult!" Naruto slammed his fist into the wall above Tsunade's head causing a crack to spread outward from the impact.

Spinning on his heels Naruto made to leave the room. Unfortunately Kakashi and Sasuke were blocking the doorway.

"Move." Naruto's voice was cold and commanding as he glared at Kakashi through red eyes, ignoring Sasuke's presence.

"Naruto." Kakashi was preparing to lecture the boy.

"I don't need anything from you sensei."

Naruto moved faster then anyone on team 7 knew he was capable of and was immediately gone from the room.

After he left the room was silent for fifteen minutes until Tsunade signaled for the ANBU guard to leave.

"Was that really Naruto?" Sakura couldn't believe what she had just witnessed.

"Yes, unfortunately. "Tsunade pulled a bottle of sake out of her recently repaired desk and proceeded to drink straight from the bottle.

"Tsunade-sama I heard you and Naruto had another argument." Shizune rushed into the room.

"I give up Shizune. If he wants me to keep sending him on solo missions he'll eventually find what he's looking for."

"Hokage-sama," Sasuke finally spoke up. "What is Naruto looking for?"

"An escape."

"What?! You couldn't possibly mean what I think you mean!" Kakashi stepped towards her.

"Oh, Kakashi I do. He's found out that he can't do it himself so he's hoping that he'll find someone to do it for him."

Kakashi paled at Tsunade's words remembering his father. "He hasn't tried… has he?"

"Many times." Shizune's voice sounded defeated.

"What the hell are you three talking about?" Sakura was confused.

"They're saying our dobe teammate has tried the commit suicide." Sasuke's voice held no emotion, but those present knew by the subtle way the Uchiha clenched his fists and the nervous twitch of his leg that he was extremely concerned. "How many times?"

"We've found him 26 times. Each time different, each time worse. Who knows how many times we haven't found him." Tsunade seemed to pale at her own words.

"Why would he…" Sakura could not believe what she was hearing, Naruto always looked so cheerful.

"It's all my fault." Tsunade began to sob.

"Tsunade-sama, it's not your fault. Naruto has been thinking about this for years, he told us himself." Shizune wrapped her arms around the distraught Hokage.

"But if I only would have been honest with him…"

"No, you gave an oath to keep the secret from him. If anything we should blame Jiraiya for telling him."

"But he deserved to know."

"What did he deserve to know?" Kakashi was getting confused.

"The truth about his parents." Shizune spoke for Tsunade.

"WHAT!?"

"Yeah Kakashi, Jiraiya decided to throw out a law and tell Naruto who his parents were. Then on top of that the council has found out that Naruto has been talking with Kyuubi and they're saying I should lock him up to protect the village. That or I should find some way to use him as the weapon he should be." Tsunade's voice stressed her dislike of the councils thoughts. "And now he believes I've betrayed him. Though I almost feel as if I have. I can't openly oppose the council it would cause civil distress."

"What the hell do you mean his parents!? Who the hell are they? Wouldn't Naruto be happy to know who they were?" Sakura asked.

"Yondaime." Sasuke barely whispered.

Everyone immediately turned to him, staring.

"My father, when I went to school, told me to stay away from Naruto." Sasuke began. "I asked why, and he said that Naruto's father did something to him that made Naruto different and dangerous. Yondaime sealed Kyuubi into Naruto therefore he must be his father. Plus Naruto just looks like him." To emphasis his point Sasuke pointed over his shoulder at the picture on the wall of Namikaze Minato, a.k.a. Yondaime Hokage.

"There's no way." Sakura broke the silence that followed Sasuke's statement.

"Sasuke's right."


The next day Naruto was sitting outside the academy. He was seated on the swing that he had sat on as a child. He would watched everyone get picked up by their parents, curious as to what it would be like if he were to have them. He knew he would have to leave soon because the children would be getting out of class, but he needed the comfort that came from the familiar place of his childhood.

He could remember the days he sat there wondering where his parents were. Did they just not want him after he was use to seal Kyuubi? No, now he knew. He killed his mother. He would never know what they were thinking when he was born, but he prayed they weren't cursing his very existence.

"Kyu?"

"What is it kit?"

"Why did you attack?"Naruto had always wanted to ask the fox, but put the question off not knowing if he would be able to accept the answer. "I was being controlled by a man named Uchiha Madara. He was using a gengetsu and forced me to. When it was over all I remembered was a bright light and then you crying. The stupid villagers were afraid to pick you up until Saratobi forced the orphanage to actually take care of you."

"I know. Kyu do you think I'll ever be free? Do you think I'll be able to be loved?"

"I don't know kit."

"Kyu, arigato."

"It will be alright in the end kit."

"Naruto?"

Being absorbed with his inner dialogue Naruto didn't notice the time passing or that the children had been released.

"Sorry Iruka. I didn't notice the time." Naruto stood from the swing and stretched his limbs slightly. Then took off before the chuunin could ask what was bothering him.

"Naruto…" Iruka had noticed the changes taking place in the young blond, but did not know the cause of his torment and therefore could not fix it.

Naruto on the other hand decided he wanted to escapefor a while so he once again made his way to the top of the Hokage monument. Naruto knew that there he could be alone and observe the village below as the outsider he was.

After observing the village Naruto couldn't stand it any longer. He reached into his kunai pouch and pulled out a three pronged kunai. It had been his fathers, Jiraiya had given it to him when he was told the truth. Naruto slowly unzipped his jacket and shrugged the material off. No use ruining it. The he slowly pressed the kunai to his left wrist pressing it in deeply and pulling it back in a quick motion. The pain was quick causing his arm to tingle. He repeated the same thing until three cuts shown from each arm, enjoying the numbness' that seemed to seep into his being.

"Kit I really with you wouldn't do this. I know that it doesn't take long to heal, but it still hurts you no matter how many times you do it."

"I can't stop Kyu. It's the only way I know to stop myself from hurting someone else. It's the only way I can deal with this loneliness, the deep ache in my heart, my soul." Tears began to leak from his deep cerulean blue eyes, unaware that he was speaking aloud.

"Kit…"

"Kyu, I can't keep this up anymore. I don't care if they try to cage us, I'm tired of hiding who I really am. I hate smiling when I want to cry. So after today I give."

"Kit you can't."

"I have to."

With that Naruto placed the kunai once again on his inner wrist and began to slowly pull it down dragging out the pain on his newly healed skin. That was when a hand covered his.

"That's enough usuratonkachi!"


A/N: Okay cliffy I know but this is as far as I have gotten in my mind so we'll see what happens… review and tell me what you think! I should post again in a couple of days... just have to kick my bf off!!

Translation time:

I like to intermix some Japanese with my ff so here's a mini dictionary for anyone that needs it.

Baa-chan-- Old Lady (Often used by Naruto as a pet name for Tsunade in reference to her true age.)

Gaki -- Brat (Naruto is often called this by Tsunade and Jiraiya)

Gomen-- Sorry

Sama-- honorific often meaning sir or in reference to someone of a higher station.

Arigato-- Thank you