At night, Clementine only sleeps when she's completely and utterly exhausted. Her mind races too fast, and taunts her with all the forbidden memories. She tosses, and she turns, and most nights, she has nightmares that make her wake up screaming at the top of her lungs. Most nights, she lies awake, until she can't keep her eyes open any longer. She feels as though she can't even breathe until she calms herself down. It is hell, and she knows it.
She concludes that she hates being alone. She hated the silence, she hated the fact that nobody was here to listen to her problems. And normally, Clem wasn't one to complain, but she'd endured so much in these past few years, she was tired of holding everything in all the time. She'd rather be around someone to help ease the pain; to be a distraction to her. She wanted someone to come around and make her feel better about all this misery that she's caused. About everything that she did wrong.
Everyone was dead because of her. She knew she fucked up. She was always being so reckless and uncareful, but that was the way that Clementine always was. God forbid what would happen if she met new people. She'd probably get them all killed too.
But as she sat here, she knew deep down that Lee wouldn't want her blaming herself for all of this mishap. He'd want her to carry on strong, and be brave... And for his sake, she would.
