"The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable."

The words alone caused an agony I was sure no human could endure. I raised my eyes to hers, staring deep and longingly into the face that had clouded my thoughts and visions incessantly since the day I'd first laid eyes on it.

"You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

***

The forest suddenly fell quiet, and it took me a fraction of a second to realize that the pronounced silence was punctuated by the fact that she had not only stopped breathing, but that her heart had stalled as well. When it started again she blinked several times and looked around distractedly, as if suddenly disoriented by something. Had my admission done this? Surely she must have been able to see the longing in my eyes when I looked at her; hear the way I helplessly pronounced her name with elation and sanctity almost every time it left my lips.

She looked down again, cutting off my view of her eyes, and stared at our hands as they lay folded together in her lap. I waited several agonizing, torturing seconds before she finally spoke.

"You already know how I feel, of course. I'm here… which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." She huffed a breath and then grimaced. "I'm an idiot."

I smiled widely, unable to contain the overwhelming joy that swelled in my silent chest any longer, and then laughed when the smile couldn't stretch far enough across my face. "You are and idiot," I allowed. When she looked up at me, we laughed together, blissfully contented for the moment.

I had wished—had hoped—that she might harbor feelings for me that somehow began to approach what I felt for this small, beautifully fragile girl. I had hoped that I could find a way to make her see my dangerous imperfections and, at the same time, the unremitting desire I had to be with her. I had thought endlessly about what I might say to her when I could be truly, completely honest about everything.

To open myself up to this stunning creature had been the most difficult and frightening thing I'd ever experienced, and I'd survived it without bringing her harm.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I whispered to her. She looked away from me quickly and smiled as blood pooled in her cheeks, radiating the heat of her blush in the space between us.

It was easily the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on.

"What a stupid lamb," she mumbled with downcast eyes.

"What a sick, masochistic lion," I replied.

I was struck then with the unanticipated consequences of this moment—the realization that Bella cared deeply for me as well meant that our proximities would invariably grow closer. While I thrilled at the suggestion of spending more time with her, I knew it meant that I would have to be inordinately careful while I was around her. Even more so than I'd originally planned…

"Why…?" She stopped mid-question, and when she didn't finish my curiosity got the best of me. I smiled back at her in a way I hoped would encourage her to continue.

"Yes?" I urged.

"Tell my why you ran from me before."

My euphoria faltered, becoming snarled up and entangled with the unpleasant memory. "You know why." I was sure she had put this together already.

"No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example,"—she motioned to the gentle movement of her fingers across the backside of my hand—"seems to be all right."

At every turn, her reactions continued to surprise and disarm me. It touched me in a very—human, I suppose was the right word—way to have her think of me like this, to think of ways to make this easier for me. I smiled at the gesture, though I couldn't let her take the blame for my actions.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you," she persisted.

"Well…" I allowed myself a moment to collect my thoughts. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness…" In fact, all humans, sans Bella of course, behaved this way. "I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat"—I quickly cut myself off from that train of thought and looked to her apologetically.

"Okay then," she said sarcastically. She made a show of pulling her chin in tight, keeping it there as she spoke. "No throat exposure."

Her humor caught me completely off guard, and I laughed warmly. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else." In reality I wanted very much to be that close to her. My mind was momentarily distracted by the idea of wrapping my arms gently around Bella, slowly pulling her closer to me …

And then I was overcome with the desire to touch her, and this time I could not stop myself quick enough. I slowly reached up with my free hand and slid my fingers gently along the side of her throat, letting the full surface of my open palm come to rest on her neck.

"You see," I breathed, "perfectly fine."

Of course, this was a gross underestimation of what I really felt.

My body was practically buzzing at her touch. My palm allowed me to feel the quickening of her pulse, the gentle movements of her breath as it caught in her throat. She blushed deeply, thrusting an intense heat into the air between us. The same powerful, shocking sensation that felt like electricity continued to course through my entire being, making it very difficult to be mindful of how careful I had to be.

And still, I wanted more. I wanted to be closer…

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I heard myself whisper. I was only vaguely aware of the words as the majority of my thoughts were focused on the fact that I was touching Bella, something I'd daydreamed about and fought against endlessly since I'd met her. Still, I raised my other hand, freeing it from her grasp, and tenderly brushed my fingertips across her cheekbones before gently placing her beautiful, heart-shaped face in my hands. Like silk over glass, I thought.

I was also vaguely aware of the smaller portion of my brain that was screaming loudly in my subconscious. Don't do this! Be careful!

You could kill her!

I focused myself then, and as an added measure of protection, made sure that she knew not to move suddenly. "Be very still," I murmured. I needed all the concentration I could muster for this.

I leaned in very slowly, letting myself grow accustomed to the heat that poured off of her body. It was so much more intense at this distance than I had imagined! I came within 6 inches of her throat, and I could hear her pulse hammering through her veins, her heartbeat racing thunderously. I allowed myself to keep going, pausing for only a second before committing completely and resting the side of my face against the hollow of her neck. It was like an open flame to my skin, but this feeling was lost against the stronger sensation of electric energy that zinged between our bodies. I breathed in slowly, deeply, letting her scent rip through me like an inferno.

Her aroma truly was mouthwatering. But more than that, it was also the most wonderful, most beautiful fragrance I'd come across in all my decades of existence. It seemed to get stronger the closer I got, so I moved my hands very slowly, very gently down the sides of her face and along her slender neck, sending a tiny shiver through her delicate frame. I waited for her to be still again and then allowed my hands to continue drifting along her collar until finally coming to rest on her shoulders.

I turned my face towards her, inhaling deeply through my nose as it drifted slowly side to side, gliding gently across her collarbone. I listened intently as her heart continued to pound out the disjointed rhythm of her pulse, and then pulled myself closer and rested my ear over the center of her chest where it sounded the loudest. In an instant, I realized that I'd had my base attractions to Bella completely backwards; it was never merely her scent that I'd been attracted to.

It was her heart as well.

This, her heart, the center of her life and source of the scent that drove me mad for her, was where my true attraction lay. I listened carefully as it began to slow with the waning of her excitement, focusing all of my attention on it. The gentle thump-thump, thump-thump, like some kind of internal metronome permanently set to a waltz, captivated me entirely.

"Ah," I sighed, the pieces of the puzzle falling into place in my mind. Her scent was never my whole world, as I'd previously assumed. It was her life that held everything for me now, that was my whole reason for existing. And in that instant, I knew that I never could or would harm Bella Swan.

I waited there, holding myself close to her in burning ecstasy, for several more minutes before finally pulling away slowly and opening my eyes to hers.

"It won't be so hard again," I said. I was rather proud of the fact that I'd been able to avoid killing her, but more satisfied with the realization that I would never have to fear it again. To harm her would mean then end of my existence.

Her face was awash with several emotions. "Was that very hard for you?" she asked.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad…" she said quickly. And then, almost as an after-thought, she added, "…for me." But her face and voice inflection had already given away everything.

I smiled back at her wryly. So I did affect her in the same way she affected me. "You know what I mean."

She smiled and blushed brightly in response.

I took her hand gently in my own and pressed it to my cheek, trying desperately, fruitlessly to disregard the renewed electric hum resulting from the contact. "Here. Do you feel how warm it is?" The heat from her body had warmed my skin considerably, and I could almost ignore the fire in her touch.

"Don't move," she said softly. I closed my eyes and remained motionless as her hand began to wander of its own accord, slowly, tenderly across my cheekbones and along the side of my face. The portion of my mind that wasn't completely lost in this rapturous exchange was thrilled beyond words that she was touching my face, willingly closing the distance between us. She moved the pad of her thumb over my eyelid, and then brushed her fingertips inward under my eye and up onto the bridge of my nose, pulling them slowly down along its length.

But when she brushed her index and middle fingers across my lips, I lost my thought process entirely.

My brain choked to a crashing halt, asphyxiated with emotions I couldn't ever remember experiencing. Never, not in my human life or the decades since it's end, had I felt something as strange or powerful as this… yearning that coursed through me now. It was as if something inside of me screamed out to grab her; to take her in my arms and pull her close to me, to crush her body to mine in a way that wasn't predatory or defensive, but rather… I don't know if I could've found the right words for it at that moment. I felt my lips part reflexively and a gentle sigh escape between them before, too soon, she removed her hand and leaned back.

No. Not enough. More, I felt my body insisting.