Generic
disclaimer:
The simple fact that I (currently) only own AMERICAN
editions of all the books should be evidence enough that I am not
J.K. Rowling. Neither do I own rights to anything that you
recognize. Lame jokes belong to me; props to those who recognize
them. Everything (like
this) is a thought of
Remus', even if it's in the middle of what somebody else is saying.
Full moon dates are all historically accurate. Format will
hopefully improve when I find a way to run MSWord2003 or OpenOffice
on Vista.
The sun was reflecting brightly off of the lake, sending shimmers on to the walls of the castle as the Fifth Years finished their DADA O.W.L. Inside the Great Hall, a very, very short professor was struggling to hold on to nearly 50 rolls of parchment, just barely managing to heap them onto a table nearly as tall as he. Few, if any, of the students noticed this, although a pair of them had already picked up the professor and his parchments once. As the students exited the Great Hall, a group of four boys came together.
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"Did you like question ten, Moony?" Sirius Black said to his friend, as they walked into the Entrance Hall.
"Loved it," said the one called "Moony" briskly. "'Give five signs that identify the werewolf'. Excellent question, Padfoot."
"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" Said another of their frends, James Potter, with an air of mock concern.
"Think I did," said Moony seriously, as they joined the crowd gathering around the front doors eager to get out into the sunlit grounds. "One: He's sitting on my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name's 'Remus Lupin' . . . (Not Moony)."
The
short, fat boy was the only one who didn't laugh.
"I got
the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes, and the tufted tail,"
he said anxiously, "but I couldn't think what else - "
"How thick are you, Wormtail?" said James to Peter Pettigrew. "You run 'round with a werewolf once a month - "
"Keep your voice down!" hissed Remus.
"Well, I thought that paper was a piece of cake," Sirius said. "I'll be surprised if I don't get Outstanding on it at least."
"Me too." The messy-haired boy pulled a struggling Snitch out of his pocket.
"Merlin, Prongs, where'd you get that?"
"Snitched it", he said casually, and as Remus caught his eye and snickered, the group stopped in the shade of a beech tree near the edge of the lake. James started playing with the Snitch, allowing it to fly as much as a foot away and siezing it again; his reflexes were excellent. Peter watched him in awe. Every time James made a particularly difficult catch, Peter gasped and applauded.
After about ten minutes of this, Sirius said, "Put that away, will you?" James made an excellent catch and Peter cheered. "before Wormtail wets himself from excitement."
Peter blushed, but James grinned and wrapped the wings around the Snitch as he shoved it back in his pocket, saying, "If it bothers you, Pads."
"I'm bored," said Sirius. "Wish it was full moon."
"You might (seeing as you won't be the blood-thirsty monster in a cage trying to get out and kill his father)," Remus muttered darkly from behind his book. "We've still got Transfiguration, if you're bored you could test me . . . . Here." He held out his book.
Sirius snorted. "I don't need to look at that rubbish, I know it all."
"This'll liven you up, Padfoot," said James quietly. "Look who it is . . . . "
Sirius' head turned. He stilled, like a dog listening for a rabbit. "Excellent," he whispered. "Snivellus."
Remus stayed quiet, looking up at the group through his eyelashes - he was pretending to study his Transfiguration notes.
Severus Snape, a dark-eyed, scrawny boy, had started walking up the lawn from the lake.
"All right, Snivellus?" called James loudly.
Snape reacted so fast it was as though he had been expecting an attack: dropping his bag, he plunged his hand inside his robes, and his wand was halfway into the air when James shouted "Expelliarmus!"
Snape's wand flew into the air and fell with a little thud into the long grass behind him. Sirius let out a bark of laughter.
"Impedimenta!"
he
said, pointing his wand at Snape, who was knocked off of his feet
halfway through a dive toward his wand.
A group of students had
gathered in a rough circle around the boys, their facial expressions
ranging from aprrehension to amusement.
Snape lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, wands up. Peter was on his feet now, edging around Remus to get a better view.
"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" said James.
"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment," said Sirius viciously. "There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."
Several people watching laughed; Severus didn't seem to have anybody on his side. Peter giggled shrilly as Severus tried to get up, struggling against the invisible bindings of the jinx.
"You - wait," he panted, glaring up at James
He hissed a string of mixed hexes and swears, none of which had any effect since his wand was still metres away.
"And wash your mouth out!" ordered James. "Scourgify!" Snape's mouth filled with frothing pink bubbles, and he started to gag.
"Leave him ALONE!"
James and Sirius looked around. James' free hand jumped to his head, running through his already disheveled hair.
It was a girl who had been down by the lake's edge, with dark red hair, eyes glowing like flames from copper sulfate.
"All right, Evans?" said James, and his voice was suddenly lower, as if he were mature.
"Leave him alone," Evans repeated. She looked at James with disgust. "What's he done to you?"
"Well, Lily" said James, dragging out the eh, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean . . . ."
Many of those watching laughed, but not Lily or Remus.
"You think you're funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."
"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James quickly. "Go on . . . Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."
Behind him, the jinxes that he'd laid on Snape were wearing off. Snape was beginning to inch toward his fallen wand, spitting out soapsuds as he crawled.
"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," said Lily.
"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius, turning back to Snape. "OY!"
But he was too late; Snape had pointed his want straight at James, and with a flash of light James was spattered with blood from a deep cut on his cheek. He spun aound, and after another flash of light Snape was hanging upside down in the air, robes falling around his head, revealing pale, skinny legs and graying underpants.
Many of the crowd cheered, and Peter, Sirius, and James roared with laughter, although Remus just shook his head frowning, still "looking" at his Transfiguration notes.
Though her lips twitched, Lily said, "Let him down!"
"Certainly," agreed James, and with an upward jerk of his wand Snape lay in a heap on the ground. Untangling himself he quickly rose with his wand at the ready, but Sirius said, "Locomotor mortis!" and Snape fell over at once, straight as a board.
"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now, and James and Sirius eyed it wearily.
"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you!"
"Take the curse off him, then!"
James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape and muttered the countercurse.
"There you go," he said, as Snape struggled to his feet again, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"
"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"
Lily blinked. "Fine. I won't bother in the future, then. And I'd wash my pants if I were you, Snivellus."
"Apologise to Evans!" James yelled at Snape, wand pointing right at his heart.
"I don't want you to make him apologise," Lily shouted, turning on James. "You're as bad as he is . . . ."
"What?" shrieked James. "I'd NEVER call you a - you-know-what!"
"Messing up your hair because you think it looks so cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just beause you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."
She turned on her heal and walked away.
"Evans!" James shouted after her, "Hey, EVANS!"
But she didn't look back.
"What is it with her?" said James, trying and failing to look as if he didn't care.
"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate," said Sirius.
"Right," said James, looking furious, "right - "
There was another flash of light, and Snape was once again hanging upside down in the air.
James was proclaiming wildly, "who wants to see me take off Snivellus' pants?"
Remus sighed and spoke up, "do that and I might actually have to write you up, James." James pouted, but turned and muttered the countercurse. With a flick of his wand, Snape was on the ground in a heap. Sirius, however, was smirking.
"Wouldn't you rather take off Evan's underpants, Prongs?"
James whipped around, returning the smirk. "Yeah, but she'd probably blast my bits off in a heartbeat," James shuddered.
Remus grinned as Peter winced and let out a squeak. Sirius turned towards him, grinning malaciously. Lungeing, he let out a bark and started chasing Peter, who squeaked again and turned to run around the tree. Sirius was close enough to catching him that, when Peter knelt to try and hide behind Remus, Sirius tripped over him (causing him to squeak yet again), and promptly fell into Remus' lap. Remus yelped (oh Merlin oh Merlin oh oooh I need oh he - can't - I - leave run away away scared love escape oh so wrong monster disgusting monster) and smacked Sirius upside the back of the head, causing him to whimper loudly.
Lily, who was walking back to the castle at the moment, shouted as she passed, "maybe if you four didn't act like animals all the time I'd consider dating you, Potter!"
James turned to her, stricken, his expression akin to that of a deer caught in headlights. "But Lilyflower," he protested, "I could be your love-bunny!" He pouted again as the other three Marauders burst out laughing and Lily snorted, storming back into the castle. James looked back at Sirius, who was still across Remus' lap. "What did I do wrong? She so wants me, right?" Sirius, who was struggling to catch his breath from his bout of laughter, burst out again at James' sincerity.
Remus just smiled grimly and shoved Sirius off of his lap. Sirius stopped laughing as he hit the ground, and, frowning, looked up at Remus. Latching on to the part of Remus nearest him (his thigh), Sirius whined, "But Moony-baby, I thought I was your love-bunny! What'd you shove me off for?"
"Because, love-puppy, you were squishing my Transfiguration notes. Which I'll now be forced to go study in the Common Room as I can't get any peace out here- (oh Merlin don't look at me like that)"
"Aw, come'on, Moons!" Sirius protested, but Remus shook his head and hurried up the hill to the castle.
Once inside, he ran to the Gryffindor Common Room as fast as he dared, hoping not to be caught. After scrambling through the portrait-hole ("Kneazle!"), he ran up to the Fifth-Year dorms and, upon slamming the door, turned and rested his forehead against it. "You're not in love with him," he said aloud, "you're not the 'wolf now, it's the 'wolf that wants him; you're not the 'wolf, not the 'wolf . . . " he continued to mutter, one hand unconsciously snaking through his robes to cover the growing bulge in his pants. As his palm hit, though, the friction caused Remus to simultaneously gasp, lift his head from the door, and drop his bookbag. Lifting the hand in question, he stared at it. "What have I done . . ." he thought to himself, hair falling around his face, (that's wrong too that's wrong being gay is wrong you are so disgusting. . . being like this over your best friend is wrong . . . damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it . . . ) each 'damn it' punctuated by a smack of Remus' forehead on the door. (You are not (thump) in love (thunk) with Sirius (bump) fucking (thunk) BLACK (bang)!)
With a lump beginning to form on in head he turned and, walking over to his bed (dragging his bag behind him), tossed his bag on it before digging out his Transfiguration notes, and left the dorm.
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When Sirius found Remus hours later, the latter was seated on a windowsill, sunlight highlighting the scars across his face. He was bent over some parchment, right hand threaded through and fisting his hair as his scribbled madly with his left.
"Moony!" Sirius called as he scrambled through the portrait hole, "Moony!" He walked towards Remus, who showed no response. Standing beside him, Sirius bent over and whispered into his ear, "Remus . . . ." Remus froze (breathe Remus breathe there's no way he wants you monster you're a monster sick monster), breathing again and looking up only after Sirius tenatively put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Moons? You ok?"
"Yeah, I just - it - you just startled me, I'll be fine I was just concentrating and -"
"You're rambling, Moony. Prongs and Wormy made me come up here to tell you that you're missing dinner."
Remus frowned. "Alright. You can go on down; I'll just finish - pincushions into hedgehogs - the dorm - (don't need to bother with monsters if you leave me you can't be hurt)" He brandished his notes wildly.
"You sure? I can wait, Moony-baby . . . ."
Remus rolled his eyes, and, gripping Sirius' shoulder tightly for support, lowered himself carefully off of the windowsill (any excuse to touch him don't you God I'm getting too old for this). "What? Oh, I'm sure, love-puppy." Remus patted Sirius on the back and pushed past him on his way up to the dorms, "see you downstairs".
Sirius left after Remus had gone up the steps, although Remus did wish he'd have waited anyway. Closing his eyes before he left the dorm, he silently told himself, "you are not in love with Sirius Black". It was the only thought that he had until he reached the Great Hall and laid eyes on his friends (beautiful no monster freak won't ever love you don't deserve love monsters don't deserve love), as their mealtime conversations typically required little to no thought at all.
