Thank you so much for all of your lovely reviews! The first chapter was only the prologue; this is where the story begins…
Molly rubbed her sleep filled eyes, tiny weights edging her eyelids lower. It was 4am, and despite going to bed at 11pm the previous night, she'd had less than an hour of sleep. At just five months old, Katie's first tooth was coming through and she was making damn sure that her mother knew about it.
"Come on sleep head, it wasn't that bad." Charles had appeared in the doorway, holding a mug of tea and a plate full of toast, which he immediately handed to her.
Molly glared back at him. She was tired and emotional, and she was not prepared to listen to her husband telling her it wasn't that bad when he'd slept through the whole thing. "Just piss off."
"I wasn't actually going to leave for another hour." He reached down, scooping his daughter into his arms and smothering her face in kisses. Katie seemed initially unhappy at being taken away from her toys, but she soon forgot, happily giggling away at her father. "Why don't you go and get some sleep until then?"
Too tired to argue, Molly ascended the stairs, collapsing onto the bed in a heap. She didn't bother to move the duvet on even put her head on her pillow. Instead, she closed her eyes, falling into a deep sleep in the position that she'd fallen; exhaustion consuming her.
Sleepless nights weren't something they'd experienced much of before. From the moment she'd found out that she was pregnant; everything had run as smoothly as possible. She'd remained at work until just two weeks before her due date, taking on a position at Frimley Park Hospital in Surrey. Katie had been a small baby, much like her mum, something Molly was ever grateful for. She'd dreaded the thought of carrying a baby that would inherit their dad's size.
When she went into labour a day early, she'd dared to think that the pregnancy couldn't get much better. That was of course until she'd had to endure a 16 hour labour. According to the midwives it could have been much worse, but Molly wasn't interested. She'd just been through the most painful experience of her life and she actually felt proud of herself. She didn't need some midwife putting a dampener on that.
Katie Louise James was perfect in every way, the spitting image of Charles, complete with matching dark curls of hair. They'd taken her home, the besotted parents that they were. That first night at home, they lay awake, just watching her as she slept. Molly knew that life wasn't going to get much better than that. They took it in turns to get up during the night, neither seeming to suffer hugely from any amount of sleep deprivation. That was until last night, the first night that Katie had refused to settle. Knowing that Charles had an early start, Molly had sat in her room comforting her until 3am, when she took her downstairs and surrounded her with her toys, praying that they would offer her some distraction from the pain.
As Molly re-awoke from her slumber, she felt refreshed. Whilst a full night's sleep would have better, she was grateful to have had some rest. She sat herself up, struggling to focus her eyes on the clock. When she did, it took her a moment for her to acknowledge what it said. When she finally did, she bolted down the stairs at a speed even she was surprised with, ready to push Charles out the door.
"You should have left half an hour ago, you numpty."
"Shit." Charles jumped to his feet, grabbing his phone, keys and wallet from various places in the room. "We got distracted by the tooting thing."
"Just go or you'll be late."
Charles took a moment to kiss both Molly and Katie, and then disappeared out of the house, the wind slamming the door shut behind him. As Molly stood, looking down at her daughter, she suddenly felt deafened by the silence. She'd spent her life either surrounded by the noise of her siblings, or encompassed by the adrenaline of the army. Now that Charles was back at work, she didn't even have him for company anymore.
Katie looked up at her mum sensing that something was amiss. It wasn't long for her to realise that her dad had gone and tears began to fall down her face.
"You're such a daddy's girl," Molly laughed, picking her up and cradling her in her arms, before allowing her daughter to latch on. Whilst Katie was content, she reached for the remote and switched on the TV, desperate for some kind of noise to fill the quiet room.
Charles was now working as the manager of a security firm in the City, and wasn't due home until late. She'd been used to them spending time apart - long stints away from home were an integral part of army life - so when she'd begun her maternity leave, his days at work didn't seem that bad. Yet since his paternity leave had ended, they seemed to feel increasingly long, each day feeling like an uphill struggle. He was right though; the bills weren't going to pay themselves.
Once Katie had finished feeding, Molly sat her back on the floor with her toys and grabbed her phone. She wanted to be strong; be the same old, independent Molly Dawes that she once was. But she knew that she'd reached the point where she had to admit defeat. She called the only person who might be able to help.
"Mum," she said as soon as Belinda answered the phone. "Are you busy?"
It took two hours by train for Belinda to get there, but without explanation, she understood that her daughter needed her. As Jade had a day off of work, she'd decided to go too. Apparently their dad had injured his back again and was driving her crazy at home. Molly wasn't going to complain about her presence; as far as she was concerned, the more company the better.
"Oh, look at her little rosy red cheeks," Belinda cooed, picking Katie up for a cuddle. "They must be some big teeth coming through. Have you given her some painkillers?"
"Every four hours and teething gel when she takes it."
Katie stared at her grandmother with a look of uncertainty, before kicking her legs out and reaching for her mother. Molly was reluctant to take her at first, knowing that since her birth, Belinda had only been able to make the journey to see them a handful of times. Quickly realising that she wasn't getting what she wanted, Katie began to cry, only stropping when Molly reached out and gave her the cuddle that she was demanding.
"I hate seeing her like this; I just dunno what else to try."
"How about taking her out for a bit of fresh air? It's a bit nippy out there but if you wrap her up nice and warm, she'll be fine. It might even send her to sleep with any luck."
It was worth a try, Molly decided. Her mum was probably an expert on teething given the amount of children she'd had. Whilst Jade changed Katie's nappy and put her into some clean clothes, Molly took the opportunity to take a quick shower, delighting in the warm water as it cascaded over her body. She would have loved to have stood there for hours in her own little paradise, but she was all too aware of the fact that her family were waiting for her.
She quickly dried herself and got dressed into some warm clothes, before making her way back downstairs. Jade had obviously heard her footsteps and was in the midst of strapping Katie into her pushchair and tucking a blanket in around her.
The walk into town took them only twenty minutes, a blissfully slow walk. Molly loved people watching, curious about the lives of the strangers that past them. The woman out for a morning run, the old man walking his dog or the couple sat on the park bench. Every one of them had a story and if she all the time in the world, she would have sat and listened to them all. Charles could never understand her interest in it, as much she tried to explain. It was a strange hobby, but one that allowed her some creativity.
Maybe the woman wasn't having a morning run; maybe she was a part of a criminal gang and was running from the police? Molly giggled to herself aware of how unlikely that was. Maybe the couple were secret lovers and they were hiding in plain sight? Molly turned back to look at them, deciding that that was entirely plausible.
"What are you laughing at?" Belinda asked her, catching sight of her smile.
"People watching."
"Ah," Belinda nodded her head towards the coffee shop across the road. "How about we go sit down for a cuppa whilst the little one's asleep and we can all have a go?"
As their mum ordered the drinks and Katie slept, Molly and Jade took the opportunity to catch up. As little as Molly had seen her mum, she'd seen her sister even less. Jade had begun a job working at the local hairdressers and seemed to be enjoying it. The life she was now leading seemed not too dissimilar to the one that Molly left behind and as much as it suited her sister, it reminded her of just how grateful she was to have moved on.
"How long have you got left before your maternity leave ends?"
"My OML ends in two weeks, but I asked to take AML for an extra couple of months so she can get weaned and that. I mean, I could extend it to six months or quit altogether if I really wanted to, but I dunno yet."
"When do you have to decide?"
"I've gotta give them eight weeks' notice."
"Then what you gonna do?"
Molly shrugged her shoulders, genuinely not knowing the answer. She turned to look at her daughter, so peaceful in her dreams, and wondered whether or not she would ever feel ready to leave her. The longest she'd spent away from her was an hour when Charles took her to the shops once, and she spent the whole time sat at home waiting for them to get back. The thought of just a day away from her was too painful to consider, let alone several months. She loved her too much.
"I need to work and ASL isn't full pay, so guess I don't have much choice."
"Much choice in what?" Belinda asked, approaching them with a tray weighed down by three pots of tea, three chocolate muffins and a mountain of sugar sachets.
"Molls reckons that Charlie-boy doesn't earn enough to support them, so she's gotta go back to work."
"That is not what I said, Jade!"
"Moll…" Belinda reached out, grasping her hand. "You know there are benefits available, don't feel like you have to work."
"I'm not going on the dole!" Molly snatched her hand away, angrily running it through her hair, before deciding against storming out. "Charles earns enough money for me to extend my maternity leave if I wanted to, but I want to be able to pay my share of the bills and not rely on him."
"Too independent for your own good, you are."
Molly tried not to laugh. She felt anything but. "Can we just discuss something else, please? Thought we were gonna people watch?"
They sat for an hour, eating, drinking and talking; discussing the possible lives of whatever person walked past the window in front of them. It was only when Katie stirred from her nap that they realised how long they'd been sat there. Aware that she was due a feed soon, they decided to walk back to the comfort of home.
"Post," Jade said, passing it to Molly as soon as they crossed the threshold.
Molly sat herself on the sofa to feed Katie, flicking through the letters. Mostly bills and a invite to the wedding of one of Charles' cousins who she vaguely recalled meeting once. She flicked through them all with little interest until one caught her eye. She turned it over in her hand, knowing what is was immediately. As soon as Katie had finished, she past her to Belinda, pleased to see that this time she went without a fight. With her eyes fixed on the envelope, she headed through to the kitchen.
For some reason, she couldn't bring herself to open it. She held her breath, trying to muster the courage, but failing miserably. She wasn't ready for this. She threw it down on the worktop and turned to leave the kitchen, but as she did so, she spotted a lighter out of the corner of her eye. In a split second and without thinking about what she was doing, Molly took the lighter and waved it under the corner of the envelope until the flame caught. In that moment, she thought that what she was doing made perfect sense. If the letter no longer existed, then she would no longer have to worry about it. She dropped it into the sink and walked away. Out of sight, out of mind.
"Everything ok, Moll?"
"Never better."
A/N – OML is Ordinary Maternity Leave and lasts 26 weeks. AML is Additional Maternity Leave and can last for up to an additional 26 weeks.
