Summary: Valentines' Day - a day of love, pink, and chocolates. In the spirit of the coming holiday, Hiratsuka-sensei gives her Modern Japanese periods an assignment: write a love letter. So naturally, Hikigaya writes a love letter to the person he loves the most.

Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru

Chapter 2

Affairs are a Yukinoshita Haruno Specialty

oO oOoOo Oo

Women have always been the downfall of men. It has been true throughout history: Napoleon and Josephine, Lu Bu and Diaochan, Mark Antony and Cleopatra, Henry the VIII and his six wives. [1] Women just seem to have a habit of screwing up perfectly good empires.

The Book of Odes says the superior man does not fraternize with women, but Hiratsuka-sensei cannot understand superior reasoning. Probably because she's a single overripe woman which no sane and mentally sound man would want to pick which has caused her to experience irrationality at the terror of living alone for the rest of her life - a woman who had the audacity to make me redo an assignment over the weekend. It's as if she thinks I have nothing better to do… wait. I don't.

Damn.

It was the beginning of February and the cold showed no sign of letting up. The cafe had turned up the heater, as well as the background music which is good thing. It drowned out the noise coming from other people, especially couples. With Valentine's Day approaching, Hiratsuka-sensei gave us an assignment to write a love letter to someone. She said it could be anyone, anonymous or specific at our own discretion. Apparently she didn't like my idea of writing a love letter to myself.

When I was doing the assignment at home, my sister Komachi wouldn't relent her intrusions into my room. Repeatedly asking me 'hey hey Oniichan, who's that letter for!?' and stuff. It's embarrassing enough to have a love letter but risking the chance that my sister might throw the thing on Twitter or make flyers out of it only exacerbated the problems.

Thus I took a tactical retreat to a cafe to write a love letter. Well, technically I was rewriting the love letter.

What is love anyway?

I chewed the eraser head of my pencil, struggling to think of a decent opening. I had to write a love letter to someone… but who? Who?

'Dear… Dear who? Dear Miss X? Dear Miss Yu-'

A warm metallic sensation pressed against my cheek causing me to yelp. I turned to face my offender, a devious catwoman. This woman had pressed a cold can of soda to my cheek. She had a vicious smile. Standing before me was the last person I wanted to see while writing this love letter:

Yukinoshita Haruno.

"Haro haro, Hikigaya-kun. Fancy meeting you here~!" Her voice was sickenly sweet and her fragrant perfume did her no additional favors. The woman began poking my face, oblivious to the annoyance she was imposing upon me.

It's like this woman has me on a GPS tracking device.

"Greetings…" I shifted my body to cover my letter, but it couldn't fool Haruno-san's keenly trained eyes.

"Whatcha writing there- Oh! A love letter… how scandalous. Mhm… Dear Yu-" Haruno-san had snatched the letter from the table and with a single palm to my face kept me out of reach of it. "Yu-… I wonder who could this letter be for! Is this letter for Gahama-san…? Or perhaps… it's for Yuki-"

"No," I said, finally recovering my letter.

Haruno-san gave me look like a sly fox. She had taken a seat already without asking, her hands folded and tucked under her chin like a certain plotting commander. She waved down the worker for some black tea and turned her attention back towards me.

"Say, Hikigaya-kun. Would you like to attend a wedding?"

"No."

Marriage is the graveyard of life. Things go there to die, and perhaps be resurrected by aphrodisiacs, cheap plastic toys, or gimmicky late-night psychics. Nothing says dead end like marriage. People prioritize it like a hallmark of adulthood but it's a trick. Then again, my dreams of being a househusband depends on such naivety from a nice rich ojou-sama who adores me for my other qualities while tolerating my vices, of which there are many.

Such a woman exists. I simply must believe in the path I have chosen.

"So the son of an associate of my family is getting married…" She continued on ignoring me.

"No…"

"And it seemed rather appropriate for me to invite some local Chiba residents after all…"

"I'd rather not go."

"But aren't you interested?"

"In what…?"

"My world. My family's world. Her world." The emphasis on the last one was noted. Her eyes focused on me, like a cat with a plan. Before I could lie, I answered.

"… yes," I said truthfully.

That was a mistake.

"Oh?" Haruno-san's eyes glowed. I knew I was caught in her trap. She wouldn't let my answer being anything but…

"I'm interested," I admitted. "When is it?"

"Tonight!"

Looking up from my letter, I looked straight into her smile. "Tonight? Isn't that a bit too sudden…?"

"Nonsense!"

oO oOoOo Oo

Families with power can be scary.

They have the power to erase you and they mean it. It was a fancy reception area… I think it's called a foyer? I have no idea what the proper word for it is but it was fancy. Whatever it was, it was massive. There were people in suits and slick hair and silk dresses and kimonos and every single person wore a mask like makeup.

If I messed up here, I'd lose more than a pinky. My family would probably force me to honorably end myself by self-immolation and my ashes would then be flushed down the toilet.

"Oniichan! Komachi wants to try some of the-the… whore the oars?"

"Hors d'oeuvre," I corrected my sister Komachi. She had decided to tag along in the search for free food. It is well known that wedding food is the best kind of food. Mostly because it's free. Also because whenever a bunch of rich people come together, they always try to outdo each other and the quality of dinner is no exception. Hence why it's delicious… and also because it's free.

The meeting could have easily doubled as a fundraiser for the Yukinoshita family and no one would be able to tell the difference, aside from the wedding cake and the giant portraits and flowers… okay, maybe it did seem a lot like a wedding but everyone there was introducing themselves as an associate of the Yukinoshita this or Yukinoshita that. The Yukinoshita family, whose family head was in the Chiba diet, seemed deeply rooted in these parts. There was an ulterior purpose in attending this gathering: building and reaffirming existing relationships between their many associates.

And at the center of this critical mass of self-congratulatory family pride was the latest scion to the Yukinoshita clan.

While her mother and father were elsewhere, Haruno-san was the center of attention.

"I didn't expect to see you here," came a smooth voice.

"A-ah," I replied. It was Hayato Hayama. Looking to my side, I found Komachi had already made a bolt for the nearest food server. She was tugging on some poor minimal waged servers sleeve begging for some crackers with smoked salmon on top.

"Your sister seems to be enjoying herself."

"Hn. Who doesn't appreciate free food?"

Free food is the heaven-sent reward for the righteous. It spares my poor wallet while exhausting others'. It is the perfect strategy, a perfect combination.

Hayama smiled. "I suppose you're right," he said.

"Are these things usually so self-congratulatory…?" I noted, watching a nearby couple introduce themselves as associates of the Yukinoshita family.

"Yep," Hayama said softly. His eyes swept the floor. "Nobody wants to be considered anything less than a family friend or else they'll be thought less of. It's just how it is."

"So everyone here is a liar," I said. A world full of lies and masks, where nobody is honest.

"Haha, that's true. But that's the world we live in."

"I'm not a part of your world," I said.

"I suppose you aren't-ah!" Whatever thought Hayama was going to make got interrupted. A girl had latched onto Hayama's arm with a vicegrip that could crush steel and eyes that said 'caught me a big fish!' "Um… hello…"

Hayama looked my way. As if I could do anything, idiot.

Hayama eventually got pulled away for a dance by the random floozy, a business associate daughter or something. He might have a gift for perfect diplomacy with the way he did he best to not hurt her feelings but at the same time trying to say no. On second thought, he'd be a terrible diplomat, the guy couldn't get what he wanted.

Welp, time to invoke one of my One-Hundred-and-Eight Skills: Blending in Unseen while Sipping Juice in the Corner watching my Little Sister bring Eternal Shame and Dishonor to the Family by Taking Entire Trays of Appetizers for Herself.

Oh dear sister, will there ever be a public occasion where shame and dishonor hasn't been brought upon our ancestors?

"Hikigaya-kun," came a voice behind me. A shiver struck my spine. Despite this gathering being a wedding with her family playing a prominent role, I hadn't expected her to arrive.

I turned around, expecting Yukinoshita Yukino.

Except it wasn't her.

It was Yukinoshita Haruno.

She had a cold smile. With eyes that pierced my soul, as if wondering if I was worthy enough to be in her presence. I saw my reflection in her eyes, one that was both mesmerizing and terrifying. The words came back to me, that Haruno-san was one who either toyed with something to death or go the extra mile to crush whoever stood in her path. For a brief moment, I thought of myself as a pet in her grasp, like a child who has discovered a new game that could only end in irreversible destruction.

She touched my hand gently with her fingertips. They were cold and made me shudder before she pulled them back and bowed.

"H-huh?"

"There is something I'd like to ask of you." Her voice was crisp and polished and cold.

"Wh-what is it?"

Haruno-san did not lift her head when she made a request of me. There is said to be a psychological effect wherein a person puts their foot in the doorway making a passionate and unreasonable demand for help. However, when the person is offered something less outrageous, they feel more inclined to assist out of guilt.

This wasn't one of those times. The snake had slithered its way into the house.

"Would you do me the honor of escorting me through the gardens?"

And for the second time that day, I found myself saying 'yes' to this woman.

oO oOoOo Oo

The gardens were green and full of flowers. There were stone steps and bamboo walls that resembled the gardens in the old capital like some forgotten temple for blown off course onto Chiba.

Yukinoshita Haruno led the way.

It was only now, following her brisk short steps, that I noticed what she was wearing. Elegant and colorful, with a cool blue kimono that appeared a softer shade in the moonlight. Her hair was bound up, and being behind her I was given an exquisite view of her pale nape.

For a while, we said nothing. Then we turned a corner.

In an instant, she pulled me close, the distance between our lips were nearly zero.

I'll admit, for a moment my heart fluttered.

"You know Hikigaya-kun… when a girl asks a man to be alone with him… there are always other motives." Her breath was sweet. Her skin was smooth, and without pores. It looked ethereal in the pale moonlight.

I gulped.

Her hand was pressed against my chest. The scent of her air was causing my mind to wander.

Flash.

Huh? What?

"Oh wow! This is a great picture!" Haruno-san giggled to herself. In her free hand, she held her phone that now possessed a picture of myself and her. If anyone else saw it without the proper context they'd definitely get the wrong idea.

"H-hey now…"

"Wow! This is going to go on my Twitter…"

"That's a bit much… no…" I tried reaching for her phone. I just wanted to hold onto it long enough to delete it.

"There, there, don't be such a prude," Haruno-san smiled. "Aren't men supposed to be happy they are taking pictures with lovely women? Or perhaps you aren't into women…? Or maybe you think I'm an old onee-chan that's too withered for you, eh? Eh?"

The self-deprecating humor suited her as the flower patterns on her bosom blossomed with each jest. It appeared that Haruno-san was a master of masks, able to take any form she so desired or needed. The garden was her natural habitat, full of tall grass and plants, that hides the viper that is her beneath.

"I just think people might get the wrong idea here…" I said looking around, worried I was getting caught up in her rhythm. If things continued at this pace, I think the situation could become irreversible.

The woman didn't pay attention to me as she fiddled with her phone.

"Voila! Uploaded! I'm going to be Twitter famous," Haruno-san giggled to herself. "Aren't you excited Hikigaya-kun? You'll be known as the latest and only in my list of lovers…"

"Latest… wait, only? Does that mean you've never-?"

A finger silenced my lips.

"Feel special now, don't you?" She tucked the phone away into her carry-on bag and walked away to the beat of her own drum. She was happy.

I cringed.

The Rubicon had been crossed the moment she had uploaded the picture. Though I cared little of my personal reputation being in the gutter, I was sure that being in a picture with a desirable woman like Haruno-san would immediately rebound my status. Depending on how weak other gossip traffic is, students would be asking me 'who is this girl?' and 'can you introduce me?' and 'what's your relationship!' and make it sound like a threat or 'does she have a sister?'

Scratch that last one. I'll definitely send any would be suitors Yukinoshita's way.

"Hey, why so glum chum?"

"I imagine you exist only to torture me…"

"Haha! Almost there. Teasing actually," Haruno-san said with a soft smile. "There, there. I didn't upload it onto Twitter you big baby. My precious little Hikigaya can remain unpopular with the ladies… for now."

I didn't want to think what she thought of me later.

"I'm heading back." Shoving my hands into my pocket, I began making my way back to the party where hopefully by now food would have been served.

A tug on my sleeve stopped me.

"Say… Hikigaya-kun…"

"Huh?"

I turned back. In her kimono the pale moonlight made her smile less sinister than it actually was. It actually looked vulnerable and extremely alluring. If I had a taste for the vulnerable elegant rich girls, this would cause blood to gush out of my nose. This isn't a romcom however, and therefore the best I could muster was walking the dinosaur. Her hand tugged on my sleeve, pulling me towards a stone bench in the hotel gardens and a sudden urge to go camping fell over me.

She took a seat and patted the space next to her as if to say 'sit, come and join me.'

It was a smile I couldn't refuse. Not finding myself hungry anymore, I took the seat next to her. We sat like that for a moment, the silence sinking in between us like a void. Then she asked me a question.

"Ever think you'll get hitched?"

"… no."

It was my honest response. I don't believe I'll get married. I would like to be a househusband but with declining marriage rates, marriages occurring later and later in life, and rising divorce rates, I significantly doubt I could go through all the pomp and ceremony. Marriage is an act after all, and I'm a poor excuse of an actor.

"Don't say that! Yukino-chan will die a spinster with an attitude like that."

"My answer remains unchanged."

"You little… oh! I see how it is! The legal one is Gahama-chan isn't it?"

"That's not it at-"

"You know I can't appreciate a man who has affairs… but I can definitely sympathize."

She was definitely not paying attention to me. Haruno-san continued to pass the time talking about her various travels throughout the world. Places I've only read about.

"Then there's the Swiss Alps… they have great cheese there. Then after that we arrived in Venice. You've heard of Venice right? Ah… such a romantic city… but shame there weren't any fine young men around." Haruno-san gave off a sigh that reminded me eerily too much of a certain sensei.

Her stories came to a pause, before she took in a deep breath. The only light on us were those from the garden lamps. With a flick of her wrist, she checked the time on her phone, then she looked at me with the eyes of a cat.

"Fear not Hikigaya-kun, no one will ever find out about our moonlit tryst," she said with a smile. There was no hint of insincerity but the thought wouldn't leave my mind that it was sent somewhere.

"Is that so?" I said, sounding more annoyed than I should have.

She pressed a hand on my shoulder, as if commanding me to sit. I wasn't some stray dog like Sanjuro! At the very least I didn't have fleas.

Leaning closed to my ear, I could smell Haruno-san's perfume.

"Sit here like a good boy," she said, her words tickling my ear. "Tata for now."

And with that Haruno-san left me seated in the cold.

I couldn't shake off the feeling this was how a man who made an embarrassing purchase at the market store could feel. Normally with things like porn mags or condoms, there are multiple strategies you can employ to secure them. You can use camouflage, buying a bunch of other items, or you can man-up and purchase it. Right now, I felt like a guy who discovered that purchase went to waste. Like the porn mag turned out to be for fujoshis or something.

It did feel a tad disappointing, watching the girl was a mystery wrapped in a bundle of enigma leaves.

"What was that?" I muttered.

"Hikigaya-kun."

The voice sent a shiver down my spine. It was a voice I knew so well. It carried an authenticity unlike Haruno-san's earlier imitation. I looked towards the owner of the voice. The moonlight was caught in her raven hair. She wore a soft blue kimono with snowflake patterns that resembled blossoms.

Standing before me was Yukinoshita Yukino.

"Uh… yo? What are you doing here?"

Yukinoshita's eyes were piercing my very soul.

"I could ask you the same question," she said softly. "But if you must know, my mother insisted I come. I had underestimated how much time a previous appointment would take, so I ran."

It was only now that I realized Yukinoshita's cheeks were flushed red and her forehead glazed with sweat, as if she had been running. She brushed some hair away from her ear.

Only Yukinoshita could look so dignified when out of breath.

oO oOoOo Oo

We returned to the party and found the food had long been served. Komachi, being such a generous little sister, had graciously eaten my share of everything.

Little rascal, you. She's a growing girl who needed her calories.

… but seriously, I'm hungry.

Yukinoshita stood before me, having followed me back. Her shoulders were hung low, and head kept down as if she was trying to avoid bringing any unnecessary attention to herself. Despite that, she caught a few stares from men and women alike, all whispering and eying her from afar.

"Ah Ah! Yukino-san!" Komachi greeted the person beside me first instead of her older brother. "Want some shrimp? It's delicious!" She said offering a plate of what should have been my shrimp.

"No thank you," she said softly. "Um… is anyone sitting here?" Yukinoshita pointed at an empty seat next to mine. Komachi shook her head and Yukinoshita quickly took a seat. Her head was still hung low.

"Oi… shouldn't you like… introduce yourself to your parents or something?" I looked in the direction of the main table. We were seated in the back tables, far away from the stage where the bride and groom were, but even I could make out the small crowd surrounding the main Yukinoshita family.

"Yeah, yeah! You need to introduce oniichan to the in-laws," Komachi smiled.

Yukinoshita's head twitched in my direction. "I'd rather not."

Looking again at the dense crowd, I felt slightly sorry for her.

"Well you're welcome to sit with us! Everyone else at the table had left during the fourth course because of business or something… so it's just Komachi. Well, Komachi and oniichan now~!"

Wait, wait… you're telling you didn't just eat my share, but the entire table's share too!?

Yukinoshita looked at me suspiciously. "Perhaps they found your presence unappetizing."

"Hey, hey. I'm great company."

"At a funeral parlor, perhaps. They can be reminded that their loss is not surpassed by the horror of having to be seated beside you. Now why don't you make yourself less suspicious and take a seat, hm?" Yukinoshita crossed her arms and tilted her head towards a vacant seat.

Gritting my teeth, I took my seat in between Yukinoshita and Komachi. My little sister filled us in on what had happened. Apparently food was served. Good food. You know, like wedding food which was what enticed me to come on this forlorn expedition into this den of liars and sycophants in the first place.

So in short, Komachi noticed nothing except the food was delicious.

"And they had the most succulent duck…"

"Enough…" I could feel stomach-chan growling. The urge to dispense Hikigaya Justice grew strong within me.

"… then came the pickled appetizers…"

"Stop…" My head was beginning to spin from lack of nutrients.

"Hey… doesn't it look like that crowd is coming toward us?"

"Yes… it does, doesn't it?"

Yukinoshita looked off distantly and sighed. She rose and walked up to introduce herself to the leading figure. A graceful woman who wasted no movements in her steps and followed by a small retinue of attendants. If the age-old Japanese nobility could be personified, it would be in this person.

"Good evening, mother," said Yukinoshita with a bow.

"Yukino… you came," her mother replied touching her daughter's cheek softly. "I thought you didn't want to come."

The exchange between mother and daughter could be more accurately described as a corporate manager talking down to a subordinate corporate slave who had spilled one too many coffees and broke one too many printers. Yukinoshita slouched her shoulders in a posture I've never seen, and touched her arm. She glanced at me and all I could wonder was 'what the hell can I do for you now, woman? It's your mother.'

"I-I…" She averted her gaze from her mother, and I caught the corner of her eye again. Hey, even if you look at me, I can't explain to her how you got held up and were late.

"Hey hey Yukino-san! Is that your mother?" Komachi looked in awe.

Yukinoshita's mother took notice of Komachi. "Is this your friend?"

"Ah… yes… this is Hikigaya Komachi. She's going to be an underclassman at my school."

With a hand covering her mouth, hiding a surprised smile, Yukinoshita's mother exclaimed, "How wonderful! Raising the next generation and guiding them… as expected of my daughter."

"Yes…" Her fingers were fidgeting at her sides.

"You must be hungry. I'll have another meal prepared. Come, come, the bride and groom would be ecstatic to meet you. The bride has a younger brother I'd also like you to meet…" I had lost the opportunity to introduce myself. Perhaps I had a permanent cloaking field. If I remember correctly, this would be the second time I failed to introduce myself to her mother. Taking her daughter's hand, she gently pulled her along through the crowd back to the front of the wedding.

"You really blend well into the background, huh oniichan? Komach wonders if the bride's brother is going to have a wedding with better food than this."

"Shut it, you."

oO oOoOo Oo

After dinner was served, a few tables were cleared to be used as a dance floor. What seemed like a small army of waiters had cleared a rough space as post-dinner appetizers were served. The cake cutting would come soon enough as Komachi so excitedly reminded me every other second.

Yukinoshita had since changed out of her kimono into a cocktail dress. Currently, she was dancing with someone. It was slow and methodical, with one hand on his shoulder and the other hand held in his. They danced for a bit, and all eyes in the room were on them. As one partner left, another stepped to her. It was a short greeting before they were in each other arms, once again waltzing around in circles.

"Doesn't Yukino-san look so dreamy… like a princess?"

"Yeah… I guess…"

I didn't bother watching her continue her dances. They all looked the same to me. Partner after partner came and asked for a dance with her and she would comply. It was like an otherworldly performance, as if I was staring off to a distantly far plane.

People clap, and Yukinoshita dances.

Somehow, it didn't sit well with me.

Then finally came Hayama. They danced. And that was that.

"Ah! Ah! Doesn't he look perfect for Yukino-san? Better put more points into your charm stat! Or maybe don't bother. You're probably ten thousand years too young to challenge him in the prince charming class."

Oi, oi, Komachi, don't go making up fake RPG job classes now. "I'll pass."

"You should ask Yukino-san for a dance! It seems she'll dance with anyone who asks," Komachi observed. "Come on oniichan~! It'll be sooo romantic and sooo cool, unlike your usual M.O."

"Do you even know what M.O. stands for?"

"Methods of Oniichan!"

If she wasn't so adorable, I'd smother her in hugs.

I stood up and walked over to the dance floor. It wasn't like I was going to ask Yukinoshita to dance or anything but I figured there might be some abandoned table with food leftover that I could pilfer.

Man, maybe I was a stray dog?

Scratching my neck, I eventually reached the edge of the dance floor halfway across the venue.

"So… you got an interest in that girl?" I looked to the man beside me. It was a suave looking man who had an aura of a wet cat.

"U-uh… no…" I was caught off-guard. People don't normally come and talk to me at parties - especially men.

"Oh. Do you know her?"

"S-somewhat…"

His eyes narrowed, as if I was challenging him or something. "Mhm… I'll have you know she's my betrothed."

"What?"

That stunned me, but only for an instant. Perhaps it wasn't so surprising Yukinoshita was betrothed. Still, this was some random dude at a wedding trying to make small talk and intimate me for whatever reason. maybe he was a Yukinoshita stalker? Whatever he was, his words shook me. Maybe Yukinoshita really was engaged. Maybe she had someone waiting for her when she came of age.

Wait. She's already of age, isn't she?

"Betrothed. To be wedded. Uh… you know, like… me, her… are kind of a thing. You see, we were promised to each other when we were very young and well… one thing led to another and…" The guy rolled his eyes and twiddled his fingers as he gave an as-you-should-know answer to my response.

My dead fish eyes went wide. "You're kidding me?"

"Come now…" He gave me a look that said he wasn't kidding. "A girl like that is definitely engaged. And to me of all people! A ha! I'm the best suitor in this town by far. No one is better than me for Yukinoshita Yukino."

"Well… congratulations?" That's what you say when someone gets engaged right?

"Aren't you jealous?"

"No…?" Should I be?

I could taste the disappointment. "Oh."

"Oh, what?"

"That wasn't as fun as I thought it would be…"

"Are you and her… really?" The thought that he was just messing with me crossed my mind, but I couldn't fathom why he would. After all, how many people are so desperate to impress someone by saying they're engaged to someone?

Looking around at where I was, I felt that I had answered my own question.

"Huh? Yeah yeah! You see when she was little she was always going on like, 'when I grow up I want to marry you-'"

"Father." Yukinoshita's cold voice interrupted him. "Do not embellish my childhood with your fantasy memories."

Huh? Wait. Did she just say…?

"Aha! Now for my awesome introduction~! You may call me Father." You aren't the leader of the homunculus Hohenheim of Light. "Equivalent exchange, something of equal value must be given in return. What's your name, son?"

"You can call him Dead Fish Eyes. And you." That was definitely targeted towards me, "Calling him Yukinoshita-san is fine," Yukinoshita sighed, clearly annoyed. Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Yukinoshita said, "Father… just… I'll be going home now."

"What? But you hadn't had a dance with what's-his-name-with-the-dead-fish-eyes-kun yet." For some reason I wasn't upset he didn't know my name but rather he labelled me based on a peculiar attribute about myself.

"H-hey, I don't want-"

Yukinoshita gave a glare that would take down elephants that added a finality to any response:

"No."

"Really? You even danced with Hayato-kun and you hate dancing with Hayato-kun."

"I said 'no'."

"Wow! You must really like him, huh!" Yukinoshita's father nudged me in the ribs. "What did you do? Was it voodoo? Love potion? Oh oh! Was it one of those light night fortune tellers? My wife wouldn't let me call The Psychic Odagiri Kyouko. I think it's because she's jealous that Kyouko's got a bit more umph if you know what I mean. Wink wink. Hint hint."

"I'm leaving."

And with that declaration, Yukinoshita took me by the wrist and dragged me away.

"Yukinooo~! Come back to meee~! At least me introduce me to your boyfriend~!"

Like a cat meowing in the distance, her father's voice slowly faded. By the time we cleared some distance away from the supplier of one of Yukinoshita's X chromosomes, we had found our way back to the table.

"That's your father? A member of the Chiba diet?" How did the tabloids not have a field day with this display is beyond me.

Yukinoshita rubbed the bridge of her nose before turning to me with a look that said: don't ever ask how he got elected. "He has his ways…" she said with a pained expression.

"Still, he seems like a nice guy," I observed. There wasn't a sense of falsehood in any of his tone while he was speaking to his daughter. After all, what parent doesn't want their child to be happy?

I looked to Yukinoshita, who had brought a finger to her lip. She was biting it, a habit she seemed to be forming as of late.

"Where's Komachi-san?" She finally asked. That was a good question. I had no idea where my little sister had gone off too. Knowing her, she was off terrorizing a buffet or something.

Pulling out my phone, I texted my sister who was absent from the table. I suspected she was off somewhere ransacking another table's dinner plates but seeing as she wasn't make a big commotion about it, it seemed more likely she had decided to go home. Within seconds, her reply arrived.

'Decided to leave early. Have fun with Yukino-san, oniichan!' was what her text read.

"She's gone," I informed Yukinoshita.

"Oh."

That's your response? Oh? Couldn't you have a bit more sympathy? I could have been stuck alone at a wedding where I know maybe three people at best, none of which can be considered friends or even non-hostile! It might be better to say I was stuck behind enemy lines with no supply lines, food, ammo, or even a polite face.

"I guess we'll just get home on our own."

"Yes," Yukinoshita agreed softly.

At that moment, both of stomachs began grumbling. I wasn't sure which one grumbled the loudest but the message was pretty clear:

We were both very hungry.

oO oOoOo Oo

Fortunately for us, we found a Saizeriya still open in the evening. I was hungry. Looking over at Yukinoshita, I saw she was not in much better shape. Perhaps the running and dancing had emptied out her reserve energy and now she needed a senzu bean to recuperate?

"Didn't you eat?" I asked outside the restaurant.

"No."

"Why…?"

"My mother shuttled me from family acquaintance to family acquaintance. It is difficult to consume food when you're busy being reintroduced or dancing," she muttered as she pushed open the door before turning back at me. "Then you ran into my father and… let's just get some food."

A waitress greeted us and asked us how many.

"Two," I answered for us.

"Ah, this way sir, ma'am." And soon we were seated and handed a menu. "Are you two on a date?"

"Absolutely not," Yukinoshita snapped.

"Oi oi, you don't have to make me sound that repulsive."

"Disgusting. Terrifying. The thought of being considered interacting with you on a romantic level causes me to shudder."

"Um…" The waitress looked at us nervously, and gestured for us to take a seat. Handing us the menus, the waitress asked us nervously "You two are dressed strangely. Did you two-um-perhaps lose a reservation elsewhere?"

"No. I simply lost my appetite."

"You were too busy dancing."

"I do believe I am allowed to do what I want."

"Sheltered rich girl…"

"Self-hating misanthrope."

"Agh…" She got me there.

"Someone like Hikigaya-kun will have a lot of trouble finding someone willing to marry him," Yukinoshita muttered under her breath.

"With advancements in computer algorithms and an increasingly desperate pool of women, I should have no problems with an online dating service," I replied smugly.

The waitress laughed nervously as she began prodding for our drink orders. "Um… are you ready to order?"

"Just… give me one of everything." Wait, wait. Did you mean food or drinks!?

"Eh!?" The waitress was surprised.

"I am hungry," Yukinoshita flatly stated.

"Are you planning to enter the Ryōgoku Kokugikan?" [2]

Yukinoshita turned with the glare that launch a thousand ships in the opposite direction.

"Hikigaya-kun, would you like to wake up in the morning tomorrow?"

Gritting my teeth in silence, another realization struck through me.

"Oi… are you planning on making me pay?"

Does Yukinoshita expect me to fund her girth expansion?

"Isn't it reasonable to assume the male is going treat the female for this outing? I suppose it is a small price to pay for my company. After all, paid companionship would most likely be the sole avenue of interaction for you once you are thirty, balding, and never-employed. You could say this is a discount service."

Tch.

"I appreciate how you noted I was never-employed rather than unemployed. The distinction has been greatly noted," I said, gritting my teeth. Yukinoshita considered to stare at me. She wanted me to break.

"Sh-should I come back in a f-few minutes?" the waitress asked meekly.

"Yes," we both said in unison.

"Y-yeah. I'll go get your drinks," she said with a bow before hastily retreating back to the kitchen. She didn't even know what drinks we wanted.

"She'll be back," Yukinoshita said smartly.

"You'd think?"

"I know," was the cool reply.

"Who are you? Cassandra?" [3]

Yukinoshita rested her chin on a palm before her lips curved into a smile.

"I'm the Oracle of Delphi." [4]

"Yeah right," I said under my breath. "And I'm Hades."

The waitress returned. I envisioned her saying with a tongue stuck out, "So… I forgot to get your drink orders," and one of her hands would be knocking her head in a cutesy klutz pose but before she even had a chance to speak, Yukinoshita spoke instead.

"Black tea. And I'll have the seafood pasta after all."

"Me too," I said, giving my order. The waitress nodded before covering the pad over her mouth.

"You two might not look like you get along, but you behave like an old married couple," she said with a low annoying chuckle and a smile that should be seared off her face.

Yukinoshita gave the waitress a look that said 'death comes for you'. And so, the waitress retreated. I wouldn't be surprised if she retired as a waitress by the end of tonight.

"Oi, I think you scared the wits out of her."

"My apologies. I've just been so used to being around witless people lately," Yukinoshita said with a sad sigh. Hey hey, are you calling me witless? I'll have you know that I'm a world class wit champion… gah, why can't those words just come out through my mouth?

"Either way, you might want to tone it down a bit."

"While my behavior here has little financial consequences, I believe you are correct this one time. Reputation can be a valuable asset after all," Yukinoshita nodded. That couldn't be further from the point I was trying make about trying to not scare minimum wage waitresses who get by on tips and the goodwill of lonely patrons. Then followed by a soft voice, "Sorry."

I almost didn't hear it as the plates clattered onto the table. It would seem that our meal had arrived.

"Just eat," I said, reaching for my spoon and fork.

"Your presence makes the food gross, Hikigaya-kun," said Yukinoshita as she pulled out her fork from the napkin roll. The slight smile on her lips told me she was teasing me. Was she? Could Yukinoshita Yukino even tease?

After the meal, which Yukinoshita graciously paid for, we began walking out into the night. The air was cold and it was quiet. I decided to stick with Yukinoshita, if only because.

"I'm perfectly fine, Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita said walking alongside me.

Yeah, right.

"Nothing annoys me more than a liar."

"I don't ever lie."

"The world's a disgusting place full of hypocrites and liars and stupid idiots. That's why I'll be the guy who burns it all down," I declared with a laugh. The carefully constructed house of cards these liars have built will come crashing down upon them with a single match from me.

"I always knew you were a petty criminal," Yukinoshita sighed.

"Hey. Noble intentions…"

"You know what they say about good intentions," Yukinoshita smoothly replied.

"Heh. It doesn't change the fact this world is a cancer. It's like ticks on a dog. You've ever seen a dog covered in giant ticks and you just wish you had a flamethrower that could cleanse the ticks but leave the dog unscathed? That's what I want."

Yukinoshita kept beside me. "I used to think like that," she said softly.

"Huh?" Yukinoshita and I thinking the same? That's… rare.

Yukinoshita looked towards the light post. Moths fluttered in the light. "If you want to be a petty arsonist who does nothing but burns down the world… then I want to be the sun."

"The sun?"

Yukinoshita looked to me with a face I've never seen before. She nodded. "Snow," she said.

"Snow?"

"My name means snow…"

Yuki does indeed mean snow…

"But humans can't feel hot or cold - only extremes."

"Really?" Human physiology was not my forte.

"My name might imply otherwise, but I wish to be the sun. What difference is there then, between being extreme cold and extreme heat?"

Heck if I know anything about the finer aspects of thermodynamics.

"What's so great about being a flaming disco ball?" Okay, in my head that sounded stupid, but saying it aloud it actually sounded a bit awesome. Not that I would tell Yukinoshita that.

The girl beside me rubbed the bridge of her nose, as if she were adjusting some nonexistent teacher glasses. Was I suppose to call her 'sensei' now?

"The sun burns but its light sends packets of energy called photons to the earth. These photons drive photosynthesis which in turns enable plants to produce sugar and grow. The very same plants are then consumed by animals and we ourselves… making sure life prospers and continues."

"You're just an enabler," I retorted.

"All the more reason I want to stand as the light in the dark, an example for others."

"You're just holding a torch that you'll end up dropping," I said. My thoughts wandered to the Statue of Liberty in America. Yukinoshita wanted to be a symbol, an icon.

Yukinoshita shook her head. "I want to be the flame that inspires others and help others grow whereas you are content with being a spark."

That line terrified me.

It was like a momentary critical strike that stunned me, leaving in awe of her-

… maybe a bit more than just awe.

We stopped in front of her apartment. Neither of us spoke. Neither of us moved an inch.

This was different from then. During the trip to Kyoto and our way back from ramen with Hiratsuka-sensei, the very thought of being near me caused Yukinoshita to shudder. She would keep her distance away from me, like Achilles and Tortoise.

Perhaps I've caught up?

Yukinoshita sneezed. It was pretty bad. She had forgotten to bring a jacket and whatever she had on wasn't enough to keep her warm. The thought crossed my mind of offering her my jacket… but…

Before that…

"H-hey Yukinoshita…"

"Yes, Hikigaya-kun?"

"Can we be…"

She cut me off.

"You know the answer to that."

So I didn't offer.

I looked up at the apartment complex. It hadn't changed much from before. Maybe they had a new gardener or something since a bush looked different but aside from that it was still the same spotless tower.

"I never get a chance to come here," I admitted.

"Maybe I'll show you around some time…" Yukinoshita suggested under her breath, visible in the sheer cold.

"Ah…" My voice caught in my throat. I was unable to form a reply to that.

Entering the lobby, she did not turn around to face me. I figured it was her not even giving me the courtesy of a face-to-face goodnight. I didn't expect her too, but it seemed appropriate from her. Instead she simply said something, in the instant before the doors closed, so soft I almost thought I didn't hear it: "I don't think it wouldn't be so bad… if we both ended up alone."

I stood there, looking at the setting sun as the glass doors closed behind her.

It was then that I realized that I knew nothing of the being called Yukinoshita Yukino.

oO oOoOo Oo

Affairs are a Yukinoshita Haruno Specialty Fin

Next Chapter: Can Yukinoshita Yukino even write a Love Letter?

Footnotes:

[1] Napoleon and Josephine, Lu Bu and Diaochan, Mark Antony and Cleopatra, Henry the VIII and his six wives - Historical figures whose downfalls could be attributed at partly to women. Josephine's failure to provide a blood heir for Napoleon destabilized the French Empire. Lu Bu betrayed his foster father for Diaochan and was eventually defeated. Cleopatra, the last of the pharaoh, allied with Mark Antony but was rumored to have distracted him from his military duties due to constant lovemaking. Henry VIII spent much of his live in various political-marriage dramas until he became morbidly obese.

[2] Ryōgoku Kokugikan - "The Sumo Hall" in Japan where 3 of the 6 annual sumo wrestler tournaments are held.

[3] Cassandra - an oracle who foresaw the future but no one listened or believed her.

[4] Oracle of Delphi - famous oracle who spoke in cryptic tongue and phrases - her prophecies often had double meanings. A famous prophecy was to a king who asked for the outcome of a potential war. The response was 'If you go to war, an empire shall fall'. The empire to fall was the king's own.