Chapter 2
Cartman sat at his desk as he looked down toward his desk and sighed. He'd placed advertising about the revamp of Park Life and had even done a radio interview explaining how the new turn for the magazine needed support of the public; his town, his family. A soft knock on the open office door caused Cartman's gaze to turn upward. He nodded toward Dougie. The young ginger was still close to Butters had snagged one of the low lining jobs in Cartman's business. Dougie manned the mail room yet recently the only mail the younger man had been present Cartman with was stacks upon stacks of pesky bills, final notices and repo slips. Dougie slowly stepped forth into the office until he was standing at the foot of Eric's desk.
The ginger placed a stack of letters on Cartman's desk.
"Perhaps your pleas have been answered boss." Dougie stated softly, sporting a slight grin, fully aware of the dire straits the company had fallen into.
Cartman smirked as he ripped into one of the letters.
"Fucking brilliant!" The stocky brunette chirped, jumping up from his chair and rushing toward Dougie, snatching him up in a massive bear hug and planting a wet kiss upon the other man's cheek.
"Dougie, you bought me good news. I fucking swear, once the business is good again I'll offer you a better job. I promise. Now get going. I gotta see the writing team." Cartman rambled ecstatically.
Moving swiftly, Cartman weaved through the halls, coming to the writer's room. He burst in to see his four authors goofing off. Butters was snoozing at his desk; Stan was drinking a cup of coffee as his feet were propped up on his desk; Kyle had constructed a paper plane and released it, allowing it to glide through the air, across the room and hit the sleeping Butters in the side of the head; Craig was intently staring at his computer screen with a slight grin playing at his lips.
Cartman cleared his throat, causing everyone to turn to him. Craig reached out and slapped Butters in the head, unremorsefully as Stan let out a throaty chuckle at the Butters girly yelp as he awakened.
"Wassup fat tits?" Kyle greeted Cartman. Cartman scowled flinging the many envelopes on the desk before the Jew.
"Dougie just delivered me the mail for today. It's all for you butt fuckers, sort through it and get writing. I not only expect columns for the ask section but I also expect five articles each on my desk before the week's out." Cartman ordered.
Cartman turned and exited the room and the other three men crowded around Kyles desk as they began trifling through the mail. Once it was sorted the men retreated to their own desks.
It seemed everyone went immediately to work sorting through their letters placing them into piles.
Butters sat reading every letter with enthusiasm, his tongue poking out the side of his mouth as his eyes scanned every words and his lips slowly mouthed them, the goofy blonde taking the task seriously and absorbing every word.
"Fellas, I'm gonna try to answer every letter. These people sound like they really want our opinions." Butters announced.
Kyle waved a hand toward the blonde and Stan simply glared toward him.
Butter glanced to see Craig intently sifting through the letters too.
"Fuck this." Stan whined. "Its lunch time, Ky you coming. My shout today."
Kyle nodded eagerly, throwing a handful of mail on his desk and climbing up.
Butters gawked as the two left, slamming the door behind them.
"Well, geez Craig… They're gone." Butters said staring up toward the noriette before biting his lip.
"Fuck them… If those dumb asses want to get fired that's their issue." Craig explained, turning back to his work.
Butters nodded as he was captivated by a question he'd love to answer.
The blonde turned to his computer and carefully retyped the question.
Butters,
What do you like to do in the bedroom? Are you more of the submissive or dominant type?
Anon.
Butter couldn't help but giggle as he focused on how to word his reply, then it hit him.
Dear Anon,
That's a difficult question to answer because there are many facts to consider when it comes to sexual preferences.
Being Hawaiian, my mood changes from day to day, it's a curse being so darn indecisive, yet I must confess, it sure makes my partners happy. Sex can become so boring if you continue doing it exactly the same, therefore being flexible with the dom or sub thing really spices up your sex life.
But if you must know, I'm usually submissive. Not because I'm weak, because I prefer to bottom with my sexual partners, yet as I stated I'm not afraid to top if I'm in the right mood.
When it comes to what I enjoy behind closed doors that too often alters.
If you know me, then you know I'm the type who enjoys the company of both male and female bedfellows, so one night I could be with a woman, the next a man. It may seem odd to some, but to me it feels right.
Getting back to the question though, my main kinks include light bondage, such as handcuffs or being bound with silk scarves. I also enjoy being gagged or blindfolded. Nothing too exotic there.
In the bedroom I'm more into fulfilling my partners' fantasies than my own. It's not uncommon for two consenting adults to toy with a few restraints these days so I'm usually the type to ask the person I'm sleeping with what they would like to do, being considerate is what makes them keep coming back for more.
The craziest fetish I've been requested to partake in was adult baby play. I can't divulge who asked me to do that, but I will say I'm not proud that I actually did it. That's another thing; discretion is another trait that people enjoy when sex is involved. So there you have it, your old pal Butters is pretty boring with what he likes. Who would've even known that? Sarcasm guys, yes I do use it.
Until next time.
Butters.
The blonde gave a toothy grin as he sat back, reading over each and every word. Craig had watched Butters type out an answer almost diligently, and peered back at his own pile of questions.
There were some about relationships, some asking about Craig's personal kinks, and even a question asking if he would ever consider using taco flavoured lube.
He thought about it.
Debatable.
He came to a certain letter that had his name on it, surrounded by hearts and crude drawings. Opening the envelope, he scanned the question written on a piece of scrap paper and contemplated.
Moving towards his laptop, he blinked and retyped the question, an answer already forming in his head.
Craig,
I want to get with this good looking porn star type blonde with chiselled abs, a long dick, and the sexiest orange parka I have ever seen, but he's really popular with the ladies and the guys. How do I woo that sex god?
Anon.
Craig cracked his knuckles, a bad habit he had come accustomed too in this type of business. Soon his fingers were flying over the keyboard.
To Anon,
There are three things to consider when pursuing someone, either for relations, something long term, or something short term with another individual. Regardless if this is infatuation, love or lust, courting another individual is an art that had been developed throughout the ages.
If you ask around, it becomes apparent that confidence is something that is looked for in a partner. It's important to be confident when approaching the blonde that holds your affections; it will yield results. This does not mean being showy, or acting cocky, but rather approaching with positive intentions.
Introduce yourself. Be proactive.
Being proactive means initiating conversation, reading into the other individuals nonverbal cues, not forcing yourself onto them and making your intents clear. If you're aiming for a more personal relationship, you need to invest yourself with that individual and appease their interest. Contrary to popular belief, people enjoy speaking, especially about themselves. Ask questions. Conversation is an ideal way to connect with an individual. If you want a one night stand, make yourself available, and provide an open invitation.
After that, you want to judge the situation.
Is it a good idea to pursue someone who holds the interest of the mass majority? What do you want from the situation? Are you able comfortable being with a porn star type with a long dick who's had multiple partners?
If the answer is yes, then make an effort to keep in contact and continue being proactive.
If the individual isn't interested, it might be better to cut your losses.
Once again, those were:
Be confident.
Be proactive.
And make smart choices.
If you do these three things then your chances of wooing the object of your desires, and making a significant impression, will rise substantially; you have nothing to lose by approaching the individual who has sparked your interest.
Unless that person is Kenny McCormick. No one should be interested in him.
Ever.
Best of luck,
Craig.
"Well that's not a nice thing to say, Craig!" Butters chirped, pointing at the bottom of Craig's screen. The noirette glared at the fingerprint smudge and pressed save. He hated people reading over his shoulder.
"I give advice. That's good advice." Craig said.
"Yea, but Kenny has feelings too." Butters chided as he returned to his desk, humming under his breath.
"I don't care."
The sound of clambering feet made the two writers turn towards the door.
"Where the hell did dumb and dumber go?" Cartman growls.
"Lunch." Craig supplies as he glances at his watch, "Which seems like a good idea right about now."
Butters beams and grabs his coat, "Ah, C-Craig can I come with you? We can talk about questions and all that fun stuff."
Craig glances at the blonde before shrugging. The two amble past Cartman, and Butters gives a little wave, leaving the brunette standing in the middle of an empty room. Taking a deep breath, Cartman calls out Dougie's name, and the ginger haired boy runs over with a notepad.
"Alright, we're going to put out an ad to get some new writers in this place." Cartman hisses, loosening his tie, "Those asshats want to waste my time, let's see who's laughing when I don't pay for their three hour lunch breaks of their coffee runs."
He glances at Butters and Craig's computer screens, seeing words written and articles started. "Yea, the Jew and the Hippy are going to wish they pissed off someone else."
Dougie presses his pen against the clipboard, "So what should I write, Sir?"
"Come walk with me Dougie."
"Whatever you like, boss."
