On the first floor, in an unused girl's toilet, trouble was brewing. And it smelled of cabbage.
James Potter: Alright gents, you band of bragging boggarts I've finally got it.
Sirius Black: I hope this isn't going to stink up my cloak for the semester. I have a busy agenda to keep up.
Remus Lupin: We haven't got any papers coming up… I thought—
Sirius: Social agenda, my little pup. Girls need a musky hunk, not a cabbagey nunk.
The door squeaked open and slammed. Scurrying feet followed, and with a thump Peter Pettigrew landed in front of the other three huffing.
Peter: What's going on. Did I miss something? Slughorn wanted me to clean the cauldrons again. And, and Mrs. Norris was following me for a bit, I think she hates me!
Remus: Mrs Norris hasn't liked me since that day I forgot to take my pills and I snarled at her.
Sirius: Haha! Filch's face that day was priceless. I will remember that always. I don't get it, as creepy she is for some reason she loves me.
Remus: Aren't we a bit bigheaded.
Sirius: No I swear, she's obsessed. I found her purring at the end of my bed one morning. No idea how she got in, but when she noticed I'd woken up she scampered off. She's avoiding me now.
Peter: Ha ha! All women love you Sirius! Even the female cats.
Sirius: All but that feisty feline McGonagall.
Sirius sighed and smirked as Remus rolled his eyes. Peter laughed, which seemed to have jolted James out of his reverie.
James: Oy! When did you get here Peter? My first attempt is finishing up.
Sirius: About time! Potter's practicing cooking us a feast worthy of Lily Evans.
Peter: Oh how sweet! It smells amazing James!
Remus and Sirius snorted as James looked up.
James: I'm not cooking! I'm mixing a Seeking draught with this Disappearing Ink I found at Zonkos. Look here at the book, it's got to work I took it from Slughorn's office. It's a dangerous potion…
He turned back to the bubbling small copper pot stewing away, his attention caught again.
…Slughorn won't miss it for long…the tool of the century… get my own chocolate frog card…
Sirius: And Potter's gone again. I better head down to the kitchens. I've got a 5 o'clock meeting with the luscious, the untouchable, Paulita Parkinson.
Remus: She seems nice, why do you ruin the nice ones.
Sirius: I don't ruin anyone! They become needy. I'm a lone wolf, you'd know all about that.
Remus: It's not a desirable trait. I thought you liked McGonagall?
Sirius: I'm working my way up, I need experience for a woman like that.
Remus: You disgust me. So does this cabbage. I need some air.
Remus stood, grabbed his books and headed for the door, Sirius grabbed his own and followed him yelling Remus wait! Peter coughed and looked at James.
James: Well that was exciting. I guess they're going to miss the grand reveal. Ok Peter, watch closely as magnificence takes form.
He dumped the contents of the copper pot out onto the stone floor. It was a black roll of somewhat gooey material. As they watched the goo flaked off and evaporated around them. The smell of putrid cabbage transformed into that of white lilies. What was left was a simple piece of paper with James' messy handwriting reading A Map to the Heart where a Stag finds his Doe.
Peter: Wha—what is it?
James: Watch this my fidgety friend! Simply by holding this piece of parchment and saying: do-re-me-fa-so-la-ti-doe…
On the parchment the words vanished and instead scratchy lines appeared that laid out a lopsided map, one four-sided circle read Owlery. Inside there was a small black shape like a deer. It moved around the badly drawn space.
Peter: WOW! Is that the owlery?
James: YES! Now I can see where Lily is at all times, this will make it extremely useful to find chances to talk to her.
Peter: Can you tell if she's alone?
James: No… does that matter?
Peter: I guess not, what if Severus is with her?
James: Oh I get it. You just want to see where Alice is! Do you like her!?
Peter: What! No! Alice?
James: Ohhh I knew it, you've got the hots for Longbottom's girl! Ha HA!
Peter: That's preposterous, and you're map is stupid. You can't even tell where your friends are. Who cares about a silly girl! We matter too!
Peter got up and stomped away messenger bag slung across his shoulder. The girl's bathroom door slammed shut as he left leaving James alone on the icy stone floor. From outside the rusted windows he could hear rain pelting the panes of glass. A bubbling sound announced Myrtle's return from the prefect bath.
James: How'd you make out Myrtle? Any nice buns today?
Myrtle: Oh yes. That Malfoy boy has got a nice firm butt! His skin is as white as my ectoplasm and how his muscles remind me of death's strong hold. He's so exciting, and you should see his—
James: Ugh! Myrtle! Too much information.
Myrtle: Well you asked! Who am I but a sad, cold, dead girl left with nothing but the chance to glimpse hot, young men lounging amongst transparent bubbles. It's the only life in my life.
James: I'd hate to deprive you of that Myrtle. Ok, come on. Who else was there?
For the next several hours Myrtle lay across the plugged sinks playing with her ghost hair, gossiping about the many nude boys she's spied on, protected by nothing but small white towels. She had been generous today and left them some, but had hidden the large fluffy ones. James finally made his farewells and exited the bathroom. He was just closing the door as quietly as he could when—
Lily Evans: Excuse me I think that's the girls' bathroom.
James whirled around and smiled.
Lily: Why if it isn't James Potter.
James: Lily Evans… how unexpected!
He looked at the map to see the deer standing in the first floor corridor beside the girl's washroom. With a laugh he stuffed the parchment out of sight, but not fast enough. Lily grabbed for it.
James: Hey!
Lily: What's—
James: Mischief Managed!
Lily: This is enchanted! I can smell it.
James: It's not! I mean yes it's scented.
Lily: Well James Potter, caught with his hands tied. What were you doing in the girl's bathroom?
James: Is this the girl's bathroom? I believe I've been jinxed! Thank you Lily, you've saved me!
Lily: You can't fool me James Potter. You're turning red as we speak.
James: Well, Myrtle invited me to chat. We were discussing her recent adventure to the prefect's showers.
Lily: A likely story, James Potter. And yet you have a magical piece of parchment and your cheeks are redder than a fire-truck!
James: I- I… why are you saying my name like that. I mean what's a fire-truck? A truck made of fire! And that—that's mine! Bye!
He grabbed the parchment out of her hands and walked off at a fast pace down the corridor. As he turned the corner he stopped to catch his breath. He smiled and pushed up his glasses that were sliding down his nose.
James: Whew, dodged that bludger. She almost thought I was an idiot.
