"Yesterday, near the iceberg famous for apparently sinking the great Titanic, a team of top FBI agents spotted a creature which appeared to be at first a blue whale, but…SHIT! It turns out to be a FUCKING monster! Sorry for my 'wanker' tourettes, I just can't keep my FLAPS shut 'cough.' Sorry TWATS, sorry I mean kids, or you stupid jockeys, get Fucked!"

"Oh god," I murmured, "Not Tom Dillmere reporting a fucking monster sighting. Anyway, I might as well have a fuck in here and take my missus to get employed for the best job in town, blow," I told my new best friend called Joey.

"Yeah, and did I tell you Tuesdays are 69 days here? Lezzys, 69 all over the place, and you can get in the middle of them! Richard out, and handyman releases the soap for you! I go every Tuesday."

Later that night, I was swinging with my missus and one of my lesbian friends, watching them muff munching and me jabbing them, when there was a sudden vibration.

"Oh shit, I think you just erupted and we're not even finished yet!"

"No, that's not me; anyway on the news the twat reported a monster or something in the Atlantic…"

"Have you ever heard of a whale?" the missus snapped at me.

"YES, you stupid bimbo, I have."

Lucy, my bisexual friend, made me go out of the bedroom and onto the balcony to check it out.

"No, I'm not going out naked and with a Donkey Rick," I replied.

"Aww, why not, if you do, I'll let you feel these."

"Ok."

So I went out, with Ricky hurting

(If you're still wondering who Ricky (or Richard and Rick) are, I wouldn't continue the story) and then the volcano did erupt. No, not mine, but Lady Liberty just exploded! I was shivering. I had to tell the girls.

"Erm, you might want to look outside," I said in a dopey way.

So they got their clothes on and went to the balcony. They went white. The missus, who I didn't mention her name, Rachel, blacked out and slipped over the railings, and I saw her brain splatter, I was in tears. Lucy asked for my eruption, so I did and went back out. But I saw Lucy was going to start crying.

"Ryan, why did this have to happen?"

"Because it is seeking revenge."

"What's it? And why does it want revenge?"

"It's name is Clover. And want revenge after I survived it."

"And what is Clover exactly?"

"Wait till you see it."