Well, here is chapter two of my Dark Cloud 2 satire. This time, the jokes are for real.

I do not own Dark Cloud 2 or any of the characters within it. I'm naught but a humble author trying to express his inner spirit.

Now, here we go!


Dear Mother,

How are you? I'm doing fine. So much has happened that I don't know where to start. Let me think… I know! I'll start at the middle, backtrack to the first thing that happened, and then skip to just after the middle and go on to the ending!

Hmm…

Nah, I think I'll just start at the beginning.

It all began that night. That's right, the night of the storm. Don't gimme that! You know which storm I'm talking about, you big, fat… huh… oh, yeah- wait, since when?… oh, alright…

I have just been reminded that you were not in town that night, so you probably don't know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, it all began the night of a storm.

Max ran through the- hey, wait, why is this still in italics? You only need them to portray thoughts, sound effects, emphasis, and bits of Max's letter. The first part of Max's letter is over, so you can switch back to normal text now… seriously, switch out of italics, you lummox. I said, get rid of the motherfu- oh, wait, they're gone. Thank you!

Anyway, where were we? Ah, yes. Ahem…

Max ran through the main walkway of Palm Brinks. Even with the slight distraction of the huge downpour coming down onto him, he could see Cedric's shop not even ten meters off, so it was pretty obvious he could make it to the place in time to not get as pruned as a fetus.

Max got under the outstretching roof of the shop, and immediately bolted for the door. As soon as he got inside, he did quick look over himself. He was drenched all over.

"Aw, man," he whined as he started wiping water off of his clothes and out of his blonde hair, "I'm soaked!"

He kept trying and failing miserably to wipe water off of him in large quantities at a time for a few seconds. Well, Max thought, at least some of the water bounced off of me while I was running. Everyone else wasn't reflecting any water.

"Wait… I can just wring it out!" Max said triumphantly. He then started at his shirt collar and worked his way down. As soon as Max was about to pull down his pants so as to wring out his underwear, though…

"Ah, Max. Pretty early today, eh?" the familiar voice of Cedric, his grey-haired engineering tutor.

"Eeek!!!" Max screamed like a sissy in shock. Cedric raised one of his huge eyebrows.

"Err… Max… are you… oka-"

"Hey, Cedric! Yup, I sure am early today!" Max answered once he got his senses back. He figured since his briefs weren't even wet, there was absolutely no need to wring them out anyway.

Cedric rolled his eyes when his question about Max's status was answered indirectly.

"So… is there any reason in particular why you're so early?" Cedric asked in a friendly but slightly annoyed tone.

"Uh-huh, there sure is," Max answered as he dug through his tool pack, looking for something. Cedric waited patiently.

"Ah, here it is. Tada!" Max held out the piece of paper out triumphantly for Cedric to see, not even looking at it himself.

Cedric's mouth immediately started watering as soon as he saw the slip.

"Whoa… damn, look at those bazungas!" He exclaimed as he leaned onto the desk he was sitting behind to get a better look.

"What?" Max asked as he opened his eyes to look at the piece of paper himself.

"Oh, yeah, my Play-Brinks magazine. I've been looking for this," Max murmured as the realization dawned upon him. He folded the female-nudity merchandise and put it into his tool compartment, and then pulled out a different piece of paper.

"Here we go… Tada!" Max repeated as he pulled out the real piece of paper he wanted to show Cedric.

"Whoa, a silv-"

"A silver dollar, I know! Isn't it awesome? I get go to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory now, thanks to this baby!"

"…Uh, Max…"

"Yeah?"

"…That's a ticket to the circus."

"Wha- really?" Max asked in a confuzzled tone as he flipped the thing in his hands over.

"Whoa, it really is a ticket to the circus! I must've forgotten that after I got it, I was so discombobulated with excitement."

"Max," Cedric asked in an annoyed and somewhat grumpy tone, "What evidence for this being a ticket to Willy Who-ya-ma-call-it's Chocolate… thing could possibly be more convincing than a picture of a clown on the cover?"

"I found it in a bar of chocolate."

A pause.

"…Right. And who, might I ask, gave you that chocolate bar?" The old mechanic asked.

"Adel."

Figures as much, Cedric thought, that girl would sell her soul for five minutes alone with Max in a locked bedroom. Or would, if she even had the guts.

"Anyway, Max, that vacuum cleaner of Gable's is downstairs, so I'd recommend working on it now."

"Hm? Oh, right," Max muttered upon this reminder. Just as he had taken his first two steps downstairs, though, Cedric stopped him.

"By the way, Max," the old man asked, "what's with the necklace?"

"Huh?" Max looked puzzled. Then, it occurred to him what the old man was talking about: the huge ruby hanging from his neck.

"Oh, yeah," Max said when he realized this, "Dad gave it to me yesterday."

"Hm. Alright, then, get to work," Cedric replied in a mild-mannerly way. He sat down and continued to read his book, trying to summon the willpower to try to summon the willpower to try to get that picture of the pornographic magazine Max had pulled out earlier out of his head.


Max sat down at the workbench. Wrench? Check. Screwdriver? Check. Tertiary pack of energy drinks? Check.

With that, Max started to repair the vacuum cleaner. Slowly but surely, he had fallen asleep by the time he was done, seemingly forgetting about the energy drinks.


Well, how is this chapter? Tell me what you think, please. Indeed, unlike the last chapter, whose only joke was a rip-off of a Monty Python bit and whose only purpose was to set the mood of comedy, this chapter is indeed intended to make at least subtle jokes.