Several rooms and branching hallways later, Huntress Wizard's mystic intuition, alongside Princess Bubblegum's navigation tech, leads them to the entrance of a large auditorium. The floor and tiered seating surrounding it are dense with root systems, creeping vines, and various species of fungi. At its center, however, sits a giant hole.
"Looks like no traps this time," Huntress Wizard says, striding past the entryway and up to the edge of the pit. She couldn't see a bottom, even with her Huntress Vision. "If we want to get to the center, we'll have to head straight down here."
"Alright, just hold on a sec, and I'll stretch into some rappelling gear for you, Finn, and PB. Get y'all down nice and comfy."
Huntress Wizard turns to face them as they approach and smiles wryly. "As if. Hup!"
With a dancer's grace, the forest nymph performs a trim backflip and sails out of view. Finn jogs up to the ledge and crouches down on his hands and knees to peer after her. A gloved finger rises to meet him and taps him on the nose.
"Beep."
Finn laughs, "Hey, you were just yelling at me for jumping ahead of everyone!"
Directly below him, Huntress Wizard is standing on the shelf of a giant bracket fungi. There are clusters growing all along the sheer stone wall, and they appear to fully support her weight.
"That was a reckless decision you made during live combat. This, however, is for the thrill of sweet parkour stunts. Or would you rather ride Jake's baby sling down?"
"No way! I am all about parkour stunts, HW. One-hundred percent."
"Prove it, nerd!" Huntress Wizard taunts him playfully as she bounces off the mushroom like a springboard.
Unable to resist the challenge, Finn takes a running leap after her.
"For the love of Glob, be careful you two!" Princess Bubblegum yells down after them. Even if they hear her, she doubts that they will pay her words any mind. She sighs.
"Well, I guess it's just you and me, then, Princess." Jake says, forming the tip of his tail into a spike. He makes a hammer out of his right paw and pounds it into a crevice near the edge. "Ow, ow, ow. I'll get you down, nice and gentle-like."
"Or, I could just do this:"
"Do whaAAAAAHHH!"
Without warning, Marceline scoops up Princess Bubblegum bridal style, shoots out directly over the hole, and then allows herself to plummet straight down.
Left alone, Jake frowns and begins lowering himself into the pit. "I should've invited Lady Rainicorn. Nothin' but a fifth-wheel over here."
Marceline and Princess Bubblegum's rapid decent allows them to catch up quickly with Finn and Huntress Wizard. The pair are hopping from fungus to fungus, trying to one-up one another with each jump.
Reaching roughly their level, Marceline brakes to a hovering decent just a few feet above.
Princess Bubblegum glares up at her. "You know I hate it when you do things like that!"
"That's what makes it funny, girl."
"Well, it's embarrassing…and scary."
"I could let you off here, Bonnie, and you could join our two more athletic friends on their mushrooms, if you'd prefer."
Princess Bubblegum takes a glance below at the unseen depths that the pit has yet to reach. She holds the vampire tighter. "Actually, yeah, you know what? I'm good here."
"Thought so," Marceline smirks and gives her pink friend a reassuring squeeze. She then shifts her attention to the giggles and shouts below.
"Oh yeah, watch THIS: Triple gainer! Woooo!"
Finn launches through the air with has back arched and his hands around his ankles. He spins three times, then lands in a hunched position with his hands raised next to Huntress Wizard. She claps approvingly.
"Hey, I know it was my suggestion to follow, but what made you all want to come down here in the first place?"
"Oh, sorry, HW! I forgot to fill you in. The humans over at Human Town wanted me and Jake to clear this place out for them. We invited PB and Marcy along for some sick hangouts."
"Humans, huh? I can see that." Huntress Wizard runs down the wall at an angle to the next fungal shelf. "But how are you gonna do it?"
"Do what?" Finn asks, landing next to her once again.
"Clear this place out. It's big, elaborate, and full of monsters. Are we going to hunt down and slay every single monster inside? Because, I'd be totally down for that, but it might take a few days. Those two, though," she motions towards Princess Bubblegum and Marceline, "don't look like they could rough it that long inside a dungeon."
Marceline sneers at the comment. "Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"
"Easy, Marceline."
"I'm sure as heck tough enough to survive in this hole!"
"I'm sure you are," Huntress Wizard replies. "But I doubt you've packed enough red to hold you over for a prolonged stay. You guys probably didn't bring near enough supplies for that kind of hunt."
"Oh, cram! I didn't even think about that!"
"So, how did you think this was going to play out, my sweet Finn?"
Finn shrugs. "I dunno. Usually, Jake and I just get to the middle of a dungeon, grab some loot, or slay a boss and leave. It usually works out." He smacks his forehead into the palm of his hand. "Uff, I should've thought this through more."
"Hey, don't beat yourself up," Princess Bubblegum says. "Heading towards the center might actually be our best option at this point. Since this dungeon was 'magically' fabricated, it's also the likely location of whatever or whoever is anchoring it to this plane. We take the anchor out, and the dungeon will go down with it."
"And if it doesn't?" Marceline asks.
"Then I have enough high-grade, explosive charges packed in my suit to cave the whole thing in. Baboom!"
Hearing this, Finn collects himself. "Okay, that sounds like a good plan…sorry, dudes, I really skronked up on this one."
"No worries. You're Ooo's good luck charm, Finn; I'm sure things would work out for us whether we had a plan or not."
Huntress Wizard kicks off from the mushroom and slips further into the murk below. Finn follows close at her heels. They continue downward, jump by jump, for several quiet minutes.
"Since we're helping them out, I'm curious: how are the humans?"
"Oh? They're mostly alright, I guess."
"Don't sound too sure of yourself, there, champ."
"I'm still trying to figure them all out. They seem good, for the most part, but there's stuff about them that's got me on edge."
"Example?"
"Their leader tried to run this weird test thing on me with robotic monsters to see if I'd defend their outpost. So, obvs, I'm having some major trust issues with him, now. They're also weirdly set on keeping to themselves, instead of exploring and living as part of Ooo. Like, it kinda defeats the whole point of moving out from Founder's Island."
Finn sighs. "And then there's my robot Mom. She practically begs me to come live with her and the humans every time I visit. I know I have my own place now, but it still feels bad in my gut to keep her at a distance. Especially, after I lost out on the first part of my life with her."
"So, in summary: you're horribly conflicted."
"Yeah. Pretty much."
"I know the feeling. I don't see much of my peeps anymore, family included."
"How come?"
"I'm sort of an outcast. The tree nymphs of Ooo are an apathetic people; they spend most of their time trying to physically and spiritually assimilate themselves into the natural world. Barely anyone even notices that they exist, since they hardly do anything to stand out from the ancient groves that they live in."
Huntress Wizard continues leaping with Finn following behind. "I was far too restless and wild for such a life. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. They did their best to raise me the only way they knew how, but I felt stifled under their indifference to the world. So, I struck out on my own. I became a huntress, but when that wasn't enough to sate my hunger for meaning, I turned to wizardry. Now, I'm a Watcher."
"What's a Watcher?"
"It's an honorific for highly skilled individuals who dedicate their lives toward safeguarding Ooo's ecosystems. We have a good union, but the dues are a pain to pay. Jungle Princess is our rep."
"That sounds like a neat job. But what made you change from full-time wizarding?"
Huntress Wizard's expression grows pensive. "I'd rather not get into it right now, Finn."
"Oh, yeah, sure. That's fine."
A few more bounds and Huntress Wizard suddenly stops. She gestures below her. "I can see the bottom now. We're almost there."
"Hey, I want to try something. Put your arm around me."
"Finn, I'm not going to make out with you while your friends are right above our heads."
"What?! No! I just have a way to get us both down faster."
Huntress Wizard eyes him skeptically. "If this is just an excuse to feel up my buns, I'm gonna bop you one, bigtime."
"Please, trust me."
"Hmm…okay," She squeezes in close and drapes her arm around his shoulder. "Now what?"
Finn leans over and grabs the edge of the mushroom with his bionic arm. "This! Arm: telescopic mode. Fire!"
At the hiss of compressed gas, Finn leaps off and carries Huntress Wizard down with him in free fall. The nymph shouts out in alarm.
"Finn! What are you doing?! I know you can't fly!"
"It's fine, HW! Just a few more feet and…"
Still trailing behind him, Finn's bionic arm suddenly grows taut with surprising elasticity, slowing their decent. They gradually come to a complete stop, dangling some six feet off the ground. He lets go of the mushroom and they drop to the bottom together.
"Cool, huh? I can make it stop or retract by flexing my shoulder." With another hiss of air, the arm comes whirling back to its original length. It clicks into place.
"I liked your grass hand better, but, yeah, it's definitely cool."
"What's up with all the yelling down there?" Marceline calls out as she and Princess Bubblegum drop into view.
"Oh, you know, the usual: Finn doing something extremely reckless that nearly gives his friends a heart-attack. Some old, same old."
"Seriously?" Princess Bubblegum dismounts from the vampire queen's hold. "I literally just told the two of you to be careful coming down here."
"We weren't in any real danger, Princess," Huntress Wizard assuages her. "I have at least eight different spells on tap to stop myself and Finn from falling to our deaths. It was just surprising, more than anything."
Finn glances further up the pit. "Where's Jake?"
"Coming!" Jake answers. "Just a minute."
A moment passes and Jake makes his entrance. He's hanging from a long strand of himself, descending towards them like a spider at the end of its thread. "I had to reattach myself a few times. This hole was a lot deeper than I thought it was."
He reaches the floor, retracts his tether, and looks around. The base of the pit is a simple rotunda with a thick carpet of black moss covering the floor and more druidic glyphs scrabbled across the wall. There are four doors before them, each facing a cardinal direction.
"Which way now?"
"I'm definitely sensing a potent theurgic signature through the southern door."
Princess Bubblegum consults her holo-mainframe. "Yep. According to my suit's telemetry readout, Huntress Wizard has the right idea. There's more mechanical abrasion on the moss across the southern outlet. Ambient radon activity also suggests that it connects to a deeper section of the dungeon."
"Alright, I don't know what you just said PB, but lead the way Finn and HW!" Jake replies with gusto, pushing the pair out to the front as they move past the stone doorframe.
"Yo, Jake," Marceline whispers, leaning in close. "Why're you trying so hard to keep them all paired up like that?"
"Cuz I ain't about to give up on my bro's chances for landing a healthy romantic relationship with a rad person; no matter how much they keep pretending to ignore it." He gazes dotingly over at them, eyes glinting with delight. "And just look at 'em: they're adorable! Reminds me of me and Lady when we were starting out."
"Maybe, but all the extra pressure you're heaping on might end up hurting them, in the long run. Attraction has got to happen organically, dude, like a sick riff. If you try to force something out, it usually comes out wrong."
"I have to agree with Marceline, Jake. Finn has matured considerably, but he will likely always be in a delicate position when it comes to pursuing and maintaining a romantic partner. This is especially true now while he is transitioning into living on his own. Please, be considerate."
"Hmph. 'Spose y'all are right; I should be gentle. I won't stop trying to steer them in that direction, though. I still think they could be really good for each other…"
Before they can discuss it further, the trio comes to an unexpected halt. Up ahead, they see Huntress Wizard and Finn stop dead in their tracks at the far end of the passage.
"Hey, HW," Marceline calls. "What's up?"
Huntress Wizard wordlessly raises an open palm toward them. She hunches down, pads her way up to the entrance of the next room, and peaks inside. Slowly, she raises her hand and motions for them to approach. All four of them carefully slink forward until they surround the edges of the gateway.
Finn leans in close to Huntress Wizard. "Something nasty in there?"
"Take a look for yourself, but don't make any sound or sudden movements."
The group peers into the large, gloomy room to see what looks like a subterranean courtyard full of dead plants. A slightly raised path cuts across it from their side, before splitting into a wide circle around a massive, decay-filled tree.
Marceline snickers. "What, you're scarred of some old tree? That's haunted house-grade spooks at best."
"SHHH!" Huntress Wizard hisses sharply. "That is an elder deadroot tree – very dangerous. They are highly resistant to physical attacks, regenerative, and their sap deals necrotic damage to anything it touches. They are, however, vulnerable to fire and radiant-based damage."
"Cool, we can just burn it down."
"I have some fire arrows and a few fire spells at my disposal, but nothing that burns hot enough to take something this big out. And even when they're on fire, they don't die easy."
"I could use some of my explosive charges to blow it to bits."
"That might be an option, but an explosion big enough to put it down for good could also cause a cave-in. Do you have any other gadgets in that suit that could help us out?"
"I was expecting more spelunking than heavy fighting down here, so my offensive options are limited. I only have my explosives, displacement blasters, and a short-range laser cutter."
"Couldn't you talk to it or something?" Jake suggests. "Maybe make it stand down?"
"Not likely. An elder deadroot might be reasonable if you encounter it out in its natural habitat, but since it's here, I assume some dark magic has taken hold of its mind to make it guard the area." Huntress Wizard pauses in thought. "Although…I do know a powerful purification spell designed to heal tainted plant-life. If you guys can restrain it just long enough for me to get in close and recite the incantation, I could purge it of its corrupting influences."
"Sounds like a plan. Jake and I can shift into our biggest, baddest forms and pin it, tag-team style."
"Finn and Princess Bubblegum: you two do your best to keep it distracted until it goes down."
"What about you, HW?" Finn asks.
Huntress Wizard adopts a lotus position on the ground. "I just need a bit of prep time to weave the spell properly. Don't worry, I'll be there once everything is in position. Now, get to it."
"Yes, ma'am! Mulch its buns!"
At this, the four friends charge out towards their target. Jake and Marceline quickly grow as tall and as large as the chamber will allow them. Jake takes form as a smaller version of the guardian of Founder's Island, whereas Marceline settles on her usual bat form before taking flight. Princess Bubblegum makes the opening attack, firing a displacer beam straight at the tree's center.
As if smashing a window, the image of an unusually large, rotting tree shatters away upon impact and reveals the true monster hidden beneath. The elder deadroot is nothing less than an arboreal giant, with barely humanoid features hewn from its thick, ulcerated trunk and long, grasping limbs crowned in thorny claws. It unleashes a bone-rattling bellow at its attackers and wrenches out from the festering dirt before tearing forward at them with surprising speed.
Jake intercepts the creature's charge, however, by launching a wrecking-ball-sized fist that plows into the sentient tree's facial region. The impact seems to briefly stun the deadroot in its tracks.
From above, Marceline takes advantage of Jake's setup. On a powerful beat from her wings, she plunges into a dive with her elbow cocked. "Heeeere comes the hammer: FLYING ELBOW DROP!"
The vampire girl lands like a bomb, straight down on top of the tree. There is an explosive 'crack' as chunks of bark rain to the ground. The two shapeshifters linger after their attacks connect, as if trying to grind a little deeper into the enemy's wooden hide. Immediately, dark fumes start to billow out from the bottom of Jake's fist and Marceline's elbow.
"Yeeowch!"
"Gaaaah!"
The pair flinch away and reveal a sickly purple discharge weeping from the cavities that their blows left in the deadroot.
"Right, necrotic sap…" Jake examines the tender burn on his knuckles. "I'm thinking pummeling this thing open ain't such a hot idea."
"Jake!" Marceline cries. "Watch the honk out!"
Jake looks up just in time to regret seeing a battering ram-sized fist barreling straight towards his bread and butter. But, before it can strike, a silvery gleam streaks up across its trunk and lances right into its face. The deadroot tree's attack flies off-course as it reels in pain. No longer off-guard, Jake promptly rushes in close for a grab. There, he finds his saving grace: Finn's elongated bionic arm, clutching the Night Sword lodged deep in the monster's left eye. Finn, himself, is dangling several feet below it.
"Told you an extendo-arm would add beef to my combat skills!"
"I hear that! You might wanna skedaddle, though, bro. That toxic eye sap looks like it's starting to bleed down on you."
"Oh, well, how about this,then?" Finn's arm recompresses and yanks him up along with it. Using the momentum, Finn tears the Night Sword from its oozing sheath and launches outward. Midair, the teenager deftly reorients himself and dives toward the clawed bough below him. He fires his arm out again, sinking the blade into the tree's knotted wrist. Finn then swings down and lands next to Princess Bubblegum on the dungeon floor.
"Great work on the mods, Peebles," he says, giving his arm a yank to reel it back in. "They're really uping my sword game."
"I'm glad you're finding good use for them, Finn, but, right now, we need to up our distraction tactics. That thing could do some serious damage to Marcy or Jake, if we don't keep its attention on us."
Princess Bubblegum finishes her thought by letting lose another disperser blast from her gloves. The shot barely registers against the deadroot as it wrestles against Jake and Marceline's combined holds.
"Hmm. My laser cutter could effectively pierce its armor, but the range is too short to make it worth the risk."
"Could you juice the beam somehow? Like, take it from another part of your suit?"
"No, nothing in my suit has the capacity to generate that kind of raw energy. I'd need to reroute my subsystems to an external power core…"
The candy princess' eyes wander in contemplation, catching on the gleaming eye embedded in the hilt of the Night Sword.
"Finn, that sword – that's the one Peppermint Butler made for you using Huntson's powers, correct?"
"Oh, yeah. Yeah, it is."
"Perfect! Give it here, please."
Finn complies, surrendering the sword to her. "I thought you didn't like using magic, though."
Princess Bubblegum thrusts the blade into the ground and opens a panel on the side of her armor. She fishes out a bundle of wires. "I don't like calling things magic, but I can use it just fine. All magics are just highly differentiated forms of energy manipulation, dressed up in mystical hoodoo. To that end, 'magic' artifacts, like this guy, are essentially closed systems packed with highly malleable potential energy."
"OWOWOW OW! HOT! HOT!" Jake yelps as he finally loses his hold on the deadroot tree. It throws him off and presses the attack. As it looms over him, its splintered face spills more beads of toxic sap down onto his fur.
Marceline leaps up from behind, putting the monster into a headlock as she tries to force it away from Jake. "Guys! If you're planning on helping, now would be a great time for some team effort!"
"One more second, Marcy!" Princess Bubblegum shouts in reply. "Now, I just need to reroute my suit's output…there! I'm ready." She turns to where the fiend and their friends are still struggling. "Marcy! Jake! Unless you two want to be part of the light show, you better get the stuff outta there, now!"
Heeding the warning, Marceline lays one more slash into her foe's body for good measure. She then grabs Jake in her claws and beats a hasty withdrawal out of reach. A clarion whir rises from Princess Bubblegum's suit as she aims her fist at the deadroot tree. Sparks pour off the couplings on the Night Sword behind her.
"HEY! KNOB WAD! I GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YA!"
The creature bellows and storms forward, rending away the floor in its path. A single eye fixes on her with all its poisonous, floral fury. Princess Bubblegum, however, does not faulter. She centers herself upon the trembling ground and extends her index finger. A tiny bead of rose-pink light forms at the end of it.
She smiles and raises her thumb to make a finger gun. "Ba-bang."
A rail of neon pink light explodes outward from her fingertip, and slams straight into the deadroot tree's leg. The laser obliterates the limb upon impact, leaving only a cauterized stump in its wake. Freshly amputated, the monster pitches forward mid-charge and crashes into the ground with a resounding bang.
"Marcy, Jake: Pin it down as hard as you can!"
"Can do, boss!" Marceline salutes. She drops down and tosses a slightly singed Jake onto the writhing creature.
"I ain't touching anymore of that sap junk, though."
Jake stretches out into a giant pair of shackles that he uses to bind its arms behind its back, while Marceline grabs hold of its remaining leg. Finn pulls a backup dagger from his pack and sprints up to the deadroot's gnashing face. He levels the blade at the tree's remaining eye, though he can see that the other one is already starting to regrow.
"Okay, HW! He's down for the count! Ready when you are!"
A beat passes, but there is no sign of the stoic wood nymph anywhere.
"Huntress Wizard?!" Finn starts to panic and looks back toward Princess Bubblegum. "PB! Can you hit it again?"
The princess holds up the shredded remains of the laser glove around her wrist. "Sorry, Finn. That shot completely blew out my core system. The suit's junked."
Finn grits his teeth. "Then I guess I'll have to carve this thing's face open, crawl into its head, and chop up its brains."
A small bird alights onto the top of Finn's head and, in a flash, Huntress Wizard appears, sitting on his shoulders. "Don't be so dramatic, hero."
"Oh, thank Glob! I was getting worried there, for a second, HW."
"Maybe next time give it more than six seconds before you start to freak out. Now, hold still; I need to concentrate."
Still perched on Finn's shoulders, Huntress Wizard leans forward and lays both hands on the corrupted plant. She closes her eyes and chants. The language is soft and lilting with a rolling susurration underneath reminiscent of rain against a distant canopy, or the rustle of dry sticks carried on the wind. Even Finn – acutely unfamiliar with magic, as he is – senses that the dialect is ancient in a way he can scarcely comprehend.
A white aura builds around Huntress Wizard's arms as she continues the incantation. Her eyes snap open, radiating the same brilliant glow as the chant reaches its crescendo. A shattering roar explodes from her throat like the sound of lightning splitting a tree, and the purging energy surges out across the monster's entire rotten body. Huntress Wizard falls back, momentarily drained from channeling the spell, but Finn quickly catches her from underneath and rearranges her into a more comfortable piggyback position. Her head slumps forward into the crook of his neck.
Taking a moment, she rights herself, but makes no attempt to dismount Finn. "Ooof, that one always drains me like I'm sitting butt deep in a swarm of ticks. You guys can let go of him now."
Marceline raises an eyebrow, "Him?"
"Yeah, got a pretty good feel of the guy with my magic just then. His name is Woodrow."
"Are you sure Woodrow won't be mad about all the punching, cutting, and laser amputations?" Jake asks nervously. "Because I'd be mad, if it was me."
"N O…I am noo…ot angered."
The friends look to find that the deadroot tree's features have softened. Jake and Marceline release him, and, with some creaking effort, he manages to sit up. He continues to speak, though his mouth seems to have trouble forming around the syllables. He was likely out of practice with coherent speech.
"My mmindless ho-hostility deemanded retribution. I…I w-wish tooo thank you for freeing me. Especially…you, little daughter oof the forest."
"No prob, dude. Comes with the woodland heroine territory."
"Still…I am o-obligated to assist you and y-your friends in any way I can."
"Can you tell us what's at the center of the dungeon?" Princess Bubblegum asks, moving in from the sidelines. She has stripped off her broken armor and is now wearing a practical explorer's outfit. "Or maybe why this place is even here?"
"My captor boound me many years ago with dark magics. I was his personal guardian. Weeks ago, he and several others of similar magical caliber coll…collaborated to create this place. My understanding, such as it was in that senseless state, was that they desired to beckon forth an object of great power. I do not know the nature of this object. I was, however, bidden to guard the passage to the central summoning chamber." The wooden giant extends a branch and indicates a solid slab of stone, bound in thick vines, at the far side of the subterranean courtyard. "I will open the way for you all."
Uncurling a finger-like twig, the tree-man traces several symbols into the air. The vines unravel themselves and the seamless chunk of stone splits open, revealing another dark hallway beyond.
"Thank you, Mister Woodrow," Princess Bubblegum bows. "We appreciate your aid."
"Yeah," Jake agrees. "And sorry about the leg, buddy."
"Worry not. It will regrow."
Finn retrieves his sword as the gang collects itself. They then head off towards the opening. As they step through, they hear Woodrow speak again.
"Adventurers, before you press further, heed my final warning. Not long ago, I felt my original captor's control over my mind wane. It became overshadowed by another, darker presence. It was this new entity that putrefied my body and subjugated me until just now. I know not what it portends, but I fear that the druids may have been successful in their attempt to draw upon profane powers."
Huntress Wizard considers the tree man's words and nods. "Thanks for the info, Woodrow; we'll keep it in mind. Take care and get out of here while you can; we're bringing this whole place down."
Saying their goodbyes, they move deeper through the passage. Without her suit, Princess Bubblegum lights a small lantern attached to her hip. The light is much weaker than the previous one, but still bright enough to get by on.
"Nice guy, that Woodrow," Jake comments. "Well-spoken, for a guy that was bleeding acid on me a few minutes ago."
Princess Bubblegum grimaces in worry, "Oh my, I forgot to ask, are you okay, Jake? I have some burn ointments in my first-aid kit, if you need it."
"Nah, my coat just got a little singed is all. It'll smell bad for a while, but no biggie."
"Well, I just wanna say – Bonnie, Huntress – those were some primo lightshows you two pulled off back there. I should take you two on my next tour. My fans would go crazy over special effects like that."
"A tempting offer, Marceline, but as you can see," HW motions towards herself, slumping on Finn's back, "a top-tier purification spell really has a way of taking it out of you."
"Do you need to rest, HW? We can totally take a break, if you want."
"No, I'm fine right here, Finn." Huntress Wizard drapes her arms further across the human boy's shoulders. "Just need to recharge for a bit."
"Where'd you learn that spell from? One of your secret magic classes?" Jake asks.
"Not exactly. That spell…the ability to cast its basic form is unique to my people. They use it to purge blighted areas of the forests that they make they homes in. I just dialed up the magnitude with some wizard knowhow."
"Sort of like how PB dialed up the juice on her laser using the Nightosphere magic from my Night Sword."
Princess Bubblegum sighs heavily and mutters something underneath her breath.
"You say something, Princess?"
"…Not magic."
"What?"
"IT'S NOT MAGIC! NONE OF THIS IS MAGIC! Ever since we got here, it's been nothing but 'spells this' and 'wizardry that'. Everything we've encountered here, everything that can ever be encountered anywhere, is the product of universal laws and constants. Not understanding these rules, or the ways that they can bend, doesn't make them magic!"
Finishing her tirade, Princess Bubblegum takes a deep breath. "I apologize for shouting. I was holding that in for the last few hours and I just couldn't take it anymore."
"Geez, not this again." Marceline rolls her eyes.
"Oh, right," Finn says, looking back to Huntress Wizard over his shoulder. "PB hates it when people call stuff magic. I actually should have told you that a while ago. Since you're, like, a wizard and everything."
"Look, do we have to get into this right now, Bonnie? Let's all just enjoy these nice, gloomy corridors together. We can't be far off from the center."
"No, Marcy, I can't stand all this talk of magic bull-honkus anymore. If you don't know the correct term for the phenomena you're describing, please use energy, force, system, process, or any number of words that describe real things which exist. I'm begging you."
Huntress Wizard's eyes narrow. "Well, Princess Bubblegum, since you've been so refreshingly candid in talking down to me and my skills, answer me this: does a songbird's ignorance of compression waves diminish the sweetness of its melody?"
Opening her mouth, Princess Bubblegum attempts to retort, but hesitates.
"No answer? How about this one: is a flower's bloom less vibrant because it has no grasp of electromagnetic radiation? Or does a painter's art suffer if they don't know the molecular weights of their pigments? Hmm?"
"No," Princess Bubblegum huffs. "No, they don't."
"Here's the deal: I know science is at the core of all magics. Unlike you, though, I manage to see the forest for the trees. Sure, I could while away countless hours dissecting every facet of my powers, but I have zero interest in cataloging how or why they work. I only care about what I can do with them."
She summons an arrow, levitating it in her hand. "And I use them to hunt – I kill, I eat, I survive to grow strong. It's that strength which allows me to carve out a sense of meaning from my madness. And, as of right now, that same strength impels me to call my powers by the names I have come to know them by, whether you like it or not." She crosses her arms, her eyes flashing haughtily from behind her mask. "So, sit on that, Princess."
An awkward silence reigns between the five party members, but it is cut off by a peal of laughter from Marceline.
"OOOOOHHHHH! She NAILED your persnickety butt, Bonnie! I swear, guys, I lost count of how many times I've had this stupid argument with her, but I never got her as good as HW just did."
Princess Bubblegum blushes hot pink under the vampire queen's goading. "S-shut up, Marcy! I'm just… I'm really, REALLY passionate about proper nomenclature!"
"Yeah, yeah. Just go ahead and admit that you've got squat to answer her with."
"Okay, fine! I admit it. Since Huntress Wizard already acknowledges that magic is governed by the laws of reality, I won't keep trying to force the issue." She turns back to Huntress Wizard. "I'm sorry, Huntress; I didn't mean to come off as patronizing. Up until now, every wizard I've ever met held a reckless belief that their powers put them outside and superior to the realm of hard facts. I thought the same of you, and I got defensive. I shouldn't have been quick to assume. Please forgive me."
"It's cool. I respect a gal who defends her principles. Like that time when you stuck it to the Grand Master Wizard – so choice."
Listening as the two continue their discussion on the tenets of science and magic, Finn breathes a quiet sigh of relief. He was thankful that the flash point between the two girls had fizzled out as quickly as it had arisen. The last thing he needed on his conscience was bad blood forming between two of his closest friends. Especially, while they were in a dungeon he had suggested visiting. Still, Finn couldn't help but smile to himself thinking about how self-assured and steadfast Huntress Wizard had been against PB's domineering manner. He felt proud of her.
Walking on, the group continues down through the tunnel for several minutes. The reticulated brickwork around them meanders through the earth, seemingly without clear intent of its ultimate direction. The long space is filled with rotten root systems, mutated fungi, and the ripe stench of decay. Every so often, Finn swears he can hear something skittering around, just out of sight.
After a while, Jake takes a deep whiff of the air. "Heyo, smells like something's real close up ahead, kiddos."
Rounding another warped bend, the friends find themselves at the abrupt end of the corridor. There is a large pentagonal opening carved into the center of the wall before them. A deep blue light is flickering faintly inside.
"Any more traps, HW?" Finn whispers, looking down at the sorceress nestled comfortably on his shoulder.
"Nope. All clean, as far as I can tell. Guess these guys trusted Woodrow to keep intruders out."
Marceline shrugs and floats on through. "Eh, it's not like it'll be getting any more pleasant down here. Let's head in already."
They follow the vampire's lead through the oculus, which ushers them into what looks like the dungeon's innermost sanctum. Hundreds of candles lit with ethereal sapphire flames line every inch of the room's perimeter. The walls and ground are covered in more druidic script and fractal-like glyphs. Intricate totem cairns and fetishes crowd the ceiling like bat colonies.
At its center, however, is a circle, several rows deep, of skeletons arrayed in a variety of magi garb. They are all frozen in positions of worship and prayer around a high pedestal composed of thick, interwoven roots breaking through the stone floor. Upon it sits a yellowware reliquary in the shape of a cube topped with a pyramid. The face of a mutated skull is embedded into the front of it.
"Geez…I guess they all straight-up croaked, huh?" Finn says, approaching the ring of desiccated bodies. "That summoning thing must have backfired hard."
Princess Bubblegum leans down and inspects one of the druids. "I'm more concerned over the possibility that the ritual succeeded. Whatever did this emitted enough power to instantly atomize flesh, but with enough specificity to leave everything else intact."
"It's pretty obvious it has something to do with whatever they're all hunched around." Huntress Wizard slips off Finn's back and vaults over to the pedestal. "I'm feeling a mad energy signature on this thingy. Whatever's inside is keeping the dungeon tethered. As soon as we take it surface-side, the whole place should collapse."
"I love me some potentially cursed items, but are we sure we want to open that?" Jake motions to the skeletons. "Considering what happened to these chumps?"
"I'm thinking these guys were wasted by the summoning ritual, itself." Huntress Wizard picks up the reliquary. "Whatever we have here is likely one of the implements they were using during it."
Finn holds up his hand. "Yo, toss it here, HW, and I'll open it up. I ain't no wimp."
"Alright, let me cast a quick protective ward around you first, just in case." The nymph points at Finn and mumbles a few words under her breath. A thin beam of yellow light shoots out of her fingertip and hits Finn square in the chest. "There," she says, tossing the container to him. "You're all set."
"Rock." Finn grabs the top of the triangle, pulls it off, and looks inside.
"Well, what is it?" HW asks.
"Just some old bones; they're not even magical looking."
Marceline blows a lock of hair out of her face. "Pff. Talk about anticlimactic."
"Hey, at least we get first pick on all this cool druid gear," Jake remarks. He takes a wide-brimmed hat from one of the dead and dons it at a jaunty angle. "Huh? I'm lookin' pretty cool, right?"
Huntress Wizard shrugs. "I guess I could always use another spell book or two."
"That's the spirit. How 'bout you PB? Marceline?"
"Ugh," Princess Bubblegum's face wrinkles in disgust. "Thanks, but I'm definitely taking a hard pass on the whole corpse scavenging party."
"Well, that settles it," Marceline floats to the nearest skeleton and begins searching its pockets. "I won't rest until I find a present that totally grosses you out, Bon-Bon. Oh, hey! How about this skull, or maybe a pelvis?"
Finn giggles at Princess Bubblegum's groan as he stows the reliquary in his pack. He then bends down beside Huntress Wizard to help her sift through the remains.
