Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters in the series.
Old, New, Borrowed, Blue
Chapter One
One Week Earlier
There is something to be said about my sister.
Actually. There are a lot of things to be said about my sister.
The most important thing is that she is the biggest bitch you will ever meet. And if you're thinking that was sarcasm, think again. Because that statement right there, is probably the most serious thing I will ever say. If I could, I would shout it from the rooftops, and warn the whole fucking world of the sack of evil that is my sister.
Hear ye, hear ye! Katherine Stephanie Swan is a complete harlot. She will suck out your soul and stomp on your every hope and dream. Run while you still have a chance!
Now, you make be thinking how I could possibly say these things about my only older sister. Well, let me take you on a small stroll down memory lane. Shall we?
Perhaps it all started when I was two years old and she decided it was a good idea to bathe both the cat and me in the toilet... At the same time. I'm sure you can guess how many scratches came out of that one. Then again it could have been when I was three and she ripped off all the heads of my Barbies and lit them on fire. Or maybe the time she switched the ketchup on my hotdog for hot sauce when I was six? And let's not forget the time she pushed my face into my cake on my twelfth birthday.
I rest my case.
She's a fucking bitch.
However, it is important that you also should know that she's perfect.
What? You say. How is this possible? You wonder.
Well friends, let me tell you.
Katherine Stephenie Swan is the definition of a golden girl. In high school she was the head cheerleader, managed a shining 4.0 grade point average, was accepted to Stanford, and has the body of a Swedish super model, with our mother's blue eyes and sandy blonde hair. Not to mention, she continually offers to "help" me get my life back together in such a sickeningly sweet way it makes people want to donate more money than when one of those sad animal commercials come on. You know… The kind with all the abused animals, and that stupid Sarah McLaughlin song?
Anyway.
Fuck that shit.
I swear, my sister deserves more Academy Awards than Meryl Streep. She's a damn pro at acting like a goody two shoes. My parents only see her as the squeaky clean child she pretends to be. Even my two best friends think that I'm mentally fucked in the head for thinking that anything could be wrong with Saint Katherine.
Fuck 'em.
I know what I saw throughout my childhood. I know what she's put me through. And trust me, being dragged through the mud behind a galloping horse would have been an easier punishment than getting stuck with her evil ass throughout the last twenty three years of my life.
So, you can probably guess that I have always been second best in my parent's eyes. Although, it's really not as bad as you might think. After the time they found the empty vodka bottle under my bed when I was sixteen they sort of gave up on trying to shape me into what Katherine was. Where she was skinny and perfectly mannered, I had curves and a dirty mind. Where she had bitchy cheerleading friends and the hottest boyfriend in school, I had a crazy omniscient pixie and the gayest man in the state of Washington.
And I was content with that. After I moved away with my friends to college, I was the happiest a person could ever be. I bought porn whenever I wanted, got drunk off my ass, and obviously let my gay friend play with my tits.
I was nowhere near the girl that Queen Katherine was, but I was totally okay with that.
Throughout college I barely saw Katherine since she had moved away to New York to follow her dream job of becoming a lawyer.
Bitch, please.
There was no way in hell she was actually going to do any lawyer-ing. She was going to fuck her way up the ladder and suck all of those hot shot New York lawyers dry. Maybe she was half vampire? That might explain the soulless behavior. Anyway, she'd gone out there to be a lawyer (bullshit), and only two weeks ago, she called my parents and dropped a fucking A-Bomb on them.
She was getting married.
I know, I know. What kind of person would marry that thing?
I'll tell you who: A crazy person. Only a person who was certifiably insane would commit themselves to a lifetime with my sister. Jesus, you might as well marry Satan and get it over with!
And I probably shouldn't care about who the fuck she marries. I mean, she could marry Johnny Depp and I wouldn't care… Okay, maybe I'd care a little bit, but that's not what I'm trying to get at. Any guy who is stupid enough to fall for Kate's façade deserves her wrath for eternity, and I don't give a fuck about that.
What I do give a fuck about is the fact that I am now required to haul my ass all the way out to California for some stupid fucking wedding that I don't even support.
And I don't even think I've mentioned the worst part yet… The wedding will take place on a vineyard. Do you know how fun a wedding is when the venue is a fucking vineyard? Personally, going on a scale of one to fuckawesome, I'd say it's about a two. Sure it's pretty, but shit all they have to drink is wine. Not that I have anything against wine, but I'm the kind of girl who can't have a good time unless there is some hard liquor flowing…
Does that make me reckless?
Probably.
Do I care?
At this point, the amount of fucks being given is a grand total of 0. However, I've also had time to plan things out, at least to the slightest degree. I managed to convince my two best friends Alice and Jacob to accompany me to the wedding, despite the fact that they did not manage an invitation. Because there is no way in fucking hell that I'm going to go alone to face Kate's awful ass, and be surrounded by old, decrepit people who didn't even know that girls were allowed to wear pants in public nowadays.
Now all I needed to do was pull on my big girl panties and get this over with.
I only have to be there for the last week before the wedding, and then it will be all over.
Maybe if I just manage to avoid Katherine for the week leading up to the wedding then things will be fine... Honestly, how bad could things get in just a week?
Review and let me know what you think. Reviewers will get a snippet of what is to come! Thanks for reading! -SSM
