Every Story Has Two Sides
Snake's Point of View
By Opengunner
(Opengunner's notes: Yes, this was the product of some very random out-burst I had with Shadow, and it just turned into a story.
I probably have more experience with the humor section than her, but I fall short in expressing emotions, so I present a very different presentation of the Story Tyri told, but this time, from the more mature, Mr. Swimmer, whom has a bunch of things go wrong on this day. Poor Snake, will he ever get a useful CODEC support team?
Mainly dedicated to Shadow-Rukario-Kyrii, whom has a bit more common sense than me. It's the least I could do, wasting her time with this non-sense known as 'Conversations'. And remember, there are always two sides to a single story.)
Disclaimer: I own nothing but My Auto-Pilot Imagination.
--
"Snake? Snnaakee? Respond! SNAAAAAAKKKKEEEE?"
"WHAAAAAAAAT?" Snake answered, pretty pissed off, and just waking up, to the yells he was receiving from a device that frequently shattered his eardrums, so he had many surgeries, and opted get the damned thing out of his skull, but as always, it failed, surgery can't be performed on videogame characters, they don't have the necessary animations.
"Have you seen my Gundam Anime DVD collection?" The dorky looking dude who appeared on the left side of the CODEC asked.
"NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU'RE FREAKING ANIME COLLECTION! Leave me alone Otacon!"
Snake was certainly not in the mood to start off the day like this, so he decided to get some coffee. He had various things in that box of his: A bathroom, a Television set, a Nintendo Wii, for kicking people's behinds on Wi-Fi when ever he started to get pissed off, because his brother Liquid, wouldn't share the computer, a PlayStation 3, to watch home videos of him getting old, and still managing to save the day, a computer, in which Liquid spends all day reading fan-fictions of how much he kicks Snake's ass in MGS1, and finally, even a Mr.Cappuccino, courtesy of Liquid, who says:
"Yes, a man needs his cappuccino while causing mass destruction on the innocent population! MUWAHAHA!"
Snake always thought he was a dork anyways, just because their genetically identical and have lived through the worst conditions ever known to mankind, Solids are still more bad-ass that Liquids, and Snake was American, he didn't need logic, or this thing people call "Supporting details".
So Snake grunted as he stared at a piece of paper that said, "Destroy metal gear!" valiantly written on it.
"What the hell does that mean? Where? When?… WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS?"
Snake yelled; already mad about his fashion of waking up. He was just walking in no particular direction, because he has mastered the Reading and Walking skill, after being yelled at by his drill sergeant, and forced to read Clifford: The Big Red Dog while running a mile in front of all the other Secret Agent recruits, after confusing a smushed piece of C4 for a piece of bread, and permanently scarring his sergeant.
Snake hadn't noticed it, but he walked off a conveniently placed cliff while reading his unsigned note that suspiciously had Liquid's hand writing on it.
Falling a few hundred feet might hurt quite a bit, and Snake equipped his omnipotent rations, which would unquestionably defy the laws of science and safe his life because of nostalgic videogame programming.
"Wait! I can use this conveniently placed parachute!"
Snake pulled the pin to notice he ejected most of his equipment out of his suit.
"Oh s-" as he crashed into the ground and left a Wile E. Coyote hole.
--
Several Hours later
--
Snake woke up and noticed he wasn't in an area he knew. Kind of looked like a barren landscape in which the author did not feel like describing. And Snake opted to walk away from the cliff, since there was no way up, except a cypher, but he didn't have the time nor the concentration to pack such a marvelous device with his brother yelling OWNED at every sentence he read in a fan fiction, even the author's notes. Snake checked his equipment, which he ejected off of him during his fall, and landed on him, severely injuring him, if you considered the amount of stuff Snake carries. He seemed to have a new, unknown device that looked a bit like one of those fancy brick cell phones from the 80s that Snake has always wanted.
"Otacon, what the hell is this?" Snake asked pretty bluntly.
"It's a laser designator, It basically paints something using an infrared laser, then sends out a-" Otacon explained, until being interrupted.
"BORING! I meant what does it do that may have been of some use to ME!" Snake exclaimed, he wanted useful items, not just weight, like his ten pound bowling ball he carries around with him, that's essential.
"Oh, just point it at an object, then call Colonel Campbell and the object will go bye-bye via cruise missile." Otacon said as he dumbed it down to kindergarten level, a notch higher above Snake, but Snake might have understood most of it.
"Can I use it against a Metal gear?" Snake blatantly asked, with only one thing on his mind.
"No" Otacon replied.
"Why the hell not?" Snake groaned.
"It would be too easy…" Otacon answered, breaking the fourth wall, again.
"You guys are LOSERS!" Snake yelled loud enough for the rest of his CODEC support team to hear. He didn't care, they all knew Snake hated them since Shadow Moses for giving him no good support, and have him fend for himself from an island full of genetically enhance failures of Solders and the Foxhound Unit, the biggest group of losers since his CODEC team.
Snake signed off his CODEC, still mad that he and his team would never amount to anything but simply being a video game, no real life movie actors, no over the top clichés in movies, and worst of all, he didn't EVEN have his own breakfast cereal named "Frosted Snakes" what a disgrace…
He looked up in the distance to see a strange creature running in his direction from where Snake was standing; it looked like a bipedal Jackal with a purplish tint in its fur, and dark spikes. It looked to have a torso full of fur, and dark legs. Snake couldn't get most of the Jackal's details right, we was a good distance from it, but it was moving VERY fast, to fast for a human to keep up.
Snake immediately whipped out his Cell-Phone Laser Designator of DEATH AND DESTUCTION. (Remember that, Death always comes first, and then destruction, that's important.)
He pointed it at the Jackal, and waited until the laser had visually pinned the target, in which Snake spoke on his CODEC simultaneously.
"I need a Cruise Missile on these co-ordinates." Snake yelled into his CODEC of Death and Destruction, respectively.
Snake then hung up and saw the missile already approaching the Jackal from behind.
'Damn that's speedy service.' Snake thought to himself as he watched the missile close in on the poor, defenseless, and probably completely clueless Jackal. Snake had noticed that the missile was flying along a path, slightly making adjustments to its course but it didn't seem like it was not adjusting fast enough to hit said Jackal. This is when a very grave realization hit Snake's slowly calculating mind…
"I didn't mean my co-ordinates you IDIOTS!" Snake yelled with the realization that a missile with the destructive power to obliterate a fortified bunker was heading straight for him. So he did the only logical thing a sane person would ever do…
He started running with his hands flailing in the air, while running past the now close Jackal, screaming:
"The sky is falling! Save your tortias and your milk, Tom from Myspace will DESTROY US ALL!"
Snake was foolish to think he could out-run a CRUISE MISSILE, but he managed to confuse its trajectory just enough so that it didn't directly hit him. But he wasn't sure what was louder, the explosion of the missile, the scream he let out, or the fact that this was Super Smash Bros, and there is no dying, but there is PAIN and attaining speeds at 999 fast enough to BREAK THE SOUND BARRIER.
He instantly plowed into the poor jackal, whom Snake saw its violet eyes, and proceeded to scream at it, and it screamed back at him, while they both clenched each other tightly, for the fear of their lives. Snake also noticed something was smoking, in which he looked up and noticed that the friction between the air molecules and his hair has sparked… a FIRE. They both looked up at what they were being propelled at, and it turns out to be a conveniently placed GASOLINE STORAGE facility. They crashed into the main tank, and a big fireball insured. Luckily for the Jackal, Snake's body was a great fire-retardant shield for it, too bad Snake couldn't use his own body as a fire-retardant shield, he got most of the explosion. The only major damage the Jackal sustained was in its left eye, for some reason, this canine must had a guardian angel or something; Snake looked like he just dragged himself out from a nuclear bomb test in Nevada.
Long-story short, Snake was having a bad day.
--
When Snake awoke, he noticed he was no longer in a barren landscape that randomly had a gasoline storage facility, but rather a hospital bed. Snake didn't usually go to the hospital, usually, his rations fixed him right up, but Snake also noticed he was no longer in his Sneaking suit, but had multiple casts all over his body. 'That must've been one hell of an explosion' Snake thought to himself, then noticed the Jackal was in the bed next to him, fiddling around with some other creature Snake really couldn't turn his head enough to see.
Snake then started talking to himself, because he was in a hospital, no one would question a man's mental stability in something that resembled a full body cast. He wanted to know what cards that he was dealt for his day to end like this.
"Stupid Otacon, with his freaking Anime DVD collection, what an IDIOT." Snake started getting mad.
"And Stupid CODEC support team, they're IDIOTS too." Snake started to turn red with anger.
"And stupid Liquid, I bet it was him who wrote that stupid letter, IDIOT" Snake was ready to call a cruise missile on said brother.
"I'm surrounded by IDIOTS!" Snake had lost it, and gained the attention of everyone one in the room, even the Jackal, but he didn't care, he was getting too old for this non-sense.
As soon as Snake was fully recovered, Otacon wasn't going to ever see the light of day again.
--
(Opengunner's Notes: See the difference? Lack of emotion for some of the most illogical parts of a story you've ever heard. Most of my humor writing is similar to this, and if you truly and bluely enjoyed this, check out my main story, Oh, The People You'll Meet, in the Brawl section, it's filled with this non-sense some people find entertaining.)
