Pleasant Surprises

Chapter 2

Warning: There are curse words in this chapter…if you decide to read you will see why.

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Derek stepped into Meredith's room and smiled slightly. "Hey." He said out loud. This was going to be harder than anything else he had done but it was the right thing to do. At least he hoped it was – so before she even had the chance to say hello he needed to get out the words that would break his heart – and hers into a million pieces. "I am walking away." Derek stated as his eyes began to fill with unshed tears. "Finn is a good guy and you can be happy with him." Derek could not believe that he was standing in front of the woman he loved telling her that he was walking away. The Chief had made him see that sometimes sacrificing oneself for the woman that you loved was okay and the Chief knew he could not make Ellis Grey happy so he walked away. He had done the unselfish thing. Now it seemed it was Derek's turn. He didn't want history to repeat itself but apparently sometimes it did.

Derek knew he loved Meredith but he had wrecked her and now Finn was trying to make her happy and she seemed happy – so what was he to do? He was so confused! He needed time to think but during that time Meredith deserved to be with someone that she could fall in love with and if that left him out in the cold then, unfortunately, that was a risk that he was going to have to take – even if she didn't understand it and even if he had to hurt her one more time. And he had to remember ultimately he was doing this for her. It didn't matter how much this destroyed him, it was her he was protecting.

Meredith stared at him unable to say a word. How could this be happening to her right now? She was just about to tell him that she had chosen him. That he was the one for her and yet here he was standing before her telling her that he was walking away from her…again. First he had walked away when he chose his wife and now he was walking away from them even before they technically had begun anew. Why? Cause the going got tough? Because he really believed that Finn could make her happier? Had she been so off base as to believe that he understood why she needed to give Finn a chance? Was it her doing for not choosing him immediately? What was going on? She really didn't understand his attitude.

However, before she could even speak he had gotten up from her bed – she hadn't even noticed when he sat down -- and made his way to the door. Just who the hell did he think he was? Coming into her room and telling her that he had decided to walk away? Who gave him the right to just walk away -- after everything that they had been through? After he had told her that they were dating. He was unbelievable! "Derek." She spoke out. She wanted to scream his name. She wanted to get out of bed and slap him. She wanted to have the strength to hate him, but she didn't. "Do you think that after everything we have been through you just get to walk out that door and not even give me an explanation as to why you're dumping me – again?" She spat.

Derek froze and turned to her. "I am not abandoning you again." He stated, clearly hurt. "Meredith I am giving you an out, the opportunity to be happy with Finn. Clearly you haven't been able to make your decision so I am going to bow out – not because I don't love you but because I do." He said, as his hands went up to his hair. "Meredith, I have done nothing but give you grief since I decided to make things work with my wife. I have done nothing but insult you since I found out about George and then about Finn. I don't know how to not hurt you. I don't know how to move forward." He said, honestly.

"And you came to this realization now?" she questioned as tears threatened to fall down her face. "You couldn't bow out before you came and told me you were in love with me? Before you made love to me? How dare you? How dare you make me hope again and then realize that you have been treating me like a jerk for a year and now all of a sudden think it an issue? Derek, if I decided to start dating you, it was because I had decided to move on from all that -- forgive you and start anew but you're walking away from me again and you're not grasping that it's not up to you to make the decision for me. It's up to me." She said, exhausted. "I choose for myself, no one else chooses for me but me!"

Derek looked at her and nodded his head. He knew this was not the time to talk about this and he didn't even know if he wanted to give up entirely. What he did know was that he was going to let her rest and they would talk about this some other time. She had given him a lot to think about. "Okay." He finally stated. "We will talk about this when you feel better. I should've been more sympathetic to you since you just got out of surgery."

"Fine." She said as she laid her head back on the pillows. "I think that you need time to think about this as well. If you truly want to walk away from me then apparently your love for me is not as deep as you thought it might be." Meredith finalized.

She felt some satisfaction at seeing him flinch at her words. "I do love you and even though you don't believe me -- if I am thinking about walking away from you it's because of that, not because I want to…operative word Meredith, thinking…you gave me a lot to think about and I will think about this."

Meredith didn't know what to say anymore so she turned away from him and finally let the tears roll down her cheeks. She had no idea what he was going to do and that was killing her.

She heard him speak before he closed the door. "I will come by to see you later. I want to make sure you're okay but we won't talk about us until you're better and Meredith, for the record…I do love you." With that said, Derek walked out the door.

2 hours later…

Meredith woke up suddenly. She didn't even know when she had fallen asleep. The last thing she remembered was hearing the door closing behind Derek and possibly behind her last opportunity to be truly happy. She opened her eyes intent on finding her pitcher of water – she was dying of thirst.

"You need anything? She heard Finn ask her. Finn…wonderful, beautiful, reliable, Finn. "Water." She found herself responding. He had come back for the second time today. He had left right as Derek had walked in earlier that day and he had no idea that Derek had opened the door for him to be with her and she wasn't going to tell him either.

Finn got up from the chair he had been sitting on for the past hour and grabbed her glass and poured some water into it. "Here you go." He said, chipper. This was the first time that Derek had not been around. He had been here for a while and just cringed at every single footstep he heard outside the door. He was afraid it would be Derek. "So I was thinking about checking in with you tomorrow and bringing you whatever it was that you wanted to eat." Finn said, oblivious to the fact that Meredith was not speaking to him or barely even looking at him. "Cafeteria food is not comfort food."

"You shouldn't." she said. It was time to let Finn go. It didn't matter that she didn't know where she stood with Derek. What she was doing to Finn was unfair, unkind and she needed to put a stop to it. She really did like him but she was not in love with him and he needed to know that. He had never even come close to the way she felt about Derek.

"No. I want to." He told her, the smile still plastered on his face, oblivious to the fact that she was about to break his heart.

"No Finn. Really, you shouldn't." she said once again realizing this time Finn understood exactly what she meant. "So it's Derek." He said defeat etched in every word he pronounced. "Why?" he managed to croak out.

Meredith felt herself get choked up and turned to him. "Finn you are a great guy, maybe even the better guy but Derek…" how could she explain this to him without sounding like the world's biggest bitch for leading him on.

"He's going to hurt you again." He said. "And I won't be here." He was done. It might be cruel to tell her that but he was sure that Derek was going to hurt her again and if she went back for more then that was her prerogative but he wouldn't be around to watch it.

"He might." She concurred. He already did, she wanted to tell him but she didn't. "I'm sorry Finn." It was better this way – a clean break for the both of them.

Finn nodded his head and started towards the door. "Take care of yourself. It was nice knowing you."

With that said he exited the door without looking back. He had gambled and lost – now there was just the option of moving forward.

Meredith saw him walk out the door and breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't that she didn't want to deal with Finn – not at all – she actually was going to miss him but there was no way in hell, and she knew this, that he would accept being her friend only. After that kiss that he gave her in the kitchen, she knew there was no going back, only forward. She had lost a potential good friend in the process. It went with the territory of loving Derek.

"Bye Finn." She stated and closed her eyes. She was so tired. She needed sleep much needed sleep.

Derek sat in his office trying to decipher exactly what had happened in Meredith's room. He had gone in there convinced that the best for her was for him to walk away and he had left without knowing what to do next. There was no doubt in his mind that he loved her – none. She was so stubborn, so infuriatingly stubborn. He wanted to kill her one-second and the other he wanted to take her in his arms and make passionate love to her.

He sighed out loud and groaned out in frustration. "Something the matter?" Derek turned around recognizing his ex-best friend's voice. "Go away Mark." He said, as he covered his face with his two hands. He really couldn't deal with Mark right now.

"We need to talk Derek." He said, as he sat down, ignoring Derek's request. "I know you don't consider me your friend…" Mark couldn't continue because Derek interrupted him. "You're right I don't." he said, standing up from his office chair ready to go to the door. If Mark wouldn't leave his office, he would.

"Just like that?" Mark questioned. "Just like that you are going to throw away 30 years of friendship. I have known you since we were fucking kids man."

"You threw it away!" Derek yelled, not able to control himself. "You Mark. You sleeping with my wife, in my home, in my bed! What the fuck did you think? That I was going to be okay after the shit you pulled? Are you really that egocentric? Wait…you are! You think the sun rises and falls on your damn watch. Well it doesn't!" he said, as he fought the urge to punch a wall.

"You about done fucker?" Mark asked as he leaned on his office credenza. "I admit I really messed up by sleeping with Addison but you seem intent on placing all the blame on me. On me! Where were you Derek? You were absent! Absent from her life, absent from my life, absent period. You didn't care about anything but the hospital. I know you care about your patients and I know you got busy but you forgot to take care of your home, your wife and your friends and I know that's no excuse but Derek not taking accountability for your actions in this whole thing is not helping anybody – not even you."

Derek turned to look at him intent on shutting him up but thinking better of it. Maybe it was good that they hash this out now. They would never be friends again but they should have done this a long time ago. So he let him continue: "Addison and I started spending more time together after you would cancel for lunch, cancel for dinner, and cancel any other plans. So one day when my date cancelled as well we had tickets for a play the four of us remember? So Addison and I went – just the two of us with your blessing! We didn't know that eventually we would end up in bed together. We didn't know a damn thing except that you were constantly missing and we missed you." Mark said, as he took a breath. He had wanted to say this to Derek for a long time and now that he had him listening he wasn't going to waste any time.

"She was my wife." Derek said. "I know that you are a womanizer. I know that you can't be with one woman and that's it. It's not your style. Mark you can damn well have anyone why Addison? Why someone who was taken and why someone who you knew would destroy a lifelong friendship?" Derek asked confused. "I mean you can come and bullshit me and tell me that you were in love with her but Mark I know you, you don't love anyone but yourself! Why don't you just admit that you wanted her because you couldn't have her and let's move on – God I really can't do this right now." Derek said frustrated – angry that Mark was making him do this when he had Meredith and their own problems wracking his brain right now.

"You're wrong Derek. I fought my feelings for Addison for a long time because of you! I didn't fuck her for years because of you! I could've pursued her and your neglect would have brought her straight into my arms."

"Is that what happened?" Derek questioned. "Did you seduce her and she had no choice but to fall for the remarkable, Dr. Mark Sloan?"

"No. It was both our doing actually but I'm not getting into that story right now." Mark stated. All he wanted right now was for Derek to realize that while he was the bad guy in the story he should at least have the opportunity to be redeemed. He needed Derek's forgiveness. He wanted it more than anything else and not because Derek was his only friend – no – but because he was his best friend and no one got him like Derek did and he needed him in his life. They had been like brothers to one another and now they had nothing and he couldn't accept that – he wouldn't.

"Why not get into the story?" Derek questioned. "Because you know damn well that if you start with this story you will realize what a lousy friend you are." Derek said, with a sarcastic smirk on his face.

"No. I know what a lousy friend I am and trust me I am paying for it."

"Are you back to get her?" he asked.

"If she'll have me. Face it Derek, you don't want her. You don't. You love Meredith. I totally get why." Mark stated and was stunned by the manner in which Derek reacted.

"You stay the fuck away from Meredith. Don't look at her, don't talk to her…don't do anything. Stay as far away as possible from her." He said. "I swear Mark I find out that you have been near Meredith there will be no hellhole you could hide in where I couldn't find you."

Mark laughed at that. "Protective aren't we or just plain possessive?" Mark teased.

"Leave. Her. Alone."

"Derek I do not want Meredith. Not because she's not beautiful or breathtaking…no. I don't want her because I want to mend our friendship and we could never be friends again if I pursued Meredith."

"Are you in love with Addison?"

God how to answer that – he simply did not know. "I honestly do not know. I would like to find out. One minute I think she is the life of my life but then I sit down and I see you and I see her and I see how much destruction surrounds us that I sometimes wonder if I need to make it work with Addison because we have screwed all of our lives up and if you two don't make it then we have to make it because then all this shit happened for no reason and that seems like a fucking waste of time Derek."

"That's not love Mark. The problem here is that you have no fucking clue what love is. You really don't." Derek said as he shook his head. Mark was really going to make him start feeling sorry for him. He had not changed in all his life so why change now.

"Tell me then." Mark said. "Enlighten me, oh wise one." He asked, as he rolled his eyes – fragments of a small smile on his lips.

"I don't have time for this nor the inclination. Mark we used to be like brothers and I would have given up anything for you…anything. But you decided to take what was most important to me and that I can't forgive. At another point in our lives I would have sat here for hours if need be to try to explain to you what love is but now Mark I can't do it because giving you advice, feeling the necessity to do that means that what you did to me was all right and it wasn't Mark. I can't forgive you."

"But you forgive Addison." Mark said, offended.

Derek looked at him pointedly. "That is the second time you tell me that this year and I will tell you what I told you back then. I owed her forgiveness – she was my wife. You…you don't get that pass Mark. Why? Because you were supposed to be watching my back as I watched yours. You were supposed to defend me as I defended you time and time again. You were supposed to protect me, as I protected you. You were not supposed to sleep with my wife, you were not supposed to stab me in the back and you sure as hell were not supposed to flirt with Meredith as soon as you walked in the door of Seattle Grace."

"Why did you hesitate?" Mark asked suddenly.

"What?"

"Why did you hesitate at Meredith's door today? I saw you hesitate. I know you Derek. What the hell are you thinking? Why did you hesitate?"

"You watch me?"

"No. I don't watch you." Mark replied, as he smirked slightly. "I just know you better than anyone else."

"You don't know me anymore. You lost that right a long time ago and for the record I did not hesitate." Derek insisted. Mark did know him well but he would never confide in him again. That – if the was honest – was something that hurt him to the core but he would never admit it to anyone.

Mark was about to respond when Derek got paged and he thanked his lucky stars for that. "Would love to stay and chat Mark." He commented sarcastically. "However, duty calls."

Mark saw him open the door to his office and exclaimed before Derek headed out: "Were not done with our conversation 'ole pal. I'm not giving up on our friendship – at least not yet."

Derek shook his head and walked out the door. He didn't have time for this.