Chapter 2: Holding Back

Emily

I looked in the mirror once more before heading out to the common room.

I looked at each and everyone of my so called friends. I just wanted to scream. I wanted to break down and cry.

But I just smiled.

"You seem like you're in a good moode." Kevin said.

Don't trust everything you see Kev. Don't…

"Yeah….I'm feeling a lot more better…." I said.

"Good." Mike said with a smile.

"Anyways, I'm going to go into town." I said.

I grabbed my sweatshirt and ipod and headed for town.

I smiled at each and everyone of them. I was holding back pent up anger. Too many fights, people getting on my nerves...same old, same old.

I wanted for once everything to just stop.

I want it to stop.

I want to die.

I want….I want for my life to end.

I wanted everyone to just let me die….

But I know my friends wouldn't let that….

I wanted to hide away from the world at most. I wanted to leave everything behind.

I wanted to be free…

Hide the tears, society won't approve. Plaster on that fake smile, and let them destroy you.

Some people hide behind a smile for many reasons.

Some find it easier than explaining why they're upset. Some do it so they won't hurt others.

I do it to mask the pain that no one will understand.

Some people think that people do it for attention. Sometimes we're forced to…

I need a way out. I want to run and scream and cry. I want to ditch this life.

"Emily, will you please talk?" Mia asked.

No...Just go away, Let me die! Let me be alone. I don't want to be here. I want to be dead. You guys won't ever understand….

"I'm fine." I lied.

"No. You're not" Mike pointed out.

"I'm fine. Why would I lie to you guys?" I said.

"To hide the truth." Kevin said with a sigh.

Please. Let it go. I don't want to talk to you. You won't understand! That's why I won't tell you guys anything. Just leave me alone!

"No…..Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it." I said with my back to them. I walked towards my room.

I sat on to my bed, my door was locked, lights were off. I hugged my pillow tightly and cried.

I screamed into my pillow.

No one saw through my games….not today at least. It got me through a day….So far….

I'm determined to not let anyone through the walls that my secrets have become…

I won't let them. They won't understand. Even if they try, they won't…..I appreciate them trying, but I don't want them to feel like I do….

They just need to stop worrying about me. I don't understand why they act like they worry so much. I can see through their lies. It's all fake.

Everything…

Sometimes I wish they would give up on me and just let me be. Half the time, I don't even want to talk to them….

I'm not used to people worrying about me. I'm not used to people caring about me. The only people I am used to is my family. They just don't understand.

"Emily, want something to drink?" Jayden asked with a glass of water in his hand extended to me. I took it. Somehow he got into my room. Probably a key.

"Will you please talk to me? I'm here for you through thick and thin." He said.

I sighed.

"You won't understand." I muttered.

"I can try. Come on Emmy. Please?" He asked me.

I just looked away from him.

Ah, so Jayden is trying to get Emily to talk...Will he succeed?

Also, it seems like updates will most likely be coming faster. I won't be writing as much tomorrow because of wisdom teeth extraction, but this week I am answering questions. So feel free to private message me questions and I will try to respond as quickly as possible.

Anyways, See ya.

-BaybieBlue