Chapter 2: Holding Back
Emily
I looked in the mirror once more before heading out to the common room.
I looked at each and everyone of my so called friends. I just wanted to scream. I wanted to break down and cry.
But I just smiled.
"You seem like you're in a good moode." Kevin said.
Don't trust everything you see Kev. Don't…
"Yeah….I'm feeling a lot more better…." I said.
"Good." Mike said with a smile.
"Anyways, I'm going to go into town." I said.
I grabbed my sweatshirt and ipod and headed for town.
I smiled at each and everyone of them. I was holding back pent up anger. Too many fights, people getting on my nerves...same old, same old.
I wanted for once everything to just stop.
I want it to stop.
I want to die.
I want….I want for my life to end.
I wanted everyone to just let me die….
But I know my friends wouldn't let that….
I wanted to hide away from the world at most. I wanted to leave everything behind.
I wanted to be free…
Hide the tears, society won't approve. Plaster on that fake smile, and let them destroy you.
Some people hide behind a smile for many reasons.
Some find it easier than explaining why they're upset. Some do it so they won't hurt others.
I do it to mask the pain that no one will understand.
Some people think that people do it for attention. Sometimes we're forced to…
I need a way out. I want to run and scream and cry. I want to ditch this life.
"Emily, will you please talk?" Mia asked.
No...Just go away, Let me die! Let me be alone. I don't want to be here. I want to be dead. You guys won't ever understand….
"I'm fine." I lied.
"No. You're not" Mike pointed out.
"I'm fine. Why would I lie to you guys?" I said.
"To hide the truth." Kevin said with a sigh.
Please. Let it go. I don't want to talk to you. You won't understand! That's why I won't tell you guys anything. Just leave me alone!
"No…..Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it." I said with my back to them. I walked towards my room.
I sat on to my bed, my door was locked, lights were off. I hugged my pillow tightly and cried.
I screamed into my pillow.
No one saw through my games….not today at least. It got me through a day….So far….
I'm determined to not let anyone through the walls that my secrets have become…
I won't let them. They won't understand. Even if they try, they won't…..I appreciate them trying, but I don't want them to feel like I do….
They just need to stop worrying about me. I don't understand why they act like they worry so much. I can see through their lies. It's all fake.
Everything…
Sometimes I wish they would give up on me and just let me be. Half the time, I don't even want to talk to them….
I'm not used to people worrying about me. I'm not used to people caring about me. The only people I am used to is my family. They just don't understand.
"Emily, want something to drink?" Jayden asked with a glass of water in his hand extended to me. I took it. Somehow he got into my room. Probably a key.
"Will you please talk to me? I'm here for you through thick and thin." He said.
I sighed.
"You won't understand." I muttered.
"I can try. Come on Emmy. Please?" He asked me.
I just looked away from him.
Ah, so Jayden is trying to get Emily to talk...Will he succeed?
Also, it seems like updates will most likely be coming faster. I won't be writing as much tomorrow because of wisdom teeth extraction, but this week I am answering questions. So feel free to private message me questions and I will try to respond as quickly as possible.
Anyways, See ya.
-BaybieBlue
