Part two of The Ends of the World. Oh, to be in a multi-platinum boyband. Oh, to be Juri, surrounded by a cute little boy (Miki), an angry young man (Saionji), and the messiah of translucent hair (Touga). ::sighs::
Warning: contains some sexual content, mostly bizarre. Please don't take offense, I was informed it was only borderline 'too much'.
Disclaimer: Utena doesn't belong to me. Any people, real or fictional, that I may make references to do not belong to me, either. ::uses Jedi mind trick:: You will not sue me...
Damn! Star Wars doesn't belong to me, either. Oh, well...enjoy! R/R!
Booyaka! ~NV22~

***

"Augh...I *HATE* morning afters..." Touga growled, rubbing his head fiercely.

"Oh, I *knoooooooow...*" Akio agreed, reaching for the aspirin he always kept handy.

"Ohtori Akio and Kiryuu Touga, poster children for Advil Addicts Anonymous," Juri commented idly.

"They wouldn't really be anonymous then, would they?" Miki pointed out, sipping his tea.

"How come he's always first?" Touga whined.

"Could you two *please* tone it down?" Saionji said, turning up the volume on the TV. "Hey, you...yeah I'm talking to you, SASSY girl," he recited along with Justin Timberlake on the screen.

Juri reached over and gently extracted the remote from Saionji's hand. His eyes were glazed slightly and he didn't notice, just kept mouthing the words to the new *NSYNC single blissfully.

"Thanks enough MTV for him," Juri muttered, chucking the remote into a pile of Akio's dirty laundry. "Akio, I am *NOT* cleaning that up."

"Why not?" Akio said.

"Because they're filthy and disgusting and NOT MINE."

"So? You're the woman!"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you think we brought you on board because you had actual talent?" Akio said.

"Ouch!" Touga said appreciatively.

"Thought never crossed my mind," she replied evenly. "After all, *you're* in the group."

"Double ouch!" Miki said, and Touga gave him an odd look.

"Are you looking to get kicked out of the group?" Akio threatened.

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" Juri cheered.

"No fair!" Touga, Saionji, and Miki all whined. "I wanna get kicked out, too!"

"No, wait, I don't," Touga said after a moment of thought. "GIRLS, baby, *GIRLS*!"

"Dios, not *this* again," Juri groaned, rubbing her temple and reaching for Akio's aspirin.

"How come you and Akio get all the girls?" Saionji demanded, jabbing Touga's chest with his finger.

"We write all the songs and sing all the solos," Touga said calmly.

"Why can't I write songs?" Saionji yelled. "I'm a good songwriter! I have lots of inspiration!"

"Your songs would be bitch-about-Touga songs," Miki pointed out.

"So? Any songs *you* would write would be about your 'shining thing!'" Saionji said, pointing an accusing finger at Miki and looking very much deranged. "And YOU!" he said, now aiming at Juri, "YOUR songs would all be about the power of miracles!"

"It doesn't exist," Juri said bitterly.

"Then why the hell are you searching for it?"

"Listen, Juri-san," Touga said in his most comforting voice, laying a consoling hand on Juri's shoulder and for once in his life actually looking sincere. "About Shiori..."

"Hai, Touga-san?" she said, sounding for all the world like Utena in her trusting-Akio moments.

"I've gotten with her," Touga said matter-of-factly. "And believe you me, you're not missing anything..."

Juri let out an animal cry of anger and disgust, shaking off Touga's hand and stomping off. "PIG!" she called over her shoulder.

"He's right, you know," Akio added as she retreated.

"PIGS!" was Juri's reply.

Akio turned innocently to Touga (well, about as innocently as Akio can manage). "Really, I don't see what the hype was all about with Shiori."

"I *knoooooooow...*" Touga agreed.

"I could make one hell of a list of people I've gotten with," Akio said thoughtfully.

"Yeah."

"Wakaba..."

"Who hasn't?"

"Hum. Anthy."

"Again, who hasn't?"

"You haven't."

"Haven't I?" Touga said mysteriously.

"You'd better not lay a hand on my sister..." Akio threatened, moving to get up.

Touga snorted. "Like you care."

Akio settled back onto the couch. "Huh. Good point."

"I know. Who else?"

"Ayeka AND Ryoko..."

"Sakuya..."

Akio raised an eyebrow skeptically. "She wasn't real, man."

"Oh, and Mikage *was*?" Touga countered, his own eyebrow raised skeptically.

"Good point."

"I seem to make a lot of those."

"I've noticed. Ranma."

"Male or female?"

Akio shrugged. "Both."

"Kinky."

"Try the water trick in the middle of sex if you want kinky," Akio said with a wink.

"Aah! Do *not* go there!" Saionji, who was listening in, called.

"Yeah, yeah, nice skirt, Saionji," the two men chorused. Dubbed Utena did have some good parts, after all.

"Sailorvenus," Akio continued.

"Big deal," Touga snorted. "Like anyone wouldn't or couldn't. LBS."

"LBS?"

"Little Blond Slut," Touga confirmed. "Every series has one."

"'Cept for ours. No blondes," Akio said. Except your sister, he thought, but knew better than to say it.

"Plenty of sluts, though."

"Yup." Akio paused, lost in thought. "Sailormoon."

"Doesn't she have that tuxedo guy?"

"Like that even matters! I'm *Akio*. I get everyone! Besides, Tuxie's a wimp."

"True."

"Sailormars."

"Have you done *every* cast member of BSSM?" Touga asked.

"Hey, having the same director pays off," Akio said with a leery grin. "I once got into a threesome with Uranus and Neptune."

"*More* than I wanted to know," Touga said.

"Oh, you know you wanted to know."

"No, I didn't."

Akio paused again, ignoring Touga as per usual. "Bulma."

"That's different. Didn't Vegeta get on your case, or didn't he find out?"

"More like didn't care. Seemed thrilled to be getting her off his hands...damn pink shirt. 'Bad Man', ha. Who's the master of bad men?"

"Oh, Akio," Touga said dryly, rolling his eyes. "You are. You are."

"Yesss! That's right, baby! Sexing up anime characters around the world!" There was that damn Akio Car and that damn breeze again. Akio ran his hands over his tanned chest.

"For the Revolution of the World!"

"Absolute Destiny: Apocalypse," Anthy said quietly, appearing out of nowhere.

"ANNN-THYYY!" Akio called, hopping off the car and chasing his sister. "C'mere! I want some lovin'!"

***FIN***