SOME MONTHS LATER

The need to forget everything, to be able to shove it once more into the back of my mind, drew me to rather desperate measures – even by my standards. Taking some time off from work, I disappeared for a short while just to clear my head. I left without letting anyone know where I was going, just on the off chance that it would get back to Louis. It wasn't as if I had gone far; I'd just hopped the border into Wales and spent my time deep in the Welsh country side. But what was the use of it all? Even the time away didn't help to cope with anything. My mind was too noisy and I had left the only person that could help me make sense of it, far behind.

The chaos of my train of thought continued even once I returned home from the impromptu holiday. Ever since I had begun to struggle once more with memories that were better off being repressed to the depths of my mind, I had strangely looked forward to work again. Even if I had to deal with a stream of irritating clients who came into my office one after the other, I didn't mind because it kept me busy. It stopped me thinking of Louis. Maybe that was why I hated going back home?

It was definitely why I hated the night time because it was in the dark of the night that I couldn't fight it anymore. I was confronted with things that I would rather forget and the heartbreak of it all was enough to drive even a far stronger person to tears. What chance did I possibly stand?

Stumbling from my bed, I forced myself to my feet and simply wrapped my dressing gown around me. Tying the belt tight around my waist and grabbing my wand on my way out of my bedroom, I walked slowly down the stairs and into the front room. Approaching the fire place, I hesitated to use the floo but knew that there was little else that I could do; I couldn't get any peace. Grasping a handful of floo powder, I stepped into the fireplace and threw it down, announcing my destination.

Unsurprisingly, when I reached the other side, the room was plunged in darkness. It was almost 2 am. I cast a hesitant glance around the living room before stepping out and taking a good look around. Everything was still the same. Waiting not so patiently by the fireplace, I wiped my cheeks to remove the final trail of tears from my face even as I knew it would do nothing to hide just how red my eyes were.

It would be any second now.

And sure enough, Louis was there with his wand drawn out in front of him, after having felt someone breach his wards. His eyes, when they settled on my face, widened in surprise even as a relieved smile graced his face because I wasn't some unwelcome intruder. Lowering his wand after casting a lumos, he got a good look at my face and his smile was short lived.

"Étoile," he said softly, and despite all my pride, that was what it took to break me. One word was all it took.

Face crumbling as tears rushed to my eyes again, I hurried to cover my face in my hands but it was enough. Just like that, Louis was rushing towards me, his arms outstretched to embrace me. But he caught himself just short of actually holding me, likely thinking that I was going to resist. Instead, I was the one to turn in to his waiting arms. Louis, quick to embrace me, cradled me against his chest and made soft shushing noises as I tried not to sob.

"I'm sorry," I started, hiccupping slightly against his chest.

"Don't be," he said back instantly, a single hand coming up to brush the hair away from my face as I sniffled.

"It's too much," I managed quietly, looking up into his face. He stared down at me with sad eyes, waiting for me to finish speaking. "It's too painful now. I tried so hard to forget everything but just – just the sight of you again made me remember so much. Why can't I forget it all?"

"I'm sorry," he said this time, arms tightening around me to draw me into his arms. He held me close, his nose burrowing into the crook of my neck as I finally wrapped my own arms around him as well to return his embrace. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't know what to do," I confessed slowly, so reluctant to part from him that I didn't even draw back to look at him as I spoke. Instead, I continued to cling to him. "I don't think I have it in me to keep myself away from."

Louis moved away from me then, looking down at me with a sad smile. Unable to help himself, he asked slowly, "When do you think we'll get back to that place again?"

"Do you want to get back there?"

"More than anything."

"I honestly don't know how long it will take," I confessed hesitantly, biting my bottom lip. "All I know is that it'll take a very long time until I can trust you completely again."

"That's alright," he assured me, pressing a kiss to my forehead before holding me close again. "I can wait."