Hearing the Heart Speak through Gestures of the Hands

Within a flash Severus sat up straight, gasping for breath as if he had woken up from a terrible nightmare. Cold sweat was dripping off his forehead. He had awoken on the bed of his old bedroom. The musty old scent of dust filled his nostrils. It stank, but it smelled familiar all the same.

Everything was as he had remembered it from when he was a teenager. Every crack on the gray, cobwebbed walls, every creak of his stained old mattress. Even the quill scratches on his plywood desk were exactly the same. The only noticeable difference was that his bedside table was empty. A place where normally his fishbowl, along with a pile of books, would have stood.

The only thing in the room that didn't look old and neglected was a black bass guitar, along with a small amp, standing proudly in the corner of his room. The black of his bass and mirror pick guard shimmered brightly compared to everything else that was his old personal hellhole.

He recalled selling his bass after graduating from Hogwarts, no longer having any desire to make music. It was a thing he had done with Lily, and without her, there had been no joy in it.

He got out of the creaking bed and checked himself in the mirror pick guard of his bass. The brown shirt and worn jeans were the same as he had worn in limbo. He could barely recall what it was like to wear something that wasn't entirely black. Then again, he had been wearing black since he was able to afford his own clothes.

His hair was longer and his face thinner. A small stubble had started to form on his chin. How old was he now? Fifteen?

The worst age a man could possibly be he thought to himself grudgingly. Getting the chance to live life all over again, and still receive the arse end of the deal.

The loud clanking sound of a pan hitting the stove broke his thought process. Speaking of arse ends, if his mother was currently cooking something in the kitchen, his father couldn't be far away either.
A part of him wanted to run down the stairs, but a bigger part of him made him stay put.

After living a life of abuse and isolation had eventually driven her to a point of madness, Eileen had taken her own life. He knew exactly how and why she died. For a split second, he wished his adult memories had disappeared along with his adult body, but he understood that without his future, he could not change his past.

The scent of bacon and eggs traveled up the staircase and made his stomach growl.

He had to do it. He had to go down and see her again. With a heavy heart he descended down the rickety staircase and turned the corner into the kitchen.

And there she was, wearing a long wide green skirt with a purple button-up blouse. Her lack of height was made up for by her Scottish stoutness. Severus had inherited very little of her physical features, but most of her personality.

She was clinking the wooden spatula hard against the edge of the frying pan as she finished cooking.

Severus stomped with his foot on the floor to get her attention. She looked up, put on a wide smile and signed 'good morning' with a swift motion of her arm.

'Good morning mother,' said Severus, glad that she was a skilled lip reader. It'd been over two decades since he had to use sign language, and he had gotten a little rusty at it.

Eileen curled her hand and motioned towards her mouth. 'Do you want breakfast?'

Severus made a knocking gesture in the air, which meant 'yes.' At least he remembered that much.

Eileen shoved the eggs and bacon onto two plates and placed them on the kitchen table. Severus had a hard time comprehending the bizarreness of it all.

His heart wanted to weep, but his mind suppressed it. To see his mother again, in a rare good mood he might add, wasn't something he wanted to cry over, and so he allowed the situation to unfold before him without interruption.

He sat down opposite her at the kitchen table, and dug into his scrambled eggs.

'You seem troubled,' she signed to him.

'I haven't slept well,' he lied.

'Is it because you are excited for today?'

Severus frowned. 'What's today?'

Eileen flung down her fork and gave him a skeptical look. 'Are you serious?' she signed.

'No, I'm Severus.'

Eileen gave him a playful slap against his arm. 'Don't be cheeky. Have you forgotten what day it is?'

Severus lifted an eyebrow. 'My birthday?' he asked carefully.

'Have you been drinking?' Eileen asked while she shot him a stupid look and pointed out of the window. 'It's summer you dimwit.'

Definitely not his birthday then.

'It's the first of September. You've got your OWLs this year.' Eileen signed two large circles around her eyes at the word OWLs.

'Don't worry mum. I haven't been drinking.'

'Is there anything I need to worry about Severus?'

'Yes, your eggs are getting cold.'

Eileen rolled her eyes. 'You're impossible Severus,' her index fingers crossing as she said it.

'I got that from you,' he said mockingly.

'I haven't seen Lily in a while.' Eileen tossed her hair back in a girly fashion at Lily's name. It had started as an inside joke between them, poking fun at how Lily always tossed her hair back when she got angry about something. It stuck and had been the sign for her name ever since.

Severus shrugged. 'I guess I'll see her on the platform today.'

'Is everything alright between the two of you?'

'You're asking an awful lot of questions mum,' Severus said as he wolfed down some of his bacon.

'That girl is my only hope for grandchildren—'

'Mum!' Severus whined like a proper fifteen-year-old.

Eileen waved it off. 'She's precious Severus,' she said with humble gestures. 'I would hate to see her go.'

To Severus's own shame, he had started to blush. A thing he hadn't done since the day Lily had walked out of his life.

A stifled noise from upstairs brought him back to reality. This time he signed to his mother. 'Is Tobias still home?'

Eileen nodded and bit her lip. 'He's losing hours at work.'

If Severus remembered correctly, Tobias would lose his job at some point this year, and the result had been more than just an empty fridge.

'Would you like to leave early Severus?'

Severus nodded.

Eileen pointed at the living room. 'Your trunk is in there.'

Severus hurried himself to the living room, hoisted up his heavy school trunk and followed his mother out the backdoor and into the garden.

'Got everything?'

He checked for his wand. The only thing that truly mattered and felt it in the back pocket of his jeans.

'Don't you want to bring your bass?'

Shit. He ran back inside and up the staircase. Fortunately, Tobias was still in his own bedroom. He flung the bass into its case and left the amp behind. He wouldn't need that at Hogwarts. He slammed the door of his bedroom behind him.

'Boy!' a low dark voice rumbled from across the hall.

Severus froze. Tobias had stepped out of his bedroom. Severus stood face to face with a much larger, much angrier looking version of himself. The only prominent difference was that his hair was short and graying.

A pool of old seething hatred had started to boil up inside of Severus's chest. 'I'm leaving,' he sneered.

'Tell your mother I'm still expecting breakfast.'

'I'm not telling her shit!' he was tempted to draw his wand and kill the man right where he stood. Years of cool logic and reasoning however, made sure his wand remained inside his pocket.

'Are you fucking back talking me boy?'

'Go fuck yourself,' Severus barked at Tobias while lifting the back of his hand and sticking up two fingers.

Before Tobias could respond, Severus sprinted down the stairs and ran into the garden as quick as his young legs could carry him and grabbed his mother, who had picked up his trunk, by the arm.

'Let's go!' Severus said with determination, and with a loud crack they both disapparated to King's Cross station.