Disclaimer: I may not own Percy Jackson, but I do like to torture the characters n.n

It was only minutes after he finished the list the Hermes became once again bored. What to do, what to do? The answer? Solitaire on the computer. Wow, he really had no life.

"Hermes," Apollo said calmly from behind the messenger god, making Hermes job five feet in the air from his sudden appearance. "Why the hell do you have a file on your desktop labeled 'Ways to Annoy Percy Jackson?'?"

"I was bored," the god pouted, looking extremely childish. "Hey, I am not childish!"

Sure you aren't Hermes, sure you aren't.

"I'm not!"

"Hey Hermes, I don't think you're suppose to talk to the author," Apollo pointed out.

"Oh."

Can I continue?

"Yeah."

"Sure, go ahead."

Anyway-

"Wait, wait, wait, why can't I just go prank some people if I'm so bored?" Hermes asked.

Because I said so.

"And because it would take away from the plot, smart," Apollo added.

"But I don't care about messing with mortals. Much funner to pull jokes on gods."

More fun, Hermes. Funner isn't a word

"Yeah, and this story is called Ways to Annoy Percy Jackson Character, anyway" Apollo pointed out. "Not Hermes the Prankster"

You guys done?

"Yeah"

You sure? Cause I can come back later.

"No, now's fine."

...

As I was saying...

Hermes suddenly smiled that smile of his that you didn't have to be an oracle to know your life was in danger. "Wanna help me make another list?"

Apollo stared at him blankly at him for a whole minute, staring unblinkingly until Hermes actually thought his brother would deny his request when the sun god suddenly grinned, his teeth so white it nearly ruined Hermes eyesight; except for the fact that he was, well, a god and couldn't be blinded...

"Which little demigod shall we irritate?" Apollo smirked.

"I was thinking since we already picked on Poseidon's child," Hermes started. "We might as well make a list for Athena's"

Chapter Two: Ways to Annoy Annabeth Chase

-Put a fake spider on her head

-Put a real spider on her head

-Constantly whisper in her ear, "Hera's gonna get you!"

-Steal her laptop, given to her by Daedalus

-Offer it as ransomed

-Tell her Calypso had a baby about nine months after the Battle of the Labyrinth (when Percy went to her island)

-Write "I love Percy" over all her possessions

-Call Percy "Popeye" cause he's a sailor and Annabeth "Olive" because that's the kind of tree her mom made

-Constantly call her "Wise Girl" or "Owl head" or an olive-eating owl-eyed know-it-all

-Gasp theatrically every time she says something like "I don't know"

-Send her a fake invitation to the Fourth of July fireworks from Percy. When she arrives, tell her that Percy is taking Rachel

-When she and Percy get into a fight, remind her that being the only child of Poseidon, there are no other boys in the sea

-Pretend to be in love with Percy and make it obvious in front of her

-Tell Athena she and Percy were making out in her temple (like Poseidon and Medusa)

-Tell her about a piece of architecture she doesn't know about (make it up if you must)

-Constantly ask her how to spell words

-Talk about Luke

-Beat her at something like chess or poker (you will most likely have to cheat)

-Every time she and Percy argue about Luke, say that she's only defending Luke because she's in love withhim

-Trick her into think she's leading her own quest

-When she thinks Percy's dead in The Battle of the Labyrinth, tell her that he's actually on Calypso's island and laugh when she thinks you're just making a sick joke

-Tell her she was wrong for once when Percy comes back to Camp

-Bring up the topic of Rachel Elizabeth Dare

-When having a conversation with her randomly point and shout, "Owl!"

-Bring up the topic of Calypso

-Any time Annabeth asks where Percy is tell her he went to Calypso's island.

-Leave a 5 year old alone with all her books and a pack of permanent markers.

-Make her watch a movie that destroys all the best architecture.

-Tell her Athena fell into the Lethe River and is now stupid

-Bring up Percy in every sentence

-Steal her invisibility cap

-Taunt her by saying "You can't find me!" while wearing the cap

-When she finds you, tell her you're a ninja, put the cap back on, and walk away

-Tell her Percy joined the Titans

-Bonus points if you tell her he took Rachel with him

-Tell the Aphrodite girls that she and Percy broke up and he is now single

-Say that Luke abandoned her for Thalia

-Say that Luke abandoned her for Percy (o.O)

-Tell her Athena killed Percy.

-Show her a painting Rachel drew of Percy

-Tell her she's stupid

-Constantly spell out words to confuse her ("And he went to get some l-e-m-o-n-a-d-e")

-Give her a manga and not tell her it's written backwards

-Tell her she's not smart enough to do your homework then sit back and watch her do it for you

-Tell her Thalia turned back into a Pine Tree

-Tell her Luke came back to life and Percy killed him

-Tell her Luke went to the Fields of Punishment

-Tell her, her mom faded

-Tell her something she doesn't know and brag about how you know more than Annabeth

-Bribe Aphrodite to turn Percy gay