WARNING: Content includes Gamzee related swearing and other bizarre shit. Not recommended for sensible minded people. Crazy people may read ahead at the risk of whatever sanity they have left.

"Damn it no, the cupcakes are not allowed free gift cards!" Jade shouted slamming her fist on the table. "Otherwise the Orang-utans will steal all the cookies and Charlie Chaplin will start tap dancing naked. And then we'll have to outlaw all the bagpipes."

The first council meeting was not going well. Everyone was arguing and Cailyn had backed up against the wall in fear. At the end of the table Matt was discussing Slender man with Patrick who was sitting across from him, while on Patrick's left Maddi was insulting Aiden who was sitting on her right. Georgia was leaning forward to show off her tissue stuffed shirt which was completely disturbing Maddi, and Jaime, on Georgia's left, was trying to shout at everyone to stop. Lucy was arguing with Hannah, who was sitting across from her on Jaime's left, about the dirtiness of the mind. And Jade was just shouting out random shit as usual while Waffles watched amused as he sat across from Jade eating cookies.

"Enough!" Vicky shouted at the top of her lungs from the head of the table. Everyone fell silent and Georgia sat up straight causing Maddi to sigh in relief. "I will not have my council acting like a babbling bubbling band of baboons! Now we have important things to attend to. You can argue later. Cailyn's what's first on the agenda?"

Cailyn stepped forward and handed Vicky a piece of paper. Vicky read over it about three times before looking up.

"First thing we must address is the incident that occurred yesterday in Café Supreme. The incident in which Kira ran into the Café shouting, 'Harry Potter sucks, Twilight's the best'. Now that is breaking our law that states no one shall dis Harry Potter or Homestuck, the punishment is being banished from the town but Kira is an important member of the community so suggestions anyone?" Vicky said.

"Why don't you do to her what you did to me," Georgia suggested putting her left leg up on the table which had a cage around her ankle.

"Yes but Kira needs to be banished completely," Jade argued. "Not just her left ankle."

"Why did we banish her left ankle anyway?" Vicky asked Jade.

"I don't know," she shrugged.

"May I make a suggestion?" Dumbledore asked from the bottom of the table. "Why don't you give Kira her own land, I believe there is a spare space over the bridge, owned by neither you or the Fish King in the next country over, where the Tampon Troll lives underneath. Why not let her live there. And the brothel where she works is on the edge of town."

There was silence until Vicky stood up. "See Jade, that is why Dumbledore has official rights!" Vicky shouted pointing at Dumbledore. "We shall now move Kira into Kira Land, a name which I made up five seconds ago."

"Also to keep Kira 'satisfied' we should give her boyfriends," Hannah suggested.

"Why don't we make them cows!" Jade shouted slamming a fist on the table, causing Waffles, who had been falling asleep, to wake up with a shock.

"I'm sorry, what?" Jaime asked.

"Cows with the faces of boys, and Kira should just have a two room house with a small bathroom, and a bedroom/ kitchen/ living room. So that way the rest of Kira land can just be filled with free range boyfriend-cows," Jade explained.

"I'm not sure Kira would like to date cows Jade," Georgia said pointing out the obvious flaw in the plan.

"I'll just give them a potion so when they walk into Kira's house they magically turn into real boys," Jade said waving her hand.

"Very well then it's decided, the land previously known as the useless empty space is now Kira land," Vicky said banging a hammer onto the table. "Patrick, Jade and I will do the honours of moving her there. Now Cailyn, what's the next item of business?"

"The citizens demand list," Cailyn said handing her another piece of paper.

"Oh, not this shit again," Vicky sighed taking the paper off her and reading it. "They want a McDonalds, really? And a freaking Hovercraft, I'm not made of miracles. And who demanded a chocolate fountain in the middle of the shopping district?"

Maddi raised her hand and Vicky scowled at her.

"I know what we can do for McDonalds," Jade said. "We build it on the left of the hospital and create a back road leading from Kira land to McDonalds, and any of her boyfriend-cows she gets bored with we can make them into burgers. We shall call it, the McBoyfriend burger."

Vicky looked around the room and shrugged. "I'm all for it, it's so bizarre it just might work, and no chocolate fountain or hovercrafts." She banged her hammer on the table again almost hitting Waffles as she did so, who had managed to fall asleep yet again.

"Last item of business is the nun outfits that we need to make," Cailyn said this time handing her a folder.

"Ok I think we should get standard design with the whole head thing and robes but we still need to decide on the colour," Vicky announced looking through the catalogue. "Cailyn and Hannah you are our nuns, any ideas you want to share with the council?"

"How about just normal colours, you know black and white," Hannah suggested.

Everyone looked at her as if she'd grown antlers. "Are you kidding me?" Vicky asked. "This is Victoriana, nothing is normal here. We have Coles and Woolworths in the same building. Just so we can watch them argue. And Ninja Police. And Vampires. And a secret underground Apple Store."

"Why don't we have just regular black, and instead of white we have Jade Green," Jade suggested.

"Done," Vicky said banging her hammer on the table again so quickly that no one could have time to argue. "Cailyn we'll need some help with Kira, so fetch Eridan and Gamzee. Now who wants tacos?"

One very large order of tacos later Jade and Vicky were walking past the brothel with Eridan and Gamzee each holding one of Kira's arms. Kira surprisingly wasn't struggling as much, but that was mostly because Eridan was flirting with her. She wasn't really paying much attention to him though.

"WhErE aRe We TaKiNg ThIs MoThErFuCkEr?" Gamzee asked.

"All will be revealed," Vicky reassured him.

"Wwhy do wwe havve to help you anywway?" Eridan asked.

"Because I let you live in my town for free," Vicky replied. That shut him up.

They arrived at the bridge that led to Kira Land. Underneath that bridge was where the Tampon troll (previously Elliot), lived. He often had a tendency to try and eat people's ankles, but the Mayor had a way around that. Vicky grabbed a large and thick branch that was lying nearby and proceeded over the bridge followed by the rest of her party.

They saw the ugly face of the Tampon Troll appear as well as one of his lumpy clawed hands that reached for Eridan. Vicky swung the branch and got him straight over the head, knocking him out. She then continued brutally beating him until Jade stopped her.

"If tHaT MoThErFuCkEr iS StIlL AlIvE ThEn tHaT WoUlD Be a mOtHeRfUcKiNg mIrAcLe," Gamzee said as they walked across the bridge.

Once they reached the other side of the bridge they shoved Kira in the direction of her tiny two room house and bolted in the other direction. But Eridan, who knew nothing about the plan, just stood there confused. As they ran across the bridge Vicky hit Elliot one more time for good measure.


Jade: So, this is the end of the beginning! But not the beginning of the end!

Waffles: That made no sense.

Vicky: Oh hush you! Anyway, we're only just getting started.

Jade: Oh, Eridan~

Eridan: wwhat?

Jade: Come with me sweetie~

Eridan: uh, ok

Vicky: And there they go again.

Random trivia time! Jade's patron troll is Kanaya and Vicky's is Gamzee!

Waffles: So there are more drabbles coming up! So stick around, 'cause it only get wierder

Vicky: Now where did Brandy go? Goddamn stupid lousy fairies and their goddamn stupid lousy shenanigans.