Palutena's Farting Dilemma
"Autoreticle!"
Palutena lifted up her glorious staff, firing a series of bolts at the cheeky monkey on the other side of the Battlefield. Diddy Kong immediately responded by putting up his shield, followed by a dash attack into forward-air.
The two had been locked in combat for a few minutes now, and the poor goddess was already down by one stock. The monkey boy was still sitting fine at three, and he was looking about as healthy as his damage meter. It was unfortunate how her next tournament match had to be against Diddy Kong since Diddy was known to be one of the most agile and hard-hitting of all the Smashers, especially when it came to aerial attacks. She couldn't even count on her fingers how many times the ape had thrown a banana peel at her, followed by a grab into down-throw into up-air followed by a "HOO HAH!" screech. It was starting to get ridiculous and poor Palutena was starting to grow tired of the match the more it wore on.
"Will you just die already!?" she shouted, performing a swift midair kick to the monkey's sleazy face.
Due to the heavy nature of her staff, she was having a problem with repositioning herself after using an attack. More often than not she found herself leaving herself open after a twirl of her sceptre, which was pretty much an invitation for Diddy to come in and jump on her face. If only he didn't have those damn banana peels!
She was able to nab his first stock thanks to her Reflector, launching the peel back in the monkey's direction and causing him to slip. The Goddess of Light followed through with a down-throw into up-air combo of her own, sending the small ape flying into oblivion. Of course, she had to throw out a taunt of her own, and even she couldn't resist giving a cry of "Hoo hah!" after that brilliant kill.
Diddy swiftly returned to the stage and the two were locked in combat yet again, although Palutena wasn't looking very healthy. Needless to say that Diddy was able to knock her out of bounds rather quickly and the struggle for control of the game raged on. It soon became "HOO HAH!" after "HOO HAH!" when her damage meter was low, and the divine lady was only able to secure another kill when she used her risky Counter to send Diddy Kong on a journey to the bottom of the stage. Thanks to his poor recovery in those Rocket Barrels, Diddy had no chance of escape. Palutena was quick to pull out another taunt, this time the one with the sexy pole dance that makes the author of this story wonder what Nintendo was thinking when they put that in the game.
With damage well over 100%, things were not looking good for her. Diddy respawned with nothing but bloodshed and vengeance in his eyes as he came dive-bombing at the woman from the upper platforms of the stage. Palutena used her Warp to get into a better position, but Diddy was persistent as always and was able to read the move with a "HOO!" although he didn't get a chance to secure the "HAH!" due to how high her damage was already.
Using her Reflector, Palutena was able to snatch up some more bananas and use them against the crazed ape. She began to pick up more momentum as aerials began connecting as intended, and she was even able to land a powerful up-smash thanks to the absurd range of her light beam. Unfortunately, she could only get Diddy's damage somewhere in the mid 50's, while she was approaching the danger zone at around the 160 area. The very thought of losing this tournament match was starting to make her anxious since she was already on a losing streak from the past few fights when she went up against Mario and then Sheik before that. It all came down to these last few seconds.
Diddy hurled another banana peel at her, but she wasn't able to react in time when it hit her. Palutena found herself slipping to the floor, with a stampeding monkey sprinting towards her and planning to shove his monkey foot up her ass. She anticipated the smash attack to come finish the job, so she immediately jumped to her feet and performed a Counter just as Diddy's feet connected.
To her surprise, the Counter didn't even end up going off. What happened instead was something she had never experienced before in her days as a Smasher, and she could barely comprehend what was going on before a monstrous fart ripped from her behind. Palutena was rocketed high into the sky, while poor Diddy Kong was met face first with the waft, resulting in an explosion that sent the monkey hurling to the other side of the stage, past the ledge, and overshooting the boundary area. He was KO'd almost instantaneously, but Palutena didn't even notice this as she hovered back down to the ground, the cheeks on her face (or otherwise) red as a beat.
"Oh my goodness," she muttered with a hand to her mouth. "What on earth just happened?"
Apparently she had let loose an attack rivaling that of a fully charged Wario Waft, but she knew as well as anyone that the move was not available to her (not even as a custom). It seemed that the constant thrashing she was getting during the match resulted in a huge buildup of gas that only had one way of escaping. Invoking the Counter is what triggered it, but she was still baffled by how powerful the move was despite the fact that it wasn't very ladylike at all.
Regardless, she was satisfied by the fact that she was able to give Captain Hoo-Hah a very humiliating defeat. The next thing she knew, she was transported to the results screen where Diddy Kong gave a confused and reluctant applause to the goddess' winning strategy. Of course, Palutena didn't consider that to be any kind of viable battle tactic. She was more impressed that she was able to still stand after experiencing a quake like that.
"The winner is… Palutena!"
