NEWS NOTES: -cloaked figure emerges from the darkness- "Hello everyone... We meet again..."
-Another figure, dressed in a huge trench coat, big ass hat and black shades emerges from the opposite side of the alleyway and approaches the cloaked figure-
"Wanna buy a watch?" -He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at the cloaked figure-
-The cloaked figure takes step back- "Uh... No... Now go away! I'm trying to do something!" –turns away-
-Trenchcoat man looks down and back up, starts grinning- "Aw... They're high quality...!" –shakes coat which causes it to jingle multiple tunes-
-cloaked figure growls- "I don't care. Go away! Can't you see I'm trying to warn the unsuspecting public?" –gestures towards screen-
"...No, will please buy a watch? I'm so starved, I beat up that hobo back there."
-awkward silence between two figures-
-cloaked figure sighs, exasperated- "Fine, how much?" –whips out wallet-
"...How much you got?" –humming sound approaches in the background- (foreshadow) 8D
-cloaked figure looks down- "Uh, two cents, a nickel and a stick of spearmint gum..."
"I'll take it!" –grabs 'valuable' items, flings watch at cloaked figure, smacks him in the face causing him to fly backwards unconscious-
"Yes! Score!" –goes to open up spearmint gum when suddenly a big, slimy, sticky tentacle wraps itself around the trenchcoat guys' torso-
-starts to scream- "RAPE! RAPE! HIGH QUALITY TENTACLE RAPE!"
-tentacle drops him, and snatches the gum and flies away, humming 'Hollaback Girl"-
-trenchcoat man on ground raises his trenchcoat weakly- "Wanna... buy... a ... watch?" –passes out-
A/N (for real): Okay peoples... thanks for the reviews... Really appreciate it... Really, a lot... Okay then... This chapter focuses on how L got to sit in the position he that he does... Have fun! 8B
CHAPTER 2
On a dark and stormy night in the Wammy house, the little orphans of Wammy's facilities gathered around in the playroom. (A/N: And if you've read Her Sweetness' story 'Pais Philos' then, no, it's not that playroom... freaky) Anyways, L sat on a scarlet red armchair discussing important matters and what was the best approach to becoming a detective. He was halfway through his Los Angeles Case story when suddenly some little 'arrogant' -devilangel123 growls, spit flying everywhere- brat interrupts, "WHY DO YOU SIT THAT WAY? ARE YOU A FREAK?" His high pitched little voice echoed throughout the room, causing all of the other, 'orphans' to simultaneously grumble out, "Ooooooooo..."
Suddenly a blond haired, blue eyed chocoholic stood up, "NO, YOU'RE THE FREAK!" He earned a, "Wow, that was such an amazing come back Mello..." From his goggled friend. -devilangel123 throws confetti-
The blond whips around to him and smacks him over the head, "Shut up Matt!"
"And I just got owned..." He sank back down into the sea of orphans all the while rubbing his head.
Mello glares, "Get back here! I'm done with you yet!" He was about to dive in when a loud, "SILENCE!!" Rang throughout the room.
Everyone's eyes widened as they looked up, only to see L sitting there nonchalantly sipping out of a cup of tea.
He sets the tea down and panda-like eyes ran over the top of each orphans' heads.
"Do you want to know why I sit like this?" He cocked his head side with a bored expression.
They all nodded their heads innocently, which received a sigh from the elder man.
"Okay, I'm going to start the story, there will be sugar involved..."
Everyone's eyes widened, and excited gasps were heard around the room.
"Hey, that guy just said sugar!" A random voice was heard in the background.
"Yeah, but how are we gonna come up with new parody ideas if he keeps talking?" Another random voice answered back.
L looked up, picked up a brick and flung it clear across the room. It nailed Neko-mushin in the face, knocking her out cold. Devilangel123 runs out and grabs her feet dragging her away, while muttering, "This won't be the last time you see us!!" And they disappear behind the background of nothingness.
"Yes it is..." L drawled, bored.
There was a pause and a, "Touche!" Heard behind the wall.
L cleared his throat, "Well, it all started when..."
Flashback
Little tiny Lawliet sat in the middle of the room staring out of the window. He was plotting evil... again... Yes, everyones' beloved L was a conniving evil little brat...
And Watari was just like Roger... Only cooler... (A/N: 8D) He had the cool sports cars, fresh cool minted breath, silky brown hair, and was surrounded by bishoujos of every kind.
But all of that was taken away when he invested his life savings into genius little orphans who cornered him in an alleyway and forced him to help them make a home in which they could all live in and so it could also be a safe house for all of the smuggled sweets that came from the black sugar market. They knew the man was good natured and willing to help. So, he helped them all out of the goodness of his heart. That was when things went horribly wrong.
His once soft, shiny hair, that women would fawn over, turned coarse and white. He developed wrinkles and was bankrupt by day two of tending to the orphans. His car had to be traded in for a one thousand, three hundred and ninety-two tricycles. All a horrible, gaudy lemony color. ... Except for one... which had to be charcoal black which belonged to the most ruthless of all orphans in history... L Lawliet.
Now as explained before, L was staring outside of the window, right at his beloved tricycle. Now, L wasn't always the spoiled, cynical monster he is today. For on this day, something terrible would happen that would mentally, emotionally and physically scar for him for life. As he was admiring his crush from afar, a giant, pale yellow, emergency card colored truck rushed by with a large, "Vrooooom!" Ultimately flattening the tricycle.
Now, for those of you, smart and intelligent fun wrecking people, who are wondering as to why in the barnacles he was scarred physically, it was because the handle bar careened off of the bike and was sent flying 5 meters into the air before crashing through the window and bouncing off the poor soul's nose! (neko-mushin and devilangel123 scream in the background)
And for you fangirls who are wondering if anything drastic had happened to the insomniac, sugar filled boy. No, he was not hurt, and had no permanent scar on his face. But none the less! He was hurt physically, shut up, you lose, now enjoy. D8
Later that day, the Yagami family had decided to take a family vacation to Europe... Or England... Or possibly Australia, we didn't know...
Mr. and Mrs. Yagami along with little tiny brunette Raito-chan, who was still drop dead sexy as a child, wandered down the hall observing the orphans and how they behaved in class.
"Now Raito," Mrs. Yagami looked down to her son with a bright, chipper smile, "This is where you will be sent if you ever misbehave, or get a bad grade on anything, you understand?" The big chibi eyed boy nodded slowly to his mother, "Good, look how miserable those children are..." She gestured towards the room where screaming and cries of all of the newly admitted orphans were heard. All of which were forced to watch educational television non-stop because Watari was sick of tending to them.
Raito wandered away from his parents and happened across a room where there was no screams of pain or random screams of other... pain were heard.
Suddenly, he saw him... A beautiful, onyx haired prodigy, slightly older than himself, rested in feathery soft bed built from the heavens. He gaped at him and a small gasp escaped from his lips.
The charcoal haired boy's eyes fluttered open and he directed his attention towards the fellow auburn haired boy. His eyes widened, "He's... beautiful!" was what ran through each boys' mind.
They stared at each other for what seemed like forever. The brunette was suddenly drawn to the boy, he reached his bedside and lifted his hand, to caress the other boy's cheek.
The older boy closed his eyes as a light blush settled onto his cheeks. He grabbed his hand, intertwining it in his own and made it trail it's way down his neck and made its way down his chest. The brunette swung his legs onto the bed and straddled the boys hips.
Both the boys breathing rates sped up drastically, the brunette's hands traveled up and down the onyx hairs' chest, as the onyx haired boys' hands ran all over the boys back before he gripped it hard, arching in every different direction.
They locked eyes and their faces started to close in, closer, closer, closer, their lips were mere millimeters apart when
!URGENT NEWS REPORT!: Mysterious seizure and foaming mouth incidents reported world wide. The cause is unknown, teenagers spazzing in front of computer screens... That is all...
Oh, and for those of you who want to know what happened, ... L sneezed...
-End of Flashback-
L sat there, sipping more tea, "Ah, And that's the story of how I was born..."
All the orphans sat there, mortified, their innocence had been stripped from them in a matter of fifteen minutes... Mello and Matt on the other hand, sat there, drooling, Matt many tissues shoved up his nose, all of which had dried, crusting blood seeped into them.
The same obnoxious, annoying little pest from before shouts, "THAT STILL DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY YOU SIT THAT WAY!" He screeched like a seagull on crack.
L burst out into tears, "It doesn't have to! I'm beautiful!"
Suddenly, from behind, there was a large flash of lightening and a 'BAM!' and a 'squee'
All the orphans got up and started running around, screaming. Why? Because Mello and Matt had stolen Near's clothes forced him to run around. ... Poor Near... It's not my fault Matt and Mello stole his clothes... -looks up innocently and smiles-
Devilangel123 bursts into the scene dramatically, "How did L ever start sitting in that strange manner? What was that noise from behind? Why Near still naked? Find out next time! ... Or, I'll just make another one... I'm tired... NOW GO AWAY!" D8
A/N: No special authors' note for you! I had to write all of this randomness all for you people... Feel special damn it! -devilangel123 storms away-
-neko-mushin is on the ground dipping french fries into a milkshake, looks up- What she said...
Kira Kira! -glitter flies everywhere-
