..
TWO
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Forgotten
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The next time she sees Azula, Ty Lee's world of fantasies shakes on its core. She always thought that the sight of the ex-princess would immobilize her, the shock rippling into her nimble limbs. But there was no confusion in her imaginings. Nor was there this hesitation to just spring free and drag Azula back to where she belongs in any of those ruminations. Ty Lee always thought that her certainty and hope of finally correcting her mistakes would bring Azula back for good, would let her win any scuffle with the firebender.
But the world has conspired against her. For her fears are confirmed.
In ways she knew was possible but never entertained it so.
Do you think she would do that?
She could. But we never know.
Blue flames dance before her, wielded by none other than the Princess. But it does not crackle, whoosh, burn or destroy. And it look nothing like the magnificent burst of azure fire that once defined the Princess amongst all the rest. Ty Lee has been overlooked for so long that she appreciates anyone who has a distinct identity. But the man that looks nothing like the Avatar he impersonates stumbles back nevertheless, the harmless fire that Ty Lee realizes is just a piece of cloth barely grazing him. Someone who tried to look like Zuko sneaks up on behind the Princess and a burst of blue fla—confetti materializes from her outstretched hand. The backdrop is a decent-enough facsimile of the abandoned Earth Kingdom town. And the drums continue to tremble as the rest of the actors come to surround Azu…
And that is when Ty Lee remembers where she is.
She saw the sign outside and knew what she was getting herself into when she decided to spare some coins and watch the last presentation of The Last Airbender just after its fourth intermission for the day. But no amount of self-effacing excitement could have prepared to what she is astounded to see and what she feared now is true.
The Azula onstage looks so much like the Azula she remembers, back when Ty Lee still feared her. You are the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl in the world. And she is surprised and floored as she hears her own heart pound, staccato rhythms against the fast and escalating beatings of the drums. Straight-backed, awe-inspiring, fearsome, Azula who even as she is backed on the wall by the rest of the actors (who her mind reaffirms, looks nothing like the Gaang), maintains the composure that she later ultimately lost when she miscalculated.
The percussions fade into a halting whisper. The crowd holds their breath. And Azula… Azula!... smirks, stares, and acts like she once did.
"How sweet. Traitors and enemies all banded together…"
The voice is decidedly different. And this time, Ty Lee knows she is not hallucinating, that this Azula is not merely a figment of her overactive imagination after weeks of fruitless searching. There is no familiarity that disconcerts the acrobat into a thousand of bitter memories with the silver-tongued princess. The edge of the tilting voice is not there, the words spoken once uttered in biting repartee and endless dignity now an obvious parody of what was once the notorious conqueror.
That was a nice speech, Princess.
This play was written with Azula as the main antagonist after all.
"Now I surrender, like an honourable Princess should."
And this Azula raises both arms up in the air, the picture of a docile captive and there is that same telltale smirk, the same eyes of mischief and the same blue fire that springs from two held fingers as the Iroh (who looks nothing like funny, tea-loving Uncle Iroh) sinks into the floor. Blue curtains falls before Azula as various paper projectiles are thrown at her.
The drums pause.
Zuko with the too-small scar wails.
And the last thing that Ty Lee sees are brown, featureless eyes that the acrobat almost hopes and could imagine as the same golden orbs that looked at her like she was nothing special. Amongst all those people she would kill to get her power back when in the past, amongst all those who hurt her. No different than being a mere, indistinguishable nobody amongst this audience of the arts …
There is a thunderous round of applause. And the curtains close for the next scene.
…
.
There is no recognition in her countenance and Ty Lee freezes for the second time of the day.
"How did you get in here?" a burly man she recognizes as the play director bursts in, livid. Tall, muscular, bearded man that looks so much like the peasants Azula could not be caught dead associating with. The man forcefully grabs Ty Lee's arm and the dressed down Kyoushi warrior is too stunned to even protest. A group of people surrounds the woman she had just confronted, applying retouches to the slightly fading make up. This Azula leans back to her seat, not even bothering to spare Ty Lee the smallest of backward glances as the handmaiden's recoated the paint on her face.
She recalls that the last time she saw Azula, heaving herself up Appa's saddle, head turned away and staring blankly at the heavens, her eyes has avoided Ty Lee's too.
Tell, how did you stop fearing me.
This Azula's eyes are brown and this Azula's eyes lips are not as red. This Azula does not look as lost and this Azula certainly looks better in the Fire Nation garb than the emaciated, insane Azula had. But her inattention and nonchalant disinterest hurts regardless so Ty Lee does not feel the pain of crashing back outside on the dirt and does not hear the director's shrill bark of dismissal. There were cheers from inside the theatre and she deduces that they must be at the scene where they are fighting her sisters-the Kyoushi warriors, that part of Book Two always was the personal favourite to most even when their Azula look nothing like her Azula.
But there is that certainty that she has not felt before as the screams die down and the drums commence again. This Azula is her Azula and she envies that Ty Lee who looks nothing like her (they did her braid wrong!} who is now standing at the same stage as the person she once feared.
Azula called a little louder.
Ty Lee waits until the play is over for the night and no one who looks like Azula comes strutting out of the back doors, even as the rest of those who look nothing like her friends slowly fill out.
….
.
This girl looks nothing like Azula.
But the look of wariness and suspicion still remained even as the eyes that bore into her are from being gold. The fractioned rise of her non-aristocratic eyebrows, the tilt of her slightly less pugnacious chin and even the curl of her unpainted lips. Things that are distinctly not Azula's makes her see the princess in this plain, brown-eyed woman. She looks like a peasant! The hair however is very much Azula's, flowing down in the elegance that the signature topknot of the princess had effectively hidden. Azula always had such a beautiful hair. Once upon a time, Ty Lee never forgot to tell her that in fear that she would lash out on Ty Lee's braid that got more attention.
This plain, indistinguishable, definitely-not-unique-peasant just succeeded on looking the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl.
This time, saying so feels more sincere. "I like you hair." Ty Lee gushes, grinning.
It used to be followed by the Princess acknowledging how right she is (Ty Lee had been more creative back then. Sometimes she wonders whether she would have made a decent enough living as a poet.). But there is a crease on this woman's forehead, brown eyes narrowed in unreadable torrents of emotion as she regards the acrobat. Ty Lee used to be able to read Azula well, a defense mechanism that she developed out of fear of retaliation. Violence was Azula's answer to anything so it was best to know what set her off.
She knew how many words to say to calm her down, how many strikes to make to bring her down.
"Hmph." This Azula grunts, back onto gazing into the mirror and not looking at the pink-clad girl at all. She applies paint on her plain, indistinguishable face, brown eyes set in concentration.
Azula never used to dismiss her like this.
The same hulking play director puts a huge hand on Ty Lee's shoulders. The acrobat looks up, trying to hide the disappointment she feels and the same man who vehemently threw her out of last week's performance grins and says. "Don't take it personally. Hime is like that with everybody."
Hime, she tastes the name in her tongue, amused. Not many people knew the old Fire Nation tongue but she has spent enough time in one of Azula's literary moods to pick up a few odd words. Princess.
"That is alright." The acrobat chirps happily as the rest of "Hime"'s handmaidens are ushered in to prepare the actress. The rehearsal for Book Three Fire will commence in less than two hours. "I am sure I can handle it."
She has been able to handle the real deal before.
She can surely handle this watered-down one.
"And I am sure you will make a great Ty Lee too, Joon Ah." The director replies, all smiles. One week ago, she never would have expected him to be this cordial. Looks can be deceiving. Literally. "Hime always complained that nobody seem to get her right. You would think that being an antagonist, she would not be someone that we would pamper. But she is mostly the reason why the viewers come from even the Earth Kingdom. She plays the role of Princess Azula well. Too well that they love her."
They love her more than they fear her.
The idea stirs something in Ty Lee that digs up the fear that she felt during her own epiphany. These people learned to love the idea of Azula more than they feared the memory of her and she wonders if the plain, brown-eyed woman that looks nothing like the Princess but plays her so well even her close friend could be hoodwinked, is better off this way.
They love Azula now more than they fear her now.
"I am sure I will make the perfect Ty Lee. I am the real thing after all!" she exclaims confidently before realizing the unintentional slip. The director chuckles at her zealous outburst but does not take what she said literally. He has no idea… She sighs in relief. "Though I merely am an understudy so I cannot really show off how good I am." She feigns just the right note of disappointment,
"Nothing of the sort!" the man replies just as jovially. He pats Ty Lee's head again and grins. "You will play the next scene with Hime."
She has an idea what the next scene will be. Memories of that night in Ember Island seize her bearings and Ty Lee allows herself a smile to grace her lips.
She never forgot that night.
…
.
.
Forgetful Valley is where people go to forget.
It is also where people go to get new identities.
Forgetful Valley is where people let go of memories not worth remembering.
It is also where they can let go of who they were and what made them that way.
…
.
Makeup can do wonders and the woman who looks nothing like Azula emerges from the dressing room as prim and perfect as Princess Azula, once all is said and done.
Ty Lee could almost pretend that everything is the same as it once was. Except that this Azula never once looked at her. And Ty Lee felt more fear of being nothing to her than the apprehension of her noticing that she was up to no good.
…
.
Azula never forgot to remind Ty Lee that she was not the sharpest tool in the shed. But even the acrobat could put two and two together.
She does her braid, paints her lips and tries to look like she used to.
Maybe then, Azula would remember.
Maybe then, Azula will find that she is worth remembering.
…
.
"No. You miscalculated! You should have feared me more!"
Striking Azula for the second… no third… time even if it is pretend invokes a reaction in Ty Lee's guts. She trembles at the last moment but she catches this Azula's brown eyes (this at least, looks like the familiar glare of remonstrance) and taps the actress harmlessly.
She tries to imagine that the glare that this brown-eyed Azula regarded her with is the real thing and not the fabrications of a great actress who did not even care about her existence.
This Azula did not look hurt when she did that. Three years ago in the Boiling Rock, there had been pain when Azula fell. There had been that look of betrayal. This Azula just looked tired… empty.
The cast all congratulate her about how great she is, how the crowd would love her. But Hime sneaks away from the small party after the rehearsal and does not even look at her.
The one who plays Aang smiles and squeezes her shoulder. He must have noticed her sinking disappointment. "She is always like that with everyone."
But Ty Lee never desired to be just like everyone.
…
.
Ty Lee finds her out in the open and facing the setting sun, tendrils of white smoke coming from her fingers. Methodically, Azula… Hime raises and lowers her hand back and forth, back and forth and the smoke scatters into nothingness. Ty Lee would have thought that she is firebending, except that the whitish thing on her hand is something that she recognized as a respite for most battle-weary soldiers who found out that there is not much that they can do in this relative peace.
"That is not very good for your health." The acrobat breaks in, smiling. Ty Lee has always been the tactless one. Or it seemed so. The irony is that she just knows what to say to let people's guard down. Even Azula is not impervious to underestimating her careless remarks…
"It is a free country." The girl responds and this time, the pink-clad girl pretending to be Joon-ah does not mull over the lack of resemblance with Azula's sinister, mocking voice and instead of the words that came out instead. There is no inflection in the tone, no, nothing of the bitterness that she would have imagined from the disgraced princess. Azu… Hime… still is not facing her. Back and forth. Back and forth. And Ty Lee wonders for the second time if she is wrong.
"Does not mean you have to kill yourself over it." Ty Lee ventures, risking one step forward. Firebending comes from the breath. It scares how Azu… no, whoever this woman is intentionally destroying the foundation of the very power that conquered the whole world for a century.
How this Azula does not care anymore.
She will forget what is not worth remembering.
Do you think that it would be everything?
I don't know.
No. Nobody ever knew.
Nobody ever knew Azula.
"I do what I wish to do." The actress exhales and that huge intake reminds Ty Lee once again of the firebender that once breathed fire in desperation. But all comes forth is but harmless smoke, like She frowns. The woman shrugs, still not craning her head to look back. "And besides it's cleansing. You can try it if you want."
Her voice is all wrong. Her words are all wrong. Even her face is all wrong. But somehow, Ty Lee can still delude herself that she is talking to the long-lost princess.
Maybe she is right for once.
Maybe she can love Azula more than she fears her.
"Are you happy?" she questions before she stops herself from asking.
Because if indeed this is Azula and if indeed she has people who love her now more than they once feared her and if indeed she finally can resign on the thought of a free world with no pain and if indeed she can just forget about firebending without a second thought, then who is Ty lee to deny her of this fresh start.
Who is Ty Lee to be cruel and let Azula remember all those she had thought not worth to, even if Ty Lee was one of them?
If indeed…
I am sorry I was not able to love you enough.
"Are you happy?" she repeats and she does not notice the waterworks that has leaked from her protuberant eyes, does not notice the actress' back stiffen, does not notice when finally the girl who looks nothing like Azula but is Azula turns around and sighs mightily. All she is drowning on now is the momentary flicker in the girl's brown eyes and to bask in the feeling that finally, she is looking at her, at her, at Ty Lee.
Brown-haired Azula does not stand. Brown-eyed Azula stays seated. And she breaks off the stare, once again gazing at the sunset. The cigarette burns out in her hands. She does not move to fish another one.
But the words are enough to reaffirm Ty Lee's suspicions.
"It is okay to cry." The voice that sounds nothing like Azula's says. "I heard it's cleansing too."
Maybe this Azula knows her as well as the other one did.
…
.
.
"So you won't leave?"
"What makes you think I would leave Hime?"
Something suspicious flashes into the girl's brown eyes and Ty Lee fears the surge of memories that will remind her of abandonment issues, missing mothers, impenetrable prisons and sobbing princesses. She has been with the theatre company for more than a month now and her aura… has never been pinker.
The actress shrugs and avoids her gaze. Joon-ah would give anything to hold it back once again. "I just thought you were a free spirit. Is all."
Joon-ah chuckles and wraps her arm around Hime. The latter flinches. The former holds on. "I always thought that acting is my calling. But of course if something calls much louder then why not?"
Hime sighs, uncaring. Joon-ah just shrugs it off, knowing in that full month that she chased after the reluctant… is it primadonna?... that she is like that with everyone else.
But Azula always called a little louder than the rest.
"Breaktime's done!" the director hollers. Joon-ah snaps in attention. And even Hime stopped rolling her eyes in boredom. She is becoming just like Mai, she thinks, amused. "Let us proceed with the last scene for today."
….
.
Ty Lee remembers that she is Ty Lee and not Joon-ah when Azula broke down in front of her.
And like the first time that she has witnessed it, she is as helpless as a bystander would be, doomed in the backstage and the space separating them never seeming more unreachable.
You are not making any sense, Azula.
But this time, it is decorum of beholding art rather than Zuko that stops her from gathering the princess in her arms and begging forgiveness. The stage is Hime… no Azula's right now as she sat on the floor with a stern expression, one arm set atop a folded knee. The blue flames stage props are not done just yet and Lo and Li's presence is not yet necessary either. Her fellow actors hold their breath. Ty Lee wonders where hers has gone.
"Trust is for fools." Azula recites. But Ty Lee knows better than anyone that this is less a declamation and more than a re-enactment. She would later find out that Hime wrote the script herself, would find out that she remembered her pain more vividly when she could not even recall how to look at Ty Lee like she used to. "Fear is the only reliable option."
Fear.
And once again, Ty Lee remembers feeling that she might be too late already.
….
.
"I think her friends loved her you know."
"They feared her."
"No, I mean—"
"She ruled over them through fear. She is a monster."
"But I—I am sure that… Ty Lee loved her." She falters. "More than she feared her anyway."
Brown eyes met gray. And for the first time since the Boiling Rock, the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl lost her cool once more. "Then don't you think that if she told her so before she left and went missing, there would have been something worth coming back to?"
"I—"
"There is nothing worth coming back to." She murmurs. And the conversation ends.
…
.
.
"I love you, you know. I always have."
Azula looks at her and for the first time, really looks at her.
Ty Lee. And not Joon-ah.
"You are kidding."
…
.
The highly anticipated first showing of The Last Airbender: Book Three is a phenomenal event and Hiraa is suddenly a tourist spot. No secret about how such happened. Princess Azula's tragedy is a myth that the whole world is curious about. Whether she ate teenage girls for lunch or emerged white-haired from the asylum or is now planning to usurp the Fire Lord is still a household dinner table mystery. But the reality is that the Princess is now a brown-haired, brown-eyed unassuming actress that made people love Azula more than they fear her. And though she does not devour their hearts for lunch, she continually breaks that of one particular teenage girl.
The Royal Family sits on the top box. Ursa, Zuko, Mai and even the half-sister she never had the time to get to know. Ty Lee wonders what they would think.
,,,
,
"She's gone."
The whole company is on the verge of collapsing, turning the whole place upside down in search of their star. Ty Lee stares at the empty dressing room, at the letter that she left under the paperweight at the mirror where a young woman with chocolate hair tied intricately in braids and gray eyes gaze back, her eyes brimming with tears.
Ty Lee….
She has forgotten how much she loved it when Azula calls her name…
If you are reading this…
The whole performance is on the verge of collapsing after months of gruelling preparations and Ty Lee could not find it in herself to care.
And so Ty Lee runs away from the theatre once more because Azula once again called a little louder.
Ty Lee. Get over here. Now!
And if she would have to walk on her hands to do so, Ty Lee happily would.
….
….
(TBC)
