Paper Wings.

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

The time for sleep is now;
it's nothing to cry about.

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Interlude: For this child's sake.
(Piccolo)

This was for Gohan. This was purely and only for Gohan's sake.

Always.
Always.

Even to myself, it sounded strange to state this when I knew how much he'd cry when I told him this. Still, I wouldn't change my mind. I wouldn't be persuaded. Not this time. He could cry all he wanted, it wouldn't matter.

As long as he would live, it was fine.

Right?
Right.

I wouldn't doubt myself, wouldn't second guess my opinion. I had made a choice; all I needed to do now was walk down that path. This painful road of self-destruction, of disarray, impossible to survive: but it was a road I would walk, a path I would take.

The end did not matter. And even though Gohan would be crying now, he'd smile when he'd save this world. He'd smile without me, live on without me and grow old without me.

He couldn't do these things with me anymore. And that was fine, that was perfectly fine.

We had seen our best days. We had laughed.

This was fine.
Totally fine.

Was it?
It was.

They were both on the edge of crying and I hadn't even spoken yet. Poor, abandoned children, caught up in a game that was too much for them. There was a part of me that wanted to tell them things would be fine, that before I would die, they would be able to smile again.

But I wouldn't,
I couldn't,
I shouldn't.

I wasn't going to give them false hope anymore. They had walked in my shadow for too long now. They had been nothing but little dolls, who had happily given me the strings to their lives. But not anymore, not anymore. They had to live for themselves now.

I knew they would do just fine.

Both of them.

Videl, Gohan. How ironic it was that I was unable to say a goodbye – no matter how loud or soft, no matter how strained – to those two. They had grown so much, changed so much.

But they were still children, somehow, forever.

It was painful to realise how much I loved them both. How much I loved Videl and her short-tempered actions, her never-ending compassion, how she always, always got back on her feet. How much I loved Gohan, with that unstoppable source of some kind of deeper strength, his smile that never faded, and his heart that still beat for everyone.

Some part of me – and it was growing bigger with every passing minute now – screamed that I needed to stay with them. I needed to look after them, to be there even if I wouldn't be able to change anything. I didn't want to leave.

But I had to.
I simply had to.

"Gohan, Videl," I said, quickly, as to not make my voice break in a weird spot.

I couldn't show any weakness now.

"Piccolo?" Gohan scooted closer to me. Videl took a few steps forward, clenching her bruised hands to fists. It was like she smelled it when people were about to hurt Gohan.

And I was going to hurt them, like no one had ever hurt him before.

"I have a request – a demand, to ask both of you."

Videl stopped breathing, but she nodded slowly. Gohan just looked at me, his eyes huge. It seemed cruel to even me to break this fragile wall they build up around themselves.

"I need you," I started and what I added flew a lot more easily over my lips than I had anticipated: "to kill me."

It was like I stabbed through both of them with a burning knife. Gohan literally fell back, staring at me in anguish. Videl looked down, her hair hiding her eyes. Her shoulders started to shake slightly, but the sobs, the crying didn't come.

Up,
Down,
Sob.

"No! No! No!" Gohan screamed then.

No, No, No, the walls echoed coldly.

"Yes, you will," I answered back, my voice strained with something.

Videl sunk to her knees, hugged herself and stared at me. Her eyes were dry, awfully dry, lips pressed together into a tight line; the image of a statue on the edge of breaking down.

Gohan on the other hand jumped up and started pacing up and down, throwing his hands in the air and cursing, shouting, screaming, then suddenly whispering.

"Gohan!" I called him to order.

He turned so abruptly to see me, he had to take a step backwards not to fall.

"You can hesitate all you want, in the end you know I'm right."

"You're always right, aren't you?" he bit back, venomously, bitterly – blaming.

"Gohan!" Videl shrieked. "Don't do this!"

"What? You agree with him? You want to kill him? You do understand what's he's saying, right? Right?!"

"Of course I do, Gohan!" she stood up as well, smashing her hand to one side in a painful, twisted gesture. "You may all think I'm just a stupid, little helpless girl, but I'm not! I'm not!"

"I wasn't—"

"Shut the hell up, both of you!" I managed to raise my voice to a volume that made both of them look away in shame, crossing their arms in perfectly mirrored fluency over their chest.

They really were children, and they were acting like daddy dear was going to leave them. I resisted the urge to sigh. After all, I wouldn't want to be told to kill Gohan – or Videl – either.

"I know both of you don't want me to die. I know this isn't easy. But, Gohan, listen to me," I shook my head almost wistfully, then mentally flinched at my behaviour: "listen to me just this once."

He swallowed and his fingers sunk deep into his arms. They would leave bruises.

All this would leave so many scars of little Gohan.

Scars on his arms,
on his legs,
on his back,
on his face,
on his heart.

And they weren't going to go away anymore. It made me sick, to know that I'd be adding one to the many. It made me physically ill to know what I was asking Gohan. But he was Gohan, and he could do it.

I was proud of that little kid, more than he could ever realise. And he had grown so strong, so awfully indestructible that I knew he could take all of this, even if he'd be convinced he wouldn't.

"You have to do this, you understand? Don't worry about me, I can take it --
"You can take everything!" he fired back, bitterly.
"Let me finish."
"No!"
"Gohan! Stop being such an ass and kill me!"

No matter how stupid that sounded, no one was laughing. Videl just sunk once more on her knees, staring at the ground. I knew how she was wishing to be anywhere but here. Gohan was staring at me, perfectly still, like a statue of a broken hearted man.

"But I can't. Even if I'd want to, I wouldn't be able to," he was laughing now: that horrible, empty, hollow laugh he had gained through the days we spend in a world like this.

"You can," I assured him. "You can and you will."

"There must be another way…" Videl protested meekly.

"What way then? Are you going to make a miracle happen? Are you going to defeat her and save me, in what – just an hour? We've fought for months now, Videl, months. I know you two can defeat her. I know you two will. I'm counting on that. It just won't be in time to save me anymore," I winced at how indifferent I sounded.

"Don't you fucking dare to be this calm about it!" Gohan screamed, turning around and hitting wall.

I knew that would be where the crying would start.

And it did.

It started heartbreakingly, awfully, painfully. He was sobbing, his shoulders shaking so fast I thought they would dislocate.

The irony of life. How many times hadn't I seen him cry? How many times had I seen those tears flow over his cheeks?

Yet, every single time again, it hurt. It made my stomach twist, made me want to take back what I said, made me want to change whatever I had to change to just – please – make him stop crying. But I couldn't.

Up,
down,
sob.

Sob, sob, sob.
Weep.
Cry.

"Gohan, stop that," I snapped, a little harsher than I meant to.

He just turned around, shook his head and I watched how his tears made the ground colour in darker spots where they fell. Videl stood up and slowly walked over to him, hugging him. He gripped her tightly, and I almost wanted to call out and tell him to watch our or he might break her, but I didn't. I didn't say a word, like I never did.

It shouldn't hurt like this, I told myself, I shouldn't care about them this much. It was better if I didn't care. It was better if I didn't feel.

It was better if I didn't live.

He clung to her hopelessly, and with her chin resting on his shoulder she was still staring at me, with a look that I could not name.

Anger
Indignity
Despair
The slightest hint of a tear,

It was all inside these blue, blue eyes of her, suddenly dulled to a blunt grey.

"The three of us forever, right?" she said then, firmly, accusing.

It made Gohan freeze, made my heart skip a painful, unheard beat. Slowly, he pushed her away, softly, almost like the action was hurting him. His hand slipped over her arm, until he was holding her hand and with their hands intertwined they were both looking at me.

"Forever ends now," I answered back.

Forever,
doesn't need to be that awfully long.

Forever,
the rest of our lives,
never,
starting tomorrow,
All these were useless to us now.

Yes, we'd be together for as long as we would live. As far as I knew, my life would end here.

I didn't break my promise.

"The three of us," Gohan repeated, slowly, like he never said it before, like he had to think about these words. "Forever."

"Forever ends here!" I replied, firmly, calmly, without the slightest hint of pain. "My forever ends here."

He shook his head, and she stared at me, still.

"We still have time left --"

"Not enough. It's not enough time. There's just simply not enough time. For fuck's sake, what does my life matter? What does it matter? I'll just be another victim, by now you two should sure be used to death. It's enough, this is the end," for once, the words poured out me like a burning acid that I was unable to stop.

How we all wished we could turn back time, take things back, do it differently. How pathetic we all were.

"But it's you!" Gohan screamed back, releasing her hand to sink down upon his knees next to me. He hit the ground with a soft 'thud'. Painful, aching. I was aware I was killing the boy, and it made me want to throw up.

But he'd be okay. He had Videl now. Pretty, lively, strong Videl, and she would take care of him. She would take care of him like I would've taken care of him. She would watch out for him, be more of a friend than I could be. She would give him that kind of love he wanted, since he was human. Half-human, but human still.

And it was so much more than I could ever be, so I didn't mind anymore. There just was no use in fighting anymore. I lost.

This time, I lost in everything.

She was still looking at us. Gohan was still staring at me. It unnerved me in some way.

"Look. You will kill me Gohan, simply because I tell you to. Face yourself, kid, you still don't have the guts to defy me, not even when my life's at stake," I held back the tired, aching sigh. "Don't worry, though, it's what I taught you to do, so you're merely being a good student. But, Gohan, if I know you're going to kill me, if you know that you're going to kill me, hell, if Videl knows you will kill me and won't even blame you for it: can you, please, for once not be an idiot and kill me?"

Some part of me was laughing loudly at my attempt to get myself killed. I suppose that this was what love did to you.

It didn't save you.
It killed you.
I ripped you open,
tore you apart,
made you want to scream,
made you beg for your own demise,
simply because it made you realise you lost.

An act of love. All of this was merely that: my silent a confession of love, the confession that even I got scared – scared to thoughtlessly destroy all I loved.

"I – I definitely…" he started, but he wasn't so sure how to end it – he knew I was right.

"I didn't work this hard to change, just to end up at the starting point again!" I said, and my voice broke in a weird spot, making me swallow back the pain.

Hold it back, Piccolo, for they can still see you. Right now, they can still care.

And I was still scared of that. That still, honestly, frightened me.

This would be my only mistake tonight. The first, the last.

Gohan stared at me, his eyes suddenly filled with something else. That was where he stood up, and nodded.

"Okay."

It was silent, broken, aching, merely a whisper, a fleeting sound.

Videl nodded as well, bit her lip and turned away. She paced up and down for a little while, until she suddenly came to a halt, standing perfectly still.

"I… I'll try… but, but…" he shook his head, and I realised he had never been more desperate.

"You still have an hour," I said wryly.

"An hour," he laughed, and then in one sudden, swift movement he was holding me in some sort of embrace. "I have an hour left with you and I need to think of how to kill you. An hour. One fucking hour."

I didn't react at all. He was more talking to himself than to me, anyway. I glanced up at Videl, but looked away again when I saw the raw pain in her eyes. I hated both of them for that sometimes, how they were so incapable of hiding their emotions, how they always acted like their pain really hurt, when I was unable to even do as much as name mine. It didn't seem fair. Now, I was sort of happy of my lack of emotional knowledge. What I did not know, could not hurt me.

I still hurt, though, whatever it was exactly.

"Gohan," I said then, my voice strangely soft, so I coughed and spoke louder: "Videl."

She turned around slowly, like opening a rusty old door. Through her dry tears she stared at me. Gohan didn't even try to look up, he just pressed himself against me a little harder, as if to sign he had heard me.

"I'm really proud of both of you."

"Don't be fucking proud of us when we'll kill you, you sick bastard!" Videl shouted, and her fist hit the stone wall hard.

Another bruise on her poor, wounded hands. Another scar on her poor, broken heart. Heartache, another failed life.

She made me want to take my words back.

"Don't be fucking proud! Don't you be this fucking calm!" she cursed, pounding the wall mercilessly. "Don't! Don't! Just – don't…"

Her screaming turned to talking, her talking to whispering, her whispering to sobbing, and her sobbing to a heartbreaking cry.

She slid down the wall.

"I hope you go to hell," she whispered, through clenched teeth.

It made my aching heart skip a beat. But I didn't say a word; it wasn't like I didn't deserve it anyway.

"I probably will."

"It's not his fault, Videl," Gohan's muffled voice broke through our silence.

"I know!" she whispered hoarsely. She laughed emptily. "I just can't get used to that damn emotionless behaviour of his. It still sickens me."

Gohan flinched. I knew he wanted to snap back at her, in his childish protectiveness, but Videl spoke before he could do so.

"It sickens me to know how less he cares about his own death, when it will hurt us this much. It sickens me to know how many tears we'll cry over him, and he won't even have the decency to freak out. It sickens me how he can be this calm when we –," she gasped, sought for air, rubbed her still dry eyes, "when we love him so much."

Love.
That funny, painful little called love, huh?
And now I had it? Now it was mine? Now I was loved?
Why?
How come?

Gohan's tears left wet spots on my shoulder. They burnt, it seemed, their way right through somewhere deeper.

"I know that," it was like some sick confession of my worst crime, and it was so much less painful than I thought it would be. "I know you two care, but that's exactly why you can't let me live."

"That doesn't make sense," she argued back.

"Life never made sense," I fired back.

"He cares," Gohan whispered, so softly I wasn't even sure if Videl, -- or me, for that matter – was supposed to hear it. "He cares." Like he was convincing himself.

Of course I cared.

I didn't have this many scares, this many never-healing wounds,
I didn't endure this much pain, this much agony,
just not to care.

I cared. I cared. And that was exactly what I shouldn't do.

It became silent. Gohan's quiet sobbing, Videl's restless heartbeat and my painful breathing was all I could hear for a while.

There were a lot of conversations that would be looked down upon like they never happened. Confessions of some sort, weaknesses, insults, pain. Words that never should be said, unspoken promises worded.

("I can't fucking do it."
(Weep.)
("You can do it."
(Smile.)
("No! No! I can't! I can't!"
(Cry.)
("Just think about her. Just do it for Videl."
(Gasp.)
("If only that freak..."
(Sigh.)
("But she did, Gohan, and she won this round. Don't let her win game."
(Beg.)
("But you always save everyone, let us save you this time."
(Regret.)

("But I love you. I love you."
(Smile.)
("I know."

Time was slipping through our fingers, like sand, like the wind.

And then, in a rush of tears, pain, confusion, relief, and acceptance his lips were pressed against mine, his hand slowly gathering the energy he needed to kill me. I didn't protest – what good would any more protest do? What good would denying Gohan's last unasked favour do?

What good would any of this do in a world this screwed up?

A little smile crept across my face.

I always knew. I always knew Gohan would be the death of me. And like always, it seemed like I was right in the end.

Like a bullet fired into the air, like a broken video that kept playing endlessly, like nothing, I could see my life flashing before my eyes.

It brought me right back to the start.
The start of everything.

Meet the end. Meet our mistakes.

Meet this little, screwed up family bonded by nothing but a love beyond compare.


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Hello again! It's me once more! With an update! I am extremely proud of myself, actually. -cough- I got stuck at this chapter, so I rewrote it three times. Yeah... Sad, huh? I'm still not really satisfied with this, but I thought I had to get that stick out of my ass and just post it! At least it's something?

Right.

Before I forget. I don't own DBZ. Pretty sure you guessed that, didn't ya! The song featured above the chapter is I will follow you into the dark sung by Death cab for cutie. The song used in the previous chapter is Paper wings by Rise Against.

I'll probably be using a song in each chapter! I love it when other people do that... so why not steal their awesome ideas? -evil laugh-

Again: this is un-beta'd. If someone wants to help this poor girl out and help her, say something. I'd love to have a Beta! -smile-

Uhm. This chapter is a little interlude and after this the flashbacks will begin again, starting from Gohan's point of view again. Don't think I'll skip Videl, she'll have her time to shine soon enough! XD

Please review? Tell me anything you think! I tried to be less repetive this time, but I think I failed miserably. Oh well, I tried! At least I tried! XDD

-- Jazy out!