Author's Note: It's complete crack. But I love it anyway. XD Warnings: complete crack. Also, references to TEH PR0N.

Prompt: Curiosity

(in which Sasuke discovers that curiosity hurts some people more than others)

Note: all excerpts and titles from fanfiction are from actual fanfiction. I am not making this stuff up. Credit for the badfic goes to its authors; I certainly don't want it.

Sasuke was bored.

Although he was utterly devoted to his goal of gaining enough power to kill Itachi, Sasuke couldn't spend every second of every day training. He had just finished the last scroll in the pile he had planned to study that evening, and now he wasn't sure what to do next. Go get some more scrolls, maybe...but his mind needed at least some time to relax, or he'd burn out.

Clickclickclick.

That was getting annoying, too. Libraries were good places to study, but unfortunately that meant hanging out with certain people who couldn't take a hint and leave Sasuke in peace.

Clickityclackclickityclack.

"What are you doing, anyway?" Sasuke finally said, glancing over at the computer where Kabuto was typing something or other.

"What does anyone do on the internet, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke's eyebrows shot up nearly into his hairline. "You're looking at porn!?"

Kabuto sighed, shoving his glasses back up his nose. "I'm doing research."

"Yeah, right," Sasuke said. He had spent too much time around Kakashi to believe that someone doing 'research' on the internet was doing anything other than look at porn.

"See for yourself if you don't believe me."

Sasuke wasn't especially tempted by whatever porn someone as twisted as Kabuto would be interested in, but he was bored. Shrugging, he pushed aside his pile of scrolls and went to look over the medic's shoulder at the computer screen.

To Sasuke's surprise, it actually wasn't porn. Huh. It was a little bit frightening to think that Kabuto, of all people, might have more self-restraint than Kakashi. But that wasn't a line of thought Sasuke wanted to follow any further, so he looked at the screen again.

"What's this? 'Google'?"

"It's a search engine," Kabuto said, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like 'idiot' at the end.

"I know that!" Sasuke said, although it was a complete lie. He didn't know anything about computers. "What were you searching for?"

"Information," Kabuto said, which was not helpful at all. But then, Sasuke suspected it hadn't been intended to be.

Looking more closely at the screen, Sasuke saw a box with a blinking cursor in it. So...that was where you put what you wanted to search for? Normally Sasuke would have found something cutting to say and left, but he was terribly curious as to how this search engine thing worked.

"Hey, let's search for my name!" Sasuke said, grabbing the keyboard and typing it in.

"What the--I'm doing work, go find someone else to bother," Kabuto said, rather ineffectually since Sasuke was already clicking the button that said 'search'.

"Whoa...lots of stuff came up..." Sasuke said, blinking. Why the heck was there so much stuff about him on the internet?

"Do you have a blog or something?" Kabuto said, looking just as surprised as Sasuke. Really, there was an insane amount of pages.

"Blog?" Sasuke said. That sounded like a nonsense word to him. "Hey, what's this? Fanfiction-dot-net..."

"Never heard of it," Kabuto said. "And if you don't mind, I have other things to do..."

"You're not even a little curious?"

"Nope."

Sasuke glared at the medic. That was obviously a lie. How could he not want to know what this mysterious 'fanfiction' involving Sasuke was?

Seeing that Sasuke was unlikely to stop bothering him any time soon, Kabuto sighed and gave in. Grabbing the mouse, he clicked the link. A new page popped up. And the title bar said...

"Crimson Pools of Saddness?" Kabuto said, raising an eyebrow. "Why did they spell 'sadness' with two 'd's?"

Sasuke shrugged, looking at it cautiously. "Maybe it's about pools of blood? I am a ninja..."

They scrolled the page down a little and started reading the text.

"What's 'sasunaru'?" Sasuke asked. "And what does 'mpreg' mean?"

"How would I know?" Kabuto said. "Let's see...this..."

Sasuke suddenly choked. "That--what the--"

Kabuto hit the 'back' button as quickly as possible. "That was a mental image I really, really didn't need."

Sasuke was still stuttering in disbelief. "But--but that's not even possible! NOT! POSSIBLE!"

"Why are you shouting at me? I didn't write it," Kabuto said, scrolling further down the list of stories. "Wow, Sasuke-kun, is there anyone you haven't screwed?"

"These stories are complete nonsense!" Sasuke said, horrified by what he saw but unable to look away. "Who would do something like this!?"

"Even your own brother? Can't say I ever thought you were the type, Sasuke-kun..." Kabuto said, snickering.

"What!? Where? You made that up!"

"Nope, it's right here. See?"

Sasuke wasn't going to look. Definitely not. No, no, he wouldn't look...dammit. Stupid curiosity.

"He had loved him since he was a mere child, Everthing about his older brother mesmerized him, His soft raven locks that fell across his back that were tied in a pony tail His long graceful fingers,His Full lips,His pale flawless skin,His blood red eyes, He even loved his older brothers cold adduitde," Kabuto read, with what Sasuke considered entirely unnecessary snickers. "What's an 'adduitde', Sasuke, and since when do you like them?"

"Stop it!" Sasuke said, covering his ears. But he couldn't tear his eyes away from the screen.

"Oh, here's another one. 'Itachi could make Sasuke do anything for him. He had him cut in Itachi's name into his inner thigh to prove it to him, deep enough to never really heal away. Afterwards Itachi had fed Sasuke his own blood off of his fingers.' Didn't know you were so kinky, Sasuke-kun..."

"Gaaaah!" Sasuke shrieked, trying to hit Kabuto and cover his eyes at the same time, which didn't really work out so well. "Fine, let's search for your name, then!"

Kabuto just shrugged. "I don't really care..."

Sasuke typed furiously and hit the enter key. "Ha! See? You're in just as much bad porn as I am!"

"Are you kidding? We got about a hundred times as many hits for you as for me," Kabuto said, snickering again. "There is a lot of porn about Sound, though...where do people get these ideas?"

"What ideas?" Orochimaru said, wandering in. He had heard both shrieks of fury from Sasuke and snickering, which meant his second in command and his future vessel were fighting. Again.

"People seem to think Sound is some sort of constant orgy," Kabuto said without even looking up. "And Sasuke is apparently a nymphomaniac. See?"

"Don't do it!" Sasuke said, losing his head entirely. But it was no use, the other page had already been brought up.

"...huh," Orochimaru said. "Maybe we should've checked him for STDs before bringing him here..."

"This is all lies!" Sasuke said, flailing his arms.

"Some of it's pretty good, actually," Kabuto said, completely ignoring poor Sasuke.

"Do I have porn?" Orochimaru asked, also ignoring Sasuke. He only needed the kid's eyes, not his sanity.

"Looks like it," Kabuto said. "Not quite as much as Sasuke, but I'm not sure that would even be possible..."

"Why are you still looking at it!?" Sasuke shouted at them, but he was ignored once again.

"Lube no jutsu? Does that really exist?" Orochimaru was saying.

"Who would invent something like that?" Kabuto said skeptically.

"Jiraiya would."

"Well...yeah, that's true..."

Orochimaru looked thoughtful for a moment, and Sasuke began edging toward the door. Discretion was the better part of valor, and at this point he didn't give a damn how stupid he would look, he was ready to flee and go scrub his brain out.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Orochimaru said, still ignoring Sasuke, whose hand had reached the doorknob.

"Probably," Kabuto said, and at that point Sasuke broke and ran.

Sasuke didn't leave his room until the next morning, and he never asked what exactly those two psychopaths had been thinking. There was such a thing as too much curiosity.