Week 1, Tuesday
6:00 A.M.
All is quiet in the cast's bedroom, besides faint snoring and the occasional grunt in one's sleep.
6:05 A.M.
"What the holy - ?"
6:07
The cast has all literally leapt from their beds, groggy and confused. A sudden shrill ringing noise has woken them all up, except for Midna, who is still sound asleep (it appears that the Fused Shield helmet she wears impairs her hearing).
"What's going on here?" shouts Malon over the ringing.
"It figures," bellows Ganondorf. "I always get to the part of the dream where I'm just about to conquer Hyrule when something interrupts me.
"That happens in real life as well," points out Zelda.
"This is Big Brother," comes the booming voice through the loudspeakers. Today, Big Brother is only just loud enough to drown out the ringing sound. "Your very first task has been prepared for you. Please get washed and dressed and then gather in the living room for further instruction.
7:00 A.M.
The cast have finally cleaned themselves up, brushed their teeth, and gotten dressed. By now, the ringing is intolerable and even Midna has woken up from it.
"What's going on here?" she snaps nastily. "I'm sensitive to high pitched sounds."
"Gather around everybody," calls Big Brother, sounding weirdly cheerful, all things considered. "Your task is now ready for you. As it your first, I've decided to go with something easy: alarm clocks!"
"Goddesses above," groans Navi. Vaati and Midna look mutinous and ready to turn Big Brother into a lump of salt. Malon looks confused.
"Those don't sound like chickens to me," she comments, earning a round of strange looks from the cast.
Big Brother proceeds to shout out the task: There are ten alarm clocks hidden throughout the house. Each cast member is to find one each. They may help each other to find them, but must return to the living room after finding their own. Each alarm clock has been programmed not to shut off until it is found and has a special switch on it pressed.
"Fantastic," shouts Malon. "Let's get going before we can't hear."
"What'd she say?" shouted Navi.
"I think she said 'I'm a pervert who likes to leer'," screams back Zant.
7:30 A.M.
The hunt is on for the hated alarm clocks. Zelda decides to search the basement. Link, ever the gentleman, follows to protect her. Malon immediately follows afterwards. She is shown muttering something inaudible as she passes Camera 5a, but the Big Brother team has stated she either said "Over my dead body you Triforce-carrying tramp" or "Oh wherever my brother, watch out for that ramp". It is left to the viewers to decide which one's correct.
7:35 A.M.
Cameras detect Navi flying frantically around the bedroom, searching for any alarm clocks. Her small size gives her a searching advantage, but she realizes that she has no fingers and therefore would require additional assistance to shut any clocks she finds off.
She is joined by Midna, who via violent hand gestures communicates that she does not want to talk but to find and shut off the clocks, by sending them between dimensions if need be.
8:00 A.M.
Big Brother loudly scolds Majora, who is moping in the bathroom rather than actually searching for anything. He reminds the former deity that all cast members are required to participate in all tasks.
"How can I shut off any alarm clocks?" snarls Majora. "I DON'T HAVE A BODDDDDYYYY!!!" He ends this sentence with a wail that is quite possibly more annoying than the alarm clocks. Big Brother orders him to join Vaati and Ganndorf in searching the kitchen and sniffling, Majora heads off.
8:30 A.M.
Link, Zelda, and Malon are still searching the basement. Despite the fact that the Triforce pieces were removed from them, Link and Zelda still glow slightly in the dark, causing Zelda to remark, "it just goes to prove that light does not come from magical objects, but instead from your own heart." Malon gives her a murderous look.
"By the way," Zelda asks Malon, "Why did you say something about chickens earlier."
Malon seems embarrassed by this and possibly blushes (though it's hard to tell in the dark). "At my farm, we'd use the chickens' crowing to know when to wake up," she explained. "They were our alarm clocks."
"Oh," says Zelda. There is a silence and then "So you don't know what ordinary alarm clocks look like?"
"Umm, no. Don't you?"
"I didn't really wake up early, ever," says Zelda. "What?" she adds as Malon glares at her. "I was a princess!"
"So wait, if you and I don't know…" trails off Malon.
"How will we know what to look for?" finishes Zelda.
The two girls turn to Link. "Do you know what an alarm clock looks like?" Malon desperately asks him. Link gives no reply, other than to back away from the rather frightening-looking women.
9:00 A.M.
The first alarm clock has been found! Squeezing herself under the bed, Navi finds it lodged between the backboard and wall of Vaati's bed. She quickly calls to Midna, who grabs the clock and pushes a large red button on it. Instantly, the clock is silenced.
9:25 A.M.
Overcome with despair, Majora has once more returned to the bathroom. He enters the bathtub to hover and discovers the second alarm clock hidden behind the shower curtain. Unable to turn it off and too proud to call for help, he flies through it, causing some bizarre internal spontaneous combustion to occur, utterly destroying the clock.
10: 00 A.M.
Little headway has come through the search of the kitchen. Vaati is going through the refrigerator and Ganondorf is searching the various other cabinets and possible hiding places.
"This contraption is deceptively deep," calls Vaati, crawling further and further inside the refrigerator.
"Be careful not to get locked in!" Ganondorf shouts back. Vaati apparently can't hear him, nor does he hear the muffled "click" as the door closes, shutting him inside the refrigerator.
10:10 A.M.
The third alarm clock has been found! Midna, in extreme agony from the shrill ringing, mutters some sort of Twili locating spell. This is technically against the rules, but no one can hear her and by now even Big Brother is becoming irritated by the sound.
Midna finds the clock on a higher shelf in one of the bedroom closets. She quickly shuts it off and then relieves her feelings by hurling it against the wall before joining Navi and Majora in the living room.
11:00 A.M.
Spirits are beginning to lower. There are still seven alarm clocks and no new ones have shown up. There also appears to be no sign of lunch, as it is Zelda's turn to cook and she is still searching the basement with Link and Malon. Zant is nowhere to be found (as is Vaati). Ganondorf takes a break and brings peanut butter and bread into the living room so that they can make sandwiches.
12:00 noon
In the basement, Link, Zelda, and Malon continue their search. Malon strays away from the group to investigate a likely looking corner and suddenly gives a little squeal of delight.
"I think I found one!" she cried, pulling it out. Sure enough, she has found the fourth alarm clock. She fumbles with it until she manages to hit the "Off" button by chance.
"Excellent work Malon!" cries Zelda. "Now you can return to the living room, I suppose."
"Yeah, I think I'll just hang around a bit longer. Help you two search a bit more," says Malon. Her eyes narrow, though it is missed in the darkness.
Zelda has by now moved off on her own to shift through some moldy boxes. Link and Malon move off to search the other side of the room. "Mind if I stick close to you Link?" asks Malon. "It's easier to see near you…'cause you glow and all…" She starts to slip closer to Link, but is interrupted by a scream from Zelda.
"LINK! THERE'S A MONSTER DOWN HERE!"
12:25 P.M.
Link races to where Zelda is, with Malon in hot pursuit. He goes to draw his sword, but remembers that all of his weapons were taken away. Instead, he arms himself with a loose pipe lying on the ground. The monster meanwhile has reared up, making horrid groaning noises.
Link expertly moves in for the kill and executes a perfect Jump Attack, smashing the pipe over the monster's head. It makes a loud gong like noise and the monster gives a roar.
"I think you wounded it Link!" calls Malon, as Zelda cringes and wishes she still had her bow and arrows.
"L-Link?" the monster growls.
"Great, it can understand us," says Malon.
"Link? Malon? Is that you?" asks the monster.
"You know us?" asks Malon.
The creature yanks at its head for a minute before the "head" comes off of its shoulders. The "monster" was Zant with an old iron tea kettle stuck on his head.
12:40 P.M.
"It was awful, just awful!" cried Zant. "I was exploring the storage closet above and the boards broke! I fell through the floor and into a pile of junk. Then I couldn't even see or hear where I was because that thing –" he angrily glares at the kettle, "was stuck on my head. AUGH!" And with that, he kicks the kettle. It flies across the basement and splits in two revealing – the fifth alarm clock.
"Well done Zant! You've found your alarm clock!" cheered Zelda. "Turn it off now, quickly."
Zant fumbles with the alarm clock before crying that he can't figure out how to turn such a strange contraption off.
"Press the big red button," suggests Malon.
"Which big red button?"
"Oh for the love of…"
Zant finally has the button pointed out to him and he pushes it, silencing the clock. This cheers him considerably and he goes off to the living room, actually whistling.
2:00 P.M.
Two more alarm clocks have been found. Link found and disabled one in the dining room (in the china cabinet behind the large sugar bowl). Ganondorf found the other lodged in a seat cushion in the living room. By now, the noise is lessening. Vaati is still nowhere to be found.
3:00 P.M.
Zelda has managed to find her alarm clock, stashed in a closet under extra bed linen.
"So there's only one left," muses Navi. "I wonder where it is."
"Vaati's got to find it," added Malon. "I wonder where he is."
4:30 P.M.
Vaati has still not shown and Zelda decides to leave to cook dinner. As she has not had much cooking experience, she needs a little extra time to prepare the food.
4:35 P.M.
"Hey Malon! Any idea where the leftover cheese is?" calls Zelda.
"It's on the second shelf in the refrigerator," replies Malon.
"Oh, okay. Thanks."
4:37 P.M.
"Why Vaati! What were you doing in the refrigerator of all places?"
"Go to hell you stupid Hylian…"
4:40 P.M.
It appears that when Zelda opened the refrigerator, Vaati was found. Also found was the ninth and final alarm clock, stuffed on the third shelf behind the ketchup and hollandaise. Vaati brings it out with him, shuts it off, and goes to the living room to chew out Ganondorf for not figuring out where he was earlier.
5:30 P.M.
Dinner is served. Vaati is still not talking to Ganondorf. "Honesty!" snaps Ganondorf. "How was I supposed to know you were locked in the refrigerator?"
"That was where I was searching!" retorts Vaati angrily. "You'd think that would be the first place you looked!"
Zelda serves her dinner and the fighting subsides, though the two continue to throw venomous glares at each other between bites. The meal is a rather simple one (mainly fish), but fairly tasty. It also seems to contain just enough mercury for Zant to be able to hold it down but not so much that the rest of the cast can't.
7:00 P.M.
Big Brother declares it time for Confession Cam and the cast lines up outside the closet:
Malon – I sure am glad I could help Link search the basement. I really don't want him to be alone with that huss – erm I'd really hate to leave him in a bind.
Zelda – I learned what an alarm clock looks like and how to cook dinner. Such a productive day! I am a bit concerned about Vaati though. Why on earth was he in that refrigerator?
Ganondorf – Hmph, I can't believe Vaati's mad at me for not thinking to look in the refrigerator. Alright, I made a mistake. So what? I did warn him to be careful, but he never listens. Villains these days…
Link – Makes groaning noises and rubs his ears, which the Big Brother team takes to mean that he hate the alarm clock challenge.
Midna – That first task was awful. My ears are still in pain! I mean, I've got sensitive ears. I can pick up a beetle scuttling a mile away! Or I used to. Those stupid clocks probably blew out my eardrums…
Navi – It's times like these when I really wish I had hands. Then I could do something useful, like turn on or off switches. Or play the mandolin.
Zant – I can't believe I got my head stuck in a TEA KETTLE of all things. How humiliating! That's not the sort of thing that's supposed to happen to the next in line for the Twili throne. At least I was able to find my alarm clock though.
Vaati – Ganondorf is so stupid! I was last seen in the refrigerator. And where does he not think to look? THE REFRIGERATOR! No wonder he never is able to conquer Hyrule, with such horrendous attention to detail.
Majora – I'm so glad that I was able to shut off my alarm clock DESPITE MY LACK OF PHYSICAL BEING! I guess that'll show those fleshy morons who's boss.
8:00 P.M.
The cast prepares for bed, still recovering from the effects of the alarm clocks.
"I certainly glad that's done," sighs Zelda as she finishes brushing her teeth.
"What'd she say?" asks Vaati.
"I think she said 'I think it's rad there was fun'," replies Malon.
