He thought that now he would be okay. Maybe not completely fine or back to normal, but at least somewhat on the way back to normality and his old life; obviously, the guilt would still be there (it would always be there), but the guilt and pain would be bearable now. Stefan could manage them instead of crumbling beneath them.

"You're nervous," Elena stated softly. She reached for his hand and Stefan jumped slightly. He's still getting used to her touch, re-learning the feel of her fingers intertwined with his, realizing over and over that he wasn't imaging the softness of her hand. This was real, not the dreams that had kept him going, Elena really was besides him holding his hand.

"More like terrified," Stefan confessed. Elena glanced at him quickly before focusing on the road again. He explained, "I guess I'm just worried about seeing everyone again."

"Everyone meaning Damon?" Elena's hand tightened around his. They hadn't talked much about Damon or what Stefan thought about seeing him again.

"Just... everyone," he exhaled and closed his eyes.

"Stefan," she murmured, "we don't have to go back today."

She'd said that before at the lake-house and truthfully Stefan almost wanted to ask Elena to turn around and drive in the opposite direction, returning to the quiet comforts of the lake-house, the peace and privacy. Maybe that would be better instead of plunging back into the "normal" life of Mystic Falls.

No. He could do this, he needed to do this for Elena. Stefan brought Elena's hand to his lips, kissing it lightly as he murmured, "We have a party to get to, right?"

She laughed quietly as his tongue tickled the palm of her hand. "With a cake and everything."

Still, Elena watched Stefan out of the corner of her eye and wondered if Stefan was really up for returning home, or if he was just trying to appear fine for her sake, not wanting to ruin her birthday. That would be just like him, she thought, and yet her birthday really couldn't be ruined, now that he's back.

Initially they had debated about whether they should call people ahead of time rather than spring the Stefan surprise on them, but in the end they didn't call or text, as if neither of them wanted to tempt faith, as if they thought that if they called an accident would surely happen.

Stefan tensed the instant the Salvatore house came into view and Elena squeezed his knee, tried to think of something comforting to say as they pulled into the driveway.

"Welcome home," she told him. Gently she began rubbing the back of his neck and watched the emotions dance across his face; she still couldn't entirely believe that he was really there, that they had spent the morning talking a little and kissing a lot, that for the first time in ages she hadn't left a message with the foolish hope that somehow, somewhere, he was listening.

"I didn't think I'd see this place again," Stefan said quietly. "This house, this town. Damon. You. I thought I had to let go of that life."

"You're here now," Elena ran her hand through his hair. "You survived and now we can-,"

She stopped talking, not really sure where she was going. Pick up where they left off? Start over again?

"I love you," Stefan said and Elena smiled, hugging the words close and relishing the sound of them.

"Love you," she whispered and leaned closer, her lips finding his. What started as a light kiss grew in heat and passion, Elena pulling Stefan's hair and Stefan tracing her legs (for once he can appreciate the heat because the cut-off shorts she wore were, in his opinion, truly wonderful). She somehow ended up in Stefan's lap and his hands slid underneath her tank top, working up her spine and she moaned, rocking against him.

They wouldn't have stopped if Damon hadn't tapped on the window.

"So the wanderer returns." His tone was casual and dry, but his eyes were wild, crazier than normal as he stared at them, at Stefan especially as they got out of the car, flushed and flustered.

"Hi," she said and regretted it immediately.

Stefan said nothing, his hand finding hers and holding it tightly. The brothers seemed to engage in some kind of staring context, or perhaps they were trying some kind of mind-meld, Elena wasn't sure. Either way it made her uneasy.

Evidently Stefan passed the test. "Welcome back, brother," Damon said cooly.


It was surprising to see Alaric in the Salvatore living room; Elena honestly can't remember the last time she'd seen him in the daylight-normally she heard him stumbling in close to dawn.

"Stefan," Alaric sounded surprised and he glanced at Damon, looking a little uneasy. "This is, uh, a surprise. A nice one."

"Good to see you Rick," Stefan nodded. Elena's glad to see he doesn't look quite as nervous as before.

They talk for a little while, Stefan filling them in on Klaus's demise. He didn't mention the deaths, his detox, or his suicide plans, and neither did Elena, figuring it's not the time or place. Besides, it's not her story to tell. She rubbed his back and Stefan's fingers slipped through her hair, fisting it and then letting it slide through his fingers; they haven't been able to stop touching each other, afraid that if they stop the other will disappear, this time for forever.

Eventually the interrogation ended and Elena and Stefan headed upstairs, still hand-in-hand. She watched as he took in his bedroom; he wandered around and picked up random objects, a book, a sweatshirt, a photograph of the two of them grinning like mad. He looked at that for a long time and Elena wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder as she looked at the photograph, laughing a little because they look so ridiculously happy and it seemed like so long ago, that day on the football field. It's amazing to think of how much they've been through, what they've survived, and that they're still just as happy together. Maybe even more now.

"I'm home," Stefan murmured and Elena kissed his ear as she whispered, "Yes, you are."

Stefan's exhausted, falling asleep within minutes of lying down on the bed, his bed, and Elena watched him, smiling when his nose twitched. She didn't want to wake him up but she can't help herself, stroking his chest and planting light butterfly kisses on his face; he's doing incredibly well, she thought, and she burrowed closer to him, settling her hand on his arm and breathing him in. Honestly, she's not sure if she's up for a birthday party, but she's too lazy and content to think of calling Caroline and anyways, she doesn't want to disappoint Caroline.

Someone's staring at her and Elena reluctantly looked up and found Damon at the foot of the bed.

"What-" she started to say, but he cut her off with an impatient look and a "come here" gesture. Sighing slightly and rolling her eyes, Elena reluctantly got up, planting another kiss on Stefan's cheek before leaving the room.

"What is it?" she asked as they walked downstairs, but Damon didn't answer, didn't even look at her.

They walked quickly through the living room and went into a small room, one Elena hadn't been in before and she gasped, staring at the maps pinned to the wall, the newspapers spread around the room.

"I thought you weren't looking for him," Elena said softly. The maps had sticky notes attacked to them, the reports all had headlines about animal attacks and suspicious deaths. Alaric's standing in the corner, staring at her with a concerned look and Elena suddenly knew what this was about, what they're worried about.

"Stefan told me," she spoke. "He told me everything. The people he attacked, the ones he tortured, the ones he killed. His victims. I know about them."

"We assumed that," Alaric said gently. "This isn't entirely about that."

"Okay," Elena picked up a pen and began to play with it, unable to remain still.

"How do you know he's not pretending?" Alaric asked.

"He's not," Elena responded.

Damon leaned close to her. "You don't know what Stefan's like when he's on human blood-sure, you had a glimpse of it, but that little slip-up was nothing compared to other times. He's manipulative as hell. He's fools people, makes them see what they want to see, and then he kills them."

"What Damon's trying to say is that Stefan can't necessary be trusted right now," Alaric interrupted, giving Damon a look.

Elena snapped the pen's cap in half. "Look, he detoxed. I practically had to force him to eat at all. We talked about it, and he's still going to drink human blood, but only a little bit everyday-"

"And what if he's lying?" Damon hissed. "What if he tries to hurt you?"

"He wanted to die, Damon," Elena fought to keep her voice low and even. "He tried to kill himself and I had to shoot him with vervain to stop him. He told me he couldn't live with himself and now-he seems fine, he seems better, but it would be so easy for him to slip back into that mode."

She's trying hard not to cry, remembering the past weekend. "Stefan went with Klaus to save you, Damon. Even after he got the antidote Klaus kept threatening your life, threatened to come back here and kill you if Stefan didn't go along with him. No, it doesn't excuse what he did, but-"

"I hope that bastard died a really painful death," Alaric muttered. Damon just stared at her, seemingly at a loss for words.

She sighed and murmured softly, "He won't be the same, maybe not ever. But we're his family, we can't just let him go."

Maybe she's foolish to believe that everything will be all right again, but Elena's never been one to give up on easily (most of the time, anyways). She went to Damon, touching his shoulder as she urged, "Talk to him, Damon."

He looked nervous as hell, like talking to his brother would be worse than fighting an original or even dying, and for all Elena knows maybe it is. Still, he nodded brusquely and left the room, and she sank into a chair while she stared at the maps.

"So. You gonna tell me how the hell you managed to forget to tell me what you were up too?" she demanded.

Alaric looked sheepish and began talking about the heat wave, a complete change in subject that made Elena laugh even as she listened to Damon's footsteps on the creaking stairs, wishing she had vampire hearing for listening in and knowing that their conversation was the last thing she should listen to.


He's still not quite sure that this is right, part of him still thought that leaving life for good would be the best, but with Elena's lips on his neck it's hard to feel anything else except gratefulness and love. Stefan tells her that as he leaned into her and he could hear her tears and feel her smile.

It's still unbelievable to Stefan that Elena's so willing to touch him after everything-hell, that she's even willing to look at him. She fussed over him a bit, constantly asking him if he's all right, if he's hungry or tired, reaching for his hand to reassure him, leading him to the bed and curling against him as she told him to sleep. Being in his bed again with Elena's legs folded over his felt so good, he could easily stay there forever.

When he was away he dreamt about her, awake or asleep; he'd be leaning against the wall, watching Klaus interrogate someone and he'd drift away, Elena tugging on his ears and kissing him, a more than pleasant diversion from reality.

He hadn't planned on ever seeing her again; after everything he's done, even looking at the remains of Klaus's body and knowing that Damon and Elena were safe wasn't enough to give Stefan hope that everything would be okay. All Stefan could see where the lifeless bodies, the ones he drained of life and tore apart, and he seemed to be drowning in them, in the lives he destroyed and it only got worse as he detoxed. The darkness closed in around him and he didn't want to bring that to his family, his friends. They deserved, needed, so much better.

In the end he couldn't stay away. He listened to Elena's messages and loved her even more as he hated himself worse than ever. He told himself he couldn't see her again and yet he went to the lake-house an didn't run away when she saw him. In the end he simply wasn't able to leave her.

As Stefan woke, he knew he was home and that he was alone, and he's already missing her, already used to her presence besides him. It couldn't be this easy to fall back into his old life, can it? There had to be a catch. Still, Stefan smiled and sat up, getting used to feeling hopeful and content again. His room. His life. Maybe it wasn't too late to put the pieces of his life back together.

Then he noticed Damon lurking and the apprehension returned; a conversation with his brother wasn't exactly something he was looking forward to.

"Damon," Stefan nodded.

Damon stared at him. "Why'd you go along with Klaus?"

It really wasn't something Stefan wanted to get into. "I had to," he said uncomfortably, staring at the window.

"Had to," Damon repeated. "Your need to be a martyr can get really fucking annoying, Stefan. Did it ever occur to you that you should stop trying to save me?"

The room felt too tight and close, like there wasn't enough space for the two of them and Stefan's throat was dry, he couldn't think, didn't want to do this now.

"So I was just supposed to let you die?" he whispered.

Damon shrugged. "Let's face it, without me your life's a whole lot better. No me screwing up and making your life a living hell, no impulsive messes you have to clean up," he looked at Stefan slyly. "No more worrying about me stealing your girl. All you had to do was let me go and you'd get the perfect, peaceful life just like you always wanted."

Stefan's fists were clenched. "Because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't try to save you."

"And you can live with yourself now?" Damon asked. "I've been tracking you, following all the animal attacks and disappearances. You and Klaus racked up a pretty impressive number, and who knows how many I missed. And do you have any fucking clue what you did to Elena." Something in his voice cracked and they looked away from each other because that's a box neither of them were anywhere near ready to open even though they should. Damon cleared his throat. "Hope it was worth it," he muttered as he walked to the door, "saving my life."

He left before Stefan could say anything, probably a good thing because Stefan doesn't have any idea what to say; he knew he should find it easy to say that yes, it was all worth it, but a tiny voice protested this, wondering if it really had been worth it.

Of course it was, Stefan told himself. Of course it was.


When Elena came upstairs Stefan was still staring out the window and she paused, disturbed by the look on his face because it's too similar to how he had looked at the lake-house, painfully drawn and frightened.

"Hey," she whispered and sat next to him, leaning against him. She brought his hand to her lips to kiss.

He began shaking and her heart dropped. "Honey?"

"I shouldn't have left like that," Stefan whispered. "I shouldn't have left you like that, I should have-"

"Stefan," Elena tried to stop him. "Baby-"

"I should have fought harder, I should have been there," he's babbling now and Elena crawled into his lap, holding his face and forcing him to look at her as she said over and over, "It's okay, Stefan, love, please, it's okay."

Eventually he calmed, holding her close, both of them crying.

"I'll never be able to make up for what I've done," Stefan said, his voice hoarse and tight. "Not to my victims, not to you."

"You will," Elena told him, her fingers rubbing his shirt.

"Not to you."

"You're here now," she whispered. "That's a start."

Elena kissed him, tasted his tears on her lips, trying to let him know how much she loved him because she wasn't sure words would be enough now. They kissed, soft and slow, and then she's looking up at him, her back against the mattress; he hovered over her, his eyes frightened and needy, loving and lusty. Then their lips came crashing together, kisses all open and greedy, their tongues meeting in the middle as she's pulling his body down completely against hers, wanting as much contact as possible. So much to make up for.

Her phone rang and Elena groaned, Stefan's lips moving to her neck and he mumbled, "It could be important."

It's a text from Caroline. "Ready to party?"

Elena groaned again. "The party."

Stefan's lips were so close to hers. "Right, the party."

"We have time," Elena smirked and ran her hands over his back. "You don't have to go if you don't feel like it..."

Although, considering it was going to be at his house it'd be kind of hard for him to miss it.

Stefan tilted his forehead against hers. "Like I could miss your birthday party."

She's smiling when their lips met again.


Elena stared at her reflection. For the first time in ages she didn't look completely exhausted and drained; a little smile was playing on her lips and her cheeks were still flushed from earlier. Stefan's still in the shower and if it weren't for the fact that her hair's done she'd probably join him and she smirked at the thought, touching the spot behind her ear where Stefan's lips had been attached not so long ago.

"Thought you'd forgotten how to do that," Damon's voice traveled in from where he stood in the doorway.

Elena turned to him, the smile still on her face. "I haven't exactly had a lot to smile about."

"Well, now you do cause ding dong the bastard's dead," Damon smiled slightly. "That, and the prodigal son returns. Hope you're happy now."

"I am," Elena told him quietly.

Damon nodded, giving her a look that she had to look away from. She expected him to say something about Stefan, maybe talk again about human blood but instead Damon simply held something to her and said, "Happy birthday, Elena."

It's her necklace. "I thought that was lost," she said, her voice hoarse.

"Rick found it in his apartment. Katherine must have dumped it there," Damon informed her and she took the necklace from him, turned it over in her hands. There's a silly little smile on her face now, and she looked at Damon with shining eyes, "Thank you," she said just as Stefan came out, a towel slung low on his hips.

"Damon and Rick found my necklace," Elena murmured as she hugged Stefan. He fisted her hair and looked at Damon, mouthing, "Thank you" because no matter how many times his older brother might irritate or anger him Stefan knew he would never stop be able to stop trying to save him.

He put the necklace on Elena, kissing her neck when he's done and she leaned against him, her hand finding his.

This wasn't a party, it was an out-of-control rave.

Elena, Stefan, and Damon stood at the top of the staircase gazing at the sea of people both inside and outside, all more than a little drunk and all very loud.

"I should have known," Elena muttered. Caroline's idea of a "small" birthday party had never quite matched other people's standards of small; even in first grade Caroline had had tons of people over for cake and pinatas, ordering everyone around like a seasoned general.

Elena turned to Stefan, an anxious expression on her face. "If it's too many people for you-"

"Too late," Damon muttered. "Angry vampire Barbie at twelve o'clock."

Caroline stood at the foot of the stairs, looking gorgeous and terrifying as they went to meet her. "And you were going to tell me about this when?" she demanded.

Damon slipped away, practically cackling as Elena stumbled, "Um, I should have, I know, I'm sorry, but we, um, we were-"

"Hi Caroline," Stefan smiled slightly.

She directed her gaze to him. "You're not evil?"

"Uh, no."

"This isn't some sort of evil plot by Klaus?"

"He's dead and no."

"Good. Did you apologize to Elena for abandoning her and not telling her you were alive and for generally making her completely miserable?"

"Yes, but I'll never be able to apologize enough to her."

A smile finally cracked Caroline's face and she flung her arms around him. "Welcome back."

They had gotten separated, Elena pulled into a group of old cheerleading friends, and Stefan wandered through the throng of people, feeling uneasy and more than a little shaky. He hadn't been around this many people since he'd gone off of human blood. It's overwhelming to be surrounded by this many beating hearts, to be this close to so much blood and he's shaking a bit, felt like he needed Elena's voice to calm him but he can't always rely on Elena. He can't constantly pull her away from her friends and life just because he felt like he couldn't handle things, it wouldn't be fair to her.

Then he smelled it, fresh blood and despite knowing he shouldn't Stefan followed the scent. The sweet, seductive blood slowly trickled onto the grass from a girl's foot, someone Stefan thought he recognized from school, but right now she only looked like food and the longer he stared, the girl's individual features melted away and she was nothing more than a potential meal and Stefan's face began to change.

Damon suddenly appeared, holding a washcloth and first-aid kit for the girl, apparently really playing up the role of hero and suddenly his eyes locked with Stefan's, eyes narrowing when he saw Stefan's face.

Panic and shame gripped Stefan and he wanted to run away, hide and never see anyone again. He needed to get away from people and couldn't face battling through the crowds so he raced inside, shutting himself away in the dark library; breathing heavily he tried to calm down and focus rather than panic, but all he could think of was how foolish he had been to come back.

"Stefan?"

Matt and Jeremy had apparently discovered where Damon kept his scotch and stared at him. His true face was still visible.

"Get away from me," he tried to growl but it came out as more of a plea.

Matt looked at Jeremy. "Get Elena," he said and as much as Stefan wanted to he didn't protest, didn't stop Jeremy from leaving.

"Want some?" Matt offered him a glass and Stefan gulped it down, hoping it would quash the cravings. "Was there blood or something?"

Stefan just nodded.

"Yeah, you kind of look like Caroline when she freaks out about blood, like you just failed a test or something." Matt sounded far too casual to be talking to someone with the face of a monster. "She does this breathing thing, you know? In and out, deep and slow."

Slowly, Stefan began to mimic Matt, slowly calming down and his face returned to normal even though he was tense and shaking: Matt kept talking, easily chattering on about football and keeping his tone light and loose, clearly trying to keep Stefan calm.

The door burst open and Elena, Damon, Jeremy, Tyler, and Caroline burst into the room. He's vaguely aware of all of them talking at once, Caroline's voice particularly shrill and uneasy, but it's Elena's voice he focused on, her eyes and her words, her arms folding around him as she murmured, "You're okay, it's okay Stefan."

She hated seeing him like this and rubbed his neck, glad when she heard Caroline decide that they'll end the party now and get everyone out of the house and grounds. If only she'd thought more seriously of canceling the party.

"Baby," she whispered. "What happened?" She had a good idea, thanks to Damon and Jeremy.

"There was blood, I wanted to feed," Stefan stepped away from her. "Even before that I wanted to-"

"But you didn't," Elena moved closer to him, not letting him run away. "You didn't-"

"I would have." Stefan sank onto the couch and Elena followed, holding him tightly and letting him fall against her, stroking his hair and murmuring to him. Damon's the only other one in the room and he said roughly, "If he's been avoiding people that could have added to it."

Elena's throat tightened. She shouldn't have gotten so wrapped up in everything, she should have thought ahead, she should have-

"Don't blame yourself," Damon told her. "It just happened, it's no one's fault. So he'll avoid malls for a while."

"But if I-"

"Elena," Stefan broke in. "I-"

Elena bent her head close to his and they folded together, hands locking together. It'll be like this for awhile, Elena figured, Stefan fighting against the remnants of bloodlust, fighting for control, and all she could do was help him in anyway she could. "I love you."

He peeked up at her, looking so shy and awkward that she almost smiled. "I love you," he whispered and they kissed, soft and slow, Stefan still trying to calm down, telling himself nothing happened. "It's always going to be there, Elena, always."

The pain, the guilt, the blood. He could never really escape them.

She could say something, like maybe he'll get over it, but that would be a lie. "It could become bearable, with time."

His fist tightened around hers. "I'm so sorry."

She doesn't ask what he's apologizing for, knew that it would be that way for awhile, maybe for forever. Resting her head against his Elena closed her eyes and kissed his cheek, knowing that today was only the beginning, that Stefan might have another breakdown and she'd deal with that; for now, though, she's content to just sit with him on the couch, holding his hand, just being close to him again.

For once Stefan woke up before Elena and he smiled, remembering he was home, reveling in Elena's body sprawled against his. He ran his hand across her back, kissed her forehead before slowly getting up and creeping out of the room, already planning the night's events.

She thought she was going to cry when they walked into the dining room; everyone was there-Caroline, Damon, Jeremy, Matt, Tyler, Alaric, and by way of Skype, Bonnie-and there was cake on the table. When they began singing an extremely robust and slightly off-key Happy Birthday she did begin to cry, her hand tightening around Stefan's as she blew out the candles.

Elena's quiet as they demolish the cake, happy to just sit and listen to everyone. The guys get Damon and Stefan to talk about old Super Bowl games, a subject Stefan seemed only too happy to discuss, while Caroline rolled her eyes and Bonnie complained about not being able to eat her share of cake. It's a lot like her birthday last year, her first one without her parents; she hadn't wanted to celebrate and spent most of the day hiding in the cemetery writing, reading, and mopping, getting home late to find that Jeremy and Jenna had made her a cake and she spent the entire night crying.

"You okay?" Stefan whispered.

"I'm going to be," Elena said and kissed him.

It's past midnight when they stumbled up to her bedroom, laughing as they kissed, Stefan's hands tugging at her shirt. They landed on the bed, staring at each other and the laughter faded.

"I, uh, only got you one thing," he ducked his head and Elena gave him a look. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"Yes I did."

"Stefan, you being here? That's the best present of all," she says and they're crying and smiling as they kissed yet again, kissing like their lives depended on it.