2. Numbers

I heard the familiar roar of her truck when she was still three miles away. I really should not be here. I was too close. The danger not only to me, but my entire family, our existence, and the life that we had paved for ourselves in Forks. One that we had only been too happy to return to for a second time and would be more than willing to return to again. But if I was caught that would be impossible. I hovered along the invisible border line that had separated vampires and werewolves for two generations. This could be considered no mans land, but it was still uncomfortably close. I had been here every day for a week. Watching Bella's ancient truck as it trudged past to and from La Push. She was spending so much time here and not knowing the reason why was torturous. Had she really moved on? Had she met somebody here? One of the Quileute boys? I was honestly hoping that this was the case. That time had healed her and that I'd came back to her on a difficult night, one that she had found particularly hard, perhaps sensing that I was going to be there.

But I'd been back to her room in the early hours of this morning. I'd spent the better half of the night pacing outside her window, listening to the faint sobs all over again. I'd heard her heart beating frantically, then slow, and then become frantic again as the panic overtook her and the thrashing began.

I hovered above her bed and felt like I was relieving a nightmare, one that I would have gladly given my life to forget. I watched her more intently this time. The beautiful, foolish, clumsy girl. The person I loved. I smiled, though it seemed highly inappropriate, it also seemed right. I remembered the way her heart had used to beat and the way her face used to colour, her scent and its irresistible lure to me. These all felt like memories that should be thrown to the bottom of a pit and never brought up again, although I loved her, she caused me too much pain to think of yet, she was my every thought.

I had sat next to her on the bed, positioning myself so she lay on me like she used to. Putting my arm around her I felt a surge of anger. How had I let myself do this to her?! How had I put her through this? She whispered my name again.

God, how I wish I could hear what she was dreaming.

I allowed my fingers to gently caress her arm praying she wouldn't feel it but hoping in my heart that she would. That she would wake up and know that I had been here all along. Stupid. And I knew it.

The hours were only too short when I'd had her in my arms again. But eventually the sunlight began creeping through into her little room and it had been time for me to leave. I kissed her hair and breathed her in. Lavender. Freesia. And then I was gone. Back to no man's land. Waiting.

She was closer now. Somehow it felt like she was closer than she had been just a few short hours ago. I hoped it would be different this time. That maybe she would look like herself again. I was damned if I was going to resist this time. I waited until she was rounding the corner then stepped out of the bushes. Her expression changed from a dull joy to sheer unadulterated shock. She hit the brakes and they squealed in protest at the abrupt stop. She put her hands to her mouth, her head shaking back and forth. I could see was shaking now as she reached for her seatbelt. I held my hands up as if I were surrendering and began to walk with exaggerated slowness, I didn't want to cause her anymore alarm than I had already. She slowly stepped out of the ageless, rusty truck and began to walk towards me.

"Hello, love." I smiled as I heard her heart begin to beat frantically, I was sure it wasn't panic causing it.

"E...E…Edward?" she stammered, her voice small, weak, lifeless as if she didn't believe it herself.

"Yes, Bella, its me."

"But how…why…I don't understand…" Her words became incoherent as she began babbling, her shaking more violent.

I rushed to her and took her in my arms, this time, it felt real.

"Hush, hush, now, I'm here." And then, as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. She pulled herself away from me, I didn't know she was capable of such force, it honestly took me by surprise.

"NO! NO! NO!" She fell to the floor and wrapped her hands around her knees, rocking backwards and forwards painting a stereotypical picture of a mental patient.

"You're not real. I'm not seeing this." Her eyes were wild as she stared up at me. I had no clue how to react to a situation like this. What could I do other than to convince her it was me and that I was here?

"They were all right, I have gone insane! Oh, God, look at me! First I hear you and now I'm seeing you!" This confused me. What was she on about, 'hearing' me? I knelt down beside her, I couldn't bare to watch her like this, her beautiful human face contorted into something unfamiliar.

"Bella, calm down, if I'd have known that my returning would have caused this I'd have gone about it more subtly, please, love, look at me." She turned her brown eyes on me and I felt that wave of pain crash into me all over again. I had loved her eyes, the memory of them had comforted me more than anything when I'd been gone, but now those pools of glorious brown that had all but spoken her soul, were lifeless. The endless colour of them was now flat. The special sparkle in them was gone, lost to the agony of me leaving. How had I done this to her? This was the only question I could ask myself over and over before she stood up and ran back to her truck. In a second I was there, barring her way to the drivers seat, I wasn't going to loose her. I had too much to make up for, I couldn't let her just drive away. She looked at me, her lips pursed, her jaw set tightly and I tried to repress a laugh at this unexpected glimpse of my old, stubborn Bella. Her expression began to change slowly, her eyes scrunching up and her forehead creasing. She sighed, exasperated as if she'd had enough and then her eyes closed completely and she began to slowly count.

"One…two…three…four…" one eye opened ever so slightly and then snapped shut again "…five…six…seven…" this time she opened her other eye peering at me for just a split second longer than the last time. Then I realised what it was she was doing. She was expecting to open her eyes on ten and then for me to be gone. Did I give her that wish? If, of course, that is what she wanted. Or did she truly think that this was an hallucination? Is that was she had reduced herself to?

"…eight…nine…TEN." She shouted the last word as if to give it more potency. Then her eyes snapped open. I was still stood there and her face once again wore that expression of sudden, deep rooted shock. I laughed.

"I'm really here, Bella." And then, she fainted.